#saundraswriting

[saundrasays]

I wrote some things!

I wrote two secret santa presents this year. One for @negativenorth called This is Our Last (First) Christmas located here on Tumblr and here on Ao3.

I also wrote for @hermesmaximoff called One Winter Month located here on tumblr and here on ao3. 

Read and enjoy everyone!

[saundraswriting]

Always the Same

Summary: The end of the tension-riddled Adlers Vs Black Jackals game came with cheers of victory and sighs of defeat for all but one Hinata Shouyo. He had done what he set out to do all those years ago after a crushing defeat by the ruthless King of the Court. What happens next? With the emotional highs and lows of this long waited victory, Kageyama Tobio is right there for him, just like always.

Warnings: Anxiety/Panic Attack, emotional hurt/comfort

Notes: This is a one shot I wrote because the idea wouldn't leave me alone.

Ao3 // Main Masterlist // Twitter

Hinata grabbed the net, using the slight bite to ground himself as the stadium went wild. The underdog team, MSBY Black Jackals beat the Schweiden Adlers 3 sets to 1. The final whistle had blown and Hinata could hear his teammates whopping and hollering in celebration behind him. Hinata was frozen gripping the net like a lifeline, eyes focused on the other side of the court locked on to Kageyama on the other side of the court. A cruel parallel to all those years ago, Hinata Gripping the net, eyes blazing, a mirror of Kageyama staring him down. The memory, unbidden, 'What have you been doing all theses years?' He had worked so hard for so long and it had finally, finally, finally paid off. Those months spent alone in his room, halfway across the world, an ocean away from anything familiar, wasn't wasted. He didn't act on whim, he had made a move towards his future.

Hinata could feel eyes on him, but he couldn't turn, couldn't move and join his team. Not when all he wanted was to talk to Kageyama, touch him, know that this was real. He had won. More than that, he missed Kageyama, his partner in everything. Hinata could barely feel his legs, even his monster stamina deplenished. His grip on the net tightened, the bite growing stronger, as the realization of what happened began to settle.

'I finally did it. I finally beat Kageyama Tobio. I did it.' Hinata didn't know what is face looked like, heartbroken or awestruck, all his strength going into remaining standing, and not letting go of the net, he knew he had to hang on, it was the one thing keeping his breathing regular and legs steady. "I did it, Kageyama, I did it." Hinata called out, his voice thick and on the verge of breaking. Kageyama looked over at him from the other side of the court, standing directly across as his team regrouped from their loss, gathering their composure. Hinata could feel the stares in his back grow stronger. "I beat you, Tobio." Hinata choked out not hearing the echoing gasps from his side and Tobio's side at the casual address. Hinata never felt like he was close enough to Tobio to use his first name until now, until he finished what he set out to do all those years ago. Tobio stepped closer and closer, horror and concern furrowing his brows and weighing his lips into a frown. Hinata could feel his team creeping closer to his back, one closer than the others but Hinata couldn't break his focus from Tobio, staring as he reached out grasping his hand through the net, tightening the grip that was keeping him steady. Somehow it soothed Hinata, having Tobio touching him, strengthening him in this like everything else.

"You did, Shouyo. Congratulations. Took you long enough." Tobio said, peering at Hinata's broken face, ignoring his own team calling out.

"I did it. I won." Hinata's hand was shaking, the whole net trembling with the pressure of his grip, his voice wet and thick. Kageyama's eyes widened at the emotion.

"Yes. I know, dumbass I was there, remember." Kageyama's voice was sharp but still teasing. Hinata's laugh broke on a small sob. The tone was missed and familiar. Kageyama's eyes widened even more, leaning closer.

"Tobio, I can't feel my legs." Hinata admitted in a small wet voice. Tears were leaking slowly out his eyes, trailing down his cheeks. Tobio let go of his hand through the net in surprise. Hinata felt his knees buckle slightly. Hinata could feel his emotions running out of control, the urge to sit and cry growing stronger, all he wanted was hug from his best friend and partner, but he had to calm down first. Whoever was behind him reached out, fingers brushing his shoulder, Hinata flinched hard, stepping into the net he was practically hanging off of. "Don't touch me!" He yelped. The unwanted touch sending him crashing to his knees, scrambling away from the small crowd of Adlers and Black Jackals that was surrounding him.

Atsumu stood, arm still stretched out in front. He could feel something in him shriveling up and it took a moment for him to realize it was hope. He had hoped that after this win, Hinata would lose his obsession over his previous setter and finally see him. Hinata's mix of emotions told him that would not be happening anytime soon, especially after he used Kageyama's first name. Hinata was always polite and respectful even to his teammates so it was slightly disconcerting to hear him so casual. He knew he looked hurt and confused, his expression mimicked on Romero's face as he looked at Kageyama. Atsumu could do nothing while Hinata hit the ground, shaking and gasping.

Hinata was mumbling a near constant stream of words, repeating the same phrases over and over. "I can't feel my legs. I finally won. I'm sorry, Tobio. Please. Please." The Black Jackals and Adlers stood around Hinata, unintentionally hiding him from the crowd, and making him panic in earnest. He started gasping, breathing coming unevenly, almost chocking. Tobio froze for a moment, he recognized the symptoms but hadn't seen an attack in years. Hinata had gotten better at dealing with his anxiety in high school but seemed to come back with a vengeance with all his time alone abroad.

"Shouyo!" Tobio called, ducking under the net. "Romero! Bokuto! Our bags and water, now please!" Kageyama bit out. He crouched before Hinata who's gaze was unfocused, looking without seeing. The two bags came quickly and their water bottles. The wall of players hiding them perfectly. "I need some air guys, back up a bit. And we don't need a doctor right now." Tobio said as he opened his bag and began searching. He pulled out his sweatshirt that he warmed up in and his towel. He opened Hinata's bag and rummaged for a moment before growling in frustration and turning back to Hinata. "Shouyo! Can you hear me? Tobio asked voice loud in the near silent gym. The crowd unsure of the going-ons. There was a hitch in what Shouyo's mumbling got around around his irregular breathing. His hands were scrambling at his jersey, skin near his neck red with irritation. "Shouyo I need you to nod if you can hear me. Listen to my voice. It's me, bakayama. I'm the best setter in the world and you just beat me. You are having a panic attack. Do you understand me."

Shouyo took a couple quick inhales before nodding, hands still scratching at his neck. "Tob-io." He hiccupped.

"That's good. That right, just me. I'm right here, love" Tobio took a deep breath. "This may be a lot, but let's get you out of that jersey huh? it can't be very comfortable."

"Tob-io." Shouyo gasped out, shaking still. He did nod, almost frantically. Hands moving to try to strip his shirt off.

Romero and Atsumu and the others froze at the term of endearment, the near panic and absolute adoration in his tone hinted at deep affection and fondness and love that had been there for years. Tobio gently swatted away his hands and with an efficiency based on familiarity, striped and wiped and redressed Shouyo. All the while his warm open gaze reiterating that Kageyama Tobio was for the red head.

"There. That better? I bet, now you smell like me. You always like that." Tobio practically cooed at Hinata.

"Tobio. My legs. Hurt. Sorry." Hinata got out around his shuddering gasps. Tobio's sweatshirt both helped and exacerbated the problem. Before Hinata knew that he needed to try to not completely lose his composure but with Tobio taking care of him through the beginnings of the attack, Hinata could only wallow deeper and hope like every time before, Kageyama would be there to help him get through it.

"Oh, love. I bet they do. I bet they do. You worked so hard during the game. An absolute marvel. Let me get you comfy and I can help with your legs...Why are you crying?" Tobio trailed off into a question seeing Shouyo's shoulders shake and sobs break out. Tobio had a couple towels folded into a makeshift pillow, for this song and dance was nostalgic, often the attacks or post game bus rides ended with Tobio rubbing out the muscles on Hinata's legs while he wore his sweatshirt-soft and smelling like Tobio.

Hinata had his nose shoved into the collar of the sweatshirt that dwarfed him entirely. He was indeed crying, chest hitching with the force of his sobs, tears only leaking out of the corner of his eyes, like he was still trying to smother his tears.

"Smells like you. I missed you so much. I missed you all the time. I love you. I miss you. I'm sorry after all this time you are still taking care of me." Shouyo sobbed out. The rollercoaster of emotions seemed to be still taking their toll on Shouyo. He was losing focus again. Tobio dumped out their bags muttering undr his breath while looking for a jar or tube of familiar cream, his hand shot out and snatched it when he finally found what he was looking for.

"Shouyo. Love. Sun-yo. Come back, focus on my voice. I'm gonna make your legs feel better, okay? Just like always." Tobio pulled off Hinata's shoes to get to his knee pads off before replacing his shoes. He was speaking to Hinata the whole time, mostly his name and explaining what he was doing. He knew Shouyo liked the sound of his voice.

"Hurts. Yama-Yama." He had fallen back into monosyllables but it was better than unintelligible sobbing.

"I'll rub your legs down. Just like always. Remember after nationals? You couldn't even stand. Kenma freaked out, and Daichi carried you to the bus. I had to massage your legs for hours. Tobio said as he began rubbing the lotion into Shouyo's legs. The cold cream made him flinch but the constant pressure and soothing cold had him sighing in relief.

