Sorry if you’ve answered this before. What, for you, is the fundamental appeal of SanSan? On a reread, I feel myself strangely drawn to to SanSan(there is just obviously chemistry there), though I also may have internalized some guilt over that because of how stigmatized it is in the fandom. I am trying to work through my feelings about it.
If you feel like it’s stigmatized by the fandom at large, you may need to have a closer look at the fandom members you surround yourself with. You may be following blogs that have put you in an anti sansan echo chamber. The sansan community is vast, supportive, relatively drama free, and has been going strong for years without a new book in sight or much build up on the show. Perhaps it’s time to do some housekeeping and stop listening to people that make you feel bad about yourself and what you like. Unfollow, block, blacklist, whatever you have to do.
What is fundamentally awesome about Sansan to me is that you have two people who, on the surface, seem to be polar opposites; however, if you carefully look at their core values, they believe in the same things. They both agree that the institution of knighthood, it’s sacred vows, the white cloak, the virtues celebrated in the songs, should mean something, but they are coming at that same conclusion from different directions and experiences. They balance and complement each other. It’s not merely a physical attraction. They engage in intimate and intense philosophical debates. Most people are dismissive of Sansa’s belief in the ideals of the songs as childish and dumb. Yes, Sandor has thought that of her too, but the difference is that in reality, he takes her point of view so seriously that he wants to keep engaging and debating with her about it. He keeps trying to poke holes in her beliefs, mainly to spare her as much trauma as he can; however, deep down somewhere inside him, he wants Sansa to be right. And every time she demonstrates herself to be brave, strong, and unwaveringly compassionate to people who don’t in his eyes deserve it (including himself), she proves that at least one person can and does live up to the songs whenever she can. It makes him want to be better and reclaim his identity as Sandor Clegane from the Hound, while she channels his memory when she needs strength, ferocity, or to sharpen her intuition. There’s just so much, but I think about most is how integral they are to each other’s growth. Maybe you should take some time to go through my sansan meta tag so you can explore more possible reasons why their relationship works so well on the page. I can also refer you to @kateofthecanals page for her Defending Sansan Guide. I think that would be very helpful to you in working out your feelings.
Did you also know you don’t have to ship sansan romantically if you don’t want to? You can simply honor their relationship in how it helped them evolve in positive ways. You can also ship it in the future when they’ve both matured, settled the past, and Sansa can freely choose who she wants to be with (I do). But there is also nothing wrong with you if you want to enjoy for example a Sansan canon-based smut fic or one that uses the characters to explore darker themes. It’s fiction. In real life, if I saw a grown man harassing a young girl, we’d have words. I’ve done it before. Those are my moral values in action when it comes to that kind of thing. I’ve been on the receiving end of gross men who tried to take liberties. So no, I don’t think Sandor is anything like those guys, and I don’t feel guilty about shipping him with Sansa in the least.
Also keep in mind anon, you don’t have to justify to anyone why you like anything. You can just like things, and there are no real victims at stake here. What you enjoy and find interesting in fiction has no bearing on your moral character. You know who you are and if you know you are a good person, you have no reason to feel guilty over liking problematic things. Trust me, these antis don’t give a shit about real people or victims of abuse. They only trot out the you know what accusation when it’s convenient to the argument, nevermind how laughably disprovable it is. What they want is to police, bully, and shame fandom members (a good majority of them women) out of their personal tastes and desires like religious zealots. If you just pull back the curtain a little, you’ll find all that phony concern about the harmfulness of certain ships is really just a cover for either A) throwing mud on a ship and its fandom who NOT coincidentally are a rivals to their OTP or B) stanning a character that they have very strong headcanons about and the ship violates those headcanons. It is perfectly fine not to like things or get squicked out by things. Everyone is entitled to feel whatever they feel. Haters aren’t making the world safer or better. They aren’t activists. What they get high on is the self-importance of being a Social Media Approved Good Person™. And the only way they get to feel like a Good Person is when someone else is painted as a slimy pile of garbage and not from, you know, actually acting like a good person.
You are not a bad person anon for being interested in Sansan or any ship you want. There is nothing to feel guilty about. I mean, you said so yourself, you became interested through re-reading the books. It was a relationship that was intentionally set down on paper by an author who found these two characters interacting in his head to be interesting, provocative, controversial, angsty, tender, sexy, chaste, intimate, conflicted, etc etc. You got past regrets, redemption, forgiveness, and the potential for healing and becoming better. A+ Beauty and the Beast action going on too. That’s is some good stuff right there and part of why the Sansan community stays so vital. The material is fascinating and full of feels that literally no one I know on here gets tired of talking about it. You are in good company with some very nice, thoughtful people.
