#grishaverse jesper

[heliads]

Hello heliads i wanted to request a jeper fahey x reader, based on the prompt "stop stealing my clothes"

Please and thank you😊

hello anonymous here is your jeper fahey request

masterlist

You are enjoying a rare moment of peace. In a place like the Barrel, such instances come few and far between. You don’t think you’ve gone this long without hearing gunshots ring out since you first joined the Dregs. That’s not even to mention the shockingly low level of stabbings that have taken place over the past week. Perhaps nature is healing. Ketterdam can never truly clean itself of all violence, but it can come close to a sort of truce, and you’re enjoying the aftereffects of that now. 

Your peace is only defined by the lack of violence that surrounds you. It isn’t quiet, so to speak. The Barrel never could be quiet, even if you forcibly dragged out all the criminals and thugs and let the stadwatch rule the streets like they’re meant to do. The canals would still roil with sound, the streets would still let noise echo up to the rafters. This city of yours was never meant to rest for long. Still, you can find pockets of serenity in it, breaths caught in between chaos. For this fleeting moment, you are calm. Such things are treasured almost as much as kruge.

Thus you have it all before you, the rarest bits of tranquility in the world’s last bastions of grime and disorder, and thus it is taken from you within a manner of minutes. One instant, you’re sitting by yourself in a quieter corner of the Crow Club, nursing your drink and pretending you’ll ever be at peace for longer than a nanosecond, and the next thing you know, you have company. Not unwelcome company, to be sure. No, not unwelcome in the slightest.

The sight of you might be more unwelcome to your company, however. Jesper Fahey has barely slid into a seat in front of you before his easy smile drops into an exasperated groan. 

Fingers rising to pinch the bridge of his nose, Jesper gestures uselessly at you with his free hand. “What the hell is this?”

You decide to feign innocence. “A friend, Jesper. I’m a friend. Hard enough to come by that you’ve started forgetting what they look like, huh?”

Jesper slides a deeply troubled look your way. “Obviously I’m just grand when it comes to my legions of friends. You know what I’m talking about.”

You prop your chin up on your hands. “Do I?”

“Yes,” Jesper snorts, “you do. You’re wearing my hat. And my coat, if I’m not mistaken.”

Not one to trifle with his marksman’s eyes, you give up your ruse at last. “Perhaps it is. What do you have to say about that?”

Jesper grimaces. “I shouldn’t have to say anything about it because it shouldn’t be happening. Stop stealing my clothes.”

You grin. “No.”

Jesper narrows his eyes at you. “What do you mean, no?”

“I mean no,” you clarify, “I rather like this hat. And the coat goes so well with it. It would have been criminal to leave it behind.”

“It would not have been criminal to leave the cost behind,” Jesper argues, “it would actually have been less criminal. You know stealing is a crime, right?”

You nod solemnly. “And a terrible one at that. Out of curiosity, from which store did you buy this hat? Since stealing is such a crime, I know you got it from a reputable source.”

Jesper’s air of confidence grinds to a standstill. “Of course I did. Why would you ask such a thing?”

You ask such a thing because you happen to know perfectly well that Jesper stole the aforementioned hat from the house of a wealthy mercher. Kaz had his team break in with the intention of grabbing a few documents, nothing more. He’d nearly blown a gasket when Jesper insisted on taking the hat, especially since it was being worn at the time of the theft. It had gone well in the end, Jesper had snatched the garment from the head of the sleeping mercher with all the grace of a second coming of the Wraith, but the chastisements from Kaz had been legendary. 

Knowing this backstory, you fix Jesper with a terrible grin. “Oh, no reason. I was just wondering if you might have happened to steal it in the first place. That would make my theft of it more okay, right?”

“I don’t like your logic,” Jesper comments. 

“Of course you don’t,” you say soothingly. 

Jesper shrugs and downs a swallow of his own drink. You don’t entirely remember it arriving at the table, but for as long as you’ve known him, Jesper has had a knack for being able to conjure drinks out of thin air. Every time you ask, he makes up some excuse about his tens of thousands of admirers, but you think the bartenders just know that they’ll end up with high tips if they ply him with spirits early on. 

Encouraged by the fire of Ketterdam’s finest brew, Jesper carries on his argument. “Look, you know what, I’ll allow it just this once. Don’t make it a habit, though. I happen to like those clothes.”

You beam triumphantly. “I knew you’d come around! I’ll try not to get blood on them as a thank you.”

Jesper shudders. “Don’t say such things. The thought of stains on such fine craftsmanship makes my hair stand on end.”

You pretend to be affronted. “Not the thought that I might be injured in them? Be honest with me, Jesper, would you wear the coat again if I died in it? You cannot lie.”

He laughs. “Depends on if there were visible bullet holes or stab wounds in it. I prefer quality garments over that whole ‘distressed chic’ thing the stores keep trying to push on us.”

You roll your eyes. “Not the fact that I might be dead?”

“Of course I’m not worried that you’d be dead,” Jesper says easily, “I know you wouldn’t be dead.”

You cock your head to the side, considering his statement. “In the Barrel? How can you know that?”

Jesper shrugs, as if the truth he’s bestowing is just common knowledge and not something that has the power to completely devastate you. “I wouldn’t let it happen. If someone tries to hurt you, well, I’d like to see them try. I’d welcome a good challenge.”

His eyes gleam, and as he speaks, Jesper’s hands drift to the pearlescent handles of his revolvers. Jesper likes to pretend that he’s untouchable by the stresses of the world, utterly without principle and unable to feel something as bone crushingly mediocre as fear, but in this moment you almost believe it. If someone tried to come in between Jesper and someone he cared about— and Ghezen forbid that person in danger was you— Jesper would burn the entire city to a cinder just to make sure you would feel its warmth. There is no gamble he wouldn’t bet on to keep you by his side. 

For some reason the thought of it is far too much to consider, and you find yourself turning away, unable to pay Jesper the credit of letting him look at you and realize what an impact he’s had on you. Judging by the self satisfied smirk you can just see out of the corner of your eye, however, Jesper knows too much for his own good. 

“That’s a perfectly admirable sentiment,” you say, partly to fill the silence that seems to be pressing in at every nook and cranny of your suddenly bared heart and partly to make Jesper stop smiling at you like that, for the Saints’ sake, “but it isn’t reasonable. There’s no way you could possibly shoot every single conman or crook in Ketterdam. You’d run out of bullets.”

Jesper dismisses this worry with a wave of his hand. The low light of the Crow Club shines on his many rings, guiding your gaze slowly but surely from the all too fascinating corner of the table where it had been earlier and back towards him again. 

“I’ll take extra bullets from the corpses. I’d never run out.”

“Morbid,” you reproach. 

“Clever,” Jesper argues. 

“Unusual,” you amend, and that does well enough by the two of you. 

Jesper glances around the club, then conspiratorially leans forward, as if he’s including you in a secret the rest of the world could only ever hope to know.

“Can I tell you something?” His voice is low, scarcely carried to you over the gentle raucous of bets won and lost echoing in the background of the club. There’s an argument two tables over that makes more sense then what’s going on. The man getting escorted out of the doors for drunkenness has no idea what it’s like to have his head spin the way yours is right now. You’re more intoxicated than he could ever dream, all because Jesper is looking at you like he’d never see anyone else if he could help it.

You nod, unable to form a word. 

Jesper smiles and continues on. “I don’t actually mind it when you steal my clothes. I like to give you a hard time because it’s fun to watch you try to defend yourself. In fact,” he says, reaching out a hand to fix the errant flap of your coat collar, “I think you look better in them than I could ever hope to.”

“What’s so fun about teasing me, then?” You ask. Anything to cover up the spike in your pulse as you turn his words over and over again in your head. He’s saying something that both of you have been alluding to for quite some time. You and Jesper have been dancing around a certain unspoken truth for weeks, perhaps even longer, neither of you willing to commit long enough to set it in stone.

Ketterdam is made of crooks, after all, beggars and borrowers and charlatans. This is no place for something as unguarded as a heart to give up to someone you need, someone you love. If you were to feel something for Jesper Fahey, you had best hide it before he realizes, before he uses you as a guarantee in a job gone south like anyone else. This is not a city for lovers, it is a city for killers, and as long as you like your heart more whole and less bloody, you had better throw up your walls before Jesper finds a way to tear them down.