Atsumu blinked at their closeness, letting out a soft "Hm." as he watched. Bokuto looked at him from the corner of his eye.

"Sorry, Tsum-Tsum. I knew he loved him but he was so hesitant on speaking up about it. I just don't think he ever saw you that way. Kageyama holds a very special place in Hinata's life and heart. Has for as long as I have known them. I didn't know how to tell you."

"I never had a chance?" Atsumu asked but he didn't seem to upset, like it was confirmation of something he already knew.

"No, you didn't. "Bokuto agreed. "But maybe you already knew that. I think if you look a little closer to home, you'll find what you are looking for." Atsumu nodded absently and Bokuto dropped the conversation, turning back to Hinata and Kageyama-who were still talking in a effort to calm Hinata down.

"I made you meat buns for that. Natsu helped me. She was excited to make something for Tobio-nii." Shouyo said. He was sniffling now, tears leaking slowly. Tobio felt some of the tension ease around them. Hinata was calming down.

"There we go. You're okay. We're okay." Tobio flashed a smile, but Shouyo didn't see it. He had an arm thrown over his face and his shoulders were shaking a bit.

"God, you take such good care of me and even Natsu. I couldn't go to any of her games, I barely could talk to her. I was gone for years. I would hear how good she was, how she was a natural setter. Weeks went by, seasons went by and I wasn't there. I had to depend on you for her brotherly support she needed. I showed her volleyball and then left her. How screwed up is that. You should go, leave me to take care of myself." Shouyo was spiraling, falling into the attack that he hadn't quite shaken off yet.

"No. I love you. I love Natsu. I want to support her and if that means I have to do it twice as hard, to make up for you following your dreams, so be it." Tobio said, denying Shouyo's attempt to push him away. Atsumu and Romero and the others flinched at the easy confession especially when it triggered another wave of sobs.

"I barely talked to you while I was gone. I almost quit and came home. I hated it there some days. I was alone and scared and it felt like middle school all over again, like I had wasted so much time and I was going to waste even more. I ignored everyone, I couldn't stomach the thought of anyone knowing how much I wanted to give up and clip my wings forever. I'm so sorry. Forgive me? I love you too." Shouyo's sobs were dry and painful to hear, like he was out of tears but couldn't calm down yet.

"I fell in love with you, not your athleticism. I fell in love with the person who pushed me to be better. I fell in love with the person who took an extra step for me even when I didn't ask. I fell in love with the person who showed me that letting people in is okay and not everyone will hurt me. I fell in love with the person who jumped for me with his eyes closed, putting his trust in a promise even to this day. I fell in love with you. Nothing is going to change that." Tobio' couldn't stop the words pouring out of him, realizing he needed to say them as much as Shouyo needed to hear them. Tobio looked at his hands which had stopped in their task of rubbing and massaging and started back up again. He slowed down, focusing on a small area that caused Shouyo to wince.

"Gosh, you hands. So good." Shouyo groaned, melting at little at the attention.

Tobio laughed. "The best. I know."

Shouyo reached down and grabbed his wrist. "I really did miss you. It killed me some days. I was there working in Rio when you were on the JNT. I tried to watch your games but it was hard to watch you, when it wasn't me you were tossing to. Selfish of me, I know."

"I missed you too. It was hard for me. It always it. You're my spiker. My best spiker. I can't wait to toss to you again." Tobio gently shook of Shouyo's grip to continue.

"What happens next? Where do we go from here?" Shouyo asked.

"Dumbass, we said to the top. We got one more stop along the way. Tokyo 2020. Think you can join me on the JNT this year?" Kageyama blindly reached around for a water bottle he put next to them. He finally grabbed it and handed it over, neither blinking when Kageyama handed over his own bottle and Hinata began chugging.

"Drink slowly. You'll make yourself sick. Are you nauseated? I need to look for your meds. You should take them both. I think the crowd might trigger you again. You seem to be coming out of it pretty well." Tobio began looking in earnest seeing Shouyo sitting up.

"Tobio always taking such good care of me. Marry me?" Shouyo began mopping at his face and neck to clean up the cold sweat that had broke out during the attack.

"You confessed for the first time today and now you are proposing?" Tobio was looking through the pile of their things, shoving what wasn't needed into their bags. He had made the executive decision that Shouyo was coming to his place that night.

"Don't joke. We both know I have been in love with you for years." Shouyo tried for nonchalance but the attack had left him a bit shaky and tone deaf and his missed the mark.

"I only began to put it together recently that you loved me. I knew I loved you. Yachi helped. A lot." Tobio found the pill bottles he was looking for along with one other thing he was looking for to put in his bag but the second of the exact same thing was giving him pause. "Here. Take this and then let this one dissolve under your tongue. You know the drill."

Hinata, we should probably clear out. We've been here a while. Are you going home with-"Bokuto began.

"Me. Ge can stay at mine. I have your favorite sheets on the bed, your mom's pork curry on the stove and my softest shirt laid out for you." Tobio had packed away the meds and was staring at the two objects on the gym floor unsure of what to do. He knew one was his but not which one.

"Oh! A sleepover? like High school? Can I share your bed again?" Shouyo tried to tease, wanting to lighten the mood. He was trying to stand up, taking it slowly so he didn't get sick or fall.

Yes, dumbass. But you kick me, you're dead." Tobio frowned. His voice sound distracted and distant to even himself.

"What's the matter?" The two teams were beginning to scatter, not seeing what Kageyama was looking at.

"Um. One of these if definitely mine." Tobio's voice sounded weak and shaky, the two teams turning to see him holding one small black box in each hand.

Shouyo sighed heavily. "You weren't supposed to see that." He scratched at his cheek, reaching out and taking his box. Atsumu and Romero were gaping at the two.

"You-You-You were serious? You really meant to ask me? You were having a panic attack and your legs couldn't even support your weight and yet you asked me to marry you?" Tobio's voice was high and thready. The Adlers and Jackals were frozen, but as they were on their way to the locker rooms, the remaining crowd and camera's were able to make out was was happening.

"What about you? How long have you been carrying that around?" Shouyo demanded.

"I had Yachi help me, three days after you had gone. I woke up and missed you so much I almost bought plane tickets. You called me telling me how loud Rio was and you sounded so scared. I wanted someway to be with you. So I asked and she dropped everything to help me pick it out. I wanted to give you my ring and my name and that way you know no matter what I'm here just like you are for me." Tobio admitted.

"I would be honored to take your name, Yama-Yama. We will be the best Kageyamas." Shouyo stepped into Tobio's space, murmuring soft enough for him to hear.

"Shouyo. My Shouyo. Marry me?" Tobio's voice and eyes were wet. This was not how he expected this day to go at all but he wouldn't change it for anything. Everyday with Shouyo was always the same, an absolute miracle.

"Only if you marry me first?" Shouyo responded.

They put the rings on each other to thunderous applause from one section of the crowd-that upon looking sat most of the alums of Karasuno and others- followed by the rest of the crowd and the Adlers and Black Jackals. The two blushed heavily at the attention, Shouyo stumbling a bit from his complete exhaustion. Tobio pulled Shouyo in closer and shouldered their bags. He dropped a soft kiss into Hinata's hair.

"Love you, sun-yo. Let's get out of here.

"Love you too, Yama-Yama. Can we skip the showers. I wanted to see the senpai's though."

"Yeah. Just for a bit. We can all see each other tomorrow at the reunion more, okay?" Tobio agreed. Shouyo hummed and nodded. Tobio looked down at this man who he fell in love with all those years ago. The man who still took one more step, with each day reiterating the promise he made to always be there. 'Lots of things had changed since we first met. But at the end of the day they were always the same, Me and Shouyo together for each other." Tobio thought before they were ambushed by the Karasuno Alumni and their bubble of peace was broken.

************************************************************************

[saundraswriting]

Missed Signals Chapter 3

SUMMARY: Reki is sensitive when it comes to how others perceive him. He tries to be involved but not overly so, he doesn't want to be seen as a nuisance to the rest of the gang when some of them seem busy. Koyomi helps with the manic build-destroy-build energy Reki tries to channel through.

WARNINGS: Nothing too grand, descriptions of ADHD symptoms,

NOTES: I am trying to cope with what I am thinking is undiagnosed ADHD by projecting onto my favorite characters. I mean no harm and no offense.

Ao3 // Missed Signals Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Reki texted Langa on Saturday. We r gonna sk8 l8er right? The simple I'm busy. I will see you at S tonite. gave him pause, not often was Langa too busy for him and didn't tell him what was going on, Langa was quick to explain what he was doing and invite Reki along. Reki pouted at his phone. OK. C U 2nite then. Reki answered back. He knew that Langa had bad days like everyone else and a life all his own. Reki knew that Nanako even had friends and family in Okinawa, which is why they moved here in the first place. Reki didn't have the monopoly on Langa no matter how much he wished that true. 'I don't own him. He can do whatever he wants. We aren't attached at the hip.' Reki tried to reason with himself but all he can think about is how yesterday at lunch he was too busy talking about a Movie he had recently watched that inspired him to sketch a bit. He remembered interrupting Langa a few times during their breaks and even being more fidgety than usual. 'You talked to much on Friday. Langa needs a break from you. You are too dependent on him, you are smothering him. He needs some time away, deserves it from having to put up with you.'The dark parts of his mind whisper to him. The text did seem overly blunt and dismissive.

