You can’t fight faith - Pt 8
Sooo this is the longest part I’ve written so far i believe....
Parts: 8/10 (other parts)
Paring : Reader x Hoseok (J-Hope) (appearance of Namjoon)
Summery: He was there first, but he left and you were alone with him, what else could’ve happened?
Warnings: some appearance of cursing, violence, blood, and so on (no smut yet, idk if there will be)
Genre: Angst? BTS gang/mafia (honestly idk what i’m writing, i just had an idea and i’m trying to write it out… we’ll see as it goes…)
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He woke up before you the next morning and decided to let you sleep as much as you needed, he went about his morning as usuall making sure to put some food away for when you woke up. He then sat at the table and started sketching, the strokes of his pencil sliding on the paper without him really thinking, he just let his hand drag the pencil freely. Halfway into the drawing he recognized your face, he surprised himself and for a moment thought about tearing the page of and throwing it out. He knew you saw his other sketches and knowing how observant you were he didn’t want to take the risk of you seeing this one, not yet at least. He finished his portrait of you and sat at the table staring at it for a moment before carefully taking out the page from the sketchbook and sliding it in his pocket for the time being. He heard some noise coming from his bedroom, you must have woken up.
You woke up to cold and humid bed sheets and pyjamas, your hair still stuck to your forehead and you could feel the dry tears on your cheeks. You saw bright daylight come into the room through the open door and got out of bed. What time was it? How long had you slept? Why hadn’t Hoseok woken you up? You grabbed your clothes and headed to the bathroom where you left them before walking into the living room where you saw him drawing. You greeted him and asked him what time it was, he answered it was a little over midday, you were surprised it was so late. Before you could ask him why he hadn’t woken you up he said that he had let you sleep so you would rest as much as you needed and that he hadn’t wanted to startle you. You nodded and went back into the washroom to take your morning shower, you got dressed and went into the living room with the supplies in had for him to change your bandages. The wound was healing properly and at a good rate but it still hurt even if you could move your arm now the pain was always there so you kept on taking the painkillers just reducing the dose.
The rest of the day went like the others you talked a lot and prepared dinner together, you ended the day by sitting side by side on the couch each reading a book. Soon it was time to go to sleep and you were dreading it, what if you had another nightmare? What if you couldn’t wake up this time? These thoughts had you shaking, you couldn’t handle seeing your brother hurt like you had seen the night before. Hoseok notice your uneasiness and asked if everything was okay.
- I… It’s nothing…It’s goingt to sound silly, you trailed off
- I won’t judge, he said softly.
- I’m scared, I’m scared off going to sleep and having another nightmare and not being able to wake up if I take the sleeping pills…
He looked at you with a concerned look on his face, he moved closer and rubbed your back.
- Do you want to talk about the dream? He asked softly. Would that help?
You gaped at him, not knowing if you actually wanted to tell him what you had dreamed about. It may help, it always helped you when you were a child why should it be any different now? You took in a deep breath.
- I was being chased again, I can’t remember by who, all I know is that I was running as fast as I could but my legs felt so heavy and didn’t seem to move fast enough. I was starting to slow down when a gun went off and hit a flash of green. It was my brother, he had been running towards me I think but he dropped to the floor and wouldn’t answer when I called him. I ran to him to try and shake him into consciousness again but he wouldn’t budge. Then he got shot again and everything went black before I woke up.
By the end of your explanation you were crying and shaking like a leaf, shivers ran down your body and tear were streaming down your cheeks as you tried to hold the sobs from escaping you lips. Hoseok looked at you feeling helpless, you crying again and he had indirectly been the cause of it, he did not like this one bit. Seeing you so distressed made him feel powerless as he rubbed your back repeating over and over that it was okay, your brother was safe, it was all a dream and that he’s call him the following day so you could speak to him. You had nodded and wiped off tears again and again but you couldn’t stop them from falling, you had stopped shaking and after a while the sobbing had stopped also but tears were still streaming down your face. You took a deep breath got up to go wash your face with some cool water after thanking Hoseok over an over for dealing with your crying fits two days in a row. He just smiled sadly saying it didn’t bother him and bid you goodnight as he walked into Namjoon’s bedroom leaving once again the door open.
You sat on what was now apparently your bed, Hoseok’s soothing scent had lingered for a few nights but it was faint now and you ended up sleeping with the side of the cover he had sat on the previous night on the one hand you were feeling somewhat pathetic at your actions but on the other hand you didn’t care because you fell asleep faster than you thought and had a dreamless night. You sighed as you woke up with cramps form the position you had slept in, you stretched as much as you could without making damage to the stitches.