It is too late for that, of course. It has been too late for too long. Jesper knows it, but you think you’re going to be alright on that front. For one thing, you have a feeling that he harbors the exact same affections for you as you do for him.

Jesper’s grin lets you know soon enough. “I like spending time with you,” he explains easily, “Saints, I like you. Never thought you’d need me to say it out loud, though.”

“Maybe I like hearing it anyway,” you say as casually as you can.

The flash in Jesper’s eyes is electric. “I’ll just have to say it more often, then,” he declares.

You’re unable to hide your smile any longer. “I think that sounds good to me.”

It sounds good to Jesper as well, and soon enough he’s downing the last of his drink. He stands, offering a hand to you. You take it without thinking– when have you not, by the way– and let him lead you to the door.

“Let’s get out of here,” he whispers. You’re halfway over the threshold and wondering how far you would go for him, how much you would lose. Do the consequences really matter when you think about all the heights you would reach, the riches you would gain? The answer is no, spoken in the pleased sort of laugh Jesper always manages to drag out of you.

So you let Jesper pull you out into the darkened street. The cobblestone streets roll on endlessly before you, the streetlights flash by ceaselessly as you walk. There is no end to the city, not tonight. This world is infinite for you and the boy by your side. You could spend the rest of your midnights chasing him down this rush, and you think just this once, you will.

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @cameronsails, @deadreaderssociety, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @thatfangirl42, @amortensie, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy

[w1shes43]

Bling to the Ring [J.F]

Jesper Fahey x fem!reader

Summary: Fake marriage, you're already dating, but the place you're going to go on a heist allows only allows a specific married couple.

Taglist: @heliads

A/N: This took forever, but I hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

----☆----

The sound of loud gunshots being fired off in the distance never seemed to faze you. You have lived in Ketterdam for a long time, and that sound is like hearing your everyday schoolbell.

And it definitely helps that a certain sharpshooter is always doing that. Practising his aim, twirling his pearl handled revolvers any time he has the chance. You've become immune to the sound at this point.

Walking down the dimly litted streets, you find yourself strangely calm. You don't know why. Perhaps this is one of your good days, but usually, this means something bad is about to go down. You shrug of all thought of that and walk into the Barrel.

You find yourself scanning the area to look for a certain sharpshooter. You find him at a table in the corner with a drink in his hand. To everyone but the keen eye, it looked as if he was just enjoying his drink, but at close inspection, he was holding his revolvers, ready to shoot at any given moment.

You were debating whether or not to suprise him and see how that would go, but you concluded that wouldn't go so well. You walked towards him, with a small smirk on your face, and sat across of him.

He looked up and locked eyes with you. You could see that he instantly calmed down and loosened up

"Thought you'd be playing cards over on the other table, but seems you've chose a more calm evening, eh?" You joked as you pointed to the drink in his hand. He chuckled and passed it to you, and you took a sip.

He pretended to ponder for a bit and then answered, "Decided to wait for my girlfriend, you know? Didn't want to start anything fun without her. It would be too inconsiderate."

"Well, I'm sure she is thankful Jes." You laughed, putting down the drink to hold his hand.

Over the past few months that you've been together with Jesper were the happiest you've ever been. He always seemed to make you laugh at any given moment and never forgot to include you in heists or anything under the sun.

After chatting along to various topics with Jesper, in your peripheral vision, you saw Inej walking swiftly towards you. You turned your head to greet her, and she nodded your way.

"Sorry to interrupt your moment, but Kaz wants us upstairs in his office." She said, smiling at the both of you and left as quickly as she came.

"She did interrupt our moment, but I didn't want to mention it. She might stab me in my sleep." Jesper gulped but quickly replaced it with a wholehearted laugh. You just rolled your eyes and shook your head with a small smile. He stood up and offered you his arm, you gladly took it.

At Kaz's office, he explained to the three of you that he planned a heist. The reward would be a lot of kruge. Kaz said this information first with a small smirk. He mentioned it being in a huge vault at a heavily guarded place. Only a few people are allowed in, and it's the people who added kruge to the vault.

The catch is that the people who built it only know that it was a married couple who added kruge to the vault. According to Kaz's source, they don't know what the married couple look like but do know their names.

Clearly, he expected you and Jesper to work on this as the "married couple." Inej would sneak in and take out some of the guards to clear your path of entry. But not before you pass the gates with security checks, Kaz made sure to enter you both into the system.

You got yourself prepared before going on the heist. Memorising the names and backstories just in case you were asked, you can only hope Jesper remembered his, too.

You were waiting out on the balcony, listening to the calm, quiet night before you, just hoping everything would go well for the heist. While in thought, you heard footsteps behind you. You knew who it was so you didn't bother turning around and instead answered out loud.

"Hey Jes. You ready?" You asked, turning around and leaning your back on the railings.

"Me? Not ready? Please, do you know me?" He pointed at himself with a smile, "I'm always ready." He laughed and went to lean beside you on the railings. "You doing alright there, love?"

You nodded, "Just hoping this will go well. It usually does, but I just want you to be safe."

He gazed at you intently and pulled you into a hug. You laid your head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat as he spoke, "Come on, we can do this Y/N, we always have." He pulled apart slightly but kept one hand on your waist and the other on your cheek, "Don't back out on me now, darling." He winked, and his actions easily made you to form a smile.

The place where the vault was kept was this mansion like building. The vault was kept underground, so the building on top was just for show or more like security. Trees overlapping the entryway to the building, and layers of gates and guards surrounded the place.

You and Jesper stood to the side, hiding behind a tree right before you entered.

"Ok, about more than a dozen or so guards guarding the front gate." You said, and Jesper nodded. "Stay calm, and it'll all go smoothly."

"My dear wife, let's go get that kruge."

Taking a deep breath, you both walked together to the front gate. You examined the area and saw only a few other people, probably rich people, stuffed with tons of money at their fingertips. The guards asked for identification and checked their names in the system of more paperwork.

When it went to you two, Jesper gave the identification papers, and the guard checked it. He looked at both of you cautiously and you could sense the suspicion.

"We're older than we look," Jesper chuckled, "My wife and I have... uh ... just been eating healthy. For the 34 years we've been together!" You both smiled through the awkwardness and hoped that the guard wouldn't suspect anything.

He gave you both one more glance but nodded, smiled, and handed back the papers. You both thanked the guard and quickly went through the gate. You let out a breath you didn't realise you've been holding in. Well, that's stage one complete, you thought.

Walking past the other gates was a piece of cake after that. Inside the building was less security, so there was less interrogation. It was a huge hall with lots of stairs going up, but what the way down was what you were looking for.

Blending in with the crowd, you and Jesper managed to get down the stairs of the building. Walking past the guards and into the vault room. It was well lit and huge corridor, rows of big vault doors on either side, but they weren't important. The important one you were after was the one with the green vault door, now that had the cheddar. That was at the very end of the corridor, aka the biggest vault there.

Earlier, Kaz had told you that the vault had a pass code but also a word identification. You looked around, and it was surprisingly quiet. You thought there would be at least a few guards, but none? You turned to Jesper, and he was already looking at you, all written on his face the exact same confusion you had.

"Maybe they went for a coffee break?" He laughed, nudging you along to follow him towards the vault.

"Sure and leave the vaults with more than a million kruge unguarded? It seems a bit off to me." Inquiring as you scanned around once more, while Jesper punched in the passcode and word identification.

A hissing sound was made as the passcode punched in caused the vault doors to open. You both glanced at each other eagerly and looked back to see what you had been waiting for. The vault doors opened and you expected to see stacks upon stacks of money.

Instead, you were greeted with two faces, the faces of the couple you were impersonating.

"Who are you, and how did you know the passcode to the vault?" The shorter woman shouted as the man beside her, assuming her husband started to come closer to the both of you, drawing a gun from his right pocket.

"Well, this is awkward," you said worryingly, "perhaps we should start running if we want to not get shot." Starting to take off in the opposite direction back up the stairs.

"Yeahh, good plan. I'll cover fire for us." Jesper said, The man started shooting at both of you, and Jesper shot back with his revolvers.

Suddenly, the alarm was set off, and you knew this was a mess. You could hear lots of footsteps and people shouting to either get out of the way or that they went this way.