Reki shook off the intrusive thoughts, trying to ignore the beginning of anxiety churning in his gut. He can feel the restlessness creeping in; the shaking in his fingers, the urge to pull his hair. Reki bounced on his toes shaking his hands roughly. Reki decided to turn the anxious energy into productive energy. Anything would be better than sitting and stewing in his self-depreciation. He looked around, his room could use a good cleaning and his desk needed re-organized, as did the workshop.

Reki made his way to the kitchen, headphones draped around his neck. "Mom, Langa had to cancel his plans last minute. So I won't be heading out like I planned. So, I am gonna clean my room okay?" Reki grabbed a couple of bags, and cleaner and cloths from under the sink missing the shared look of mild horror from Masae and Koyomi. He darted off once his items were secured.

"You are excused from your chores today for the time being. Please sit with him and keep him on track. Maybe we can prevent him from rearranging his room again. Thank you, dear!" Koyomi was off her stool waving over her shoulder in acknowledgement as she followed Reki to his room. Both the girls were aware what Reki could and couldn't do if left to his own devices. Even if the other person was completely silent their presence was enough to keep Reki focused. Past times of cleaning his room led to the ramp outside his window being built after he tore his bed apart trying to move it, another time ended up with all his clothes on the floor while trying to make a fort in his closet, and their was once a time where he was considering a skylight but was promptly interrupted by Masae before he could get to the roof. Koyomi came in just in time to see Reki strip the sheets off his western style bed( he deemed the floor too hard to sleep on after a day of skating. The rest of the family quickly followed suit upon realizing how comfortable they were). Koyomi only side and put a reminder on her phone to replace his sheets or he would spend the next three days sleeping in a nest of throw blankets and pillows from the living room. Koyomi was 16 not stupid, she knew that Reki snuck out most saturdays for something and he would never remember to put clean sheets on if/when he came home. Reki placed the bundle of sheets in a basket left by his door by Masae. He threw his laundry in too. Masae and the twins loved doing laundry, especially hanging it all outside. He sorted the trash in his room and then put it into bags, then vacuumed before taking a break. 'He is pretty focused on this today. I wonder if something happened.'

Reki took a break, u busy l8er? texted Miya but after a few moments with no response, he began pulling at his fingers, pushing them, rubbing harshly at the joints. He was chewing his lip too, gaze completely focused on his phone. He could hear the voice in the back of his head getting louder again. 'You think a nationally ranked skateboarder has time for you? Miya Chinen doesn't play with slimes like you. He has more important things to worry about.' Reki ignored the voice, trying to logically reason it away. 'He is probably busy. He is an important person. He'll text back any minute now. I should keep working while I wait.' He went over to the mess of skateboarding catalogues he had and began organizing them.

He kept the ones from the current quarter with a note on top to remind him they needed read. He quickly flipped through the others, seeing how most of them had pieces missing threw them away. He put the new ones and the inspiration binder in a drawer in his desk. The binder was full of things Reki and Langa had found interesting or inspiring to try for the future, they had even made a similar one at DopeSketch for customers requesting special commissions or parts for their rig. It was helpful for increasing amount of people coming through from S since Langa had started showing off his new board to anyone who would listen. Reki continued on through his desk, anything not school related went on his bare bed by Koyomi while he sorted through his school things, stacking them with notes to divide them until he could consolidate them further. He had began checking his pens and paints and markers and pencils and sketchbooks for dead ones when his phone caught Koyomi's attention.

"Reki, phone." She said while grabbing his elbow, he flinched slightly even though he knew she was there the entire time. she rolled her eyes at his dramatic double take and slid his headphones off. "Meow-ya texted you back." He snatched the phone up.

Hey slime, I will be there in a few minutes. Langa had said something about you getting a new commission the other day. I wanted to see how that was going. I guess I can entertain you in his stead today. Miya had responded, his message properly typed and punctuated.

Thx. That'll b g8. c u l8er Reki shot back. The three dots were blinking so he waited a bit for Miya's response.

Jeez, learn to text properly. What are you 12?" Miya asked.

No but you r. lol." Reki laughed as he handed Koyomi his phone. "Let him know I am finishing my room if he asks and to just let himself in. I really need to get this done now." Reki nodded once, firmly. His shoulders were stiff and he kept turning slowly in a circle, Koyomi knew he was getting overwhelmed with the prospect of a friend he cared for coming.

"I have something that might help you now and in the future. I got it for you when mom and I went shopping the other day." Koyomi said. She hurried off and got it thrusting it in Reki's hands as he blinked in confusion. "I got you a label maker. That way you can actually organize all your art and skating stuff and not panic when you can't find it later. Since you can never seem to keep track of things, like at all." Koyomi teased with a bright smile. Reki beamed back.

"Thank you so much, Koyomi. This is a huge help. I can't wait to use it. Might have to wait a bit before I get to use it though." Reki told her. The tension seemed to ease in his shoulders. His room was clean and almost finished. He seemed a little more relaxed then he had all morning it seemed to Koyomi.

Until he saw Miya's response to the earlier joke.

I hate you sometimes.

Reki blanched, fingers twisting into painful looking knots in front of him, lips bloodless from where he was biting them so hard.

Koyomi was 16 not stupid. She had meet Miya Chinen once or twice. The 15 year old National Skateboarding team-hopeful was a savage as his mascot. Cute and cuddly and warm one minute and quick to change temperament towards sharp savagery in the blink of an eye. To his friends it was usually softened by closeness, sharp and quick but not violent. Koyomi knew he didn't mean for his comment to hurt Reki the way it seemed to and she knew that had Reki been feeling his usual self he wouldn't have taken it so personally but something had already affected him that much was obvious.

But today those words seemed to hit him harder than usual. Koyomi made to text back but Reki swiped his phone before she could type a letter. His fingers danced over the screen before he tossed it back towards her and moving back to his desk. He returned to organizing his art supplies, trying and failing at nonchalance. He was more subdued than earlier when the idea of the label maker had made him smile. He was testing all his markers and pens, throwing away the used ones but spreading the good ones into a large messy pile on the top of his desk. He undid all if his earlier work and was making a mess that he wouldn't find his way out of anytime soon. He had lost sight of his goal and was spiraling into familiar territory; creation and destruction. Koyomi was surprised he hadn't commented on his desire to rearrange his room yet. 'He had almost finished his desk before Miya's text ruined his train of thought, now he couldn't remember how he was going to sort everything. When he gets agitated or losses his goal he tries to do something often ending up with a room so messy he can't think. He tends to look worse than when he began. I wonder if things like Miya's text set him off.' Koyomi thought. "Reki-bro. Does this happen a lot when you get anxious or feel like you are a burden? Why do you undo everything you worked hard on when things like this happen?" Koyomi asked. Reki looked up from the massive pile of art stuffs. He looked at her wide-eyed and lost. Koyomi felt her small heart break. Her brother was her hero, she only wanted him to see how much everyone loved him.

"What do you mean, Koi? I don't think I am a burden. I can't help wanted to change things, I am not meant to stick to a day after day routine. I get going and then when I come up for air, it looks like this. I don't mean for it to happen, so I don't really know why I do it. I don't even realize I am doing it sometimes. The saying if it ain't broke don't fix it doesn't really apply to me. I pull things apart and then am left with a mess purely by accident and then sometimes I get an idea in my head and I can't not do it. I try to change it for the better and when it doesn't work end up in the same place. It is this weird twitchy energy sometimes." Reki tried his best to explain the reasoning or lack thereof to his sister and when she nodded slowly he knew she wasn't fully grasping the concept that he could barely articulate.

"I don't really get what you are saying." Koyomi began. Reki sighed. "But I want to help. So how about we work on the desk. You keep sorting pens into usable and not and then we can break it down into small groups from there. if we work together we can get it done quick. I just need to know your criteria for each group." Koyomi mimed pulling up her sleeves and stepped up next to Reki. He looked down at his little sister, swallowing hard and blinking the extra moisture from his eyes.

'I barely know what it going on in my head. There are days were even breathing seems to be hard for me, I have to learn that I am not alone. Just like Joe tried to tell me.' Reki sniffed and began testing his supplies. Koyomi broke the mess into simple tools(markers pens pencils) and non simple tools(paints, brushes, paint markers) When that was done she asked for Reki's input. The simple tools got broken down into their broad categories and then from there into the brands/types. Reki's regular pens and pencils were in a spot, his markers and marker pens and brush pens and the like were all sorted and labeled. The same with the brushes and paints and such. With Reki's approval, Koyomi used the label maker to finalize the decisions, causing a bright smile to light up Reki's face.

