if i'm not too late for the prompt ask, fluff #9 or angst #37 - Kerry/sandy ?
Not too late - I could do these forever. Thank you for sending!! I will do #9 in the next day or so.
Angst #37 “Lie to me. I don’t care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again.”
Shut the Door
It had been a surprisingly easy shift at the station - a light day of easy calls followed by the night crew coming in early to eat with the day shift meant Sandy was home almost an hour earlier than she’d normally be. While the workload had been light, her body still felt heavy, and she could feel herself growing more and more tired the closer she got to her apartment on the walk from the El train. As she turned the corner onto her street, her eyes were immediately drawn to a light in the dark ahead of her. A car sat in front of their apartment building, its headlights off but interior lights on and Sandy caught a glimpse of a familiar head of red hair as she walked closer.
As she approached, she could tell it was indeed Kerry’s car, and the hair inside the car belonged to her wife, but another thing she realized as she took the last few steps to the passenger’s side window was that she could hear Kerry’s audible sobs, muted by the jacket bunched in her hand that she held to her face.
A knot formed in Sandy’s stomach. To call the emotions of the last few months a rollercoaster would be an understatement. From the anticipation following the implantation, to the complete elation of the positive pregnancy test, to the utter devastation they felt now… it was hard to keep up. Sandy was still struggling, but not in the way Kerry was. Kerry had wanted that baby more than Sandy felt capable of wanting anything. She truly had everything she needed already. She wished Kerry felt the same way.
Unsure of a way to go about getting Kerry’s attention without startling her, but uncomfortable with leaving her outside in the dark alone, Sandy very quietly tapped on the car window. Kerry jumped at the noise, a hand flying to her chest as she tried to recover her breath upon realizing she was not in immediate danger. She reached to her side and unlocked the car, Sandy pulling open the door as Kerry wiped her tears on the coat in her hands.
“Hey…” Sandy started delicately, moving Kerry’s crutch to the side as she slipped into the passenger’s seat.
“Hey.” Kerry responded, sipping in sharp breaths as she tried to calm herself, tears still welling in her large green eyes.
‘Are you okay’ felt like a ridiculous question. ‘What’s wrong’ felt redundant.
“How long have you been out here?” Sandy asked, reaching into the glove box where she knew Kerry kept a travel pack of tissues, handing one to her wife.
Kerry shrugged, not able to entirely form words yet.
“Do you want to come inside?”
Kerry shook her head.
Instead, they sat in silence, and Sandy’s heart broke as she listened to Kerry’s breath repeatedly catch in her throat as she tried to hold back her sobs.
“I had to tell- I had to tell Susan today.” Kerry started eventually, clearing her throat when her voice came out raspy and harsh. “She bought me a gift- us. She bought us a gift. The baby.” She lost herself again for a moment. Sandy handed her another tissue. “I hadn’t said the words out loud since… I thought I was doing okay. I thought I was starting to move on,” her words gained speed as she began to lose control of them. “I can’t go inside. Because when I do I’m going to have to look at that empty room. His room. That he’ll- he’ll never need. That we’ll never need. I-I can’t… I can’t go inside.”
Sandy wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Kerry this far gone. Even the night that she’d come home from work, the day they’d lost the baby, she hadn’t fallen apart like this. Not that she’d ever seen. Maybe this wasn’t the first night she’d hidden in the car.
“... what can I do?” Sandy offered. She knew the one thing she could do that would make Kerry happy, that would fix this enormous, insurmountable problem. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t.
“Lie to me,” Kerry whispered, her eyes staring at the steering wheel in front of her. “I don’t care what you say, just lie to me,” she begged, her eyes flashing to find Sandy’s as she watched her quietly. “Make me feel okay again.”
Sandy bit at her lip. She didn’t know where to even begin, what she could possibly say.
“It’s going to be okay.” Sandy began slowly, reaching over to grab Kerry’s hand in her own, squeezing it as she spoke, feeling the reciprocation from Kerry’s icy grip and remembering they were sitting outside in a car in the middle of February. “We’re going to be okay. How about we go in and I’ll shut the door. To the nu-... to that room. I’ll shut the door. I’ll get your stuff out of there. You don’t need to see it.” Sandy offered and caught the most subtle of nods as Kerry agreed. “We’ll figure this out, Kerry. I promise.”
“Really?” Kerry says, her face all scrunched up as she tries her best not to gag upon entering the living room. The only other occupant of the said living room simply responds with a smirk, which makes Kerry roll her eyes.
“Well, hello to you too. How’s work?” Susan reaches for a bottle of cheese sauce resting on the coffee table, while her other hand is firmly holding a half-full tub of Ben & Jerry’s.
Kerry sighs as she takes off her coat. “Nothing much happened. At least nothing that prepared me for this,” she points at the tub of ice cream Susan is holding, while the latter is pouring cheese sauce into the tub.
“Hey, humor me. It’s not my choice,” Susan shrugs as she takes a spoonful from the tub and eats it nonchalantly, completely ignoring the disgusted look on Kerry’s face.
“Let me guess,” Kerry says, remembering that they have gone through this at least a dozen times by now. “It’s the baby’s choice.”
Susan’s grin grows wider. “You wouldn’t expect me to deny my child what they want, would you?” she places a hand on her protruding stomach. “Seriously though, this kid wouldn’t give me a break. I couldn’t stomach anything until I ate at least two spoonfuls of this. And you know what? It’s actually really good,” she gushes with her mouth full, giving Kerry a look that says ‘do you want to try?’.
