Hey can you do Nikolai Lantsov x reader? They are married because of politics. She( reader) didn’t want to marry Nikolai because she was in love with other man. Now she is pregnant but they are still pretty distant and the man she was in love with arrives in palace. Nikolai gets jealous and reckless due this gets injured and the reader gets worried. They both figure out that they have feelings for each other. Hope you could understand, English isn’t my native language😅 thanks
nikolai my fave (also love that i FINALLY get a gif of this man)
masterlist
You are staring out at the grounds of Ravka’s Grand Palace, with all the world rolling out before you, and all you can think about is that you’ve never felt more alone than this. Technically, you’re surrounded by a multitude of people- royal guards at the door, servants waiting in the halls, and your husband, one room over.
Your husband.
Saints.
It’s not that you’d never pictured yourself wed. Your father is one of the strongest military men in West Ravka, you knew that at some point you’d find yourself in some sort of marriage contract. You just hadn’t imagined that this husband of yours would end up being Nikolai Lantsov, king of Ravka.
Nikolai is a good man. At least you can be assured of that. He looks out for you, makes your stay as easy as possible, and doesn’t treat you like a porcelain doll who should stay propped up in the shadows like your father had. In fact, he’s even allowed you to have your own room, although that might be less for the safety of not having to share a room than the fact that Nikolai has secrets that he’d like to keep.
Regardless of this, of everything Nikolai has done to make this feel less like a treaty and more like a mutual agreement, you still can’t convince yourself to feel anything towards him other than apathy. It’s not his fault, of course, it just so happens that you were in love with somebody long before it was announced that you would be marrying Nikolai.
You knew that there was no chance you would ever marry for love. Political power is too important to your father, he’d never give you up without getting something in return. Yet some part of you had dared to hope that there would be a future involving the one you love. It’s a shame that you’ve seen that dream crushed before your eyes, beaten to death by your own signature on a wedding certificate to another.
And this, precisely, is the problem. No matter how hard Nikolai tries to make everything perfect (and you have to hand it to him, he really does try), he won’t be your Pyotr. No one is. Sometimes, you wish you could forget everything about the life you once led, and fully embrace your future in Ravka as the queen. There is no going back, so it’s not like any amount of pining will do you any good.
However, it is rarely as easy to shut off one’s heart as you would like. So, you remain by yourself, pacing back and forth across the grounds or in your private quarters as if you could walk far enough to return to Pyotr if you tried hard enough.
There’s a knock at your door, distracting you from your reverie. You take one last moment to treasure being alone, then go to it. Nikolai waits for you on the other side, dressed in his usual olive drabs. The two of you are holding court today, and you’ll arrive together. It’s a show of power, a promise of a unified Ravka. East and West, both side by side in a perfect display.
Nikolai nods at your dress, the crisp olive detailing around the edges of your sleeves and hemlines. “So we’re matching now?”
A half smile tugs your lips up before you can stop yourself. “I hear it’s all the rage. We have to look like we’re together, right?”
He takes a half second to glance from the wedding band on your finger to the circlet on your head, one quite similar in design to the crown nestled amongst his own blond curls. “I don’t know how they’d get the idea anywhere else.”
You arch a brow. “Careful, moi tsar, we’re supposed to be doting on each other. I don’t remember snippy comebacks being a part of the royal lexicon.”
Nikolai smirks, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to your fingers. “We’ll have to rewrite it, then. Exchanging snippy comebacks happens to be one of my favorite parts of the day.”
You chuckle, and Nikolai seems rather pleased with himself. “I’m glad you find such joy in conversation. I, on the other hand, find it while holding court in the throne room, which we’re supposed to be doing right now.”
Nikolai looks as if he’s going to roll his eyes, but manages to restrain himself, starting to lead you back down the hall instead. “Ah, of course. Nothing makes my day like negotiations.”
You allow yourself a small smile. “And the petty complaints of nobles, of course. I adore that.”
Nikolai laughs. You have the sudden, fleeting thought that he has one of the nicest laughs you know. It feels as if every commander or courtier here only laughs to earn the favor of the king, always forcing a guffaw or two before diverting the conversation back to favorable topics, like lowering their taxes or giving them more land. Nikolai, however, laughs like he means it, even when it’s just at a silly joke of yours. It’s one of the things that has won you over the most.
“I couldn’t agree more. I hope that means that you’ll be willing to take my place in some of these estate disputes, seeing as you’re so enamored of them-”
You cut him off hastily. “Oh, I couldn’t steal that from you. They’re just such a delight, you know? I would never want to deprive you of that experience.”
Nikolai’s eyes twinkle. “I appreciate your generosity, moya tsaritsa.”
He looks as if he wants to say more, perhaps continue on the battle of wits, but the two of you have arrived at the great double doors to the throne room and you have to stop for now. Nikolai straightens his shoulders, calling on the facade of a confident king like it’s a mantle to be placed around him. You do the same as best you can, although it never seems to come as easily to you as it does your blond consort. To be fair, though, he has had considerably more time to get it right.