"Now, you can re-organize your stuff without causing too much issue, cause the containers are movable but the groupings are not. Simple." Koyomi teased. Reki stuck his tongue out at her and finished cleaning his desk off. She grabbed Reki's phone, to see if she could salvage whatever Reki had ruined but the conversation didn't seem to need help.

Sorry. I can handle the commission on my own. I wouldn't want to be a hinderance. You have a lot on your plate as it is. I don't need supervision.Reki had texted Miya with complete sentences and proper puncuation.

The hell? Did you fall and hit you head?

You slime, who told you that you are a hinderance. If I was busy I wouldn't have invited myself to your house.

You know what? I am definitely coming over now. You can't stop me. Something is obviously bothering you and the last time this happened you disappeared. I am not letting that happen again.

Koyomi smiled down at Reki's phone, 'I am so glad he found people to see him.' She had sent a brief text to Langa earlier, giving some details or Reki's latest obstacle. She knew that he had been trying to document everything lately, to better help Reki. He replied with a thank you and a promise to add it to the list.

"All right Reki-bro. I think it looks nice and functional. Now, you can change it if needed but not without me. I have decided I shall be your impulse control when you are at home." Koyomi winked but her comment fell a little flat when Reki winced and blushed.

"Am I so bad that I need babysat? Do I cause that much trouble? No wonder Langa sent Miya to watch me. Who knows what I would have done or not done today if he hadn't. Not that it matters since I told him I am fine without him."

Koyomi watched as the light in Reki's eye dimmed, and he seemed to shrink right in front of her. His shoulders drew up around his ears, he chewed on his lip, digging his nails into his fingers. His attention drifted inwards. Koyomi didn't know what triggered such a change besides the idea of having to be looked after but that didn't seem like the true source of this issue.

Reki could hear with voice in his head growing louder again. 'See you even burden your sister. What a terrible big brother you are. Langa sent someone to watch you because they feel responsible for you since you tag a long so often. They don't really like you. Miya only offered to come because Langa asked him to.'

"Big bro, that isn't what I meant at all. You aren't a child that needs watched or cause trouble. You are a human with quirks that need a safe outlet, one that will actually help and until we figure out what that means, we all want to support you. You have this tendency to not put yourself first or even second. So I want to help you take care of yourself. So does everyone else, because we all love you. Now let's keep going." Together Koyomi and Reki finished organizing and cleaning his room, they didn't even look up when Masae took the dirty clothes and sheets leaving fresh ones for later. Koyomi had stopped to make the bed and Reki finally stopped when Masae knocked on the door. The two of them had cleaned every surface, making the room look fresh and clean.

'Koyomi and Reki I must say, I am impressed. Great job guys. This needed done. Koyomi you were a great help for Reki, proud of you. Reki, Miya is here. Do you want me to send him to the garage? I can make snacks in a bit too." Masae praised her kids, proud to see how well they did.

"I told him he didn't need to come." Reki said to no one. "Can you have him go to the garage. Snacks will be great whenever, mom. Thank you." Reki looked at his clean room, cleaned for the first time in months to this extent but grimaced at the trash and debris on his floor.

"Go. I will finish here. Just promise me, that you'll talk to me or Langa or someone when you need to. I want you to go to your workshop and finish that commission, cause I don't want to here you griping about it later. Have fun with Miya. He cares just as much as the rest of us." Koyomi nudged Reki towards the door, ignoring his half made protests.

Reki looked back at Koyomi only to see her wave him away and shut the door in his face. Reki took the hint and went to his workshop/garage. He stood outside, second-guessing himself. Before he could make a decision the door flung open and Miya Chinen stood angrily in the doorway.

"You idiot slime. I have so many bones to pick with you, I practically have a damn skeleton." Miya reached out fisting his hand in Reki's sweatshirt and yanking him in. Reki held his hands up in a non-threatening gesture stumbling through the doorway.

"Miya, I'm sorry. You didn't have to make time for me because Langa said so. I didn't mean to pull you away from something important." Reki began. Miya had let go of him, watching Reki flap his hands about trying to postpone Miya's temper.

"No. Not accepting apologies right now. I'd like to remind you that you texted me first to see if I could skate but I reminded you about your commission. I reminded you because I remember you and Langa talking about it. You said the sometimes having someone around helps your productivity. I asked Langa if you wouldn't mind if it was me. I didn't want to ask and make you uncomfortable." Miya started. Reki kept quiet, knowing that Miya was only getting warmed up. "At no point was I asked to 'babysit' you. Reki,, to people who really care for you, you will not be a hinderance or a burden. You are my friend. I may tease you rather aggressively, but I don't mean anything by it, so you can start getting those thoughts out of your head. Now, should we discuss what happened today? What might have caused the downward spiral?" Miya asked hesitantly. Reki stayed quiet, studying Miya. Finally Reki sighed, nodding.

"I am not sure." Reki said. He pulled out the longboard commission they had been talking about. 'Langa and I had plans but he cancelled on me last minute, which was unusual. I tried to rationalize it, I don't own him, he has other friends I'm sure and even family here. I am not entitled to his every minute. But I just got stuck in my own head. I know that I can be a lot to tolerate. I forget things, misunderstand things, too loud, obnoxious, I get irritated for no reason sometimes, can't focus or can't not focus. I just thought what if I annoyed him to much and he needed time away and didn't want to say anything. The gang understand as does my family, I need someone to check me when my brain goes to hard. I forget to eat or drink or sleep when I get going. Cleaning can be a chore and even the idea of a shower can be too much, all the little steps that make it up seem insurmountable." As Reki spoke, he seemed to shrink on himself, shoulders drawing up and voice growing muted. He avoided Miya's gaze focusing instead on painted the deck of the longboard. He was very carefully painting a beach boardwalk at sunset on the bottom, currently working on the wooden boardwalk in the foreground. "Hell, If I was Langa I would need a break from a practical delinquent like me. I got him involved in an illegal skateboarding ring ran by a crazy pedophile. I wouldn't be upset if he told me he needed space, I just want to know. I would understand."

"Reki, you don't know, do you? Langa is absolutely head-over-heels for you right. Like there is no one more important in his life than you pardon his mom and most days that is even up in the air. Have you ever thought that Langa came here for a reason?" Miya asked.

"His dad died. Japan doesn't allow dual citizenship. His mom had to come back." Reki answered, missing the point.

"Yes, and Langa still in mourning, in a country half a world away from home, find you and you show him skateboarding. You, this boy, who came out of nowhere to welcome him with open arms, to show him something worth living for." Miya tries to explain. 'You! You are the thing worth living for, you stupid boy.' Miya tried to push telepathically. Unfortunately Reki cannot read minds.

"Oh." Reki blinked. Miya rolled his eyes. waving for Reki to continue. "I just felt unwanted, ignored. Then you said you would come over and I was happy. I hadn't let the bad thoughts win, and I able to breathe again. When you said you hated me, it just brought it all crashing on me again. How was I supposed to just ask a National Team hopeful to drop everything and come to my house. The Olympics are in Tokyo, and Skateboarding is debuting, I want you to do well. I don't want my issues being the reason you miss important training. Langa is my best friend and can't stand me. Everyone is only tolerating me, too nice to say anything. That kind of stuff, a downward spiral. Then you showed up, and threw me for a loop. Knocked some sense into me. However, I know that one day, you'll leave. I will be too much and I'll be alone again." Reki peered closely at the board, touching it up here and there before pulling out a hairdryer. He used the cool air setting to dry the paint a bit faster, trying to avoid cracking and once done, grabbed some sealant then setting it aside to dry.

"I knew you were a slime but I didn't know you were stupid too. We are your friends. We wouldn't leave you or ignore you because we grew annoyed with you. Your personality is what brought us together as friends, as a family. Without you there is no us. We aren't going to wake up one day and drop you. We want to help you, and that means talking to us. All of us. Kaoru and Kojiro care for you too. So does Hiromi and Skokichi. But we can't help you if you don't say anything. I get that is can be hard but we can start small. You did well the other day when you came Sia De Luce when working on schoolwork." Miya patted Reki's shoulder, politely not commenting on the wet sniffles and watery eyes he was trying to hide. "Now, come on. Let's finish this so we can meet up with the others soon. I think you can nail that trick you were trying the other day.'

"Yeah, I like the sound of that." Reki gave Miya a bright albeit small smile and got back to work, drying the sealant and applying another coat drying that as well before begin the assembling process.

************************************************************************

[saundraswriting]

Huddling for Warmth

“I decided to join a writing challenge for @bonkywobble‘s hafwayto1K. I did Huddling for Warmth and Cosmogyral. I hope you enjoy! I also have a mutil-fandom blog @saundrasays

SUMMARY: You head to DC with Steve and Bucky and on the way back after an unexpected dip in the Potomac leads to you three huddling for warmth on the Quinjet. 

Masterlist // Ao3

Being a personal assistant to the Avengers was definitely more than you bargained for. You had been hired by Pepper. There were too many Avengers and not enough hands to wrangle them on the busy days or the day to day things. You accepted without hesitation, getting to work right along the Avengers, even if most of your work was tedious and some days felt like you were watching over toddles. You had gotten lucky to be given Captain Steve Rogers and Sargent James “Bucky” Barnes. They were easy to get along with, not very demanding and honestly cared for you. They asked to you go with them to meetings away from the compound and to PR stunts around the world knowing how much you like to travel and learn about the world. The arrangement was better than you could have ever hoped for after graduating college with a business management degree.