You turned a corner instead of going to the stairs, which was your original plan, and went down towards the basement instead. Jesper was still shooting at some guards behind you. You saw an elevator down the hall, which would lead to the back of the building, your escape.

Jesper pulled you into a room, well, it turned out to be a closet. It was dark and stuffy, and the only light source was from the small window above the both of you. Brooms and dust pans were brushing up against you, and you were trying to wriggle out of the small space.

You could hear the guards running past, calling out to find out where you and Jesper were. It is literally the most cliche place to find the robbers, but you were glad they didn't think of it.

"Right, well, I'm not sure how we ended up like this. I'm not complaining though, got a great view from this angle." Although it was a bit dark, you could make out the outline of his smug grin.

"Jesper, as much as I love you, I would really like if we were able to live through this."

"Don't worry, I promise you, you won't get hurt. I won't let you get hurt. In fact, if anyone lays a hand on you I'll-" You cut him off with putting a hand over his mouth as a shadow of a guard was near the door. You hoped he wouldn't open it, and you thought he was about to until you heard the other guards call him over.

You lowered your hand from his mouth and let out a sigh, but Jesper quickly took your hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. "Couldn't let that opportunity go to waste." He winked, "I think the coast is clear we should be able to go now."

You swear this man always wants to give you butterflies every chance he can get. But you can't deny that you do enjoy it.

He opens the doors carefully, and you both make a run for the elevator on the left. Running as fast as you both could go, and this reminded you of your very first heist. It didn't go as planned, but you still enjoyed the adrenaline from it, maybe because you were with Jesper or because you enjoyed the feeling of knowing you'll stay alive at the brink of death.

As you entered the elevator, you pressed the buttons to the back of the building. The elevator wasn't a normal one. It could go all different sides if it wished. The owner of the building thought it would be useful to use to go whenever and wherever he wanted in the building.

You waited impatiently for the doors to close and stood at the side of the elevator while Jesper stood on the left side. Inej is supposed to meet you back outside at the back of the building, with the money, which you don't have.

You rubbed a hand over your face, annoyed. Well, there goes your chance of joy with bathing in some kruge. As if you'd get most of it anyway, Kaz would probably take most of it, to be honest.

Just as the doors were about to shut, you heard something you never knew would frighten you until now. A deafening noise of shock and horror that would twist your stomach into tight knots that would almost make it snap into two. The scene of crimson red blood slowly showing up.

The bullet came at the speed of light, and both of you never expected it. The sound deafened your ears and and everything was blocked out. A ringing covered your ears as you looked over at Jesper, whose normally grey shirt now started flooding with red.

"Well, this was definitely unexpected." He tried to make a joke and chuckle, but he collapsed onto the ground. With shaky knees, you rushed towards him, worry scanning all over your face, and even your eyes started to water.

The doors were closed, and the elevator started moving to the back. You checked him, and thank saints he wasn't shot in the heart, but it was dreadfully close, leave it untreated for too long, and he would die. You rushed to take off the jumper you had on and wrapped it tight around his chest to try stop the bleeding.

"Jes, you're going to be okay, I promise." You tried to reassure him, but honestly, you weren't sure yourself how much time was left.

"I can't die. I'm too amazing," he laughed painfully, so you put a hand on his shoulder to steady him. At this point, you're hoping the elevator moves fast to get him to safety.

"Y/N, I'm serious if anything happens to me. I just need you to know -" he started to speak, but you cut him off. "Jes, please, stop.. I need you to be safe. You're going to be okay." You looked around, hoping that Inej would be here soon to help both of you.

The elevator stopped, and you were now at the back of the building. You helped Jesper up, slinging one of his arms around your shoulder to help carry his weight. And you tried your hardest not to lean too much pressure, so he wouldn't hurt as much. You heard more voices, that of guards, and you both knew it would only a matter of time before they get to you and Jesper.

You tried to hurry to hide behind the old shed on the right side, but you weren't fast enough. And Jesper was getting worse by the minute. You didn't know what was going to happen next. All you saw were guards with flashlights running from your left towards you. And you tried to stop them by pulling out one of Jespers' guns, but suddenly, you felt something sharp hit your leg.

You looked down to see a dart of some type. It was one of those darts that can knock you out flat in just a bit. And you looked back up to Jesper, and he knew you wouldn't be able to carry him up for much longer. He grabbed the gun from your hand and started shooting at the rest of the guards who were armed. You felt dizzy, and you tried to stay awake and keep your balance. You couldn't just leave Jesper by himself. You needed him to be alive more than yourself right now.

Right before your unconsciousness' desire to take over won, you saw a figure taking out the guards and helping Jesper up. And this figure went towards you too, and you tried to get a better look at their face, but the sleep took over.

...

Dark. That was it. All you could sense was your unconsciousness. The feeling of falling asleep but not on purpose. You felt something down in the deep darkness, some hope, some light. Some hope that everything is going to be fine, and you wanted that.

You wanted that so much that nothing mattered anymore except that you wanted everything to be fine, go back to messing around with your friends, be in Ketterdam safe and sound. And what you wanted the most was for your Jesper to be safe and sound.

So you moved. You moved towards the hope. The shining brightness that you so wish to achieve.

You opened your eyes and realised you were in a room, not on the ground outside. But in your room, your bed. You peered around, the light stinging your eyes a bit, but after a while, it adjusted.

Suddenly, you're hit with memories of what happened earlier. You were taken back to The Barrel, but by who? Maybe that mysterious figure was someone you knew?

But right now, that didn't matter. You needed to find Jesper. You needed to know if he was ok and safe. You ran out of your room, hoping to find him.

Suddenly, you bumped into something, or actually someone. This figure turned around, and it was Inej. You gasped in relief and hugged her, she returned it and you had to ask.

"Inej, what happened? I blacked out. Where is Jesper? Is he ok? And-"

"Y/N. Calm down. Everything is fine, Jesper is in his room," You were about to say something, but she cut you off knowing what you were about to ask, "Recovering. And yes, he is fine. You can go see him."

You thanked Inej and quickly made your way to Jesper's room. You took a deep breath and opened the door, and there he was sitting against the headboard of the bed. He had bandages wrapped all over his chest, torso, and arms. It took you a minute to register that he was really ok and alive, and when you both made eye contact, you broke down.

You staggered over to him and hugged him so tight. You never ever wanted to let him go. Your eyes flooded with tears as they ran down your cheek, soaking through his bandages, he returned your hug and kissed your forehead.

"I'm so sorry! I knew something like this was going to happen, and I-" you bawled out into his chest, but he stopped you, taking your face with both of his hands gently and looking you in your eyes.

"Hey! Hey, calm down. It's ok, it's over. I'm here, I'm here with you," he wiped your tears with his thumbs, "right now."

Tracing his thumb over a scratch you had on your face from the heist, he clicked his tongue in annoyance, "I'm gonna get those guys back for hurting you."

"Me? I should be getting them for what they did to you. You're in bandages, love."

"Eh, it's nothing I can't take." He chuckled, "But I do need one thing from you that will make it all better." He whispered, and you knew exactly what he meant as you leaned in towards him.

A kiss was all it took to heal the sharpshooter. He smiled into the kiss because he knew now that he loved you more than ever. And you would always be there for each other, knowing that in his heart was everything to him.

Pulling away, he took the palm of your hand and kissed it, turning it over and looking directly on the ring finger. Rubbing a thumb over it, he pondered for a bit and then looked into your loving eyes.

"I should really add a real ring to that finger now, shouldn't I?"

[heliads]

A Happy Death

Loving Jesper Fahey is not something that should feel complacent or forgettable, but for some reason, that's exactly what it is right now.

masterlist

It is half past nine bells, and Jesper has yet to visit you. This by itself is not enough to damn him, not completely, but today is the anniversary of the first time he ever took you out on a date and he has yet to say a thing about it. You have been waiting for him to do something, anything, to indicate that he has not forgotten you completely, but. Your door still goes unknocked, and the hours only tick by.

He’s out in the city somewhere, you think, finding his reflection on the other side of a glass of spirits or hanging on for one more round of Makker’s Wheel. Wherever he is, it is enough to entertain him for quite a long time, and enough to make him forget about you.

You didn’t want to be like this on your anniversary– sad, empty, riddled with heartache– or on any other day. You’re not a native of the Barrel, weren’t born among its smoky chimneys or bloody alleyways, so you’re not prone to the heartlessness that most residents of Ketterdam can wear like the pinnacle of fashion. You still weave your emotions into everything you do, a shameful habit that today, at least, is teaching you that you must end sooner rather than later.

