nerdystoner!jason | university au | smut | masterlist
synopsis: it’s your last year of university and jason todd has been in your classes, plotting on you. you’d promised yourself you’d make the most of this year, go to more parties, finally lose your virginity, and step out of your comfort zone, while jason steps into yours.
tags: college!au, angst, smoking, drinking, smut, reader is (was) a virgin. jealousy, bsfs!brother, grayson is in a frat. plottwist.
in which . . . matt helps you through your anxiety
warnings . . . panic attack, crying, thoughts of not being good enough, comforting, angst and fluff.
written by @delilahsturniolo. do not copy, steal, or modify my works. if you are taking any inspiration from this, please ask me first before posting and credit me in your description. happy reading! :)
POSITIONS WRITING MARATHON . . . fic #7
it starts like a whisper in the back of your mind, quiet. almost nothing. a single, stupid thought that spirals into a storm. you’re sitting on your bed, legs crossed, the room dark except for the soft glow of your lamp. your phone’s in your hand, screen lighting up with a photo you took of matt last weekend, him in the sunlight, smiling at you like you hung the moon.
you should feel calm. safe. loved, but tonight, something’s wrong. you can’t breathe right, your chest is tightening, heartbeat spiking like it’s running from something you can’t name. and it’s always like this, isn’t it? out of nowhere, no warning. just panic, crashing through your ribcage like a wave you didn’t see coming.
your breath stutters.
your hands tremble.
you drop your phone, and it thuds onto the comforter. you clutch the fabric under your palms, like maybe if you grip hard enough, you’ll stay grounded. but everything’s spinning, the walls feel too close. your vision blurs, you can’t breathe. your chest aches, your throat burns. your mind is screaming.
“what’s wrong with you, what’s wrong with you? pull yourself together, you’re pathetic.” were the kinds of thoughts running through your head. your body curls in on itself. your jaw clenches, and you feel the tears before they fall, hot and fast down your cheeks. the panic wraps around your lungs and tightens its hold, leaving no room for oxygen, no room for reason.
you’re alone.
that thought breaks you. it cracks something inside your chest so hard you flinch. and then you do the only thing your fingers remember how to do, you reach for your phone with shaking hands, open your favorites, and tap matt’s name. it rings once. twice. your hands are cold. your breath’s a mess. your heart is going to give out right there in your chest.
“hey,” he answers, voice soft. tired. but instantly alert. “baby?” you try to speak, but your voice catches in your throat. a broken sound escapes, half sob, half breath. his tone shifts immediately. “woah woah, baby? what’s going on? talk to me, love.” you finally force out words, choked and barely there. “i’m—I can’t—I don’t know what’s happening, i can’t—i can’t breathe, i can’t—”
“okay, okay. slow down, baby. just stay on the phone with me, alright?” you hear keys. movement. urgency. “i’m coming to you. right now.” you press the phone tighter to your ear like it’s the only thing tethering you to reality. his voice is the only thing keeping you here. “can you lie down?” he asks, gentler now. “just for a minute. you’re safe, okay? just breathe with me.”you curl back into the mattress, arms wrapped around yourself like armor. your skin feels too tight. your head’s spinning.
“in for four,” matt says. “you’re doing so good, baby. in. one, two, three… four. hold. and out. slow.” you try. you do. your chest still stings, but his voice is steady. over and over, he counts. he speaks. he reminds you that you’re safe. that you’re not alone. “i’m almost there, love. just hang on for me.” the tears won’t stop, but the worst of the grip is loosening. the panic hasn’t vanished, but it’s not choking you anymore. and then…three knocks.
you don’t even hesitate. you pull the door open and he’s there. matt, hoodie thrown on over a white t-shirt, sneakers half-tied, hair a mess, and eyes so worried it makes your knees weak. you collapse into him. his arms wrap around you instantly, strong and warm and certain, and for the first time in what feels like hours, you breathe. you really breathe. he presses his lips to your temple. holds you tighter. doesn’t let go.
you don’t even realize you’re sobbing until he’s guiding you back inside, one hand on your back, the other cradling your hand. “i’ve got you,” he whispers, voice barely more than a breath. “i’ve got you.” he sits with you on the edge of your bed, rocking you gently like he’s afraid you’ll shatter if he lets go. his fingers trace patterns on your back. slow, comforting, patient. “do you want to talk about it?” he asks softly, when your breathing starts to steady. “not yet,” you whisper. “just… stay.”
