#samgolbachimagine

[britswriting]

C.B Camera Roll

Imagine your camera roll if you were dating Colby Brock 🙈

My Colby pinterest board

My sam & colby Instagram fanapge

[cait-writes]

Breathe

I could feel it the moment you saw her. I could see the change in expression, your eyes trailing her movement as she walked by. The second she turned and winked at you, I knew you would be a goner.

It hurt when you told me that you’d be right back, that you were going to use the the restroom - or whatever excuse, I honestly don’t remember. I knew it was a lie when I saw you shove that napkin in your pocket, obviously a phone number was written down.

I see your face in my mind as I drive away, ‘cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way People are people, and sometimes we change our minds. But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time.

Our relationship started to change when we went from hanging out a few times a week, although on the phone every day, to only getting to see you once a week and maybe talk on the phone twice a week. Our vibe was different. As time went on, we started to talk less, laugh less. Everything went through one ear and out the other and your eyes were glued to your phone.

I vowed that last night when you promised to meet me for ice cream and you didn’t show, that I would stop pining for a man that would never be mine. I knew I should’ve said something when I had the chance but I couldn’t. I was scared. We haven’t seen each other since. No text messages.

It’s two am, feelin’ like I just lost a friend. Hope you know this Ain’t easy, easy for me.

When Colby messaged me today to invite me over for a small get together at the new house, I originally told him no. I was sick, I had so much to do, every excuse I could think of. Colby and I were close, but not as close as Sam and I. But he knew how things were going and promised that he would be by my side the whole night, said he missed me too. It took a lot of convincing, but I did eventually give in to him. Little fucker.

Have you ever been around people were once close, but now felt unwelcome? It was awkward and I immediately wanted to leave. Colby stood by the door and slipped his hand around my arm and guided us to the kitchen.

“He’s hanging out near the game room which is down that hallway. I think he’ll be occupied for a while. Let’s get some alcohol in our system and have fun, alright?” He asked, looking up at me through his lashes, a smile playing on his lips. I rolled my eyes before accepting the drink he held. The clear liquid burned as it went down, but it was better than what I was feeling in my mind. After a few more shots, Colby was whisked away by a few of our friends and I was left standing there at the kitchen island. A roar of laughter broke my thoughts and my eyes immediately landed on the cause. Sam with his arm draped around his girlfriend’s shoulders and a few others were making their way towards the kitchen.

Panic began to set in, it was hard to breathe, as I quickly looked for an exit, but his voice said my name and I ran for it. A group of people were blocking the patio door as I shoved through, receiving a few dirty looks. I didn’t care. I needed away. I couldn’t handle seeing him. Not yet.

I followed the concrete path to the pool where very few people lurked. I sat down on the and dipped my feet in.

Sam and I met this way. We were both invited to a party of a mutual friend and the house was small and cramped, shoulder to shoulder. He was there first with a drink in his hand, shoes and jeans unrolled in the pool. I called him a goof and he complained his feet weighed a ton. His cheeks were crimson as I pulled his legs up and he fell onto his back laughing. He said I had a pretty laugh. The next morning I got a text message from him. Our friend gave him my number.

A pair of legs appeared in my peripheral and the sound of shoes clunking onto the concrete broke me from my thoughts. His scent invade my senses and my eyes burned with the threat of tears. His arm slowly snaked around my shoulders as he pulled me to his shoulder. His breath was shakey, “I miss you too, ya know.” He whispered softly.

[britswriting]

Unbroken (18)

*Leighton's POV*

I was currently sitting in my car, but I wasn't the one driving it. "You better be careful with my baby Colby"

"We'll be just fine" He grinned at me and I shook my head.

Usually whenever I was with them, Sam drove, but Sam was going to go pick up Kat, Xepher and Griffin, whilst I was trapped in the car with Colby and Nate. Plus I needed my car to get home, so here we are.

We were currently driving to get someone named Brennen.

"So who's all going?" I asked Colby who was stopped at a red light.

"Um, You, Me, Nate, Brennen, Sam, Kat, Xepher, Griffin, Aryia, Cassie, Devyn, Corey, Sarah" Colby listed but stopped and my eyes were wide, staring at him in the rear view mirror.

"Jesus Christ" I exhaled and he laughed.

"I know some people invited their own people" Colby said and I thought I was going to pass out.

There's going to be so many people I don't know there.

My social anxiety is going to be the death of me.

"AND YOU WOULDN'T LET ME BRING MY OWN?!" I shouted and he laughed really hard.

"You brought me!" He grinned and I glared.

"You literally didn't invite me, so technically, you brought me"

"Well I picked a good plus one" He said and I felt my cheeks get a little warm.

"Then why are we picking up your best friend?" I asked and Nate laughed.

"She's got you there Colby" Nate said, surprising me since he usually didn't enter Colby and I's bickering.

Colby had propped a camera up on his dashboard with some sort of car tripod, and I just realized it was recording.

"Why are you filming?" I asked, setting my phone down.

"I got to film some stuff for Explore Club" He said, pulling into a gas station.

"Explore what?"

"It's something Sam and I do. We put up exclusive content there. You'll see Sam and I recording random stuff all week"

Nate and I started talking about what we thought was in store for this week whilst Colby filled up my gas tank for me.

I opened my car door, making him jump as I handed him my card. "It's okay, I'm driving, I got it" He said, not taking my card.

"It's my car, let me pay for it" I kept it handed out and he shook my head.

"Consider it me paying you back for letting me drive" He said, and slid his card in

"So how long have you known Colby?" I asked, figuring if we were going to be left alone, and I wanted to try and get with him, I had to start somewhere.

"We grew up together. I've known him a long time" Nate grinned, seeming to be reminiscing on something.

"So you, Colby, Sam, and Jake grew up together?" I asked and he nodded

Nate told some childhood stories about growing up with them, until Colby got back into the car.

"What are you guys talking about?" Colby asked, starting the engine back up.

"I was telling Leighton about how we grew up together" Nate said and Colby nodded.

~

"ROMEO TAKE ME SOMEWHERE WE CAN BE ALONE I'LL BE WAITING ALL THERE'S LEFT TO DO IS RUN! YOU'LL BE THE PRINCE AND I'LL BE THE PRINCESS" I sang loudly.

"IT'S A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY YES!" Nate and I finished together

"You get the next line Colby!" Nate said and he shook his head, laughing.

"C'mon Colby! Don't be a loser!" I laughed and he rolled his eyes.

"SO I SNEAK OUT OF THE GARDEN TO SEE YOU!" I sang

"We keep quiet, cause we're dead if they knew" He sang back and I grinned, happy he chose to play along.

"So close your eyes" Nate sang back

"Escape this town for a little while oh, oh!" I sang back.

"CAUSE YOU WERE ROMEO, I WAS A SCARLET LETTER AND MY DADDY SAID STAY AWAY FROM JULIET BUT YOU WERE EVERYTHING TO ME, I WAS BEGGING YOU PLEASE DON'T GO" Nate and I yelled, ignoring Colby.

~

"Losing him was blue like I'd never known! Missing him was dark gray all alone! Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met! But loving him was red!" Nate and I sang, annoying Colby whilst we drove to Brennen's

"Someone tell me why you two are belting Taylor Swift" Colby asked and I grinned.

"Because you're driving my car, so I got the AUX, plus, you secretly love it!" I smirked and he rolled his eyes, but I saw the tiny smile in the mirror.

"Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes! Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go!" Nate and I kept singing and Nate looked towards Colby.

"But moving on from him is impossible" Colby muttered and Nate hollered "Yeah Colby!"

"We'll convert Colby to be a Taylor fan by the time we get there" Nate told me and I nodded, grinning.

"IN MY HEAD BURNING RED!" We finished, catching up with the song

After about 15 minutes, we pulled up into a driveway and Colby got out of the car to go get his friend.

"What song should we play to annoy him?" I asked, scrolling through my Spotify downloads.

"He hates country" Nate informed me and I gasped.

"I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC!" I went to my country playlist, and hit shuffle, Nate turning it up.

I started playing Carrie Underwood, and I was appalled to know Nate didn't know it, meaning I was going solo.

Brennen opened the car door, and shut up causing me to laugh.

"Where are you going?" I heard Colby yell, and I heard Brennen tell him to open the car door.

Colby opened his door, and Two Black Cadillacs by Carrie Underwood was playing, causing him to shake his head.

"And the preacher said he was a good man! His brother said he was a good friend!" I sang, watching Colby get in the car and Brennen opened the door again.

"But the women in the two black veils didn't bother to cry-" I sang but stopped hearing the music get shut off.

"HEY!" I yelled and Colby smirked

"I let you play Taylor Swift for half an hour, your turn is done" He said and unplugged my phone causing my jaw to drop.

"This is bullshit! YOU CAN TAKE AWAY THE AUX BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY MY VOICE!" I yelled

"YEAH THEY TOOK TURNS LAYING A ROSE DOWN, THREW A HANDFUL OF DIRT INTO THE DEEP GROUND!" I yelled and felt someone's hand cover my mouth, and I licked them, making him pull it away.

"SHE LICKED ME!" Brennen yelled and I laughed.

"We don't listen to country in this car" Colby spoke up, ignoring Brennen and I.

"IT'S MY CAR!" I yelled, Brennen and Nate laughing.