The morning passes in a haze of discussions and resolutions. Contrary to popular belief, most of a monarch’s time is spent arguing fruitlessly with the most obstinate nobles you’ve ever met. After a few hours of it, you’re ready for a break.
Perhaps Nikolai can see it, or perhaps he’s just exhausted too, because after one particularly long debate, he claps his hands together. “I believe we have some new arrivals to the palace. I have appointed new diplomats to the Wandering Isles and Novyi Zem, and I’ve called them here to speak with them before they go.”
You nod, leaning over to whisper to Nikolai so no one can hear. “Remind me of their names again?”
Nikolai whispers back in a voice just loud enough to carry between the two of you. “Dmitri Seitz, Miljan Petrov, Liliya Klima, and Pyotr Soloviev.”
Your heart stops beating just as the group of diplomats enters the throne room. It cannot be. Yet in the back of the group, you see Pyotr. Your Pyotr. His eyes flash up to yours, and for a moment you swear that the entire room tunnels until it’s just the two of you looking at each other.
Then Nikolai calmly lays a hand on your arm, and you’re forced back to reality. “Is everything alright, Y/N? It’s been a long morning. I can handle the diplomats if you want to go back to your chambers.”
You shake your head distractedly. “No, I’m fine.”
Nikolai looks at you a second too long, as if he doesn’t quite believe you, but the diplomats have already been announced to the room and he has to continue. He gives quite a nice little speech about the importance of their mission and how grateful Ravka is for the diplomats’ support before rising from his throne to greet the diplomats personally, without the shelter of the kingship to keep them apart.
You stand as well, crossing the room at Nikolai’s side. You shake hands with the others until you reach Pyotr, and then you just stand still, looking at him. It’s been scarcely a few months since you left home, but he already seems so different. His eyes rove your face as if he’s seeing someone he’s long given up on finding again.
“Y/N.”
The name is scarcely a breath on his lips, but you want to hear it again and again.
“I missed you, Pyotr. I-”
The words dry up on your tongue. You didn’t know he would be here, but Saints, you’re so glad he’s with you again. There are a thousand things you want to say, everything that didn’t fit in your letters, but you can already feel the suspicious eyes of the court upon you. Everyone from servants to generals wants something on the queen, and lingering too long with any one man when you’re already married is like sealing your future away in a haze of judgment.
So, you force yourself to smile and move on. You promise yourself that you’ll find him again, anything to keep yourself from running back to Pyotr. The diplomats will be in the palace for a few weeks before leaving for their respective posts, long enough to receive training on what information they should be finding out and which talking points they should definitely avoid.
You were hoping that you were able to act normally, but once you and Nikolai are away from the throne rooms and back in the relative security of a private sitting room, he turns to you with concern in his eyes.
“Has something gone wrong? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”
You look up with a guilty start at his words. “Do I look that uneasy? I was hoping no one would notice.”
Nikolai shakes his head to clear up your doubt. “No, I don’t think anyone noticed but me. What is it, then?”
You don’t trust yourself to speak at first, but stand, walking across the room to distract yourself with the fire blazing in a wrought iron hearth. “I told you that I loved somebody before I married you. I didn’t think I would ever see him again, but he’s here. He’s one of the diplomats.”
When you dare to look over at Nikolai again, he looks as if you’ve betrayed him at gunpoint, all widened eyes and dawning realizations. You can’t blame him for his surprise- you never told Nikolai the name of your lover. No matter how much you trust him, secrets have a way of being spilled, and you knew the only way to keep Pyotr truly safe would be to keep him in the sacred walls of your heart and your heart alone.
Nikolai swallows harshly. “Alright. So he’s here now, in the palace.”
You find yourself almost afraid of what he’s going to say next. “What does that mean for you?”
Nikolai runs a shaky hand through his hair, mussing up his curls. It might be the one time you’ve seen him as anything other than in a perfectly manicured state of mind and body. “Well, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to think. I knew we weren’t married for anything other than politics, but knowing that the man you truly love is here within the walls of his palace does put a damper on things.”
You wince. “I know that, but I’m still dedicated to this marriage. I’m not going to do anything that would cause either of us pain.”
Nikolai grimaces. “I am, of course, grateful to hear that, but no offense, it isn’t a great guarantee. If anyone in this palace were to have even an inkling that you once loved this man, the rumors would be atrocious. They could lie about all sorts of things, Y/N, imply that you’re an adulteress or that you’re slipping him national secrets. I can’t have that sort of talk even remotely connected to you. It would destroy both of us.”
You nod slowly. “I won’t speak to him unless absolutely necessary. It’ll be as if I never knew him at all.”
Looking at Nikolai, though, you’re not sure that either of you believe it.