The problem is that you don't have to disguise your true emotions, not always. Jesper liked that best about you, actually. Said he’d never met someone so real in all his life. Now he’s the one off living life to the fullest, able to do whatever he wants on a whim, and you’re the one lying on your bed, trying to convince yourself that you’re fine, just fine. 

Jesper was one of the first people you met in Ketterdam, certainly one of the first friends you made. Your hometown was small and inconsequential, only able to constrain you and make you feel like you’d never be enough. You ran the second you could, and the well-trodden dirt paths you were used to changed to the rainy pavement of the Barrel in the blink of an eye.

Some would say that was the worst mistake you could ever have made. Half the souls stuck in Ketterdam would have traded everything they had for the life you willingly left. Everyone left over after that would kill to stay on top. No one wants to be the thing in between, the wide-eyed creature with tattered suitcases and quickly fading ideals of what it would mean to be a new girl in a new city.

You ended up running with Brekker’s gang before long. It wasn’t the best, nothing was, but it kept you off the street and that seemed well enough for you. Kaz must have been feeling charitable when he took you in, because you’re mainly there for administrative work, fetching things or tallying sums or tasks that don’t involve blood and bone.

Jesper was there too, of course. He said he loved you from the start, but you don’t think that’s quite true. It took him about a week or so, once he’d seen you under the dim glow of dance hall lighting. You two were there on one of Kaz’s jobs, but the way Jesper smiled when he twirled you was nothing fabricated in the slightest.

And it had been good for a while there, after that. Jesper walked you home and picked you up the next night too, just because he could. He bought you drinks and brought you flowers. It was perfect, for a while, or as close to perfect as anything really gets around here.

The problem was when the relationship lost its novelty. Jesper is a wonderful gambler, excellent at always upping the ante, always risking the odds. He loved you at the start because you were someone new, someone exciting. It should have come as no surprise that he could move on just as quickly as he first found you.

He doesn’t do it out of any malevolent intention, you think. The blame does not lie with either of you, it just. Is. It’s something you can’t change any more than him. We all wear out eventually, our pictures gather dust, and at some point you look around and realize that things have lost the spark they had at the beginning, that you’ve been going through life in the comfort of repetition. Love is not a task to be completed, but that’s what it feels like now.

It hurts, obviously. Everything does. You moved to Ketterdam because you wanted a shock to your system, a thunderous rush of blood to your head. You wanted something different, and you got it, but now everything is slipping back to the same sort of nothingness you’d had before. It is terrible that this feeling could follow you all the way from home and still have your name written all over it. It is awful, that this could only ever be your path to follow, no matter how badly you try to stray.

Imagine for a moment, if you will, that there is a young girl growing up with no one around to truly need her, and that she is you. Imagine that she makes up her mind to move somewhere far away as soon as she’s able, so that her family can spend their time looking for her, not just away, never away. Imagine that she moves to Ketterdam and finally meets a boy that truly pays attention to her, how much of a marvel that must be. 

Imagine that boy is Jesper, and one day, he stops looking. You cannot imagine what to do next. You cannot imagine that it would happen again. You must, though. You must decide how to live without him here beside you.

It’s been exactly six months since you first started dating. No one thought it would last that long; things around here rarely do. If you’re lucky, you can hold onto something for a few weeks, maybe even a month or two. This was something else, something better. You used to think that it’s because you and Jesper were destined for each other, something like eternity, but now it just feels like monotony, and one that neither of you want.

Jesper used to celebrate every anniversary. He gave you flowers after a day, took you out dancing after a week, kissed you at a festival after one month. He once promised you that he’d bring you the very Saints to bless you once six months had passed, but that was at the start, and now you’re staring at the ceiling of your empty room and wondering how you could have possibly strayed so far from what you’d had.

This is not the end. Not yet. We only ever realize we’re in the final steps of some dance when the music has started slowing down. Your little turn about the music box is not over yet. There are still beats left, even as your rotations grow less and less frequent. You still have time until the lid snaps shut and plunges you into darkness once more, although it feels as if the minutes are running out faster than you can count.

Eventually, you give up and go to sleep. It is not a deep sleep, this; you’re awoken by every single pair of boots that thuds down the stairs of the Slat, just in case it’s Jesper come to apologize for being out so late.

He doesn’t come. It is crushing. You wake up the next morning, feeling significantly worse for wear, and he is– fine, actually, he’s fine, laughing with a bunch of his friends in the corner of the room about the crazy night they’d had. He looks up briefly to raise a hand when you emerge from the stairs, but goes back to the conversation just as quickly. Saints.

A hand on your elbow; you whip around to see Inej Ghafa, Ketterdam’s resident mirage. She’s managed to get the slip on you again, appearing out of nowhere to regard you with her cautious dark eyes.

“Is everything alright?” She asks quietly.

Were it anyone else, you’d brush it off, come up with some lie about how you’re just great. Inej knows everything, though. She probably heard you pacing late last night, waiting for someone who would never come.

“No,” you admit, and Inej’s lips purse.

“Jesper?”

You nod to acknowledge her question. “He forgot our anniversary. It was only six months, but still. It hurts.”

Inej casts a glare at the corner of the room where Jesper is still crowing over how he’d managed to win a particularly dangerous round of cards against men who all wanted him dead. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

You sigh. “At this rate, I don’t think I deserve him. If I was worth it, he’d stay around, right?”

Inej’s gaze is sad, and you can’t quite meet it. “Y/N, you know that’s not true. Talk to him, please. Jesper is probably just distracted, I swear he’ll come around if you just tell him how you feel.”

You want to tell her that the problem is that you were a distraction from his real life, not that anything happening in Jesper’s life is a distraction from you, but Inej has her own problems and you can’t ask her to play relationship counselor any more than she already is. You muster up a weak smile and thank her for the chat, then go to work like it’ll make you feel any better.

You do get your revenge in some small way. Usually, you and Jesper meet up for lunch, or if not that then at least once before the day is up. This time, though, you mind your own business, and go out of your way not to run into him. You’re not sure that you could stomach the sight of him so happy, so utterly unaware that he’s giving up on you.

Without you making a conscious choice to seek him out, you actually end up passing a few days before Jesper finds you. You were almost starting to think that he’d give up entirely, but no; four days pass since the morning after your forgotten anniversary and Jesper corners you at the Crow Club. You should have known better than to show up, really, but you were just stopping by for a quick drink and it slipped your mind.

Scarcely had you settled at one of the stools lining the bar when Jesper appeared by your side, one eyebrow raised expectantly. “Would you like to tell me what’s going on, or do I have to guess at it myself?”

“Hello to you too,” you say with a sigh.

Jesper groans. “Don’t give me that. I’m trying to be nice but you’ve been avoiding me, don’t try to deny it. Can you just tell me what I did wrong so I can apologize and we can move on?”

His wording irks you. He’s acting like you’re some kind of puzzle to be solved, a temporary issue that he can handle and then subsequently ignored. You don’t want to be ignored, though. Not again.

“Our six month anniversary was earlier this week,” you say simply.

It’s all that Jesper needs to be reminded of what he’s forgotten. He winces in pain, then turns back to you, the perfect picture of apology. “Saints, Y/N, I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I swear–”

You cut him off, voice blank. “How?”

Jesper blinks at you. “What do you mean?”

You gesture loosely at him. “How are you going to make it up? Are you going to remember the next anniversary? Are you going to pay me a single shred of attention unless I have to fight to get it?”

“Y/N,” Jesper says desperately, “I messed up, I know that, but it won’t happen again. You’re my whole world, I would never do this on purpose. You have to realize that.”

You tilt your head to the side, considering what he’s said. “I was your whole world. I don’t know if I am anymore. I love you, Jesper, more than anything, but I don’t want to keep being on the sidelines of every great thing you do. I’m counting down the days until you forget about me for good. How long do I have left, Jes? How long until I blend into the background and I’m no longer unusual or interesting enough to catch your eye? What will you do when I’m no longer a bet that calls your focus or a gamble worth the odds?”

Your breath is heaving in your chest, but it feels good to say every single word. “I loved being your favorite,” you continue in a whisper, “but I don’t think I am anymore.”