The rest of the day and week went by eventless and at a speed you didn’t think possible. You had talked to your brother who had talked to Hoseok before the dark haired man handed you the phone with a smile on his lips but annoyance in his eyes. You talked with your brother who reassured you multiple time the he was in great shape and health and that you shouldn’t be worried about him, he told you more than once that he’d be safe and that he was doing everything in his power to come back as soon as possible. He then proceeded to ask you how you had been doing and what you did all day since you couldn’t go to work. Hoseok was staring into space as you chatted with Yoongi, he was thinking about Namjoon and Taehyung. That had been moved from the cell at the police station into prison to wait for trial, he was angry, frustrated and annoyed, this was all Tae’s fault, he made Namjoon careless, his white haired friend would do anything for his half brother, his blood even if it meant tossing aside all caution and leaving Hoseok in the dark. The dark haired was heading to a dark place, he didn’t want to let anger consume him, not while you were with him, he didn’t want you to see this side of him. It was only when you stood in front of him handing his phone back, head tilted to the side and a huge smile on your lips that all his anger vanished. During the week you also noticed his sketched were getting more detailed, you started to see more of the girl’s face and the man was getting closer and closer to her. What you didn’t know it that Hoseok drew more than he let you see, he drew your face smiling, he drew you sitting while you read, he drew you pressed against his side face hidden in his shoulder as his arm was around yours. He had drawn so much that he had taken a new sketchbook only for the sketches he wasn’t ready to show you, the sketches he thought he would never show you. Would you be creeped out if you knew? Would you distance yourself more than you already were? Would you still look to him for reassurance? He didn’t want to risk it, so he kept it hidden in Namjoon’s bedroom.
It was the end of the week and you had to get your stitches out, after breakfast, a shower and getting dressed into a pair of shorts, high knee socks and a spaghetti strap top you joined Hoseok at the table and sat with your back facing him, he had prepared the supplies while you were getting ready. He took off the bandage and gauze he had put on you the day before and dabbed the area with rubbing alcohol, he then made sure the tools he had sterilized were no longer hot and got ready to work.
- You’re ready? He asked. This could hurt a little, since skin may have grown on the stitches.
- Yeah I’m ready go ahead, you answered taking in a deep breath.
He worked in silence, expertly sniping the thread and pulling it out, a couple of them were painful as he pulled on them and you felt drops of blood roll from the wound and down you back but compared to the pain you had felt two weeks before it was nothing. Once he was done with the back of your shoulder he once again dabbed some rubbing alcohol over the wound and put a large compress over it before coming to sit in front of you. He looked at you and smiled a small smile before sanitizing the area and getting to work, the stiches came off smoothly, you watched him as his fingers worked delicately at removing the thread in your shoulder. He had a serious look on his face and you could swear you had seen his tongue peak out from the corner of his lips a couple of times. Hoseok worked in silence, taking extra care to not hurt you if it could be avoided, some of the stitches in the back of you shoulder had been a bit stubborn but you had not even flinched when he tugged a little more roughly at them drawing some blood. As he moved to sit in front of you he took in a breath, he needed to focus on the wound, not on the slow rise and fall of your chest, he had to shut it out as well as your hot breath caressing his cheek and ear as you watched him work. Soon for you and not soon enough for him, he was done, he wiped his hands with a towel, keeping his eyes away from you body he started gathering his tools to sterilize everything.
- You’re all set, you can put on your shirt now, he said still not trusting himself to look at you.
- Thank you, you answered as you slipped on your shirt.
Why wouldn’t he look at you, you wondered as he kept his head bowed and eyes locked to his tools. You thought for a moment, watching him gather everything at what seem an agonizingly slow pace. His head snapped up to look at you when you offered to help, he stood there watching you, eyes locked on yours before trailing to your shoulder, then down your body, too quickly for you to really think of it as anything else than him looking you over as he had done a couple of times before. He had gazed at your body as quickly as he could, you were Yoongi’s little sister, he shouldn’t have been feeling whatever he was feeling at the moment.
- Sure, just put some water to boil, he said. To sterilize the tools.
You nodded, you were lost in your thoughts, like you had been a lot since the nightmare, since he had held you. It felt like the ghost of his arm had stayed around your body while you had slept and came back from time to time leaving you with a longing feeling of need and emptiness in some way. You thought about him holding you in his arms again, not fully realizing how strongly you craved it. You tried to not think about it, but you had always been one to analyze and overthink things, actually you over thought everything except your feelings. You usually went along with whatever you felt, you had always been in sync with yourself, but Hoseok threw you off your game so to speak. You felt something, you craved something that much you knew, but the question that kept popping into your mind was, what?
Suddenly feeling pain on your hand you hissed and jerked it to your chest, you had burned yourself. Before you knew it Hoseok had your wrist in hand, opened the tap of cold water and stuck your hand under it. You were surprised and as you went to look to him your eyes caught on the sketchbook he had left open on the kitchen counter. This one was different from the other one, the two people were facing forward, he had his arms wrapped around her middle and his face was buried in her shoulder, as she looked to the other side her face hidden by stands of hair but showing more than ever before. It wasn’t enough to recognize her but enough to start seeing features. You snapped out of your staring suddenly aware of the shift in yours and Hoseok’s body as he pulled your had out from under the flow of water, grabbed a kitchen towel and put it in your hand. He was standing behind you while a little to the side so that when you looked his way you could see his face. He had not let go of your wrist and was looking down at you shadows hiding his eyes. You were extremely aware of the proximity and felt yourself wanting to lean back against him when he suddenly let go of your wrist and started to take a step back. You turned around faster than you thought possible and locked eyes with him making him stop his move, you were suddenly so close to each other.
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Okay so here it is, i hope you enjoyed... pt 9 is going to be written, im not sure when but it shouldn’t be too long... ( i hope, no promisses)