It is hard, knowing that your Pyotr is within walking distance and you can’t see him at all. You speak to him at diplomatic functions, but always make sure to spend the same amount of time with him as anyone else. He understands, you’re sure of that, but something about looking up from a conversation with Pyotr to see Nikolai’s gaze burning a brand into your back makes you feel as if you’re committing a crime.
Nikolai. Something about learning about what Pyotr means to you seems to have driven a white-hot poker under his skin. He seems far faster to a temper than you’ve ever seen him, and he walks around the palace as if hoping for something to cross him. He’s never angry with you, not once, but he seems on the edge of furious with just about everyone else.
When the opportunity comes up for Nikolai and a group of other First and Second Army soldiers to investigate a supposed Fjerdan military presence a few miles in from the Ravkan border, you’re almost grateful for it. Having the time to get outside the walls of the city, to run about and potentially fight someone, will give Nikolai a chance to clear his head. When he comes back, he’ll be better. You’re sure of it.
The mission is only supposed to take a few days, so you continue on ruling in his absence. The funny thing is, despite the fact that you know full well Nikolai isn’t there, you keep looking for him, glancing over your shoulder to talk to him even though you’re only greeted with the sight of an empty room. Multiple times, you think of the perfect sly retort, but the too-clever fox is gone and has no ears to hear you by. Every time, you swallow back that part of yourself, reverted back into a silence that somehow hurts more than anything you’ve felt before.
When three days have passed and you see a few of the soldiers from Nikolai’s mission striding towards you in the hall, you’re grateful for it. Finally, he’s back. You have much to speak about. However, their steps are rushed and harried, and their eyes are filled with panic.
You frown when they reach you. “What’s the matter?”
Only one of them seems able to speak, the other forced to simply shake his head over and over. “There was a skirmish, bigger than we thought. The King saved our lives, but-”
The soldier pauses for a moment to catch her breath, and you feel your insides slowly turn to ice. “But what? What happened?”
She twists her hands slightly, then continues. “He was shot multiple times. We brought him back so the Healers can do their work, but it’s a difficult situation. No one else knows.”
You know what this means without her having to explain. No one can know that the Ravkan king is being treated for serious injuries, because Fjerda and Shu Han would pounce before you even got the chance to make it over to Nikolai’s side.
So, you just nod, and force your expression to remain neutral. “Take me to him. Now.”
Your head is swimming the entire walk over. In all this time, you’ve never had to even think about being separated from Nikolai for longer than a week or two at most. Knowing that he’s hurt, that there are Grisha Corporalki huddling over his body to keep him alive, seems almost impossible.
You’re led to the door of the Healer’s room and told to wait for a few moments until the Healers are ready to receive another person. In this moment, listening to the sounds of frenzied activity and knowing that it’s all to do with Nikolai bleeding out, you realize something. You cannot survive this if Nikolai does not live. This is a loss that you cannot take.
You thought you knew what missing someone was like when you first left Pyotr, but this is worse. You know what it’s like to live without Pyotr, you do it everyday, but you cannot be without Nikolai. You know this as surely as you know your own heartbeat, as confident as the stride of your own two feet. You cannot return to a world without your husband beside you.
When the Healers open the door, you practically fly to his side. Nikolai looks pale, but the Healers are straightening up, wiping the blood off of their hands and telling you that he’ll be alright. You manage to ask them for a moment alone, and barely hear the door close behind him.
All you can think about is Nikolai, lying there in front of you. Your hands are clasped around his; you’re not sure when that happened, but you don’t know that you have the strength to remove them. Slowly, painfully slowly, he opens his eyes.
“No need to look so worried, love. I’m alright.”
You let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know if I could stop worrying if I tried. I thought I was going to lose you, Nikolai.”
He smiles, his mouth a bright slash against his skin. “It’s very sweet for you to care about me.”
You smile in return, although it’s hard. “I do more than just care about you.”
His eyes spark with something that almost looks like hope. “I’m going to need you to say what’s on your mind, Y/N. I think we both need to hear it.”
You laugh without meaning to do so. It keeps happening around Nikolai, doesn’t it? “I care about you, I love you, and I need you to stop bleeding out when I can’t do anything about it. It’s not good for my stress levels.”
Nikolai’s eyes flicker shut as he grins. “I love you too, moya tsaritsa. And although I hate to contribute to your stress levels, hearing you say that you love me is doing excellent things for my wounds.”
You swat him gently on the shoulder, and when he opens his mouth to complain, you kiss it shut. His smirk when you finally break free is glorious. “I think that helps with the healing process the most, actually. You should probably do it again, just to be sure.”
You raise an eyebrow. “Just to be sure, huh?”
He’s joking, you know that, but you can’t resist kissing him again anyway. You are happy, your husband is safe, and you’ve got the rest of the world waiting in the wings. You can afford to kiss him as many times as you want.
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