"Wait, Leighton, hand me your phone" Nate said and I raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Just do it" He said and I slowly handed it over.

He put the AUX back in and the next thing I heard was "It's country time bitch" and I saw Colby's eyes widen in the mirror.

"Hell no!" He yelled and Nate and Brennen started laughing.

Brennen pulled out his phone and started filming, zooming in on Colby's face in the mirror.

"Take my chevy for a drive in the night and town. Sisters with me in my ride and she's going down. On the country road, searching for our western bitch" Played the speakers and I was very confused.

"Who is this?" I asked and Brennen started cackling, pointing his phone at me.

"It's Colby!" Brennen laughed and my eyes widened.

"What!?" I yelled and even from the backseat, I could see Colby's cheeks redden.

"Going down this country road, don't know where I should go. Looking for that trixie hoe" I couldn't control the huge smile taking over my face as I heard his voice.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS IS GOLD! TURN IT UP!" I yelled, laughing.

There was an unknown voice and Brennen said it was someone named Aryia. I bit my bottom lip, holding back a grin.

"Going down this country road!" Brennen and Nate yelled together, my cheeks hurting from grinning.

"PLAY IT AGAIN!" I yelled and Colby shook his head.

"Colby, you'll have more fun if you just accept your fate and sing along!" Brennen grinned and Colby was pursing his lips, trying to stop himself from smiling.

"Nate you're a bitch" Colby playfully grumbled. I could audibly hear the smile in his tone which told me he wasn't serious.

"Mr. I hate country music, has a country song! Oh my god this is golden!" I yelled

"Leighton do you have an Instagram tag?" Brennen asked and I shook my head, which led to me explaining why I didn't have social media.

~

"How much longer dad?" Brennen asked Colby, making me laugh.

"We'll be there in about 15 minutes" Colby said and Brennen playfully groaned.

We had been in the car for about 3 hours, taking a couple bathroom breaks, and I was very pleased that my baby wasn't murdering my bladder during this road trip.

"Leighton, want to take a photo?" Brennen asked and I shrugged, leaning in so I was in frame.

Brennen and I took a photo before handing his phone to Nate, having us take a group photo. Brennen and I leaned forward so our heads were peaking in-between Colby and Nate's seats.

We took a couple silly photos before taking a cute one, and I asked Brennen to send them to me, giving him my number.

It had been about 5 minutes, Colby and Nate were talking about something that they had seen whilst driving, when Brennen muttered "Everyone's talking about Leighton on the timeline" making me look at him.

"What do you mean?" Colby questioned with a confused tone.

"Fans want to know who she is, since she was in my story, and in yours yesterday" Brennen said and I saw Colby roll his eyes.

"Did you post any of the photos we just took?" Colby asked and Brennen said no.

"Well they can get over it. She's our roommate" Colby grumbled and I saw a sign with a house number on it, and that's when I realized this skinny curvy road was actually the driveway to wherever we were going.

When we parked, my eyes widened.

It was a literal Castle.

"Holy shit! I really am the princess and you're really the prince!" I shouted, Nate laughing and Brennen giving me a weird look.

"They were singing Love Story before we picked you up" Colby filled him in and Brennen laughed.

"YOU ALL MUST SING LOVE STORY WITH ME IN THIS CASTLE! OH MY GOD!" I yelled, opening the car door, and I saw someone pull up behind us.

"Aryia, we played Country Road for Leighton!" Brennen laughed, the guy joining him.

"I take it the girl is Leighton? I'm Aryia, you look lovely" He flirted and I blushed, thanking him.

I actually did like my outfit today.

I talked with Aryia for a while, catching myself flirting which made me a little nervous, but I decided the best way to get one boy out of my system was to mess with another. I just hoped it didn't go too far.

We walked into the house and I was in complete awe.

It was gorgeous.

"Was it worth me not telling you?" Colby asked, setting his bag down and I nodded.

"I should've befriended you guys sooner if it meant you were taking me to a fucking Castle!" I teased and he rolled his eyes, smirking.

"Only the best for our friends! Sam and Kat should be here soon with Xepher and Griffin. We should go pick our bedrooms before they get here" Colby picked up his bag and headed towards a staircase.

"Have you guys been here before?" I asked, following him up the stairs.

"Sam, Kat and I have for a video" Colby said, and I nodded, looking out the window that was near the stairs.

The backyard looked so pretty. I couldn't believe we were still in California.

Picked the smallest bedroom, not wanting to be in the way, and when I set my bag down, I heard Colby ask "Why'd you pick a bed in a broom closet? We could've made Aryia have this room" He chuckled, looking around and I shrugged, walking over towards the small window.

"Leighton, you could've picked the master, and you chose this tiny ass room with a twin bed in it?" He asked, leaning against the door frame.

"I don't deserve the master. I didn't pay for this trip, I'll be just fine in this, what did you call it? A broom closet?" I asked, sitting down on the twin sized bed.

Colby shrugged, before leaving since Aryia yelled for him.

I laid in the bed, my hands resting on my tummy. "Here's to an adventure little one" I muttered before picking up my phone and texting with my younger brother.

My mom was going home tomorrow, and I really wanted to be there for her, but she would've killed me if I passed up on this trip, so I made her promise me to have them keep me updated.

He recovery time was anywhere between 4 to 12 weeks so I was nervous to be so far away from her.

Landon was currently texting me about a cute date Braxton took him on, making my heart feel all warm and fuzzy at how happy my little brother was.

That's truly all I wanted.

My family and friends happiness meant a lot to me, and I loved hearing about all the fun things they were doing that brought so much joy to their lives.

Lexi was bombarding me about how Macy got a boyfriend and how Lexi needed one now so she didn't feel left out, making me roll my eyes.

I guess I had been laying in this bed for a while, because I heard Kat's voice ask "So this is where you snuck off to" making me move my phone out of the way.

"What do you mean snuck off?"

"Everyone's arrived. We're downstairs. Colby said you guys got here two hours ago" She said and my eyes widened.

"I've been up here for two hours?" I asked and Kat nodded.

"Come on! Let me go introduce you to everyone" She held out her hand and I took it. "Oh my god you're nails!" She gasped, making me pull my hand back in surprise. "They're so cute!"

"Colby did them" I smiled and her eyes widened.

"Colby did these!? No way!" Kat laughed and I nodded.

"We painted each other's nails" I smiled, looking down at my perfect manicure.

"Oh my god I need to see his!" Kat quickly left and I got up to follow her.

"COLBY BROCK LET ME SEE YOUR FINGERS!" Kat yelled and I swear the room stopped.

Everyone turned to look at her, and Colby's eyes were wide.

Kat snatched his hand and gasped.

"LEIGH THESE ARE SO GOOD!" She yelled, making everyone turn to look at me"

"Sorry" I mouthed to Colby who shook his head grinning.

"I don't know who I want to paint my nails, Colby or Leighton. You both did so good!" Kat said which caused quite the attraction.

Everyone spent the next ten minutes talking about our nails.

"I can't believe you got Colby to do something other than black" Sam laughed, inspecting my work.

"I've done white before!" Colby defended making a few of us laugh.

We all hung out for a while, when someone I didn't know asked what we all wanted to do for dinner.

I stayed quiet, feeling extremely out of place. I only knew those I lived with, and there were so many people here.

"What if we made a video out of it? Guys vs girls or something?" Someone piped up, and I started to notice a theme here.

"Do you guys make videos out of everything?" I asked Sam quietly, and he shrugged.

"Sometimes we just hang out, other times we film it. Why not film us having fun and then get paid for it? Not only do we get to keep the memories, but we can pay the bills" He told me and my forehead wrinkled.

"So are they your colleges or your friends?" I asked, confused.

"They're our friends" Sam said and I nodded slowly.

Okay...

"Does that girl want to be in them?" Someone asked and everyone looked at me, causing my heart to race.

It was this moment that it hit me... I was in a house FULL of social media influencers.

Maybe I shouldn't have come.

I didn't even have any social media, so what was I doing here?

"Leigh? Do you want to be in my video?" Kat asked and I couldn't even think, let alone reply. "If you don't want to, you don't have to be" Kat reassured me and I shook my head, opting to stay out of their video.

I didn't need people thinking I was using them, plus I was starting to feel tired.

Being pregnant was no joke.

I slipped out of the room, only Sam noticing, and made my way upstairs.

I wasn't even laying down for more than a minute when Sam walked in.

"Are you okay Leighton?" He asked. I shrugged, feeling kind of funny.

"Leigh?" He asked again, but I couldn't reply.

"LEIGHTON!" Sam yelled and my eyes closed.

~

"Please wake up Leigh!" Sam's voice spoke in desperation and my eyes fluttered open, being met with him hovering over me. "Oh thank god!" Sam breathed out. "Here, sit up! Have some water!" He helped me up and handed me a water bottle.

"What happened?" I asked and he eyed me weirdly.

"I was asking if you were okay, and then your eyes closed and you became unresponsive. When was the last time you ate or drank?" He asked and I shrugged.

"Probably not since this morning" I mumbled and Sam shook his head.

"Okay drink this and we will go get food, where are your shoes?" He asked and I pointed next to my bag.

Sam helped me up and handed me my shoes before we walked downstairs. Everyone was huddled at the door, confusing me.

