#schizoid problems

[nopointinname]

2 people have decided to go out of their way to get in my way aka 'directly approach me to talk to me'. Doing gym at the same time, 7ish times a week, for over a year gets you noticed. I don't really wanna change my schedule, but I might have to if one or both of them keep trying to talk to me.

[genuinely-enthusiastic]

The constant dissonance between wanting to be left alone and not have to deal with any relationshippy/emotional/friendship kind of feelings and responsibilities and at the same time being kind of scared of being helpless/having no support system ... it’s very difficult.

[enterspaghetti]

I forget who I am when I spend to much time in my head

[salroka]

i may be polite and considerate, but please don’t think for a second that i’m a nice person or that i actually give a fuck about people.

[covert-schizoid]

My problems #25

What does love feel like? This question has been bugging me recently. I've gotten pretty good at identifying my own emotions; as vague and distant as they are. But how would I identify love if I ever felt it? What does it feel like?

It’s one of the few blanks on my ‘emotions list’ as I call it; and it bugs me. What if I felt it and didn't know, or mistake it for another emotion?

Basically, I'm asking those schizoids out there that have/had ‘fallen in love’, have/had a  crush, or have/had a significant other  if they could describe the sensation. What does love feel like for a schizoid? Heck, is it even possible to develop such feelings?

[covert-schizoid]

My problems #24

Actually not a problem.

My parents have given me a tie to put on my door whenever I wish not to be disturbed. Part of me is tempted to put it up forever but I know I can't get away with that. It's a step in the right direction though and a nice gesture from them to show they understand and will give me more space.

If I had strong emotion it might have even brought me to tears, but as I do not it is still surprising that made me feel anything at all. But the vague scene of contentment is welcome.

It even makes up for having to socialize on the holidays.

[covert-schizoid]

My problems #23

Easters coming up and you know what that means, family gatherings. The bain of my existence.

At lest my mom should have my back on helping me have as little physical contact as possible but the idea of having to socialize for a whole day with those people is still a terrible prospect.

I can't wait till I'm old enough to not have to go. Thankfully I play the quiet type so I should only have to answer the regular list of questions before I can fade into the background.

But I'm not sure if I can be bothered to do even that.

[covert-schizoid]

My problems #22

So I did it. I 'came out' to my mom, who will tell my dad.

For a icebreaker of the topic it went surprisingly well. I didn't get to everything and certainly not more of the 'scarier' traits of SPD but I think she gets at least a basic idea of what I'm going through.

Though she did fall into the common trap of "Depression? Oh everyone gets sad sometimes, just cheer up!" (But reworded to fit SPD) I pointed it out to her and she seemed rather ashamed.

Other than that though she seems like she'll try to be supportive (though how long that will last as I get more into what SPD is has yet to be seen.) but it seems things may turn out well.

My dad is very INTJ (or at least something similar to it) as it is so he'll get over it pretty fast, or at least be able to relate more.

I'm still thinking over my mom's reaction though; I think it'll be hard for her to wrap her head around. She's a very feely person and my lack of emotion is very foreign to her. (As well as my very brief description of depersonalization; where she really has no clue what I was talking about)

It's a long road ahead I'm sure but for a start things went better than I thought they would.