Jesper’s eyes are wide and terrified. He thinks he’s going to lose you, you realize. You don’t know if he already has or not. “I was wrong,” he says slowly, “wrong to make you feel like you were anything but my priority. I know I don’t deserve a second chance, not if I’ve been making you feel like this, but– Y/N, I love you. Really, I do. Let me try to show it again.”

He’s taken your hand, his own fingers trembling as he links them with yours. You look at him and you realize that he’s being genuine. A pause, then:  “Alright, Jesper. One more chance.”

Jesper’s smile is back on his face in a flash. “You mean it?”

“Yes,” you say with a laugh, “I do. I don’t want to leave you. That’s the whole reason I was so upset.”

“It’ll never happen again,” he promises.

You watch your face as he smiles back at you. His gaze is centered on you, pleased and happy, but there’s something else there, hidden in the back of his eyes. Relief, yes, but more than that– complacency. An expectation that the normal roles have been followed. He did not really think that anything else would happen, even though it terrified him that he had come so close to losing you. 

So you sit there, let him buy you another drink, and you think to yourself:  what is the line, and how do you know when he crosses it? How will you let him come crawling back to you when he does? That is the worst part of love, you suppose, how you would fight for it even after it died.

Looking over at Jesper, though, how he stares at you like the rising sun, you think you’d let him kill you anyway. It’s a worthy death. Perhaps that is why you let him stay each and every time.

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggie2000, @baju69, @crazyhearttragedy

[heliads]

Are you currently taking requests? If so, could you write a Jesper fic around the line from the show where the conductor says to Jesper “not if you intend on having children one day” and Jesper and the reader make eye contact and then start acting adorably awkward?

jesper <3 also i mistakenly thought this convo happened at an earlier part in the show and had to go make some drastic edits so if some of it seems out of place that's my bad lmao

masterlist

You are sitting in a dimly lit bar across from your lover, wondering whether or not you’ll be alive to repeat this scene in a couple days’ time. As Dregs, both you and Jesper Fahey will be subject to Kaz Brekker’s various plots and plans. Although you’ve grown to like whatever dreadful sorts of mischief they entail, this one is different. This one could risk both of your lives.

You leave for the Unsea in a matter of hours, as Kaz has just managed to secure a means of passage over to East Ravka. You’ll be joining him, Inej, and Jesper on the trip to kidnap a Sun Saint, something that will probably be just as difficult as it sounds.

That’s why you and Jesper are here now, actually; although you’ll pretend it’s for something stupid, like wanting to have one final drink of legitimately good lager before you have to leave Kerch, you both know it’s so you can say your goodbyes in case something happens.

True, Kaz always does his best to protect the four of you whenever you set out on a job, but this is on another level entirely. There is no guarantee that the admittedly sketchy Conductor’s train will hold together long enough to ferry you across the Shadow Fold, and even if it does, you’ll still be trying to kidnap Alina Starkov out of a palace full of angry Grisha and the royal guard.

Needless to say, the prospects aren’t bright, even for a pack of Barrel street rats led by the one guy who’s notorious for never turning down a job, no matter how difficult. You and Jesper have chosen a part of the Crow Club where you’re sure not to be disturbed or overheard, and you’ve been here for a while now, unwilling to break the quiet peace and admit what you both know to be true.

At last, Jesper leans forward, close enough that no one else can hear you talking but still not close enough for your liking. “How are you feeling, love?”

You laugh quietly. “Better than ever. What’s a new job if not exciting?”

Jesper gives you an exasperated look. “See, most of the time I would agree with you, but this is different. It’s the Saintsforsaken Shadow Fold, and even with Kaz’s usually mad plan, I don’t see how we’re getting out of this.”

You sigh, tilting your head back as if you can catch some glimpse of a Saint to save you. “We always say that, and we always have a way of making it through. Kaz wouldn’t take up this guy’s offer if he wasn’t certain it would work, and even if he wasn’t, he’d have a scheme in mind to save us after all.”

Jesper nods, conceding this point. “That’s true. He has so many layers of plans sometimes that I don’t know how he keeps it straight in his own head. Perhaps he has a little locked diary of sorts where he meticulously notes every detail of his schemes.”

A faint smile crosses your face. “It would be hidden, of course. Either on his person or in a secret compartment in that battered old desk of his.”

Jesper grins fully now, his smile brilliant despite the half-light of the club. “Do you think he wears the key around his neck on a tiny little chain? I like to think that he does.”

The two of you allow yourselves a few more moments of quiet humor over the joke, and then Jesper sighs again.

“I’m serious, though. I need to make sure you’ll be alright.”

You reach out and take his hand, partially because you like being so close to him and also to calm the restless movements that seem to wrack his body. You consider the sight of his hands wrapped in yours, so familiar on a night like this, when everything seems completely changed.

You’ve had plenty of time to study how he moves, the way these long fingers wrap around his treasured pearl-handled revolvers or triumphantly slap a winning hand of cards down on a table. They’ve handed you drinks and helped you over puddles and pulled you close when you needed him most. You can only hope that you’ll have a chance to do all of those things again by tomorrow night’s time.

“I’m serious too, Jesper,” you offer, “I know the risks. I know it doesn’t look good. However, I’d rather go knowing that I can at least help the rest of you stay alive than remain here wondering what happened. I’m going, you’re going, and if we die, at least we won’t have to spend any more money on bullets.”

Jesper snorts. “That’s a terrible way to offset the costs of this mission.”

You grin. “Ah, but it’s still true. Trust me, we’re going to be alright. The stories from this alone will be worth a whole new round of ammunition.”

Jesper smiles at last, standing up from his seat to pay the barkeep. “We should probably get going. I know Kaz wants to speak to us all before we set off.”

Jesper offers you his arm, as if he’s a proper gentleman instead of the rogue sharpshooter you’ve come to love. You take it with equal gallantry, and the two of you head out of the club.

The night air is crisp and cool, an admittedly welcome relief against the smoky pressure of the Crow Club. You know Jesper frequents the place far more than he should, and Ghezen knows Kaz would never tolerate a word of criticism about his principal supply of funds, but it’s not your favorite place to sink your hours. It’s a little stuffy, a little full of people who all want to stab you in the back. If you’re going to risk your life, you want to do it out in the open, like the job you’re about to take.

You and Jesper linger as you walk, taking in the sights of the city one more time before you have to leave. The canals are close by in this part of the Barrel, scarcely a couple of lengths away. The moon shining on the dark water looks like a slick of petrol, the light so thick on the surface that you wonder if any of it actually goes beneath to illuminate the worlds of the water-dwellers down below. Perhaps they, too, know nothing but darkness; perhaps that fate remains for every single occupant of this city.

Jesper wraps an arm around you. “It’ll be fun, though, won’t it? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ravka. Do you think it’s terribly different from here?”

You shrug. “No idea. Maybe the people there actually have a conscience.”

Jesper pokes you in the shoulder. “Rude. We all have terrific consciences. In fact, just the other week Kaz didn’t club a single person with his cane for a full twenty-four bells. That’s growth.”

You laugh at that. “Alright, you’ve got me there. We’re all a bunch of Saints. Any other conceivable differences between ourselves and the Ravkans?”

Jesper pretends to think. “They rely too much on tradition, they don’t have enough of a proper thirst for money, and they are severely lacking in pretty girls such as yourself. I think any Ravkan would be immediately envious if they saw you.”

You roll your eyes, although a persistent flush refuses to leave your cheeks. “Yeah, I bet.”

Jesper dramatically clasps a hand to his heart. “I speak nothing but the truth, my love. Of course, I would have to defend you from any and all adoring Ravkans, but I’d do it with ease.”

“That’s a bold claim,” you say, “But I think you can do it.”

Jesper grins. “Of course I can, I’m a terrific shot. Plus, I’ve got someone very important to fight for.”

He presses a kiss to your forehead to prove his point, then one to your lips because you’re already so close and to not do so would be positively criminal.

Thus, spirits significantly lifted, the two of you are able to trek back to the Slat to hear Kaz’s final message. You depart for West Ravka at six bells, Conductor in tow. His plan is to take the lot of you across in a rattling, smoking locomotive. You can only pray that it will hold together long enough to start up, much less take you across a volcra-infested Shadow Fold.