"Are you sure you don't want to join Leigh?" Kat asked and Sam shook his head. "She's not joining you" he answered for me and Kat gave him a weird look, probably wondering what was going on.

Everyone walked out the door whilst Sam slipped on his shoes, grabbing his keys.

"Is everything alright?" Colby asked and Sam glanced over towards me before nodding. "We're going to go get her food" Sam told him and Colby nodded before walking outside.

When Sam and I got in his car, he let out a deep breath.

"Leigh, you have to take care of yourself. Don't get caught up with everything here. You need to eat, drink and rest for your baby! I can't have you passing out every day"

"I'm sorry! I forgot! It isn't like I can tell Colby to stop and get food when we ate before we left" I huffed and Sam shook his head.

"This is exactly why you need to tell him!"

"I will! Give me time! You're acting like he's the father and I'm keeping this huge secret from him! This baby doesn't even concern him" I grumbled and Sam ignored me, pulling into a McDonalds drive thru and ordered some food, Sam letting me know that they were making homemade sushi for their video, which I couldn't have since I was pregnant.

I got a 20 piece chicken nugget meal since Sam said I needed more than 10, and Sam got a Big Mac making me gag.

"What? What's wrong with a Big Mac?" he laughed and I covered my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Nothing, it just sounds repulsive" I mumbled

"Why?" He asked with a slight laugh, and I shrugged, Sam handing me my chocolate milkshake.

Sam and I ate in the parking lot and he googled snacks to help with pregnancy making me laugh.

"Do you have any cravings?" He asked and I sat there and thought for a second.

"I mean, cookies always sound good. Or brownies. Fruit in yogurt. Oh my god goldfish in peanut butter is so good! I tried it one day whilst you guys were gone, it was heavenly!" I moaned and he laughed, nodding.

"Hello" he said as I dipped my chicken nugget in honey. "We're going to the grocery store to get her snacks. She passed out in her room" Sam spoke, perking my ears since he was talking about me. "Yeah I think she's fine. I got her some food since you guys are making Sushi, which she can't have" He paused, and I dipped another nugget, grabbing my milkshake. I looked at the chocolatey goodness in my hand, and then glanced at my chicken nugget, and then back at the milkshake.

Hm

I took the lid off, ignoring Sam's phone call and dipped my chicken nugget in the chocolate milkshake, before eating it and I moaned loudly.

"OH MY GOD! It's so good!" I reached for another chicken nugget, and heard Sam laughing.

"What are you doing? Do you want to be alone?" He asked and I rolled my eyes, dipping another nugget in my milkshake.

"Leighton's going to orgasm from food" Sam cackled to whoever was on the phone. "She's dipping her chicken nuggets in her chocolate milkshake" Sam said before turning to me "Kat says that sounds good" he said making me grin.

"It's fucking heavenly!" I yelled and I heard Kat laugh.

~

Sam and I walked back into the Castle, hearing commotion going on in the kitchen.

"I'm going to bring these up to your room" Sam held up the grocery bags and I nodded, standing behind the set up cameras.

Colby was currently trying to figure out how to roll the sushi and Kat was making fun of him.

Someone I didn't know was fighting about who got to cut the veggies and I was starting to get a little overwhelmed by all of the commotion happening in front of me.

There were teams of 5, and everyone was talking over each other, giving me a headache.

Brennen and Colby were yelling about something, making my headache worse so I walked upstairs, only to almost literally run into Sam.

"Are you alright?" He asked and I nodded.

"I'm going to go rest, go have fun. Stop worrying about me" I gave him a small smile and passed him up on the stairs.

I laid in my bed, writing in my baby's journal when I got an overwhelming feeling of dread.

Was I holding everyone back? Did they really want me here? Maybe I should go home. I don't want to ruin the trip by passing out, or always needing something. Plus I'm a nobody, why would they want to hang out with me?

I let my thoughts control my emotions, and before I knew it, I was crying whilst throwing some of my stuff back in my bag.

I grabbed a 20 from my wallet, walking to Sam's room and placing it in his wallet that was on the dresser before grabbing my bag of clothes and the grocery bag of snacks and quietly walking downstairs.

I heard them talking about how good the Sushi was, and smack talking to the other team as I walked to the front door and carefully opened it, trying not to make a sound.

I made it outside the door without anyone noticing, quickly walking to my car when I heard "Leighton?" Make me freeze.

Shit

I slowly lifted my head up and my eyes widened in surprise. "Aryia?" I asked and he nodded.

"Why do you have your things?" He asked, glancing down towards my bags.

"Um" I hummed, trying to think of a good excuse but had nothing.

"You're leaving?" He asked and I sighed, shrugging, trying to think how I was going to get out of this one. "Why?" He asked and I bit my lip, not wanting to confess my inner thoughts. "Do they know you're leaving?" He asked and I shook my head, trying not to make eye contact.

It was quiet for a moment, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Want to go have some fun?" He asked, causing me to snap my head up quickly to look at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked and he smirked.

"Here, put your bags in your car, and come with me" He said, twirling his keys in his hand.

~

"What is this place?" I asked. It was dark out now, making me a little nervous. Why did I come with this stranger to some unknown spot in the dark without telling anyone?

"It's one of my favorite spots in Hollywood" He spoke softly, looking at the skyline in front of us that was lit up with city lights.

"It's really pretty" I spoke just as softly, captivated by the view in front of me.

"I think my view is prettier" he spoke, causing me to look at him, only for our eyes to meet.

I blushed, glancing down towards my hands. I felt his hand on my jaw, causing me to look up at him.

"What are you doing?" I asked quietly, looking into his eyes to try and figure out his intentions.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked quietly, and before I could think it through, I nodded.

HIs lips met mine, taking my breath away. It felt weird kissing someone that wasn't Gabriel. I've kissed the same person for so long that I forgot what first time kisses felt like, and boy did I love the feeling.

Before I knew it, I was sitting in his lap with my hands in his hair, moaning as we rubbed against each other.

I decided not to let my brain think, and just go with the flow. I was tired of thinking. I just wanted to have fun. It's not like I was going to get pregnant.

~

"Oh my god" I breathed out, resting my hand on the door handle, his hands on my hips.

I wasn't sure how I managed having sex with him, but I can definitely tell you I was the most relaxed I've felt in months.

"You're on the pill right?" he asked and I chuckled, just nodding.

It's not like he needs to know I'm pregnant with another mans baby.

"So do you still plan on leaving?" He chuckled, zipping his pants has I pulled up my own underwear, sitting back in the passenger seat.

I bit my lip, trying not to smile as I tossed my hair up into a messy bun.

"Why? You planning on having another rendezvous soon?" I chuckled and he smirked

"I was hoping" I rolled my eyes, shaking my head and letting out a small laugh.

I leaned forward and kissed him again, going to pull away but he grabbed the back of my neck carefully, softly pulling me back to his mouth.

"They're going to kill me" I mumbled before groaning when he pulled at my bottom lip.

"So we should stay here for a little while longer. Round two?" He asked, nipping at my neck, making me laugh.

~

I pulled my shirt back over my head, breathing heavily. "We should head back, Sam's going to want my head on a platter" I chuckled.

"Why?" He asked, pulling his own shirt back on.

"I'm sure if he had it his way, I'd be locked away in a room with water and snacks so I don't pass out on him again"

"You passed out?" he chuckled and I shrugged, trying not to go further in on why.

"It was an accident. We really should get back" Aryia nodded and started the engine, driving back to the castle.

~

"Where the hell have you been!?" Sam yelled outside my window when Aryia parked the car.

"Told you" I mumbled, Aryia holding back a chuckle.

Sam opened my door and I braced myself for his wrath.

"THE WHOLE HOUSE HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE LEIGHTON!" He yelled and I held my breath, knowing he needed to get this out of my system. "YOU DON'T JUST GET TO DISAPPEAR! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO GIRLS WHO WONDER IN PLACES THEY DON'T KNOW? THEY DIE LEIGHTON. WE THOUGHT SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WITH ARYIA!? NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE AND TRUST HIM, BUT WHAT THE HELL LEIGHTON! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU WERE LEAVING!" Sam yelled but before I could reply, he started yelling again. "YOU LITERALLY PASSED OUT NOT EVEN 3 HOURS AGO! YOU CAN'T JUST RUN AWAY! YOU'RE BECOMING LIKE A SISTER TO ME LEIGHTON! DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARED I WAS? HOW SCARED I WAS FOR THE BABY!?" He asked and my eyes widened.

"Baby?" Aryia asked, and Sam quickly glanced towards Aryia, shaking his head.

"I can't believe you" He said and then walked away.

I felt tears fall down my cheeks, my nose sniffling.

"What is he talking about?" Aryia asked and I shook my head, climbing out of the car. I shut his car door and quickly walked to my own car, climbing in and starting the engine.

I was wiping my tears, trying to calm down so I could drive home.

I shouldn't have come.

I should've listened to my instincts and just gone home.

I heard my car door open, and in plopped Kat. The car door shut and the car was silent.

I took in a shallow breath, trying to control my breathing.

"Where ya going buddy?" She asked and I laughed a little, wiping at my nose.

"Home" I said softly and she frowned.

"Why?" She asked and I shook my head, rubbing at my eye before wincing since I poked myself in the eye.

"Leigh? What's going on?" Kat asked and I just started sobbing.

My body shook really hard, and I knew I'd be sore in the morning.

