Sorry for cross-contaminating because I have pretty successfully kept this a strict aftg blog for three years, but Heated Rivalry has genuinely thrown me out on my ass. But I think it's okay because sometimes Shane Hollander posting is actually Kevin Day posting.
There is really some kind of hyper specific thing that I gotta take straight up the nose about a character who has their entire life arranged like precarious set of rocks each balanced at the perfect angle as to up-hold the next one in the tower. Like the living embodiment of grinding teeth. The repression of self is so deep that there really may not be anything at the bottom. It's the I gave my life for something and that something does not love me back in the way I need it to. But what else did you expect when there is nothing left of you to love. Genuinely, if you stop moving, you will crumple up and die. Anger can not look like anger does for other people. You can not let it out slowly in bursts as to alleviate the pressure - it just has to stay there in the back of your throat because if you ever let yourself get genuinely angry, it's all going to collapse inward. It's the tokenized to the extent that you've elevated yourself to something beyond human. And your body is a machine or something of the sort that lacks a will behind it. And you let it all happen, and you wanted it to happen. You've created this fragile glass box for yourself and you can not ever ever break it.