“Hey, Y/N. You ready to go? We have that meeting down in Washington today. You wanted to go didn’t you?” Captain Rogers asked knocking on the open frame of your door. You looked up from where you were packing your purse. One thing working and living with the Avengers taught you to be ready for everything.

“Yeah. I am excited. This is the first time I get to be there with the Cherry Blossom festival. I am so excited. I have been trying to go for ages. I am hoping with it being a weekday it won’t be so busy.” You quickly looked around hoping you didn’t forget anything, you patted yourself down to find you phone.

“I am glad that you get to go then. Remember to grab your camera, doll.” Sargent Barnes chimed in from behind Steve. You snapped your fingers beaming and got the top of the line camera that was their most recent Christmas gift to you.

“Thank you, Sargent Barnes. I am ready now.” You grabbed your bag. You looked up at the two super soldiers with a bright grin. You were so happy to be able to be apart of their lives, you were even happier that they got to be part of each other’s lives. The two of them moved against the wall, giving you room to lock your door and say bye to FRIDAY.

“We’re taking the Quinjet today. Well, one of them.” Captain Rogers told you. They let you go before them, shortening their stride to keep just behind you. “I figured that way you would be there as soon as possible. I know it is a little early but I figure that way you would have the whole day to yourself, sweetheart.”

“Oh! That is so nice of you. Thank you so much. We should hurry then.” You picked up your pace. Steve and Bucky shared a smile, letting you get further ahead, the picnic they planned in secret would be a perfect surprise for you too.

Upon arriving at the Triskelion’s airfield, you all got into an elevator. “Sargent Barnes and Captain Rogers, you know where you are going? You will be okay? Do I need to send the meeting points again?” You were fidgeting in place trying to force the professionalism you didn’t feel.

“We are perfectly fine. If we need anything, we can always ask someone here. We want you to go and have fun. We have a surprise planned for you around 1:30. We’ll call you okay? Go take lots of pictures. Enjoy yourself. I know you are dying to, doll.” Sargent Barnes gave you a light shove into the lobby towards the doors.

“Okay. If you are sure. Then I’ll be off. See you later.” You scurried off through the doors, a bubble of excitement practically visible.

“Oh how I wish we were going with her. I would rather do anything than this meeting. Aw, well. The faster we are done, the faster we see her again.” Steve clapped a hand on his best friend’s shoulder. “We decided to do this so we can spend the afternoon with her. So let’s get a move on. The two of them stepped back into the elevator to begin their morning of meetings that probably had no application to them, but seeing as they were the only ones free, were forced to go to.

The day dragged as slowly as they believed it would. The only thing that broke up the monotony was the food they were given constantly and the selfies you sent or the social media updates you posted. Ever picture was somehow better than the next, the lighting and angles getting better, your smile bigger. Steve and Bucky could feel their fondness and pride and affection for you grow. You may have stumbled into their lives as their PA but your meant more than that now. You were part of their family.

“Thank you both for coming today. I appreciate it. Having you here is important. I will make sure to send everything of note to you PA later today. See you later.” Maria Hill and several other SHIELD agents left the room.

“Sweet freedom! You go get lunch and I will call Y/N. Find a place to meet.” Steve said. Bucky nodded and they headed over the elevators. Steve went down in one while Bucky went up in another. Steve called you on the way down.

“Hey. I was wondering if you were free to meet for our surprise. Bucky and I got out and are done for the day. I had a place in mind if you were okay with it.” Steve’s voice came across your phone. You grinned at nothing, looking up at the sakura tree you were taking a break under.

“For you, anything. Want to meet at the Triskelion? Or should I meet you at the location? I can do either.” You packed up your meager belongings, leaving you camera out for more pictures.

“I have a spot next to the Potomac. It is near a park and has a great view. How about you meet us here and we will all go together.” Steve suggested. You hummed in agreement turning towards the Triskelion.

When you got there, Captain Rogers and Sargent Barnes were waiting patiently by the doors. They both had a basket hanging on their arms. You tilted you head in confusion. “Are-”

“Nope. No questions. Follow us. It isn’t too far away.” Steve and Bucky led the way to a small nature park on the bank of the Potomac. There was a natural depression leading to a very nice dock and scenery. The three of you weren’t the only ones enjoying the warmth of the sun. There were a few other families, but they stayed at tables while Bucky and Steve readied the picnic under a tree near the bank. They set up nice finger foods and warm tea and fruit on plates for all of you to enjoy. You took a few pictures while you all talked about your day, laughing at the two super soldiers uneasiness. The hours passed and just as you were getting ready to suggest a sunset trip back to the cherry blossoms you were interrupted but a mother yelling for her son.

“It’s too cold to swim, sweetie. We can’t go in. We have to wait for the weather to get warmer. You’ll get sick if you-” Her words fell on deaf ears as the child, laughing, jumped off the dock into the river.

“No! Charlie, you can’t swim.” The mother began to run faster but you and Steve and Bucky could see him thrashing in the water, too deep and cold for him to survive long. The mother’s screams were getting more frantic and You could feel the two men freeze next to you.

They already had issues going into water as it was, let alone the freezing water of the Potomac. You scrambled to your feet before quickly stripping your outer layers. “I am gonna get that kid.” You raced off, not even missing a beat before you arced off the dock and swam out to the kid. You could feel the bottom of the river against your toes, not enough to stand firmly. You lift the kid above you, hoping he would stop thrashing and just breath. He did as you hoped calming significantly. You were reading water badly; you could feel it sitting in your lungs and stomach. Taking a deep breath, you tucked one arm under the young boy’s armpit and used the other one to swim back to shore.

You were slower on the return trip then the way out but you were tired. Bucky and Steve met you closer to the beach, you were kneeling trying to catch your breath. Steve picked up the kid and carried him back to his mom. You could just make out their cries of joy and Steve trying to explain the risks of hypothermia and pneumonia. Bucky-seeing as you could barely stand-picked you up and carried you to the blanket. You were shivering but weakly. Not a good sign when it comes to hypothermia.

“We need to get you changed. We’ll let Steve pack up. I’ll take you back to the Triskelion, we can get you some dry clothes at least. Then we can head home, doll.” Bucky said. Steve agreed hearing the trail end of the conversation. Bucky carried you back as he said he would, upon arrival Maria met them at the door.

“I’ll help her get changed. And dried. Then you guys can head home.” Maria took you into a locker room and stripped off your clothes. You weren’t very helpful, cold and tired and lethargic, you couldn’t help her much. She removed all your clothes, muttering under her breath. She redressed you in a tank top and t shirt and jacket, and two pairs of sweat pants and socks. She helped you back to Bucky who was joined by Steve.

“Let’s head back to the jet and then we can worry about getting you warm. You aren’t even shivering.” Bucky swept you up and the three of you got on the elevator.

“Sorry for ruining the day. I wanted to get more pictures too.” You sulked in Bucky’s arms.

“Yeah but you saved a little kid’s life. We were frozen.” Steve said. “Thank you for that, sweetheart.” He headed to the pilot seat, getting the jet up and running. Bucky settled down near you taking off your jacket and his shirt wrapping you up in blankets. You snuggled in cooing at the warmth he was putting off. Steve turned on the auto pilot, sending a message to Natasha to be ready to get you into a bath upon arrival.

“Come on, Steve. Join us. She could use the body heat.” Bucky jerked his head to entice him into your human fort of warmth and comfort. The next few hours were spent cuddling the furnaces that you called friends, shivering and almost biting off your tongue as you slowly heated up.

Steve got up close to the end of the flight to land the jet while Bucky stayed curled around you, listening to the slight rasp in your lungs as you breathed. Once they landed and the ramp came down, the others could only see the top of your and Bucky’s head and a mountain of blankets.

“Only the three of you could come back from a day of meeting and return with a hypothermic personal assistant. Amazing.” Natasha said. “Come on, let me fix it. Again.” The Avengers laughed and Bucky and Steve spluttered trying to explain themselves.

“I had a good time today. Thank you for letting me go along. I enjoyed the picnic too. Now, I am gonna take a shower and go to bed. See you tomorrow.” You clambered out of the nest on the floor of the Quin jet stumbling over to a sympathetic Natasha.

“We did too. Thank you for all your hard work. Tomorrow can you see Bruce for a checkup? We don’t want you getting sick now.” Steve and Bucky waved at you and Natasha from the top of the ramp. You hollered an affirmative as you were escorted away. “Well life certainly isn’t boring with her around.”

“No. and I wouldn’t change it for the world. We should clean up. Maybe we can have a movie night or something.” Steve said.

“Hell yeah. Let’s get a move on.” Bucky cheered.

*******************************************************************************************

Well how was it?

[saundraswriting]

Missed Signals

Missed Signals is also located on Ao3 if you prefer!