"Leighton? Are you okay? Please tell me what's wrong" Kat begged and after a couple minutes, I calmed down.

"He hates me" I whispered.

"Who hates you?" She asked and I wiped at my cheeks, getting angry at myself.

"Sam" I told her, leaning my head back against the seat.

"He doesn't hate you Leigh, he was just worried. Where were you anyway?" She asked and I groaned, covering my face with my hands.

"I had sex with Aryia" I mumbled into my hands, regretting everything.

"What? I can't understand you" She said and I groaned louder.

"I. Had. Sex. With. Aryia" I spoke against my hands, more clear and I peeked through my fingers to see her mouth open and her eyes wide.

She looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"YOU WHAT!?" She yelled and I just started crying again.

"Do I need to get STD checked?" I asked her, Kat still having a very surprised face.

"I don't think so. You can if you want to feel safe" She said and I nodded.

"Why did you sleep with him?" She asked and took a deep breath, swiping away the stray tear that was rolling down my cheeks.

"I just wanted to forget. He seemed like someone who would let me do that with" I said softly and Kat's face fell.

"Forget what?" She asked and I sighed, closing my eyes as I leaned my head back, my head pounding from crying so hard.

"I'm so sorry" I sobbed again, it was getting hard to breathe.

"Leigh calm down, what happened?" Kat asked and I shook my head.

I was tired of people caring. They shouldn't have to worry about me. I was a big girl. I shouldn't be crying over silly things, sleeping with my friend's friend or intruding on their special trip.

Maybe this is why Colby didn't invite me. He knew I would ruin it. Maybe he was right. I only ruined things.

"I'm sorry" I said again and Kat's forehead wrinkled.

"I'm not getting out till you tell me what happened" She said and I shook my head.

"My problems aren't your concern. Just tell Sam I'm really sorry. Please get out of my car" I told her and I saw hurt flash across her face.

"Leigh please" She whispered and I shook my head.

"I'm not going to ask again. Please get out of my car" I spoke sternly and she hesitated before opening the car door and climbing out.

The car door shut, and I watched her watch me as I started to drive away.

The tears fell down my face as I drove to the nearest hospital.

When I arrived, I walked into the ER and asked for an STD test.

"Ma'am, you need to make an appointment for those" The guy said and I shook my head.

"Please" I cried and he looked at me weirdly.

"Were you raped Ma'am?" he asked and I shook my head, telling him no.

"Okay, well the ER doesn't do STD tests, you need to make an appointment with a clinic" he said and I rested my head on my arms that were on the counter, my body shaking as I sobbed.

~

I don't know what happened, but before I knew it, I was admitted into the ER, hooked up to machines with an IV drip in my hand.

Fuck

I leaned against the hospital bed, and a nurse walked in.

"Good Morning Ms. Fox" She said and I squinted at her, the bright light making it hard to see.

"What happened?" I asked and she gave me a sad smile.

"You fell unconscious in front of one of our ER nurses. I looked in your file, and this isn't the first time it's happened. So one of our doctors is going to come in and have a talk with you about something, but I need to check your vitals" She said and I nodded, confused.

I let her do her thing, and then something hit me.

"Oh god, you guys called him didn't you?" I asked, startling the nurse.

"Called who?" She asked and I threw my head back.

"My emergency contact" I said and the nurse nodded, looking confused.

"Is that a problem?" She asked and I groaned.

Fuck.

I knew I should've changed it.

"It's fine" I groaned, letting her put the oxygen clamp on my finger.

"You know, if you want them to discharge you, you need to stop putting your baby in distress" She muttered and I glared at her.

"Mind your own fucking business will you?" I sneered and she made a face, and then grabbed her clipboard and walked out.

The door opened, and in walked the man of the hour.

"Leighton what the fuck?" he said and I rolled my eyes.

"You can go home, Gabe" I muttered and he glared at me.

"Like hell I will! Why the fuck did I get a call telling me you passed out in the ER hours away from home!" he yelled, making my head pound.

"I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I'm fucking sorry!" I yelled, tears filling up my eyes again.

"Leigh-" he said and I wildly shook my head.

"I'm putting our baby up for adoption, and I'm moving back home"

* * * *

Written on: January 10th, 11th 2022

Word Count: 5.7k

Part Nineteen

[britswriting]

Desire (4)

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*Leighton's POV*

"I'm excited to bring in the New Year with you" Colby said as we set up for the party.

"Yeah? It's my first night without Gemma, I'm kind of anxious about it" I shrugged, taking Red Solo Cups out of the packaging.

"She's with your family right?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, Gabe's at his own party. My dad's watching her. My siblings are at some dumb High School party for New Years so he's excited to hang out with his granddaughter" I smiled softly, loving the idea of my dad and daughter bonding.

It was quiet for a moment until he sighed, placing napkins next to the plates by the food.

"I can't believe we haven't talked about that night in your parents house, or you moving in" Colby said and he sounded slightly peeved by it.

"Well we've been busy. I've been hanging out with my siblings a bunch before Logan leaves, and you and Sam have been busy with marketing. Do you want to talk about it now?"

Colby rolled his eyes and he was clearly annoyed.

It was weird to see him be so sensitive.

"If you really wanted to talk about it, I figured we would've talked about it more by now. I thought we just moved on" I said honestly, figuring it was just one dumb moment, and we moved on.

I've talked to Colby since then, and he didn't say anything.

"I haven't moved on" He said bluntly and I nodded, knowing he needed to express his feelings so we keep our friendship the way it was.

"Okay, well, let's talk then. What are you expecting from this conversation? What questions do you want answered?" I asked, wanting to know where we should start since he seemed more affected by this than I was.

"I want to know what now" He said, his eyes on my face as I tried to put the pieces together to answer his questions.

There was a look in his eye that showed uncertainty, and that scared me.

"Okay. Part of what now do you want to know most? What's the biggest question in your head right now?"

Colby was quiet for a moment, and I let him process, sitting in silence as I waited.

"All I'm thinking about is kissing you" He said honestly and I nodded, my focus 100% on him. "And how I like it when we hang out. I don't know.. I feel like I was so close to something.. and then Christmas ended.. and I was back to square one"

I pursed my lips, trying to replay the past week in my head.

"What's your square one?" I asked, curious to know where he thought we went back to.

"You moving on, being on your own. Us being more distant.. not hanging out as much. I started to feel things.. and you left"

"I didn't leave Colby. I was with my siblings. Logan is getting sent off to god knows where, and I wanted to hang out with him. I put you on the back burner for a minute, not really thinking a whole lot about our kisses in the guest room when my brother is leaving in a few weeks. I'm sorry that I didn't answer your questions and that we didn't work this out sooner.. I've just been distracted. With Gabe going back to New York soon, Logan going to wherever they need him, my stress of possibly moving back to your guys houses and... I'm just overwhelmed Colby, I'm sorry"

"No.. I'm being selfish, I'm sorry. I.. I understand" He said in a soft tone, almost seeming saddened by my words.

"But just because I'm busy doesn't mean I should ignore you. Something huge happened between us, and I haven't acknowledged it, and I'm sorry. I know it's a big deal.. I know it changes the course of our friendship.. I just.. I truly don't know if I can do the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing. If I can make this happen, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you because I'm not ready. I've hurt you since day one for my own selfish reasons.. I don't want to do that again" I told him, hoping he understood where I was coming from.

Before he could reply, I heard a squeal and felt arms wrap around me "Hey!" Kat squealed, her arms around my waist.

I instinctively sucked in, which made my abdominal muscles scream at me.

My body was still very sore since I was trying to lose the weight. I still had quite the stomach, my thighs were more jiggly than they used to be, everything was a lot looser and just looked wrong.

Cynthia kept telling me that it wasn't a race to lose the weight, and I know that I need to take time to heal.. it just sucked to wear anything because my stomach was too big to fit my old clothes, and I was too broke to buy new ones so I lived in sweats and a t-shirt most of the time.

"Hi" I replied back, all of my insecurities alerting my brain as she squeezed my stomach, hugging me.

"I'm so excited to bring in the new year! Where's baby G?" Kat asked and I sighed, wishing she'd let go of my stomach.

"With my parents"

"Oh" She frowned, dropping her arms and snatching something off the counter.

"What? Am I only good enough for you due to my baby?" I asked, confused by her drop of tone.

"No, I just.. was looking forward to seeing her, that's all" Kat replied, popping a grape into her mouth.

I frowned, my mind racing at the idea of Kat only looking forward to seeing me due to my baby.

"Hey Leigh! Sorry I haven't said hello sooner, been cleaning" Sam said, a box of Clorox wipes in his hand.

"It's alright" I replied softly, still stuck on what Kat said.

"Alright, well-" He started talking but I tuned him out, staring at the tiled floor. "Anyway, I think we're almost ready though. Not that I don't love your outfit, but is that what you're wearing? I like it. I like whatever stain that is on your shoulder" He complimented with a laugh, causing my head to turn to look.

"Um... it's either old baby puke, or something from breakfast, and no, this isn't what I'm wearing. I actually need to go get ready soon. The party is in what, 3 hours? And Kat takes at least two and a half in the main bathroom" I teased and he nodded. "Is it really that bad?" I questioned, looking down at my lounge wear.

"You've looked better" he joked, but I didn't take it well and I felt my eyes sting as I nodded, dismissing myself from the conversation.