After a rather pressing shootout in which Jesper arrives at the train, alabaster coal in hand and angry coal manufacturers chasing him, you’re able to start off. It’s a rocky crossing at first, all of you doing your best to not panic even though the odds are considerably against you. There’s no way this should work, but you have no option but to trust that it will.

However, it does. Right now, you’ve made it through the Fold despite everything the world has brought against you, and you need to plan out just how in the hell you’re going to break into the Ravkan Little Palace long enough to steal a Sun Saint. Arken managed to find a small coach for the rest of you, and everyone’s in a vague state of panic as they try to figure out what the hell they can do so they don’t die before having to cross the Fold another time.

Jesper turns to Arken, speaking over the sound of Inej’s murmured prayers and Kaz’s dour complaints. “What are we meant to be doing? What is this?”

He holds up the gray crystalline substance that Arken had requested for the imminent break-in, glancing at it curiously. Arken looks up from his frenetic work over maps of the Grisha palace to throw a consternated glance Jesper’s way.

“That’s a lodestone, and I need it to open Fabrikator-made locks, such as the one that may be on the door of your friend’s room. I would recommend, however, that you not keep it near you if you plan on having children someday.”

You swear that time freezes around you. Looking at the different faces in this coach is like staring at an ancient oil painting of a classical scene- the sheer drama of it all could be the centerpiece of a gallery.

The moment Arken mentions having children, Jesper startles and looks directly at you. You don’t think you’ve seen such a complicated blend of fear, questioning, and general shock in a person’s expression since Jesper challenged Kaz to a shooting contest and lost. Technically, Kaz had guessed that the contest would happen and rigged the targets so he would win, but still. The point remains.

Inej looks up from her prayers to regard both you and Jesper with an emotion that can only be described as wondrous fascination. There’s a slight smile tugging on her lips, like she’s been hoping that something like this would happen for a while. You can guess that she’s going to question both you and Jesper on it later so she can collate a full report on just what went down down here.

Kaz, though, Kaz quite possibly has the best reaction of all. You’ve spent numerous years of your life working for and with Dirtyhands, which is why you know that the guy never lets anything slip. Ever. He’s had loaded guns pressed to his forehead and looked as unconcerned as if it were a limp dandelion.

Right now, however, the sheer disgust and horror that fleetingly crosses his face is the most emotion you think you’ve ever seen in him. Kaz looks as if he’s silently cataloging the places he’d rather be right now, and judging by the now permanent furrow in his brow, a few of those could involve Pekka Rollins’ various strongholds.

Jesper coughs awkwardly. “Yeah, I think I’m going to give this to you. Thanks for, uh, looking out for me.”

He all but hurls the lodestone at Arken in an attempt to get it away from him as soon as he can. Brushing his hands hurriedly together as if he’s just touched a container of radioactive material, Jesper hazards another glance towards you.

Despite the fact that you are barreling towards certain death if this plan doesn’t work out, you don’t think you’ve ever had to try so hard to hold back a laugh.

“You might want to ask me first before you think about children, you weirdo.” You whisper under your breath.

Jesper chuckles, although he still seems vaguely alarmed. “Yeah, we can have a more serious chat when we’re not trying to run headlong into a death trap.”

Inej nods. “Tell me what happens.”

You strongly consider sticking your tongue out at her. “I would assume that you’d be listening in anyway, because the private nature of such conversations has never seemed to faze you.”

Inej beams. “That it doesn’t.”

Jesper lets out a sound that’s half laugh, half despairing sigh. When he looks back at you, though, he’s back to his same old self, the one who’d gamble his way out of and then into sixteen pounds of alabaster coal, who’d risk Kaz’s wrath to ask you out in the first place and make it worthwhile every single day. Who knows what the future holds for you, or whether or not there are children in sight. Regardless, you don’t have to think about it for a while. What matters now is you and him, and that’s plenty good enough for you.

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @aleksanderwh0r3, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @thatfangirl42, @amortensie

[heliads]

sorry my request didn’t finish 😂 where the reader is kaz’s sister and secretly dating jesper and kaz finds out and gets mad or something

thank you!

jesper my FAVE

masterlist

No one ever gets away with keeping a secret from Kaz Brekker. That being said, you wouldn’t mind if you could manage it just the once.

You’re standing on the outskirts of the main gambling floor in the Crow Club, watching dozens of pigeons and risk takers try to jeopardize their life savings for a chance to win even more. You’ve been assigned to monitor the tables for fraud, but instead you’re monitoring the tall boy talking in a group of other gamblers, the one who keeps his fingers casually pressed against the pearl handles of his revolvers whenever the noise gets a little loud.

You can’t seem to convince yourself to look away from Jesper Fahey, whether that’s while you’re running for your life in a heist or in the Slat or now, staring after him hopelessly like a kid stuck on a dream. You just can’t help it, can you? Feeling something like this is incredible. Maybe you like picturing what you could have had if you weren’t living a life like yours, if you had the ability to go around setting your heart on boys you could never have.

If your brother wasn’t Kaz Brekker, if you hadn’t killed more boys than you’ve kissed. If you were someone Jesper could truly love.

But you’re not. You know the truth of it, but the truth is altogether impossible to accept, so you let yourself forget it for a while. You watch Jesper from corners and alleys, you laugh at his jokes, you save him when he gets himself in a bit too much of a firefight. What you have is good, and so long as you don’t think about it too hard, it almost doesn’t hurt.

A moment later, you realize that you’re not alone. You glance cautiously to your left, and try not to startle when you realize that a girl is standing beside you, half invisible in the shadows of the hall.

“Saints, Inej, are you trying to kill me?”

Inej smirks. “If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead.”

You roll your eyes. “Always the drama. You could have just said you were there, you know.”

Inej folds her arms across her chest, staring out over the floor of the Crow Club. “There’s no fun in that. Nothing like you seem to enjoy, anyway. How long have you been staring at Jesper, out of curiosity?”

You straighten up, calling up your best image of innocence. “Oh? I’ve been monitoring the gamblers. I suppose Jesper is there too, now that you mention it.”

Inej raises an eyebrow. “Really? You’ve been smiling to yourself, and you look too much like Kaz for that expression to be natural.”

You give her a look. “Kaz smiles when he’s surrounded by kruge in stacks tall enough to block out the sun. I smile when I’m on the job, because I’m respectful, responsible, and-”

Inej cuts you off. “Crushing on Jesper?”

She holds up a hand at your look of protest. “You don’t have to deny it, I know it’s true. Luckily for you, I think you’ve got a shot.”

You chuckle. “Well, thanks for believing in me. It means a lot.”

Inej inclines her head gravely. “It should.”

She disappears around the corner, but you swear that she nods her head once in Jesper’s direction before she goes, as if she’s just confirmed a rather pressing piece of information. Before you have time to think on it, though, you notice that Jesper has stood up from his crowd of friends, slipping from their company like a dagger from a sheath.

He wends his way through the gambling tables until he’s standing in front of you, paying no mind to the click of tokens or the whir of Makker’s Wheel.

Jesper’s eyes are alight in the dim glow of the club. “I see you’ve been sent to join me in guarding the tables. Kaz must be apprehensive.”

You fold your arms across your chest. “Kaz is always apprehensive. He’s Kaz.”

Jesper hums in agreement. “Well, I’m certainly grateful for it. I always appreciate a pretty face, and I happen to believe that you have the prettiest one here.”

He’s raised his hand so his knuckles graze your face just so slightly, and although it makes your heart pound in your chest, you do your best to ignore it. “Wait a few moments, I’m sure you’ll see your share of pretty faces.”

Jesper sighs dramatically. “Must you always interrupt me? You make it dreadfully difficult to pay a compliment. It’s like you don’t believe me.”

You scoff quietly. “I don’t. You flirt with anyone who walks near you.”

Jesper looks like he wants to protest, but one look from you and he’s falling silent on that part. “Alright, maybe I have a few bad habits, but I do mean it with you. Honest.”

There’s an odd truth in his eyes, and something tells you that he isn’t just saying this to pass a dull evening. “Why are you saying this now?”

Jesper shrugs, the movement a little too smooth in the shoulders to be real. “Figured I should say something before it was too late. Besides, Kaz is out of the building for the next hour or so, which gives me the perfect window to tell you how I feel without him trying to club me in the head.”