SUMMARY: Reki might have a problem. He gets hyperfixated. He is too loud. He has a delayed sleep schedule. He forgets to eat and drink sometimes. He zones out a lot, and even more when he tries to pay attention. He fidgets with his hair and his clothes and his skin to the point of injury. His brain works, sometimes. Other times he has to fight it. He has learned to cope enough over the years but just like everything else, some days are better than others. Good thing he has Langa and the others willing to help him realize it isn't a problem.

PAIRINGS: Reki Kyan x Langa Hasegawa minor Nanjo Koijiro x Sakurayashiki Karou (AKA Joe x Cherry Blossom)

WARNINGS: slight unintentional self-harm and self-induced anxiety, self-depreciation

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 //

[saundraswriting]

Cosmogyral

I decided to participate in a writing challenge for a great author, Georgie at @bonkywobble. This is the first of two prompts for this challenge. I hope you enjoy it! 

SUMMARY: Cosmogyral: (Adj.) Whirling around the universe. Bucky stops whirling about the universe once the reader enters his life. 

This is being posted on my writing blog instead of my main blog @saundrasays. Please check out my other works if you wish. 

Masterlist // Ao3

Recovery was hard. Shuri and everyone in Wakanda did what they could for him. They were able to somehow fix his brainwaves into being triggerless, but he still had so much trauma to work through that some days he could barely move. There were days that the weight of the world bent his back, his hands were stained red. His time in Wakanda helped him learn how to be human again, caring for the goats and interacting with people, he even relearned his strength. He was able to train and spar and not kill and that did great things for his mental health. He was stable, but not happy. He wasn’t sure what would make him happy anymore.

“Hey, Buck.” A deep voice came through the sparring room. Bucky looked over from where he was working at a punching bag. His eye brightened significantly seeing you and Steve come through the door.

“Y/N! Hey. Good to see you too, Steve.” Bucky smiled, walking over to them. Steve shot Bucky a knowing grin at the enthusiasm but said nothing.

“We came to move you out of basic training, dingbat.” You were rocking back and forth from toe to heel, excitement palatable. “You based all your checks and Shuri and the others gave the recommendation for a return to New York.” You were grinning from ear to ear. You and Bucky had grown close over the events with Zemo and the almost Civil War.

You were one of the few that successfully drove attention from the in-fighting to the bigger problems, also pointed out that the Accords as they were written were terrible. Your involvement led to a peaceful reconciliation and explanation instead of a practical disbandment of the Avengers, much to yours and everyone’s pleasure. You worked closely with everyone to get their opinions and strived to find solutions, one of those was a location change. You suggested a move to somewhere out of sight, fit for training and bonding. No one was against you and as such you were along for the ride to collect one of the remaining members.

“Wait, what? I can go home?” Bucky froze, mouth slightly open and eyes wide. Then slowly, like a sunrise a grin crossed his face. His eyes scrunched up and he had dimples on his cheeks. The shoulders that seemed to be weighed down by something relaxed and eased, making him seem younger.

“Yep! We are gonna help ya pack and then get you home. Well sort of. We don’t live in the city proper anymore. But I think you will like this better, anyways.” You put your hand to the side of your mouth to whisper. “It was my idea.” You winked and turned quickly on your heel. “Hurry the hell up, oldies. We got shit to do and places to be.” You trotted out of the room hollering for Shuri, even though you knew exactly where she was.

“You heard her. Let’s get a move on. She waits for no man, let alone to 100 year old super soldiers.” Steve clapped Bucky on the back. Bucky huffed and nodded. The two of them cleaned up Bucky’s small mess and then slowly made their way to his small house to pack his meager belongings. They knew you would find them eventually. You had friends in Wakanda too.

A few hours later, Bucky’s last two years of his life were packed in discreet plain cardboard boxes the fit easily into the back of the Quinjet. Bucky had already said his goodbyes and was anxiously waiting in a sit behind Steve. You were at least on the ramp, loitering in your goodbyes, you were laughing and waving as the door closed. You settled down for take off and noticed Bucky’s look.

“You do know that not having a lot of thigs isn’t a bad thing, right? That just means you weren’t meant to settle down there. The next place I hope for you is a forever place and if not, I’ll help you find it. We have all the time you need. You aren’t alone anymore.” You said. You were trying to comfort Bucky, but knew you fell short.

“I guess that is true. I was too busy learning to heal and get healthy to be worried about stuff. I can get things now. I can have stuff.” Bucky said. He grabbed your hand and squeezed.

“Yep. You get to be a person now, isn’t that great. Decisions are all around you.” You said. You squeezed his hand back. “I know I just said that but to make the move easier and a bigger surprise, I did choose some of the things for your room, which if you don’t like we can change.” You let go of Bucky’s hand before settling down in your chair.

“This is your captain speaking. We have reached cruising altitude. I would like to thank you for flying Stark Air and Have a wonderful day.” Steve said from the cockpit.

You sighed and rubbed the bridge of your nose. “Great. Thanks, Steve. I have so much shit to do. I have three godamn reports to file and a STRIKE team to brief for Fury. I’ll be in the tech room if you need me.” With that you headed off to a small room to the side, where you began briefing the team you’d mentioned and reviewing the reports you needed to file.

“Bucky, you can sit up here. I don’t bite.” Steve said. He and you had worn civilian clothes, Steve was relaxed in his seat, letting the auto pilot have control. “I hope you liked your surprise. I hope you like your surprise. She worked very hard on it. She’s sweet on you.”

“Nah. She’s sweet on everyone. I am sure I will like it. She gets me pretty well. When I first woke up here, after Shuri cleared me of triggers, she was one of the first people I met. She happened to be walking through the lab and somehow knew that I was uncomfortable with the prodding even though I didn’t know. Then in a snap, she was everywhere. Not maliciously, just comfortingly on the edge of my radar, especially at the beginning. It’s no wonder, why I love her the way I do. She means a lot to me. Right now, I am okay with it being sweetness and softness and warmth. If one day it becomes thick and heavy and hot then I am okay with that too.” Bucky said. He couldn’t look Steve in the eye, only able to focus on his fingers, rubbing his human fingers against his cybernetic ones.

“Well then. I think I am embarrassed, and I was the one who mentioned it.” Steve could feel the heat on his cheeks. He laughed softly. “I am happy for you Bucky. I really am.”

The two of them chatted for most of the ride, finally you joined in after getting your work done. All too soon though, the jet alerted everyone to the start of the descent, forcing you all to return to your seats. Upon arrival, the boxes were left to be delivered later by a shield team. You and Steve had explained the upstate compound to him while packing in Wakanda, the solution to many problems, a training ground for new Avenger candidates and such. Your trio headed straight to Bucky’s room, the anticipation making you tremble.

“This is my room, but you look more excited.” Bucky pointed out. The two of you had been walking next to each other from the hangar but every few feet somehow, you’d shifted to the right or left, orbiting each other. Steve could barely stomach the nauseating aura the two of you put off. You couldn’t stop smiling and your kept clapping every few steps laughing in excitement.

“My love language is acts of service for a reason, buckaroo. I like doing things for the resident dumbass.” You grinned, reaching for Bucky’s hand, that was already reaching for yours. Steve silently gagged from behind the two of you.

The three of you reached the room, but Steve kept going. This wasn’t something he wanted to intrude upon. He had seen and heard enough with all your questions you had for him. You and Bucky stopped in front of his door. There was a biometric scanner next to the door but also a regular lock. You pulled a single key on a goat keychain and handed it over, your fingers trembling. Bucky grabbed on, his fingers brushing yours. You didn’t let go just yet.

“Welcome home, Sargent James Buchanan Barnes.” You took a deep breath and let go of the keys.

“Thank you. I promise, there is no need to be nervous. You did this for me, out of the goodness of your heart, I will love it.” ‘I already love you.’ He thought, he swallowed the words down though. He unlocked the door, ignoring his own nerves and pushed the door open.

His room had several big windows with a window seat, overlooking the acres and acres of land. There were shelves along one wall, several filled with books already, and movies. There were several plants hanging near the window seat. The walls were a muted blue/gray color and the sheets were chocolate color with what looked like a dozen pillows. The ceiling however was covered in a projection it looked like. It was too real to be painted but too artificial to be real. It was soothing and inviting and had just the right things to make him feel welcomed into his new home.

“The ceiling is something Shuri helped with. It is a projection from tech in the top of your walls. You can change it to project and sky from anywhere. Just ask SKYNET.” Bucky looked at you in awe. You had worked so hard to make him a place to call his own. “There are some books, movies, video games. The computer and tablet and phone are loaded to go with logins and apps and payment methods, I wrote down all that in a notebook in the desk too. I have a re-education guide for pop culture there too, same one I used for Steve except yours is more cause documentaries and I know you’d enjoy it more. I stocked the kitchenette with stuff already, nothing super perishable but snack foods and such.” You were rambling to cover your nerves; you both knew it. The more you spoke the more embarrassed you got. The more you talked the more Bucky felt his whole world shift, his entire existence tightened, to you and only you.

Recovery was hard, especially had been hard on him. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be doing or where he was going. He was just floating, purposeless until you.

