#schrodingersystem

[schrodingerssystem]

Being plural and a reader can be so annoying sometimes.

I can read for literally hours and then come back a bit later and realize, "Oh, I'm not the me that was reading earlier, I don't remember what the fuck this story is." 😭

Like, it seems so unfair. 💀

[schrodingerssystem]

ID: A meme showing Stain, The Forever Boy, who is a pink blob made out of clay, with arms and legs and a face, tilted sideways on a chair, his face distorted, staring at nothing.

Above is text reading: "Me after discovering The Voices in my head having genders/pronouns isn't very singlet of me:"

[schrodingerssystem]

Question for others systems/plural folks!

Do any of you have headmates/others that you can physically feel when they're around and/or when they take more control? For example, you start thinking about them and you can feel them moving forward in your head?

[schrodingerssystem]

Something I've found that sucks a little about being plural and physically disabled is that sometimes, someone else will choose to do something that they know will aggravate my (our) symptoms but they also know they won't have to deal with the worst of it so they do it without hesitation.

If you're wondering what type of scenario I'm referring to, Luci really likes dancing and we have severe chronic pain and shit mobility. ButLuci decided to dance when they were here the other night and now, he's gone and I've been dealing with the worst of the backlash since then. 💀

I think maybe we should have some boundaries because I totally understand Luci rarely gets to do shit he wants to but maybe we only do things that will severely fuck us over occasionally and warn each other first. Because we both live in this shithole. 😭

[schrodingerssystem]

Chaos was taking to us earlier, as it likes to do, and I stg, someone else just randomly decided to step in to mention how they don't like me.

💀 Apparently I'm annoying?

Its kinda funny on one hand because I don't really interact with anyone but Chaos but its even more funny that whoever it was has never communicated before and decided to take control and make themselves known for less than a minute just to state I'm annoying and then dip.

Like, wow, my haters are so dedicated 🥹

[schrodingerssystem]

New Year, New Us (Plural)

[schrodingerssystem]

Me almost every time my alters take charge:

ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by John Halo @ EpicMasterChief reading: "Ok man it is my circus but idk where all those monkeys came from"

[schrodingerssystem]

It's kind of weird because, on top of plurality, we've also got trans feelings to throw on top of it but even when we were totally in denial about being plural, we knew we weren't the singular us people thought of us as.

We think of the child we used to be as dead. They simply didn't make it out. Some of us are more connected to what happened to them but it comes and goes and in the end, as far as I know, none of us feel explicitly like that was them. That child didn't make it through and we use "deadname" in more ways than one.

We use a different name for us all. We have for awhile. It feels bad in some ways-That kid used to exist and we live in what used to be their body. But it feels worse to use it, feeling disconnected and knowing who people are referring to doesn't exist anymore.

We told ourselves it was simply being trans that created this disconnect but since being more honest to ourselves about our plurality and general mental health, I think we've all known (even if we didn't want to) its more than that.

The name doesn't just bring us dysphoria; that name belongs to a person who existed and who was severed from us due to a frankly absurd amount of trauma. We hear the name and the discomfort is akin to hearing someone speak of a dead relative when you weren't expecting it.

I'm glad we realized it, though, even if it is weird. We always try to honor the kid we used to be, to become someone who would've helped them and I think being honest about our feelings on all of this is important to that. Not sure exactly how, in this scenario, but still.