You laugh, and Jesper straightens in relief. “How do you feel, then? Say the full thing, if you’ve got the safety of it.”

Jesper clears his throat gravely, eliciting another laugh from you. “I, Jesper Fahey, the best shot in this side of the city, have found myself madly set on Y/N Brekker. I would hope that she feels the same way, but-”

You interrupt him by pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I do.”

Jesper’s grin is dazzling, even in the semidarkness of the club. “Consider me relieved.”

Thus sets in motion one of the best crimes of your life, and it all has to do with Jesper. Saints, you love him. He makes you feel alive, and in this half-drowned city, that’s worth a fortune. You grow used to the feeling of his fingers threading through yours, the exact sound of his breath in your ear when you hold him close. It all makes sense. All the same, you can’t help but feel a slight tinge of unease whenever you sneak out to kiss Jesper every night.

No one ever gets away with keeping a secret from Kaz Brekker. That being said, you wouldn’t mind if you could manage it just the once.

You don’t even have to talk to your brother to know how he would feel about you dating one of his Dregs. A couple of years ago, one of the newer gang members had the audacity to wink at you across a crowded room when he thought Kaz wasn’t looking. When your brother finally finished having a friendly chat with the guy, the head of his crow’s head cane was spattered with something dark and you never saw the boy again.

Needless to say, dating Jesper is something that has to stay a secret. You have no other option- you prefer your boyfriend with both his eyes and all his ribs intact, and Jesper would like to stay that way. If there’s anything the two of you can do, it’s find a way to sneak around the shadows of the Barrel to get what you want, especially if it’s each other. There is a certain rush in escaping notice, of kisses in empty corners and the brush of hands when you walk by him.

However, you can’t seem to swallow back the stress as easily as a glass of lager on a cold night, and this sort of liquor doesn’t burn but bleeds when it crosses your lips. Kaz knows everything, it’s how he stays alive. Every couple of weeks, some sort of Kerch fool thinks he can hoodwink the Bastard of the Barrel, and no matter how many perfectly-crafted lies he tells, Kaz always figures it out.

How, then, could you possibly keep something like your relationship with Jesper a secret? Even after growing used to what moonlight looks like on Jesper’s eyes, what patterns the shadows paint on his skin, there’s always a thought lurking in the back of your mind that your brother will find out at some point.

And, approximately three weeks and four days later, he does.

No one ever gets away with keeping a secret from Kaz Brekker. That being said, you wish you could have managed it just the once.

Kaz stands in his office, pacing back and forth behind his desk, unable to remain still long enough to take a seat. You and Jesper stand side by side across the room, close enough that you can see Jesper’s fingers keep twitching towards you like he wants nothing more than to take your hand. Neither of you move, though. Interlacing your fingers at a moment like this would be like digging your own grave.

At last, Kaz speaks, his voice quiet but cold. “Why did you think you could keep something like this from me? Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”

Jesper answers before you. “We knew you would find out at some point, but we knew it was worth the risk.”

That’s the honest truth. Love above all else, that’s how it was. Even the threat of Kaz’s vengeance wasn’t enough to separate the two of you.

Kaz scoffs. “How wonderful. You think you can have a happy moment in the Barrel? You think you can have a clandestine romance in the middle of my gang?”

Your gaze sharpens, narrowing at your brother. “We knew that we wanted to see each other. You can send us to our deaths, tell us to rob and kill and we will, but you can’t control this part of our lives.”

Kaz arches a brow. “Actually, I can. As long as you’re on my payroll, as long as you’re my sister and my sharpshooter, I can. I can do that for anyone here, and I do.”

A realization dawns upon you. “Inej told you, didn’t she?”

Kaz doesn’t have to answer; you know from the look in his eyes when you say Inej’s name what happened.

Jesper stiffens at the betrayal. “Then you know everything. You know we won’t be intimidated out of leaving each other.”

He’s not wrong. If Inej picked up on anything, it’s that you would go to the depths of darkness for Jesper, just to see him waiting there for you.

Kaz’s fingers clench around his cane. “I know what I want to know. I’m going to give you a warning, and that’s that. No more of this.”

You want to argue, but your brother turns his back to you and you know that this meeting is over. Jesper’s hand is on your arm, silently guiding you out. Neither of you say a word until you’re stepping down the stairs and into Jesper’s room. It’s a risk to go to his place immediately after what you just witnessed, but you don’t want to leave him just yet.

The anger is starting to creep in now, bit by bit. How dare Kaz try and control you like this? How dare Inej act like your friend and report everything back to Kaz as if this were nothing more than a job?

Jesper’s pulling a chair up, urging you to sit down. “It’s alright, love. We’ll find a way out of this, we always do.”

You sigh, rubbing your hand absentmindedly over your face. “I just can’t stand it. Kaz and Inej act like the kings and queens, all above the rest of us. When you first told me you loved me, we were both ordered to that one position by Kaz, and Inej was the one to encourage us to get together. They’re trading moves to see what will happen, and we’re just the pawns going along with it.”

Jesper reaches out to take your hand, rubbing circles into your skin. “You know what I like best about us? Even when the world tries to make us feel like nothing, you never took no for an answer. You’ve already laid claim to my heart, my queen of hearts, and even if Kaz is fighting against us, we’ll keep fighting back. I’m not leaving you just because your brother wants to exert control.”

You smile at last, leaning into his touch. “I’m not leaving you either.”

You don’t know how long it’s going to take to convince Kaz of this truth, if he doesn’t know it already. What you do know is you, and Jesper, the ring of light from the oil lamp hanging overhead that casts the two of you in golden light. You don’t need your brother’s approval, you don’t need Inej’s best attempts at shaping you into someone you’re not. All you need is Jesper, and you have him here with you already.

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @aleksanderwh0r3, @story-scribbler, @lxncelot, @thatfangirl42

[heliads]

Realizations

Based on this request for my 3k celebration: “a fic possibly jesper Fahey, based off the prompt ‘I have never admired anyone more than I do right now’”

masterlist

For someone who’s just heard about a grievous crime, you seem awfully happy about it. Technically, there’s no reason to mourn, not yet; not only is that strictly against the rules in the ungodly mess that you refer to with equal parts horror and satisfaction as the Dregs, this crime hasn’t been committed yet. In fact, you’re part of the team planning it out. One grand heist, another one to add to the books. It’s sure to be brilliant.

Kaz just finished the briefing a short while ago, and the scheme will be actualized in a matter of days. Right now, you’re heading back down the rickety wooden stairs of the Slat with your closest friend right beside you. Jesper Fahey seems just as thrilled about the prospect as you do, his eyes shining like a bullet. A wicked grin never leaves his face, especially not when he looks at you.

“This is going to be good. I feel it in my bones.” Jesper says, and you laugh. “You think so? Can your bones tell us any more details about how it’s all going to go?” Jesper smirks. “I don’t think so. The gift of prophecy strikes in strange ways.” It’s an absurd claim, but it just makes you smile even harder. The rush of adrenaline that only comes from hearing about another job runs through both of you right now, making you drunk on the thrill of it. You’ll have time to be serious later, but this is fun right now.

Your room is a few stories below Kaz’s office, and you pause by the stair landing to unlock your door. Jesper waits by the threshold, leaning against the doorframe. “So, what do you think? Want to take bets on how many things will go wrong?” You raise an eyebrow, turning back around to face him. “I know you love a good gamble, Jesper, but I don’t think we’re supposed to be joking about that sort of thing quite yet. Kaz will have both our heads.”

He sighs theatrically. “Oh, I’m sure he will. Not to worry, though, I’m sure we’re both pretty enough to make rather nice decor if he decides to decapitate us after all. Anyway, do you have any thoughts or not?” You maintain your look of incredulity for a second longer, then crack with a grin. “I think it’ll be splendid. Enough said.”

Jesper smirks. “I think you’re splendid.” He winks as he does it, the light spilling out from the hallway casting a glow upon his face as if he wore a halo. None of you have been saintlike in the least, but for a moment, you could believe it in him. You scoff, trying to push away the odd lump in your throat. “So do I, Jesper. See you soon.”

He raises a few fingers in a mock salute before he goes, closing the door behind him. You sigh quietly, listening to the sound of his footsteps disappear down the stairs, then speak again. “You can come out now, Inej. He’s gone.” A moment later, you are now longer alone, and the slight billow of the curtains over your windows are the only sign of the Wraith’s entry.

