Jul 10, 2016
it’s precious how clueless they are. x
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it’s precious how clueless they are. x
Clariyah - Suicide
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Thank youuuuu!! xx
Can I have a blog rate? And congrats on the almost 1.1k followers! I'm so happy for you!
OF COURSE MY LOVE; OF COURSE!! and thank you so much aww <333 :)
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compliment: i love your blog okay? and i love seeing you in my notifications!:D you cheer me up so much and i swear we definitely don’t interact enough with one another!!;) we need to change that!! but i also love your blog and seeing you on my dash. you’re one of my definite faves!:)))
want one? /// blacklist “philo does fun things” if you don’t want to see
AYYYYY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! HOPE IT IS GREAT!
THANK YOU SO MUCHHHHH!!! <333
blacklist “philo’s birthday tag” if you don’t want to see these today.
YOU HALLOWEEN-IFIED YOUR BLOG AND I LOVE IT!!!
YES !!!
Angst
For sammyanddee, as part of the Wincest Love Week :)
Just because they kissed that night doesn’t mean everything was roses and champagne.
Sure, when they drove back to the motel, they were still drunk from happiness and had their fingers laced between them, Dean a hand on the wheel, casting glances to Sam who was shyly looking through the window. Back to the room, they kissed again and again and they were still kissing when they fell asleep in the same bed, for sure.
They spent the following days like two teenagers in love, or maybe even more, lips perpetually searching for contact, bodies pressed at every moment of the day and of the night.
They didn’t do it ; not yet. Sam wasn’t ready. And Dean would never force him to do anything.
About Dean – well, Dean will never admit it, but he was so in love it hurt.
That blessed time, before everything was painful, played an important part in the rest of their life. Because that love they released would never be bottled up again, no matter what would happen and would be said. Try to remember that.
So, yes, it felt right, finally, for both of them. Sure.
Eventually, their dad returned from the hunt. Not so easy to kiss again and again, then. But they managed. At least that’s what they thought. Maybe they were so into their feelings they got blind, or maybe they didn’t want to see. They never saw John frown when they were insisting they could still sleep in the same bed. Or when their fingers were touching “accidentally” too often over the breakfast table. In a nutshell, Sam was a little too happy and Dean a little too soft for everything to be normal. He loved his sons, but he did what needed to be done. It was his fault after all – always telling them they could only count on each other ; making Sam the most important aspect of Dean’s life. John didn’t consider it, but maybe it would have happen anyway. They were too close from the get-go. He wasn’t blind, he always saw the way Dean looked at Sam or how he would grin at him, half fond, half teasing. And there was nothing more obvious than Sam drinking Dean’s words, or looking at him like he was made of gold. But there was barriers not to cross. And the acts of love they seemed to show to each other was one of them. Because that love would ruin them and the rest of the world too
.
For a year he watched, hoping they would stop. They didn’t so he started to take Dean with him on hunts more regularly. He was 18 now, it was time. And at 14, Sam was capable of taking care of himself ; besides, he needed to toughen up, Dean wouldn’t always be here to pamper him. He was hiding behind these excuses but John felt his heart tighten every damn time he was leaving with Dean. He would step outside the door to load the truck, while hearing Dean whispering soothing words to the little brother crying silently, head tucked under Dean’s chin.
John knew that, eventually, he had to make a more permanent move.
When Dean left with his father for this witch hunt in mid-September, he knew something was bothering the old man. After a tensed drive, they got to the motel at the end of the evening. Dean threw his duffle on his bed before taking his phone out of his pocket to call Sam and tell him they arrived in one piece. His dad stopped him before he could even type the number. Told him that whatever was going on between he and Sam had to stop. That he didn’t care who started it. That his fucking job was to keep his brother safe, nothing more.
“What if something happens to you on a hunt, huh ? Like it happened to your mom. How do you think Sam will react ?"
Dean had listened to everything head down but he looked right at his father as these last words.
“Dean, I know you’re trying your best to take care of Sam. But this is not the way. This is gonna make things worse for both of you. So you stop. Do I make myself clear ? ”
God knows how Dean was shaking from the inside and how messed up everything was in his head, but he forced his voice to be steady when he answered. “Yes, sir."
As he made his way towards the bathroom, John pat Dean on his shoulder and added:
“ - Besides, you a hunter, you know what it man's.
- The job comes first, I know.”
Needless to say, the hunt went bad
.
When Sam heard the familiar roar of the car four days letter, he jumped from his chair and ran outside, heart beating. At this point, he didn’t care what his Dad thought. He just wanted to be sure Dean was okay. When he opened the door to see John struggling to keep Dean on his feet and screaming for Sam to come and help him, he thought he would lost it. But he knew this kind of situation. He knew he had to be calm and focused. Otherwise he’d just be useless and sent away like a baby.
Eventually, they patched up Dean’s abdomen. When everything was over and Sam had washed his hands methodically to make the blood disappear, he slip in his bed, watching the shape of his brother in the other one. But he couldn’t take it. He pushed the sheet away and sat at the edge of Dean’s bed, careful not to wake him up. Slowly, he stroke his hand and let the tears fall down.
The next morning, as Dean felt the shattered eyes of Sam on him and heard the distress in his voice when he whispered “I thought I’d lost you”, he understood what he had to do. So he said the last words of love he knew he would say to him for a long time. “You will never lose me.”