Kerry shudders as she makes her way to the bedroom that the two women share. “That’s very kind of you to ask, but I’ll pass. I’ll let you and the baby have all the fun with that,” she says while trying her best to look away from the strange combination Susan has been savouring, which makes the latter pout.
Trying hard to suppress a laugh, Kerry simply shakes her head at her girlfriend’s antics and she slowly begins to open the door to their room. “If I didn’t love you so much,” she mutters under her breath with a smile.
Susan instantly looks up, her expression startled upon listening, albeit barely, to Kerry’s words as the redhead disappears into the bedroom, having left the door open. Her snack forgotten, Susan begins to stand up—as quickly as her very pregnant belly allows her to—and her eyes instantly travel toward Kerry’s direction. “What did you just say?” she asks with an astonished tone.
im gonna answer this in reference to the united states, and i’ve always lived on the east coast but am dying to move to LA and visit every (non-covid) summer. soooo... both? haha i think i like the vibe of the east coast but im just cold and i do not want to live in the south lolol
41: What was the last book you read?
Big Magic! i was trying to stay inspired this summer and that book worked for a while!!! gonna need to reread it soon. i was doing really well reading books until i rediscovered ER and now i only read fanfic lololol
90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
omfg fucking SCREAM what a nightmare i’d rather they just attack me than just stand there and make me ANTICIPATE
hello, welcome back to kerry weaver fanart hour and also i’m sorry
this is from chapter 4 of @sapphicsandscience‘s I’m Still Here and this is my official encouragement/bribe/begging for you to finish the next chapter bc this is the image that is stuck in my head until you do
so now i get to inflict it on all of you too you’re welcomeeee
im having the most fun working on these fic inspired projects wow
I have a question! I suppose you didn’t re-introduce a certain dog into Home so Kerry wouldn’t be entirely alone about Sandy?
... 😬
It was a combination of wanting to fix yet another plot that the ER writers completely threw away (where did Stinky go??) and, yes, keeping Kerry from being completely alone (in addition to the fact that I am very much a dog person and welcome any dog at any time into any universe). Although, I almost didn’t bring him back because I didn’t want him to 1) become an unrealistic cutesy dog (think the dog from Full House) and 2) I was worried about the logistics of Kerry, who is not completely mobile currently, being able to take him out as much as he needs to. But I think I’ve figured out the solution to that in the next chapter!
I love that this thought just came to you 😂 Thanks for asking about it! I love talking about this dumb fic 🥺
(also, there are soooo many hints/moments of foreshadowing that lead up to chapter 20/21, Stinky’s return being one of the more subtle)
I normally write from the very beginning, but I’ll bullet point moments that I want to make sure to remember and I’m pretty sure the first moment I knew I wanted was Sam giving Kerry another shot and Abby turning to Sam and going “She’s going to hate you tomorrow”
4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?
“Would you be quiet,” Kerry swatted at her lazily. “I’m trying to have a genuine moment here.”
Because I can just picture slurry, drunk Kerry getting annoyed at being interrupted 😂
1. What’s your personal favourite thing you wrote this year?
It’s still ongoing, but my personal favourite’s got to be the Love & Loss series I’m currently working on with @milficwriter and @kerry-weaver. It’s my first time working on a multi-chapter group fic project and I’m enjoying every second of it - it feels so rewarding to share ideas and suggestions with likeminded people, and it helps enormously that my two co-authors are so very talented and determined!
Other than that, I’m quite partial to A Land Without Compassion because I wasn’t sure if I could explore grief adequately, especially when the particular aspect I was writing about was quite glossed over in canon, but I like to think I pulled it off. While lacking lines of dialogue, it has some of my favourite lines of description/narration, most of which I wrote on a whim.
10. What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?
Most of my fics are not dialogue-heavy, so I’m going to learn more about writing dialogue while still getting the balance right and without getting too carried away. My second fic in Love & Loss, There’s No Returning (You’re Always Winning), was partly an experiment to see if I could write something dialogue-heavy and (somewhat) more action packed, and I’d love to write more things like that in the new year. In addition, I’d love to do more group projects! Like I said, it’s so rewarding and I love being inspired by others’ writing and ideas anyway - so if anyone wants to do something similar in the new year feel free to hit me up lol!
hey pgk, sorry to hear about your day on Friday, I’m sending you a virtual hug (virtual just auto corrected to virus- thanks 2020...) As for a question: what’s something you would like to write or have an idea about but you don’t feel you ever will write for whatever reason. This doesn’t have to be ER/fanfic related. If that’s too much of a vague question, then has there ever been a scene/chapter that just wasn’t working at all so it got scrapped???
Hi <3 thank you for my virus virtual hug, I reeally appreciate it.
That question is so funny because Home is exactly that idea for me, I think I’ve been thinking about it/playing around with the general idea since I saw the show for the first time, but I never, ever thought I would follow through with it, and I certainly did not expect it to become such a beast. The medical research required was always so daunting, and I know a lot of people don’t love baby fics so I was always pretty sure no one would read it. I’m very glad I decided to go for it all these years later.
As for a scrapped scene/chapter... I think a few scenes evolved if they weren’t working, like the location or the scene partner changed. I did have an entirely different storyline with Sandy planned, after the miscarriage, that went down a sorta dark path for her that Kerry had to help her back out of (to keep it from Kerry being the constant victim throughout the whole thing), but that energy shift I was looking for became the fight between the two of them from like 15-17 and that storyline was shifted over to Abby.
Thank you for asking! Expect me in your ask box in a few once I think of a juicy question to ask you haha
