it wasn't even empty tables.
it was library nooks and locker room corners (and yes the occasional perch on the toilet seat, legs crossed so no one would spot or disturb me) because the spare seats seemed to be reserved for backpacks and used dinner trays.
but in all my time spent wandering halls with my head down, looking at the school clock begging the hands to move faster, i never realised
i only needed to ask
and people would have moved their bags quite happily.
the unspoken rules that seemed like solid brick fade to vapour as i look back.
even the prettiest most popular people who scared me a little would have seen the sadness in my eyes, how i bit my lip to stop me from begging, and moved their hoodies and coats aside to make room for me.
so if you're thirteen, remember
making new friends is not the scandal it seems when you're walking round a school where the same names have been stuck together with superglue since your first day.
friendship bracelets fray and seating plans are meant to be switched and shuffled.
don’t you ever for a second accept lonely lunchtimes as a lifelong punishment. don’t wait like me till after you leave to find out that everyone was fighting a battle you knew nothing about. don’t assume the answer before you’ve asked. seek change and transition until you’ve found the people who make you belly laugh,
blind date friends, take them for trial runs, make throwaway connections like you’ve a pack of flimsy matches and strike with abandon till you find the one that lights.