I stood in the guest bathroom, taking some calming breaths.

I could see the double chin staring back at me in the mirror, my stomach pudge jiggling as I moved, my hands holding my sore boobs from breastfeeding.

My hips were a little wider from pushing out a human. My face was littered in acne and the bags under my eyes definitely weren't my best look, and to touch it all off, my untamed hair was tossed up in a high bun, flopping over the side of my head.

What did he see in me?

He really looks at this and thinks "I want to kiss that"?

I sat in the bathroom, taking a minute to just let myself cry. Feel the emotions and allow the negative emotions to show and pass.

Once I pulled myself together, I ran some warm water over my face, taking some calming breaths. I stared at my own eyes in the mirror, not wanting to look any lower than that.

What the fuck was I going to wear that was going to cover all of this?

I grabbed a few possible outfits from my overnight bag and started undressing.

I shimmed out of the yoga pants and pulled the baggy shirt over my head, it getting caught on my messy bun, pulling my hair.

For fuck sake

I pulled on one of my flowy dresses, checking myself in the mirror.

Yeah no. Look at the way your cellulite shows in this. I can't walk around all these skinny bitches like this.

I quickly tugged the dress off, feeling everything jiggle as I pulled the neckline over the bun on my head, feeling it flop around.

What if I wore a long dress?

I didn't bring any long dresses.

Why didn't I bring any long dresses? Dumbass.

I shuffled through my bag, finding some skinny jeans.

Great.

Something else skin tight.

I was flipping the jeans up my legs when there was a knock on the door.

"Occupied!" I called out, struggling to pull them over my hips.

My belly jiggling as I tried to button them.

"You alright?" I heard Colby ask and I nodded, forgetting her couldn't see me as I held my breath, trying to button the jeans.

"Damn it" I breathed, letting my stomach expand again.

"Leighton?" he asked and I groaned, wanting him to go away.

"I'm fine!" I called back and he sighed before I heard him walk away.

I slide down the wall, throwing the jeans at the lower cabinets in frustration.

"Leigh? Are you sure you're okay? What was that?" Colby asked and I groaned, unlocking the bathroom door since I knew he wouldn't go away.

"Don't look at my boobs, or my stomach, or my thighs and while you're at it, avoid my face" I muttered once he walked in, shutting the door behind him.

"What are you doing on the floor?" He asked and I ignored him, rubbing my eye. "Alright, what's wrong?" He asked, leaning against the counter, staring down at me.

"Everyone coming is a skinny bitch and I gave birth a month ago, everything jiggles" I grumbled.

"Okay, so what is the problem?" Colby asked and I groaned, banging my head against the wall.

"Ow" I moaned, dropping my head forward. "You're not looking at my almost naked body right?" I asked and Colby stayed quiet which made me look up at him. "Colby? Colby? Cole!" I snapped and his eyes snapped up at mine.

"What?"

"God" I groaned, "What are you looking at? Something that's ugly and jiggles?" I asked and he rolled his eyes.

"I like the nursing bra, very cute"

"Shut up. What do I wear?" I asked, not even bothering to cover up at this point. He's already seen it all anyway.

"I am not your bitch" He noted and I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever you say. I should just go home huh" I sighed and his eyes widened.

"What? Why?"

"Were you even listening to me?" I asked, slightly annoyed that he claimed to help me, and instead has been staring at everything I told him not to look at.

"Um.."

"Cole!" I gasped, smacking his arm.

"I'm sorry! Your boobs look good in that bra" He complimented and I rolled my eyes, my arms coming up to cover my chest. "I said not to look at my boobs! You don't have the right to eye fuck my body"

"I'm sorry! You look good" He complimented and I sighed.

"It all jiggles" I wiggled my legs and arms which made my whole fucking body bounce.

"And?"

"It's ugly" I frowned, seeing my thighs jiggle as I moved away from him.

"Says you"

"Yeah says me. Now what do I wear?" I asked, knowing none of my options were good enough.

"Why can't you just ask Kat?"

"Because Kat's a skinny bitch. My jeans don't even fit" I grumbled and he chuckled.

"C'mon, up off the floor" He tugged my hands and I groaned.

"You're not going to do some cliché look at your body and love it speech right?" I asked and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"No, but I do plan on kissing your stupid face" He said and I raised an eyebrow, my mouth parting in surprise.

"Who gave you the right to kiss my stupid face?"

"You, the night you said you had possible feelings" He smirked and I rolled my eyes, letting him pull me up off the floor.

"I didn't give you the right to kiss me" I cocked an eyebrow, my breath hitched at how close he was standing.

"Ah, so you definitely didn't kiss me three times that night" He said smugly and I shook my head, grinning.

"Of course not. Now what do I wear? I can't walk around naked" I sighed, grabbing the jeans off the counter.

"I mean, you could if you wanted to"

"Cole"

"What?"

"Shut up and help me"

"Okay, what are your options?" he asked, leaning against the counter once again, seeming to be eyeing me, alerting my brain of all my insecurities.

I pulled out the dress that made my thighs ugly, the jeans that wouldn't button, and the leggings for tomorrow.

"Put them on, let me see"

I groaned, tugging the dress over my nursing bra and granny panties.

Wasn't post baby body fun?

"Okay, what's wrong with this one? I think it looks good. You look good" He nodded, his eyes scanning over my frame.

"Look at how my thighs jiggle in it" I bounced a little and he scoffed.

"So what? You look hot"

"Can you stop thinking with your dick and think with your head. Look at how it all pokes out. I don't want to be in the background of videos with my belly poking out, or my thighs jiggling"

Colby rolled his eyes, turning me around in a 360.

"I like it, your ass looks good, your boobs look good. I don't see a problem with your stomach and I like that your thighs jiggle. I like that I can watch them move and bounce. I'm not only thinking with my dick, but my brain. I like it. You look hot" he said point blank which made me blush and nod slightly.

"Ugh, fine. Now these don't fit, so these are out of question" I threw the jeans down and he nodded.

"Okay, and what about these?" He asked, holding up the black pair of pants.

"They're my leggings for tomorrow. I don't have any top choices. Didn't expect to wear them tonight and Sam pointed out my baby puke shirt so.."

"So the dress it is, right?"

"But.."

"Leigh, you look good. You like me right?" He asked and I nodded slowly. "Then my opinion should be the one that matters to you. If you like me, and I say you look hot, shouldn't that mean something?" He asked, and I sighed, checking myself in the mirror.

"It does mean something, but what about other people? I can't look like garbage next to them"

"Let me kiss you" He said, catching me off guard.

"What?"

"Let me kiss you" He repeated and I titled my head.

"Why?"

"Shut up and let me fucking kiss you. I want to kiss you so fucking bad, please for the love of god say I can kiss you" He begged and my face scrunched up.

"But-"

"Leigh-"

"Fine, you can kiss me" I gave in and Colby leapt forward, his hands grabbing my waist as he tugged me against his body, his lips finding mine as he hungrily kissed me, squeezing my hips in the dress.

"Mm, Cole" I moaned, pulling away as he kissed my jawline. "We aren't together, what are you doing?" I asked breathlessly and he hummed against my skin.

"Making you feel good. Making you feel how you look" He murmured and I pushed him away a little, my hands on his chest.

"I don't want to lead you on Colby. I can't promise you a relationship"

"I know, and I'm not really a relationship type of guy.. but ignoring this feels wrong"

"Wouldn't this be your first real adult relationship?" I asked, not knowing if I was ready to be his guinea pig.

"I've dated people here and there. What are you afraid of Leigh?" He asked, almost seeming defeated.

"Getting too attached" I said quickly, my heart racing a little as he stared at me. A look in his eyes that I couldn't figure out. "I got attached to Gabe. I thought he was the end. That he was my finish line.. that I didn't have anything else to do. I did it.. and then we broke up, and Gemma came along.. and.. and.. I'm afraid of getting too attached to her. That something will happen, and she'll go away. That someone can do this better, that CPS will take her.. I.. I got attached to you.. and... you left. You were MIA for a while. You watched my baby come into this world.. and after Sam's birthday.. you left. I got attached, I trusted you.. and.. and you left"

"I left because I liked you. Leigh.. I've liked you for so fucking long and knowing you fucked Aryia crushed me. It fucking ruined me. He got to not only another one of my friends.. but he knows you better than I do. He's fucked you, and you let him. You let my friend fuck you... and then I found out you were pregnant.. and you were single and alone, and no, it wasn't pity.. but I didn't want to let you go. I wanted to make sure you were okay, and safe, and comfortable. I figured that would be my role. Just make sure you're not alone. That I would be there.. then you went into labor, and I didn't expect to be there. I expected you to pick someone else.. and then we went through all of that together.. and I know I keep saying this.. but how am I supposed to move on to someone else, when we share such a special memory together?"

"Why are you so stuck on the moment Gemma was born?" I asked, knowing it sounded more rude than I intended, but I wanted the clarification that he felt it too.

"Because that's when it all changed for me ,Leighton. I saw you in a whole new light. It.. I.. never mind" He sighed and I frowned.

"It what?"

"It's not important" He reached for the bathroom door handle but I grabbed his hand, stopping him, "It what?" I repeated quietly and he looked over his shoulder at me.

"It made me fall for you" He said softly.

"Wh-what?"