“i’m not going anywhere.”
you stay wrapped in his arms for a long time. minutes, maybe hours. he doesn’t move. just keeps holding you, letting you cry, letting you exist. he brushes the hair from your face, rubs slow circles into your shoulder. “i hate that you went through that alone,” he says finally, voice cracking a little. “you don’t ever have to do that again.” you nod again, still curled into him. “i didn’t know who else to call.” he pulls back, just enough to make you look at him. his eyes are soft, but serious. “i’m the one you call. every time. no matter what.” you swallow hard. “i felt like i was falling. like i was going to disappear.” he cups your face gently. “then let me be the one who catches you. let me be your safety net.”
From Safety Net by megatronfucks! This scene is from ch5 and absolutely needed to be drawn, I gotta come back and finish this one because I need to do optimus covered in energon justice
Can I request something with 2003 Raph comforting a short s/o who's dealing with a bit of anxiety and stress? Maybe some cuddles or something? I'm having some issues relaxing due to some anxiety for a family member, and its making it hard to sleep honestly. If not and if you're busy thats fine no worries. I hope you have an amazing month. -🌌 anon
Raphael (TMNT 2003) X Reader – Safety Net
A/N – Hey, you asked for this an age ago and I hope you’re doing well. My thoughts go out to you and to all of us who have suffered with anxiety. These days, mine is a lot better so I hope that everyone else is doing a little better as well.
Warnings – None.
Rating – T
Raphael stabbed at the training dummy with his sai, releasing his anger on it. Raphael was almost always angry at something, too easily riled up. But lately, he had started to mellow very slightly, probably due to your good influence on him. He was working on his temper, taking things one day at a time.
He kicked at the dummy, unrelenting until he saw you enter the base from the corner of his eye.
Raphael approached you, “Hey (Y/N), come to see a warrior in the making?” He joked with his usual bravado.
You didn’t respond in kind, uttering a quiet “Hello” instead.
Raphael frowned, staring you up and down. This wasn’t right. You were the cheery one, the one who always had something kind to say and a warm greeting. His eyes darted to your sleeve, picking up on some torn stitching at the shoulder. Further down at the cuff, faint bruising marked your wrist.
Raphael clenched his fists and was about to leave the lair, ready to tear apart the whole city until he found whoever had hurt you, when Leo and Mikey came in, cleaning their weapons.
“You okay, (Y/N),” Mikey asked, all jokes forgotten for once.
You gave a small nod. A lie. But it was all you could manage.
“Foot Clan,” Leo mouthed to Raph, who felt his blood go hot.
At that moment, Raph wanted to destroy every stinking member of the Foot Clan, claiming revenge and making sure that everyone knew that you were under his protection. But one look at you, like a crushed flower wilting in the darkness of their lair, and Raph knew that you needed him more than he wanted to hurt people.
Raph placed one hand on your shoulder, the other encompassing your hand, “C’mon,” he said gently. “Let’s go to the garden.”
He took you to the secluded alcove within the lair. Once, it was nothing but rubble, a bit of wasted space that none of the turtles cared about, but when you had met them, you claimed the space, planting gloom-loving flowers there, making something beautiful and alive out of something desolate.
Raph sat you down and left you to grab some water. While he waited for the tap to run cold, he thought of how much he had changed since meeting you.
There was a time he thought that he was the worst person you could be around. You were always somewhat anxious, a gentle soul in a harsh world, whereas he was all rude comments and sharp edges. He was the worst at soothing sweet people like you.
He preferred hitting things and lashing out at his problems, but slowly, you wore him down like sandpaper against a rough surface. There was something about you that made him want to protect you. He never wanted you to feel unsafe. You brought out the best in him.
Returning with the water, Raph sat down on the old park bench that you had restored, painting it with decals of vines and dewdrops. He grabbed your hand again, encapsulating five delicate fingers within his three. He placed the water on a crate that you used as a potting table.
“I’m okay,” You murmured, trying to reassure him.
Raph shook his head and pulled you against him, “No, you’re not… And you don’t have to be.”
He wanted to say that he would protect you, but how could he when he hadn’t been there when you needed him most? Well, he was there for you now, and that had to count for something.
Raph pulled you against him, your head finding its place against his shoulder.
His warmth and kindness brought tears to your eyes. Then, the flood hit, and you cried against his neck, whimpering about how scared you had been, even though his brothers got there in time.