You turn in a slow semicircle, pointing towards the windows. “I thought I locked those.” Inej allows herself a small smile. “You did. I unlocked them.” You grimace, although without a shred of malice attached to the gesture. “I can see that.” Inej folds her arms across her chest. “How did you know I was there? I didn’t make a sound.”

For anyone else, that last sentence would sound like a brag, but not with Inej. She speaks the complete, utter truth. There was no sign of her presence at all, not even the scuff of shoes against roofing tiles. You spread your hands. “Maybe I’m just rather observant.” Inej arches a brow. “You gave no signs of realizing I was there at all until you said my name. How did you figure me out?”

You grin shamelessly. “Every now and then I say it when I’m alone. Usually, there’s a pretty good chance that you’re listening in.” Inej is starting to laugh. “And how many times have I not been there at all, and you say my name to an empty room?” You shrug. “Only a couple times. It’s hard to maintain the element of surprise.”

Inej laughs, tilting her head back slightly. “You’re absurd. I can see why Jesper’s lost on you.” You start to laugh too, albeit more incredulously than before. “I’m sorry, that was a rather dramatic change of subject. Why are we talking about Jesper?” Inej’s grin is ruthless. “Because he was just in here, flirting as hard as he could, and you didn’t even notice it. That’s why.”

You give her a look. “You’re making that up. Jesper is like that with everybody.” Inej tilts her head to the side. “Is he?” You fight the urge to sputter. “Yes, he is! Just yesterday, he pretended to propose to you with a ring he stole from a nearby shopkeeper, and made dramatic comments the rest of the day when you said no.” Inej smirks. “He did it because you were right there beside us, and he kept shooting you disappointed glances when you didn’t seem overly jealous.”

You cast around for something to say, yet somehow come up short of a defense. “That’s ridiculous. Maybe we joke around together, but it doesn’t mean anything.” Inej just shrugs, looking far too glib about the whole matter. “If you say so. I just think it would be excellent if you sorted the whole thing out. It would make trying to listen in that much easier.” You stick your tongue out at her. “Is that a sign that you perhaps shouldn’t be spying on your friends?”

Inej just laughs, heading back towards the window. “Try telling the sun not to shine, Y/N. I’d like to see you try.” She grins one last time at the look on your face before slipping back out, the gentle thud of the panes of glass closing again the only sign that she was ever there at all. 

The heist itself arrives sooner than you expect. It always does, like time itself runs faster just to see what happens on the day of the job. You find yourself getting into location with the rest of Kaz’s chosen crew. Today, you’re breaking into the house of one of the Razorgulls’ mercher contacts, trying to steal a few odds and ends of high value as a warning not to get involved in the gang fights. Just another day as a Dreg.

Inej and Kaz are entering the top floors together, canvassing the area for potential items in need of liberation, and you and Jesper are patrolling different parts of the mansion (as designated in one of Kaz’s many scheming sessions), keeping the area free of the stadwatch and any of the mercher’s personal guards.

The place is clear for the first half bell, as expected. The changing of the guards is the best time to strike, as most of the mercher’s hired guns are bored and used to standing for hours with nothing happening at all to pass their fancy. They’ve started taking longer and longer breaks in between shifts, which is perfect for Kaz’s mission.

You see your first guard on your second round, just as he starts heading up the stairs. You stick to the shadows, incapacitating him without making a sound and dragging him into a neighbouring room. He won’t wake for a while, in which time you can tie him up with the rest. Right now, the priority is to get rid of all the guards before they figure out that something is going on.

After completing a few laps of the bottom two floors, though, you only find three guards. This by itself is a problem- there should have been five, meaning that your other two are likely heading to the top floors with their friends, wasting time in between their shifts. Normally, that would be fine, except that means that many more people stumbling upon Kaz and Inej, and that many more people outnumbering Jesper. You swear under your breath, and leave your post.

You take the stairs two at a time, quickly heading up. You pass a few unconscious bodies, evidence that Jesper’s sticking to the plan, but there should be at least four more somewhere here. You move as silently as possible, searching every corner for someone to take down. At last, you hear a slight commotion through a nearby hall, and head there immediately.

You identify the source of the sound as echoing out from a locked door two down on the left. Just as you come to a stop before it, you hear something that sounds like a gunshot, albeit much quieter, as if muffled by someone’s body. Looks like Jesper has found the guards after all.

You make the choice in an instant, flinging open the door and throwing yourself through it. You take in the scene in a matter of moments- Jesper, scuffling with three guards at once, and one fallen man a few paces into the room, clutching the gunshot you’d heard earlier. You don’t even think, just act. It’s what you’re most used to, isn’t it? The rush of knowing your life is on the line.

You slam into the first guard, who stumbles to the ground, not expecting another assailant. You lift your leg and smash your boot into his head; two hits and he’s not moving. The blood clings to the treads of your shoe, leaving an imprint on the rumpled uniform of your next target. He tries to stab you with a military-grade knife, but a sharp rap to his forearm makes him drop it. You catch the blade before it hits the ground, slamming it into the man’s shoulder and shoving your free hand against his mouth to silence his cries of pain.

The guard tries to fight through it, but every time he moves, a shudder of agony rolls through his body from the stab wound, and eventually he slows down enough for you to knock him unconscious. The last guard looks downright terrified, but not enough to try and charge you anyway. You’re expecting it, and trip him up neatly, sending him falling on the bodies of his friends to muffle the sound of his body against the previously pristine floorboards. You bend down, punching him cleanly in the head, and he’s down too.

You straighten up slowly, taking note of the blood dripping from your knuckles. Your eyes meet Jesper, who’s staring at you in awe. His mouth moves silently the first time he tries to speak, but eventually he manages to pull himself together long enough to shape the syllables. “I have never admired anyone more than I do right now.” The words escape him as if pulled out by some invisible hand. You’re not even sure that Jesper meant to say it, but judging by the fact that he seems unable to look away from you, you’re fairly sure that he isn’t lying.

All of a sudden, it hits you, the truth of what Inej had said to you earlier. What if Jesper truly did mean all of his flirting comments from earlier as something more? A solitary thought appears in your head as if placed there by someone else, someone who can look between the two of you and figure out what’s going on. Jesper is in love with you. At the same time as you realize this, another discovery shocks you to your core. Jesper loves you, but you love him just as much.

Your adrenaline from the fight leaves you in a rush, and you stand motionless, unable to move. Jesper carefully steps around the fallen bodies of the guards until he waits before you, hands mere inches from yours. “Y/N?” His brow is furrowed; he seems concerned with something, although you cannot fathom what it is. You should do something, you think, maybe step away or make sure no more guards are coming, but for once you cannot spare another thought to the heist.

You don’t know who is more surprised when you kiss him, Jesper or yourself. You’re not even certain that the thought occurred in your head to do it all until it happened and you were standing there, kissing him. The second you touch him, Jesper stiffens like bone, and you start to panic, breaking away hurriedly. There’s a look in his eyes unlike anything you’ve seen on him, except for that one moment a minute or so before.

A terrible thought strikes you that perhaps Inej was wrong about all of this. She may be the Wraith, but that doesn’t make her a Saint, all knowing and all powerful. She’s just a kid, all of you are. Just convicts and cutpurses set loose on the city. How could you expect her to know Jesper’s heart, or any of yours, without cutting it open?

Then Jesper steps forward again, and all doubts and worries in your head are silenced as effectively as a blade. This kiss is not a test, or a question, but the answer, a rush that refuses to leave. He smiles at you at last, looking utterly delighted with what the two of you have to offer. “You know, you could have done that a little earlier. Maybe at a time when our lives weren’t in danger.”

You laugh. “Jesper, our lives are always in danger.” He shrugs. “Maybe so. Does this mean you’re going to kiss me every time we’re in a fight?” There’s a grin on his face, as proud as a king. You match it with ease. “Maybe so.” You cannot stay there forever in that room; the heist calls, it always does. Luckily for you, you’ll have plenty of time to revel in what just happened when you head back to the Slat.

requested by @thatfangirl42​ my beloved, thanks for taking part in the celebration!!

grishaverse tag list: also who i admire most @rogueanschel​, @deadreaderssociety​, @cameronsails​, @aleksanderwh0r3​, @story-scribbler​, @lxncelot​