"I don't know if it's love.. maybe it's just respect.. but I can't stop picturing us in that room, doing the labor positions, the stretches, you pushing, hearing Gemma cry.. and.. I have no right to say this.. but god does it fucking suck to know that she's Gabriel's daughter and not mine. I was there every step of the way.. I heard her cry for god sake.. and she's his daughter. I'm just simply... what is that you called me.. Uncle Colby? Yeah. I'm just Uncle Colby. Always have been, always will be" He said in a snappy tone, his eyes narrowed at me.

"What, do you want more? That's what you are to her. You're here Uncle Colby"

"That's all I am to you aren't I? I'm just Uncle Colby. I want more Leighton! I want more with you, with her.. I... I'm almost fucking 24, and I think I'm old enough to know what I want. At least what I want for now-"

"See, that's why I'm scared! You're twenty four in two days, and you think you want this life. You think you want this baby.. but what happens when you're twenty five or twenty six and you realize that you don't want Gemma and I? I'll be damned if you break my baby girl's heart. Fuck me over, shame on you. Fuck over my daughter, shame on me. I don't want her getting attached to you like a father figure if you plan to just dip for someone else. I don't want that for her. You said it yourself, she's too pure and innocent for this world's hurt and pain, and Colby... you hurt people. You fuck up constantly. You pick the wrong people, ruin relationships and blame others for your actions. It's a lot safer if you're Uncle Colby. I don't want to resent you. I don't want her to hate you-"

"So what, that's it? I'm just your fucking roommate and Uncle Colby?" he snapped and I sighed, leaning back against the wall.

"We're both nervous.. just I have strings attached to me, and you don't. I don't want you to get attached to us, and then cut us off. We're a bundle Colby. You need to be ready for this, and because I know I'm not even ready, I can't expect you to be ready. I'm not asking you to mature so quickly, to become Mr. Dad so soon.. I.. I don't want that for you. Live your life Colby. Don't be tied down to a baby. Fuck girls, drink, party.. be twenty four. I'm twenty one, and I can't do half the things you're going to be doing at your birthday party. I can't do the things you do on a casual Friday... be twenty four okay? Be young and let loose, have fun... let me be mature and old and boring. Don't resent me for this. Don't hate me for letting you off the hook-"

"The only person who can let me off the hook is me. I don't want off the hook-"

"Colby-"

"No fuck, you don't get it do you? I gave you that fucking key-" He started and I sighed, "Here we go with the key fucking again" I groaned out of frustration and Colby glared. "I gave you that fucking key because I want a life with you. I want to try, I want to do this together! I want to be given a chance! You're choosing my life for me, and I won't allow that! You can't tell me what I can and can't do, who I can and can't love and how I react to such emotions! I love your little girl, so let me" He begged and I rolled my eyes, frustrated.

"Colby, did you give me that key hoping I'd say yes to dating you? That you'd have everything you wanted? News flash, just because you're set for life with your millions of dollars-"

"I don't have millions of dollars" he scoffed, doing a horrible job at hiding his emotions in his tone and face as he was clearly pissed off at me.

"You think I'll follow you like a lost puppy? Just because I get food from food shelters and the government gives me money to help support my child, doesn't mean I need you. I don't need a place to live. I have an apartment. I don't need your handouts or your pity, I'm good on my own. I... I don't want your fucking key Colby. If you want to play house, go find someone else!" I snapped, on the verge of crying as my chest tightened, my brain and heart going through all sorts of emotions.

"I don't want to play fucking house Leighton! I thought what we went through together meant something to you!"

"It did mean something to me, Colby, but neither of us are ready! I can't do this. I can't live under the same roof with you if you can't accept the words I'm telling you. We don't even know if we actually like each other! I don't know if this is just fucking hormones from giving birth.. I.. Colby please.. please don't make me feel bad for choosing my daughter. For putting my baby first. I've worked so hard to feel this way about her.. please.. please let me go. Let me grow, let yourself grow.. please.. You.. you have no idea what you're talking about. You don't know how hard this is-"

"But I want to know" He whispered and I sighed, a tear falling down my red cheek.

"Just because you think you're ready, doesn't mean you're ready. I don't want to ruin your relationship with my daughter all because you think this is what you want"

"If this isn't what I want.. then why do I feel envy every time you tell Gemma her daddy is coming.. and pass her to Gabe. How come I feel angry when I think about everything you went through, and he just stood there-"

"He didn't just stand there! You don't know anything about what I went through-"

"THEN TELL ME! LET ME IN! What do I have to do huh?! Haven't I done enough?! LET ME IN!" He yelled and my eyes widened as I tried to take a step further away from him, quickly realizing I was already pressed against the wall.

I felt my heart race and my body start to shake, "To answer your questions.. I don't want your fucking key, I don't want a relationship with you, I don't want you to be my baby's father and by the fucking way, this dress does make me look fat, and I will be going home. Happy fucking birthday Colby. Here's to twenty four. Wish you the best" I grumbled, snatching my jeans off the counter and my bag off the floor as I quickly left the bathroom, tears stinging my eyes as I slipped on my shoes.

"Leigh!" he called after me, "So that's it?! You're just going to run away?!" he yelled and I felt anger boil in my veins. "I value our friendship more than a one night stand!" I yelled before slamming the door shut, tears falling down my cheeks as I ran to my car.

The last thing I was doing was being selfish, but I used to always being the bad guy.

* * * *

Written on: June 27th, 28th, 29th 2022

Word Count: 4.2k

Part Five

[britswriting]

Desire (12)

Desire Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

*Leighton's POV*

"Jesus Christ" I laughed, Cynthia dumping my clean laundry on my bed.

"You're welcome" She laughed, plopping herself on top of the laundry.

"You're just going to lay on it, and not help me fold it?" I asked, a small breathy laugh leaving my lips as I grabbed a pair of shorts off the stack, almost tripping on my suitcase.

"What do you mean? I literally did your laundry" She laughed, holding her hand out to have me help her up. "This baby is kicking my ass" She groaned, stepping over Nova.

"You're due when?" I questioned, kicking the bag out of my way.

"September 10th"

"So you're what, 3 months along?" I asked and she nodded.

"When did your bump pop?" She asked and I thought back for a moment.

"Uh... end of 2nd tri I think? I don't remember" I chuckled nervously, feeling bad that I can't recall. "My pregnancy is kind of a blur. I struggled a lot, sorry" I gnawed on my bottom lip, not wanting to worry her.

"Yeah, your pregnancy was rough"

"Alright, come on, I gotta finish packing for rehab" I grabbed another article of clothing, sorting through my clothes and Gemma's clothes.

~

I put the new toothbrush and toothpaste package in the bag when the doorbell rang, Nova now running through the house barking.

"Nova!" I shouted, walking down the hallway. "Come here girl! It's Colby" I told her, knowing she had no idea what I was talking about.

Nova was still barking as I opened the door, Colby immediately giving her attention.

"Hey doggy" He cooed, rubbing her down, crouching in front of us. "She makes me miss Captain" he told me and I nodded.

"Yeah, I miss Captain and Dakota too. We should go back at some point. You'd come back with me, right?" I asked and he nodded, his hands rubbing down Nova's head and back.

"We should see if we can go after the Italy trip" He suggested and I nodded.

"I can try. We'll see how this rehab shit goes" I sighed and he stood up, taking his shoes off.

"Where's baby G?" He asked, slipping his jacket off.

"Napping"

"Dammit" He cursed and I laughed, leading him back to my room where my less large pile of laundry was.

"Hey Colby!" Cynthia greeted the two of them talking for a minute whilst I finished folding laundry.

Colby laid down on my bed, shoving my laundry out of the way which made me roll my eyes.

"You're so helpful, thank you" I told him sarcastically as he pulled out his phone.

"It's not my laundry" he replied with a grin and I flipped him off.

We hung out in my room as I finished doing laundry, laying down next to Colby.

"Laundry is tiring" I breathed out, my elbow accidently smacking Colby in the face as I tried to put my hands behind my head.

"Ow!" He groaned and I tried to stifle my laugh as I apologized, putting my right hand down.

"I'm sorry!" I apologized, trying not to laugh still.

"No you're not" he chuckled and I grinned, turning to look over at him.

"You're right, I'm not" I replied cheekily and he rolled his eyes.

"You're so annoying" he grumbled, a grin on his face as he rubbed his eye.

"Hey, you chose to be my friend" I replied slightly defensive but also joking around.

"And I regret nothing" he told me and I felt my ears warm up a little as I covered my face with my hands.

"You're not allowed to be nice to me" I complained and he chuckled making the bed shake as he turned on his side.

"So I can't be nice and I can't be a dick, what can I be?" He asked, now leaning against the palm of his hand, his elbow digging into the mattress.

"You" I replied, my eyes closed.

"You're so annoying" He groaned and I laughed, asking why. "Because I wanna kiss you so bad and you won't let me" He complained which made my cheeks go pink.

"You know what you can do?" I asked, pushing myself up, scooting off the bed.

"Hm?" He hummed, still lounging on the bed, watching me almost eat shit as I tripped, yet again over my bag, Colby laughing at me.

"Rehab's already kicking my ass" I joked, catching my breath from almost falling. "You can go get baby G if you want. She needs to eat" I told him, and he jumped up real quick, hurrying off to go get her. "Change her diaper while you're at it!" I called after him, walking down the hallway towards the kitchen where Cynthia was doing dishes.