Raph held you tightly, rubbing your back soothingly. There, held against his plastron, you started to feel safe again, like your tough turtle could chase all the bad things away.
Slowly, Raphael helped you wind down with some grounding exercises that Master Splinter had taught him. He used to think they were pointless, but now he was thankful for them.
“Thank you,” You breathed, glad Raphael was always there when you needed him.
Raphael felt an almost queasy squeeze of his heart. His brothers always teased him for having ‘goo-goo eyes’ for you. Sometimes he denied it, but now, with his head resting atop yours, he knew they were right.
Disguising it with an over-the-top stretch, he pressed a kiss atop your head, stealing a precious moment until he could get up the nerve to one day tell you how he felt.
Cw: Seong-je thinks reader cheated, minor blood, violence
You were meant to be his bitch for the rest of the year and yet he didnt have it in himself to treat you like trash. Never raised his voice at you even in the hallways, he kept his voice low and calm. Never once did he trip you while you were on your way to classes and the one time that one of his lackeys did, the kids face was immediately smashed into the nearest brick wall. Afterwards he had merely brushed off his hands like it meant nothing and crouched down to gather your sketchbooks back up and hand them to you like they were something precious. Which maybe to him they were.
The times that he shadowed you to the art room he noticed what was contained in your main sketchbook- a multitude of sketches of animals but tucked in between the numerous fluara and fauna was his face, some of the face sketches were muddled like the one behind the pen couldn't remember the contours of his jaw. But as the sketches progress his face becomes more clear and something recognizable, its his face- not his cousin, not one of his lackeys that you were fond of, no it was him- crystal clear. So yes maybe your sketchbooks were something important to him because it was proof that you remembered him and would do anything to keep it that way.
That's why when he found out some bitch from a class over that was jealous of you defaced your work he went full scorched earth. He'd grabbed the poor girl by the hair and dragged her through the halls kicking and screaming for mercy. Mercy was a funny thing to ask of him he thought, why show mercy to her when she showed none for you. He dragged her as far as to that empty stairwell and tipped her down the stairs where she tumbled and landed in a heap of scattered limbs. He didnt care if she was merely injured or died on the floor like a dog when he asked his posse,
You all saw her trip right?
Everyone nodded without a hint of hesitation and one even said,
Aish poor girl cant even walk on her own two feet properly. The girl was left in the stairwell until a school staff member stumbled upon her after class hours.
The next instance of him standing up for you is after he shows Seong-je the picture of him kissing you, and many more incriminating photos that hed taken over the few months youd been going to school in Mooyoung. All of the pictures were of innocent moments but when taken from the right angle? Oh they dont look so good for you and when Seong-je sees proof of your betrayal hes gone from sad pup to a rabid wolf. Hes seething and screaming in your face while he clutches his phone so hard you swear you can hear it crack.
You dont even remember all the obscenities he yells at you, all you remember is the sickening crunch of bone after Su-gang gets up in his face- telling his younger cousin off for getting up in your space. At first youre not sure who got hit but then you look up to see them both clutching at their faces and bleeding profusely from the nose, evenly matched indeed- they couldn't even throw a punch at eachother without matching it line for line.
You leave Seong-je where he is and dont even bother to help him pick up his glasses, you stride past him instead to Su-gang and grab onto his arm- leading him away and out to the parking lot to get in his car. You snatch his keys from him as youre shoving him into the passenger seat. It's a miracle that the man just let's you move him around like a toy doll, not that he doesnt complain.
What, im not allowed to drive my own car now? You shoot him a glare and shove a wad of tissue paper into his hands.
Not after you just got decked in the face. Now cover your nose before you bleed all over your fancy upholstery. He snorts and its disgusting because a glob of blood shoots from his nose like a bullet into the tissue paper and then hes cackling like a madman- he has the humor of a child you swear to god.
You drive and drive until youre at the bridge that you used to hangout on as kids. You park the car on a shoulder next to the bridge and get out without saying anything, Su-gang is quick to follow- nose no longer bleeding and tissues discarded somewhere in the backseat. Walking up to the railing of the bridge you swing your legs over the side and perch on it like old times, swinging your legs above the water- your shoe threatens to slip off but you dont care.
Su-gang slides behind you and holds you in place with a hug that says he wont let go, ever. There are many things that should be said here and now but the both of you find yourselves embraced by silence and the lapping of the water beneath you. Today a bond was broken and another solidified.