“Do you like it?” Bucky realized he had been staring not at the room but at you while you were talking. He could see the love and care you put into the room, not just the room but into your wordless confession.  

“Yeah, I love you.” Bucky grabbed your hand, pulling you into a tight hug.

[saundraswriting]

Missed Signals Chapter 1

SUMMARY: Reki might have a problem. He gets hyperfixated. He is too loud. He has a delayed sleep schedule. He forgets to eat and drink sometimes. He zones out a lot, and even more when he tries to pay attention. He fidgets with his hair and his clothes and his skin to the point of injury. His brain works, sometimes. Other times he has to fight it. He has learned to cope enough over the years but just like everything else, some days are better than others.

WARNINGS: Nothing too grand, descriptions of ADHD symptoms,

NOTES: I am trying to cope with what I am thinking is undiagnosed ADHD by projecting onto my favorite characters. I mean no harm and no offense.

Ao3 // Missed Signals Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Next Chapter

With the sound of the last bell, Reki and Langa tore off to the skate park. They had just finished mid terms. Both boys were lookin forward to the three day weekend. They both missed going to 'S' and the skate park and even Joe's place, trying to studying as much as possible. Langa was still terrible with his Japanese and Math even though he was getting better. Reki's English and Biology scores were dismal, but he seemed to be scoring consistently well on his other tests.

"Hey, Langa, Reki! Over here!" Joe called. "Long time no see." The four other skaters were standing near a bench in the skate park all seeming to wait for the two high schoolers.

"Joe! Cherry!" Reki's bright grin was visible to them from the entrance.

"Shadow! Miya!" Langa was a little more subdued in his greater but no less enthusiastic.

Both boys felt a weight shift off their shoulders at the presence of their friends. They were really finished with midterms, they had three days to hang out and skate with each other. Their week of hard work seemed to finally pay off.

"Hello there, boys. How did midterms go?" Cherry asked. He was dressed in his robes but had his hair up.

"I think we did okay. It helps that we struggle in different subjects. I am glad we decided to take the days to review things." Reki said.

"It was a smart idea to use past test to study off of, instead of just notes. Your notes are also so lacking but you do so well on the tests." Langa commented absently as he bent to retie his shoe.

"What do you mean?"' Joe asked Langa. They all watched as Langa fiddled with his shoelaces.

"Oh. Um. Reki often forgets his homework or his notes are very scattered. Rarely does he remember his homework and take good notes. But he scores high on his tests. I even overheard the teachers discussing that if he applied himself and did his homework and took better notes Reki easily could be a top student." At the second mention of his name, Reki stopped looking at his phone and came back to the conversation, glancing at Langa who was sighing at his shoe.

"Langa, your aglet is broken. You'll need new laces. but for now I think some tape will do." Reki said. Everyone looked at him confused. "What? The thing on the end of your laces is called an aglet. It is derived from old French meaning 'needle' or 'pin' designed for lacing shoes or bags easier. Originally they were for ornamental reasons." Reki rattled off unprompted into the silence. His face grew pink at the attention of the others.

"Reki, why do you know that?" Miya asked.

"I had a period of time where I customized shoes for people. I liked how different it was from doing a board. I could show off my art skills better and helped steady my hand a bit more." Reki shrugged, not seeing the big deal.

"You know the old French origins of a part of a shoe no one cares about but you can't be bothered to learn English?" Cherry demanded.

Reki shrugged again, rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassment evident. "I don't mean to not do it. I sit down and I get ready to do it but then my mind blanks. Sometimes I can force myself but then I am frustrated quickly and easily irritated. Sometimes I work on it at school but then my notes are shitty." Reki rubbed his forehead, voice hard. "Sometimes the lights are too bright. Sometimes my brain says no to English but yes to physics and even sometimes my brain says no to everything and I just sit there telling myself all the things I need to do but it is all too much and not enough." Reki's hands begin to shake, while Joe and Cherry share a look over his head.

"Skating is the only thin that helps. But when I skate I give up time that I could be studying or working on the homework. I don't mean to be bad at school, just sometimes I can't help it." Reki seemed to curl in on himself, drawing his shoulders up and ducking his head down. His voice grew small and weak.

"Reki we didn't mean to make you upset. We were just curious. You aren't the only person that has issues organizing their thoughts or staying focused. Has this been an issue for a while?" Cherry gently asked. Reki seemed to relax when the group stayed quiet, seeming to expect derogatory comments.

"I think I began noticing in my second year of middle school." Reki spoke to the ground, unable to look at anyone in the eye. Langa could see his muscles tensing, sensing Reki's desire to bolt.

"That is enough of that. We came here to skate. Let's skate." Joe broke the tension seeming to sense Reki's urge to flee.

"Yes! I have something I want to show you slimes." Miya skated off after joe towards the halfpipe, throwing taunts over his shoulder as he went. Reki and Lana flew after him, throwing their own teasing comments at Shadow, who deemed himself the adult supervisor of the rowdy children.

Cherry and Joe hung back a bit, watching them all tear off. The previous conversation still lingering in the air. Both adults tracking a brightly laughing Reki as he skated around Miya and Langa.

"Poor kid. That must be so frustrating. He tried to make it out like it was no big deal but even if he learned some coping mechanisms, they won't work all the time if he doesn't know what the source of the problem is." Cherry said.

"He won't. He isn't self aware enough to know that he even has symptoms. He seems to have an executive dysfunction though." Joe said, thinking back to his high school days, where everything was too much and not enough, the days of skating until the small hours to hopefully be able to focus, the cooking and baking he did to keep from tearing things apart.

"Maybe we can help him? Maybe if we play our cards right he will even let us. He is so smart, it must be terrible to be stuck in your own head like that." Cherry said, finally picking up his board. Joe followed suit.

"The hardest part is the executive dysfunction. You need and want to do the thing but because you're frontal cortex didn't develop fully you completely freeze and your brain checks out and you are worthless all day. No one else can really get it unless they know. It is hard to explain it to neurotypicals." Joe tried to explain to the best of his abilities. Cherry nodded and made a mental note to research neurotypicals and neurodevelopment disorders.

The two adults finally made it over to see everyone was in the middle of a trick imitating game. Miya was keeping the tricks to a lower difficulty than normal so Reki wouldn't get to disheartened Joe noticed. Langa was doing pretty well, some of the more subtle footwork tripping him up since he wasn't a long term veteran. They skated for a few more hours before finally taking a water break. They were leaning against the fence or the bench or even each other in Reki and Langa's case. Langa had his full attention on Reki as he lectured on another topic, Cherry wasn't sure but it seemed to be about the manhole covers in the streets.

"They have to be round cause any other shape will fall in when turned upright. It is to save the people who are in the pipe below it." Reki was saying. Langa soaked up every word, and Cherry almost felt sorry for how gone the kid was for Reki.

"Honestly kid, why do you know that?' Joe said, looking just as interested. Cherry could only sigh and hope he wasn't as readable on how gone for his idiot gorilla.

"I collect interesting facts. I like to keep them in my brain, never know when you need them." Reki said. Joe just smiled down at the young man, fondly.

"Of course you do, kid. Of course you do."

[saundraswriting]

Interior Design Ch. 6: First Day

SUMMARY: Today marks your first day as a SI employee...more specifically the Avengers' personal interior designer.

WARNINGS: None.

NOTES: Sorry it has been a while. Been busy. 

As always you can read it on Ao3 here!

Masterlist // Ao3 // Previous

The next morning you were up with the sun. You laid in the bed for a moment, relishing in everything that happened yesterday. You sat up in a quick movement. 'I have to give Ms. Potts the contract. I have to get my sample books here. I should also finish with the other clients I have waiting too. I should speak to each member I can to get a idea...maybe a powerpoint to show the difference in styles.' You thought to yourself. A plan in mind you got ready, silently thanking the universe for dry shampoo. Once done, you pulled out the contract and read it over before signing it. There wasn't anything you were against, so you signed and placed it on your desk for later. You decided to head to the kitchen, remembering the sleek looking espresso machine on the counter.

You headed out, your bag full of your necessary tools. You were deep in your tablet by-passing everyone loitering in the kitchen as if by magic until you got to the machine. Not hesitating you grabbed a mug and set the machine for a quad risotto shot and waited for it to brew. While waiting your phone rang, you answered it knowing it was one of your clients.

"Yes, ma'am? I am sorry I had to take an unexpected trip out of the city. What can I do for you?" You said pulling up her file on your tablet.

"Y/N, I love your work always, but this time something happened. The table just doesn't fit right. I am very unhappy. I hate glass top tables and the coffee table is glass." Your client said.

"Ma'am...I would never had ordered you a glass table. I have a distinct note in your file. I will immediately look into this. Please give me a moment. The company is still there correct? I will call you back in a moment." You hung up, muttering under your breath before calling another number. "You idiots. Get that table out of there. That is the Tohru account not the Bells. Yes. I know. I have the order right here. I ordered the gold leaf marble table, that glass table isn't to be delivered until next month. Take it back right now." You demanded, rubbing you forehead harshly. "Thank you very much." You hung up, you began typing rapidly on you tablet at the same time asking you phone to call your client. "Ma'am, they will be taking that table back this minute. I am sorry for the confusion. I had to take a trip unexpectedly and wasn't there to oversee everything. I hope you can pardon this mistake. I will be seeing you in a few days when your actual piece comes in. I am currently emailing the company to ensure this next delivery goes off without a hitch." You finished your email with a glare to your tablet.