"Leigh, can you take Nova out please?" She asked and I nodded, walking near the backdoor in the kitchen.

"Nova! Let's go potty!" I called out, hearing her toenails click on the floor. "Someone needs a nail trim" I teased, letting her go out into the backyard, following her.

I hung out in the back with Nova, playing ball with her when I heard the back door open.

"One freshly changed baby who's hangry" Colby announced and I grinned, looking over my shoulder, seeing my daughter's pretty blue eyes catching the sunshine.

"If you want, you can hang with Nova, or you can bring her in. When I'm done feeding Gemma, do you want to walk Nova with me?" I asked and he nodded, watching Nova run around the yard with a stick.

Once I was done feeding my baby, and Nova was down chugging water, I grabbed the baby carrier, wanting to try it out.

"Help" I laughed, not being able to figure it out.

I had gotten one of the cloth wraps that seemed like the hardest puzzle ever to figure out, and the last thing I wanted to do was put my baby in it, and something happen.

"Are there directions?" He asked, grabbing the material.

"I mean.." I trailed off, grabbing the piece of paper.

We eventually figured out the wrap carrier and Colby carefully placed her in, making sure her legs were secure.

"It's supposed to cradle her like a swaddle? So her legs aren't hanging out or whatever. Like it's supposed to make her feel more secure" I explained, adjusting the fabric so it wasn't resting against her neck. "I think we're good?" I told him, Nova getting excited as Colby grabbed her leash.

"I'll let Cynthia know we're heading out with the kids, meet you outside"

~

"At least she doesn't pull to bad" he said midst being tugged towards a squirrel.

"Yeah, Cynthia's working on it. She was a bad puller when she was younger. One thing with having a Rotty, is a lot of people find them scarier so you have to do a lot more training with them than let's say your average Golden Retriever" I explained and he nodded.

"I get why they're afraid of them.. but like.. it's all about how they're raised and stuff ya know? Plus they look kind of scary" He chuckled and I shrugged.

"I mean.. I guess, but all of the Rotty's I've met have been nice. Any dog can be mean, it all depends"

"Watch for the hole!" He called out, pointing at the dip in the road.

"I definitely would've ate shit there" I laughed, walking around the hole.

"Yeah, I know" He laughed, meeting back up with me on the side of the road. "Do we want to go to that grassy area over there?" He asked and I nodded, resting one hand under Gemma's butt, and the other on her back.

"It's like I'm pregnant again, but she's heavier" I told him, waddling a little, trying to figure out how to even out her weight with my own.

"How much does she weigh now?" He asked, stepping up on the curb, offering me his hand.

"Thank you, and at her last appointment she weighed about 10 pounds? She's been a little underweight the whole time, and we're hoping that she puts weight on, but she might always just be a little underweight. Other things she's pretty on pair with"

"She was what.. 5 pounds? When she was born?" He asked and I nodded, catching myself smiling at the fact that he remembered.

"Yeah, so she's doubled her weight"

We strolled through the park, talking about all sorts of random things, from thing's like how Sam and Colby's merch meeting went, to tricks Nova knows and even what our dinner plans were for tonight.

"Sam really wants you to come tomorrow" Colby said as we worked our way back to Cynthia's house.

I sighed, replying with "I know", unsure if I truly would be up to hanging out with their friends.

"You sound ecstatic" he joked and I apologized, pressing a soft kiss against the top of Gemma's head. "Is there a reason why you're dreading it?" He asked and I was about to reply until Nova tugged him over to the grass to smell a bush. "She's strong already" he noted and I giggled, nodding, "Yeah, she's a big girl" I agreed, Colby making his way back to us.

"Would you want to get a pet?" I asked, both of us walking side by side.

"Um.. I like animals, but we travel too much. Kat has Kiwi, her dog, and Kiwi lives in our house now, so I kind of get my animal fix there" I nodded, looking down at Gemma, seeing she was still asleep, "Do you want pets?" He asked and I nodded.

"I've always loved dogs, but I can't do it right now. I don't have the money, or the time.. but I think if I did, I totally would"

"Yeah, I would if I had someone to help with the dog ya know? I don't want to always ask Brennen to watch my dog when Sam and I have to leave" He explained and I nodded.

"How is Brennen by the way?"

~

"Hey loser, let me in" I spoke into the intercom at the front gate.

"What's the password?" Sam asked and I rolled my eyes, snickering as my smile grew.

"You forced me to be here, so let me in, that's the password" I replied, laughing when it buzzed and opened.

Sam met me with a hug at the front door, quite a few people littering behind him.

"Thanks for coming" He greeted me and I nodded, letting him shut the door behind me.

"So, are you going to try pizza tonight?" he asked and I grinned, shaking my head.

"You're still mad about that? You literally got free pizza out of it"

"That's true" He agreed and I playfully shook my head, scoffing at him.

"I can try a basic cheese pizza, bring me to the food Samuel"

"YEAHH!" He cheered, making people look over at us.

"Hey Leighton!" Stas waved and I waved back, being dragged by Sam to the kitchen counter.

"I'll say hi in a sec! Sam's shoving pizza down my throat!" I called back, Stas laughing.

"COLBY!" Sam yelled, causing Colby to peak his head around the corner.

"Hm?"

"Leighton's trying pizza" He said and Colby laughed, walking over to rest his hands against the counter.

"The fact that this is a fucking event" I laughed, Sam grabbing a piece of the cheese pizza, placing it on a paper plate.

"You haven't eaten pizza during your whole pregnancy! What kind of pregnant woman are you! I can't have a friend that won't eat pizza" Sam explained and I laughed, grabbing it off the plate.

"I'm not repulsed by it, so that's a good sign" I took a bite and swallowed it no problem, Sam and Colby yelling out of excitement making me almost choke on the pizza.

I held my hand up to my mouth, trying to breathe so I could swallow it.

"Dude" I laughed, setting the pizza down, "You can't make me laugh whilst I'm eating!"

"Sorry" Colby laughed, grabbing a piece of the pepperoni pizza.

"Correct me if I'm wrong.. but the last party I went to of yours was either July fourth and or when you forced me to play your homemade mini golf" I recalled, Colby grinning as he bit his pizza, nodding.

"I remember that. That was fun"

I quickly shook my head in disagreement, swallowing my pizza before talking, "It was so hard to play when I was pregnant"

"I know, you complained the whole time" He teased and I flipped him off, feeling someone's arm wrap around my shoulders.

"Hi!" Kat spoke in a cheery tone, my head turning to look at her, laughing at how close our faces were now, slightly uncomfortable at my bubble being invaded. "I'm stealing her, bye Colby!" Kat called, dragging me towards the living room over towards Stas.

I saw a lot of people drinking, and I took a deep breath, mingling with her friends.

"You remember Xepher from the castle trip right?" Kat asked and I nodded slowly, remembering her name, but not her face.

I talked with Stas, Kat, Xepher and Devyn for a while, declining drinks left and right.

This was a bad idea.

I excused myself, letting them know I needed to go to the bathroom.

I locked myself in the bathroom and took a deep breath.

I pulled my phone out, finding Colby's number in my contacts.

"Hello?" He answered, sounding confused.

"Uh.. hi"

"What's up?"

"Do you have the key to your room?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Can I go sit in your room for a while?"

"Yeah, sure. Where are you?"

"Where are you? I can just come find you"

"Out in the backyard with Brennen"

"Okay.. I'll be there in a minute"

I hung up the phone, unlocking the bathroom door and making my way through their friends.

"What the hell" I laughed, seeing Colby and Brennen sitting at a bonfire roasting marshmallows.

"Want one?" Brennen asked, offering me a roasting stick.

"Uh.. sure" I sat down next to Brennen. "Mellow me man" I held out my stick, Brennen grinning as he pushed a marshmallow onto my stick.

"What did you want the key for?" Colby asked as I started to roast the marshmallow.

"Oh, I wanted a break. They're all drinking in there. This is a very different vibe out here" I noticed, seeing a few people more than likely playing beer pong.

"Oh shit, sorry. I honestly didn't think about that. That was my bad. Brennen and I are drinking, but not downing stuff"

"It's okay.. just needed a break"

"Don't burn it!" Brennen spoke up when it went into the fire which made me laugh.

"I prefer them burnt though!"

"What?! Colby! Where did you find this girl!" Brennen exclaimed, sounding appalled.

"You like your marshmallows burnt?" Colby asked, making a s'more.

I nodded, picking it off the stick and plopping it into my mouth.

"Nah fam, I can't. We can't. I gotta go" He laughed and as I chewed.

"What?" I asked with my mouth full, trying not to laugh.

"We may disagree, but we love you anyway" Colby reassured and Brennen shook his head, "No, we can't. Rebuke it" Brennen laughed and I shrugged, grabbing another Marshmallow to roast. "You didn't even make a smore?!" Brennen exclaimed, his eyes wide.

"I didn't want a smore" I told him, putting the fresh marshmallow into the fire.

"Oh my- Colby!" Brennen turned around to face his friend, Colby and him now talking about how weird I am, to which I tuned out.

"Okay but why is it like a camp night out here, and a ragger in there?" I laughed, a few people I didn't know joined us. "Is this what pizza night is always like?" I asked and Colby shook his head.