Dean stopped kissing Sam. He stopped pulling him close when they were sharing a bed. He stopped looking at Sam like he was the sunshine of his life. He didn’t stop in one day. It was so incremental Sam thought it would pass. But it was worse every day.
One day John was at a bar, he confronted him. Asking for a reason, please, Dean, don’t leave me like this. But Dean just closed his eyes and shook his head, Sammy, don’t.
They grew up miserable. Dean, torn and guilty, still trying to look out for his little brother. Sam, lost and angry, not letting anyone get through him, not even Dean. Just wanting to get out from this life that had not a bit of sense if he couldn’t have Dean, and I will never have him again. Wanting to leave also because somehow he convinced himself he was a freak for loving his brother like this and perverting him, he would certainly be better off without me
.
During the summer of 2001, they were renting an old house which was making crackling sounds every time someone would walk on the wooden floor, and especially on the staircase leading to John’s room on the first floor. Dean remembers that, because that’s where he sat after Sam had shown his acceptance letter to their dad and John had simply looked at him and said that he wasn’t going, period.
Dean tried not to listen to the ongoing argument in the other room. When Sam burst out to go to the bedroom they were sharing, he followed him and closed the door behind them, softly. It made a hell of a contrast with Sam who was shoving everything he could put his hands on in a backpack. Dean stood still, back against the door, the armor of cockiness and indifference he built over the years broken in pieces. He begged Sam not to go, please, don’t leave me like this. If he could, he would tell him that he loved him, that he always had and always would. And how sorry he was. But Sam was already in front of him, bag on his back, ready to go, eyes bright and sharp like silver. The kid was big now ; same height as Dean. When did this happen ? Dean smiled at himself. He missed Sam grow up. He wasn’t gonna miss him leave the nest and make his first steps in the big world. So even though he felt his heart cracking in his chest, he asked: “Need a ride ?” And if he’s drunk enough, Dean will tell you the relief on Sam’s face made it all worth it.
When the bus arrived, Sam and Dean were leaning against the hood of the car, silent. Sam straightened and took his bag in the backseat of the Impala, not even acknowledging the army man in the ashtray. He was already gone in his mind. What brought him down to earth was the look on Dean’s face, checking if he had everything like he did when he was leaving for school, ages ago. Only this time he wouldn’t hold his hand to come home at the end of the day.
“Thanks for the ride.” He stepped away. One step closer to the bus. And another. Until he was at the bottom of its stairs. Dean didn’t say anything, didn’t ask, but Sam knew. So he turned towards Dean and answered anyway. “It’s okay, Dean. That’s what I want.”
About Me
I was tagged by the amazing destiel-johnlocked
Rules: Answer the questions and tag 20 some people. I’ll won’t make the music thing bc I’m tired as fuck :P
General appearance:
How tall are you? I’m 5′3″
What color and style is your hair? Very short (buzzed on the sides and back and a little longer on top). Currently the top is blonde and the rest is brown.
What color are your eyes? Blueish green gray
Do you wear glasses? Nope
Do you wear braces? Used to, but not anymore
What is your fashion style? I like to dress comfortable in the summer it’s a tank top and athletic shorts or a t-shirt and high-waisted shorts. In the winter it’s usually flannel or sweaters and leggings. I’m trying to get my wardrobe to be a little more gender neutral since I’m more comfortable in wearing that. But it’s expensive.
You in general:
What is your full name? Arden Kalani and then my last name but I don’t want to share it
When were you born? August 13, 1995
How old are you? almost 20
Where are you from/where do you live now? Cincinnati, Ohio
Do you have siblings? 1 younger brother he is two years younger (biological) then I got 3 step siblings 1 older brother (my age), another younger brother (year younger than me), and a younger sister (I think 3 years younger).
What type of school do you go to? University (current undergrad in 3rd year)
What kind of student are you? I don’t really try unless I need to and I do decently
Do you like school? I do and I don’t
Favorite school subjects? My neuroscience and anthropology courses
Favorite TV shows? Supernatural
Favorite books? The Emperor’s Soul and Destiel fanfic
Favorite movies? Batman (all of them), most Disney movies, and Guardians of the Galaxy
Favorite pastime? Watching TV/Netflix, playing video games, baking, shopping
Any regrets? Some, yes
What is your dream job? Pediatric Neurologist
Would you like to be married one day? Where? If you had to pick anyone, who’d it be? Yes. I would like a destination wedding but I know that can’t happen. And since I would marry my current boyfriend and he’s Catholic I said it has to be the creepiest Gothic Cathedral.
Would you like kids one day? How many? I don’t know anymore. But if I did the maximum number is 3 but I’d be okay with just 2 if I even want some.
Do you like shopping? Yes, though I tend to spend too much.
What countries have you visited so far? Most of the United States, Puerto Rico, the Bahamas, Bonaire, Grand Cayman Islands, England, and Wales.
Scariest nightmare that you’ve had? A lot of them. And I can’t really say one but any of the reoccurring ones.
Do you have enemies? Probably this girl who hates me for absolutely no reason.
Do you have a significant other? Yes, his name is Matthew.
I tag these wonderful people: definitely-funnier-in-enochian, somnone, sammyanddee, rosegadreel, uss-destiel, lovefromdean, deans-nerdy-little-angel, dean-is-cas-unicorn