"Thank you so much, Y/N. I appreciate all the effort you put into this. You are always so good to us. I'll send you a tip right now for all your help." Your client bid you good bye and hung up. A second later your phone chimed with an alert your client had deposited a large tip with only a smiley face emoji.

"She is too much. My goodness." You slumped against the counter and remembered your coffee that was probably done brewing. You pulled your mug over and fixed it up. The first sip has you moaning in pleasure. "It isn't even 8 am." You whispered into your mug.

"You gonna join us for breakfast or keep murmuring sweet nothings to your coffee?" Clint asked from the table. You tensed expecting comments on your lack of manners.

"I am so sorry. I am a coffee addict. Nothing before coffee. I don't really eat breakfast, but thank you. I did want to talk to you if that was okay?" You asked hesitantly.

"Sure. I don't mind. Honestly this is probably the best time to get us, before we scatter for the day." Cint answered.

"Oh, good." You hurried over and pulled out your notebook. "I need to get ideas from all of you. I have some examples of different styles and themes to give you ideas. I need preferences and things to get samples ready. I am starting with your individual rooms. It will help build a connection between you and I." You told them. "I have several other things happening at the moment so I will be coming back and forth for a while which is why I want to get ideas so I can build layouts and idea boards and bring them to you for approval." You continued. "I know that it seems overwhelming but my job is to make it less so. If you even have 15 minutes at some point today to speak with me I would appreciate that. My job is to do all the work. Your job is to say yes or no. So who wants to go first?" You looked up from your notebook to meet several curious glances.

"I have some time around 10:30 or so. I can meet with you." Clint said. His agreement seemed to break the ice and everyone else began chiming in on when they could meet. They all were cooperative in making it easy to meet with them, and once breakfast was over Tony came in.

"Mr. Stark, can I ask a favor? I was wondering if you could escort me to Ms. Pott's office? I have the contract all signed and I have a question for her." You asked. Tony nodded. The table began dispersing and with it you did. You gathered your things and waited in the kitchen.

"You're leaving? " Steve asked with a pointed glace at your bags.

"Yes, Captain Rogers. I have things to do at my office and all of my things are there. I have a lot of work to do before I start working. I have to speak to Ms. Potts and then I have to meet with all of you and then I will be on my way back home. I am just trying to be one step ahead of the game." You explained.

"I'll take your bags to the door for you while Tony takes you to Pepper. I will see you later." Steve grabbed your bags but you stopped him with an arm on his.

"Thank you, Captain Rogers. Can I also ask if you would sit in with Sargent Barnes' meeting? I don't want to overwhelm him." You said, looking at the ground.

"Yeah, of course. I'll have him come to mine, how is that?" He suggested. You smiled up at him gratefully.

Tony came that minute to walk you to Ms. Pott's office. Steve took your bags like he said he would. On the ay there, you made a point to learn the way, not wanting to be escorted back. Tony disappeared when you arrived offering "Meetings, you know." with a quick wave.

Pepper was more that willing to hear out your requests for several of you favorite catalogues and sample books to be ordered for the Avengers to look through. She also accepted your contract with a bright smile. She also gave you her personal cell number and a few other important people in case you needed them. You also got your badge and biometrics scanned to finish your hiring process.

You headed back to the Avenger's side, seeing the living room empty you set up in there, getting more ideas together for the meetings. You were scrambling putting together examples of some of your favorite design motifs like industrial, contemporary, oriental, art deco, bohemian, Scandinavian, rustic, country, modern, classical, minimalist, coastal, glamourous. You also added geometric, traditional, transitional, floral and such. You tried to keep it simple but informative. You listed pros and cons of all of them and before you knew it Clint loudly arrived in through one of the openings into the living room.

" Hey, kiddo. I just need to grab a drink and then we can get started. Do you want anything?" Clint said as he walked by.

"No. I am-" You tried to deny him, you were interrupted by F.R.I.D.AY.

"Agent Barton, Ms. L/N has not had any thing by mouth since breakfast and that was only a large coffee. You should ask her again." Friday told him. She sounded almost disappointed in you. You narrowed your eyes at the ceiling, unable to make words only noises.

"Get used to it. That is what she does. She loves us as much as an AI can. Now, let's try again. Can I get you something to drink?" Clint shook a bottle of water and raised an eyebrow.

"I guess I will take a water. I swear if my meetings run late because of bodily functions, I will never forgive her." You threatened. Clint laughed.

"You heartrate skipped implying that you don't mean that, Ms. L/N. But I appreciate the sentiment." F.R.I.D.A.Y. said. You just sighed and shook your head.

"Come on, Agent Barton. We should get going. This isn't going to take long. All this talk is for it getting you opinions on the very basic thing...theme. You pick what you like, what parts you don't ad I take that information to find pieces to go in your room and then we put it all together. I will do this for everyone in every room and then for the common rooms I will take the common things or needs and then ask everyone's opinion." You explained.

"You will do this for everyone today? That seems a lot." Clint said.

"I need to get ideas, that is all I can do. All my sample books and such are in my apartment. I will have more to work with when I come back. I have some pressing work to do to. I am have clients currently." You patted the seat next to you, gesturing at tablet, notebook and laptop before you. "Shall we get started?"

The meetings with the Avengers went well. The start of each meeting was rocky but as they warmed up, it got easier. You got about 1/2 of those who had rooms, You still needed the more...Very Important Powerful Beings and their opinions. But this was a start. There wasn't much repetition the styles they wanted, and it honestly went how you had predicted. Clint had chosen a geometric motif with hints of industrialism. Natasha had gone with muted bohemian style. Wanda had chosen a more glamorous bold style while her brother had chosen a soft coastal theme. Vision agreed with Wanda's help a very bare bones approach considering his android-ness. He accepted a sleek contemporary look but only to satisfy you and Wanda. Tony was a very new age tech room that you figured would end up being a crash pad and extra lab. Thor went with a more traditional art deco theme, it seemed to make him happy and sad at the same time. Sam was the most undecisive until you convinced him of the perks of mid-century modern vibes. Bruce wanted a more classical theme, a relaxing space to turn off. You made some notes to help that idea stay number one. Steve and Bucky took some time.

"Sargent Barnes, I know this seems like a lot but I promise, nothing you say here is your forever answer. You have time to change your mind, if we finish and you don't like it so be it. We will work on it until you do. This is your room, your space. You don't have to answer to anyone on why it is the way it is. My job is to make you happy and comfortable. So just answer my questions honestly and then we go from there. if you aren't sure then that is okay too." You pulled up some of the more radical themes you had worked on. You felt him saying 'no' would be first easier than saying 'yes'.

"That is gaudy. I was alive when that was losing steam as a trend. I don't want to relive it." Bucky denied the art deco, bohemian, glamorous, nautical and new age theme.

"That is a great start. However this is where it gets tricky. You know what you don't like, but now we need to find what you do like. If you like a whole idea, great. If you only like pieces of it, also fine. My job is to make it work." You next pulled out some of the rustic, industrial and minimalistic ideas. The palette was a little warmer than Steve's Scandinavian minimalist choices. Bucky like the wood/metal contrast and the open concept and natural lighting seemed to catch him too. You had an idea for the ceiling to have it painted to look like there were pipes and so made a note. You also made a note about a pipe bookshelf and plant wall.

"Captain Rogers, Sargent Barnes. This was fun. I will be having some magazines and sample books delivered here for everyone to look through if they want. If not we will have plenty of time to talk about it. Sargent Barnes, I know today was a lot for you, but I have to say...I am very proud of you. Today can't have been easy with the interrogation as light as it was. I unfortunately have to get going. I need to be in the city for the next few days but if you or anyone else has questions, I left my contact info on the fridge." You stuck you hand out to shake and Steve snorted.

"A minute after meeting me, you gave me a hug and made me cry, now you want to play coy and offer a handshake? I don't think so doll." Bucky pulled you into a fast hug before bidding you good day and heading back to his room. Steve gave you a slightly longer hug, beaming at you.

"You are amazing. I never thought we would be doing this today. He seemed like he was having fun. Thank you again. It means a lot to us that you are working so hard." Steve said.

"Captain Rogers, you all save the world weekly. The least I can do it make your bedrooms into a safe space. Now, are you gonna be a punk or you walking me out?" You asked winking with a smirk.

The two of you walked to where Happy stood next to a car that you were sure already had your stuff packed. "I am glad he trusted me enough to talk with me. I want him happy, and comfortable. Tell everyone I said bye and I will see them soon!" You squeezed Steve's arm before heading to the car, letting Happy open the door for you.

Happy opened the door for you to exit the car. You bid him a warm goodbye, taking yourself and your bags up to your apartment to begin the hard part-putting the ideas of others into a plan of action.

*******************************************************************************************

So what did you think? How am I doing? Thoughts, comments, concerns?