"No" He said and I gave him a weird look.

"Then what is pizza night like?"

"We eat, drink, and hang out"

"Hm"

"Mhm"

"Hm" I hummed again and he laughed, silence falling between us.

"Do you still want to go hang out in my room? I can give you the key" He asked and I shrugged, "I think I'm okay out here. People kept offering me drinks so"

"Oh. Sorry" He apologized and I shook my head, giving him a small smile.

"You need to stop apologizing for things you didn't do. You can't fault someone for offering me a drink at a party. It's okay. It's my responsibility, not yours, or theirs"

"I know I just.." He trailed off and I shook my head, standing up.

"Follow me real quick" I offered my hand and he grabbed it, getting up.

I walked over towards the side of the fence where it was quieter.

"I know that me going through this is weird for you, but you're not in charge of me. I don't mean that to sound rude, I mean that in the sense of, you don't need to warn people for me. You don't need to do the work to protect me. This is my job, my disease and even if you did say, oh, don't offer her drinks or weed or whatever, If I really wanted it, I would still find a way. One of the reasons I don't want people to know, isn't because I'm ashamed, but because I don't want them to think this way. You can drink. You can party. You can do whatever you want, just sometimes I might need to step away. That doesn't mean you have to join me, or leave for me. I understand you want to help, and I can't fault you for that, but it's my job. Don't stress yourself out just because I can't handle it. I'm in charge of what I do, and I'm in charge of knowing my limits. If I need help, or would like you to join me, I'll ask. It's okay. I declined the drinks. I can do this. I've done it before. It's just a little harder now" I explained and he nodded, staying quiet.

"I'm sorry"

"Oh my god if you apologize anymore-"

"I'm-"

"Cole" I hissed and he laughed. "Go have fun. Don't worry about me. I'm okay. If you want, you can come over tomorrow, and we can talk about this and you can ask all kinds of questions. But please, don't worry about me" I pleaded and I sighed.

"I'll always worry about you, Leighton. I care about you" He said and I nodded.

"I know, and I thank you for that.. but... I'll be okay" I gave him a small smile and he nodded, pulling me into a hug.

~

I ended up not seeing Colby until Monday afternoon, the day before I would leave for my treatment center.

I spent the past few days hanging out with friends or family for the last time in a while, and it was weird.

I had knowledge of what was going on... and it honestly felt like I was sitting in the pews for my own funeral.

I was leaving this person behind on Tuesday...

It was really hard to look around at everyone's normal, and know how much was going to change in 24 hours.

I had the same thoughts at the bonfire as I hung out with Sam and Colby and their friends.

You sort of can't help but look around and see everything you don't have.

I don't have her charisma, or body. I don't have his drinking tolerance or energy.

I can't wear a bikini to a "casual party" without thinking twice, unlike many girls I passed.

There was a lot that was different, but the biggest thing was knowing that I'll never be able to take part in social activities such as drinking and smoking or even the occasional drug.

I'll never be normal.

We were sitting in Cynthia and Logan's living room, and Colby was giving Gemma attention which made me smirk, "I'm convinced you only come over to see the baby" I teased and he grinned, bouncing Gemma on his thighs.

"How can I not? Look at her" He kissed her cheek, turning her around so she was facing him.

"Yeah, she's pretty damn cute" I agreed, loving seeing them bonding.

"You make cute kids Leigh" He complimented and I couldn't help but laugh, "Thanks, I guess" I chuckled uncomfortably, Colby focusing back on trying to get her to laugh.

"When do they start giggling? God, I can't wait to hear her giggle" He sighed and I grabbed my phone to Google it.

"Around 4 months" I answered, opening my text string between Gabe and I.

I replied to his 3 texts, and scheduled time later tonight to FaceTime him with Gemma.

So far it's been okay with him being gone.

Of course things are hard since it's only me here to deal with her, but he's been pretty good about making time to see her, and to check in with how I've been doing.

We were both trying, and that's the best we can do.

"Gabe knows about your treatment center right? And that I'm watching Gemma?" Colby inquired, and I nodded.

"Yeah, we talked about it. Speaking of, I've been meaning to mention that if at any point it gets to be too much, or you need a break, you can always bring her to my parents or Cynthia. They'll watch her. I don't want you to feel forced to have to handle her the whole time"

"Leighton, I'll be okay. We're going to have fun, right Gemma?" Colby asked, raising her up so she was eye level with him.

"I.. I'm just worried" I exhaled, anxiety bubbling in my stomach.

"I know, but don't be. We're going to be okay" He reassured me.

"If you have any questions-"

"Leighton, we'll be okay. I watched her overnight for Valentine's Day. We were fine"

"I know I just-"

"It's okay" He reassured me again and I nodded, glancing away, taking a deep breath and letting it out. "What are you feeling?" Colby asked, changing Gemma's position in his hold.

"What aren't I feeling" I grumbled, feeling frustrated at myself.

"Do you mean what am I not feeling?" He corrected and I glared which made him laugh.

"Shut up" I grumbled playfully, "I'm really stressed" I admitted, getting mad at myself.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Colby asked, seeming concerned.

"I don't want to waste our last day together talking about me being an emotional wreck"

"Leigh"

"Nope. I'm good. So, I'm assuming you're staying for dinner? What do we want to make?" I asked, changing the topic and Colby sighed, but thankfully went along with it.

"You're trying to get better at cooking, right?" He asked and I nodded, looking down at my phone, seeing Gabe's text bubbles pop up. "Why don't we, on my dime, go to the store and we can cook together? I know it's basic and cliché, but it could be fun. Maybe we can do something hands-on and let Gemma help?" He suggested which made me smile.

"I don't think letting her get her grubby baby hands in our food would be the best idea, but I like that you thought about including her. We can go onto Pinterest and continue this basic bitch era we have going, and find a recipe?" I suggested opening up Google and typing the beloved website in. "Are you on any diet restrictions?" I asked, unsure if there was keywords I needed to type into the search bar.

"Don't worry about it, let's find something beginner level" He came over with Gemma and sat down next to me.

We scrolled through Pinterest for a little while, having small discussions about how good or bad things looked.

"What about this? Pita pizza?" I showed him the photo, but surprisingly he shook his head.

"We did pizza recently" he replied and I just nodded, continuing to scroll.

"What about Chicken Parmesan?" I tried again, but he disagreed, replying "Too heavy" which made me laugh, "How?"

"It sits in your stomach like a rock" He told me and I playfully rolled my eyes, continuing my scrolling.

"Creamy Broccoli chicken skillet?" I asked and he just hummed, so I decided to pass him my phone and let him pick. "You know.. I expected myself to be more picky than you are"

"I'm not picky" he defended and I scoffed.

"Yeah right. You're disagreeing on everything" I giggled, looking down at my phone, watching him scroll through a lot of things that looked good. "Maybe you're just not a photos type of guy" I shrugged and he didn't even look up from me before saying, "I'm definitely a photos type of guy"

"Food photos!" I squealed, my cheeks getting warm at his suggestive tone. "What about those? Enchilada's are good" I pointed, but he shook his head. "Oh my god" I groaned, "Just pick something!" I whined, but he kept scrolling. "What about the tortellini?" I asked and he shook his head. "Jesus Christ, why'd you pick cooking if you weren't going to pick something?"

"Everything you've picked is Italian and I don't want Italian" He said and I frowned, "But I'm Italian" I replied softly, causing Colby to turn his head.

He looked me dead in the eye replying, "That's not what I meant, and you know it"

I sighed, "I know, but I'm hungry. What sounds good to you?"

"Um.. not chicken"

"Well, then filter it"

"How do I do that?"

"Do you not go on Pinterest?"

"No"

"Oh.. uh, here" I clicked the arrow button, "Steak? Shrimp? Vegetarian? Ground beef?"

"Um.. is red meat fine?" He asked and I nodded, clicking it. "But I don't want steak and potatoes" He said, watching the photos pop up on the screen.

I groaned, ready to pull my hair out.

"Cole, pick something!"

"Alright, fine, uh.. let's look at shrimp"

"Click the arrow"

"Can't you do it?"

"I- oh my god" I grumbled, re-filtering the search button. "Creamy shrimp pasta?" I asked and he shrugged, scrolling. "Colby!"

"You pick" He said, giving me my phone back and I honestly wanted to throw it.

"I did! Multiple times!"

"Well"

"ARG! Fine! I don't like shrimp though" I muttered, removing the filter tab.

"Then why'd you suggest it?" Colby asked and I've never felt my blood boil faster.

"BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO PICK!" I yelled, extremely frustrated which made Gemma cry.

Colby soothed her, telling me to keep looking and that he had it handled.

I finally found a recipe that seemed okay, "Ham sliders?" I asked, showing him the photo and he nodded, replying, "We can do that" before standing up to pace and rocking the crying baby.

It was quiet for a moment, and I finally found a recipe that seemed okay, "Ham sliders?" I asked and he nodded.

"We can do that"

"Thank god" I grumbled, clicking the post and having Colby make a shopping list.

"Can we go get our ingredients now?" He asked, irritating me.

"Can you check her diaper whilst I go pee and brush my hair please?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yeah, I can do that"

* * * *

Splitting this chapter in half so I don't go over my word count 👀

Written on: July 20th, 21st, 22nd 2022

Word Count: 4k

Part Thirteen