#scorpio-rat

[naruto-oc-critiques]

Haruka Inuzuka

This character is a more reworked version of an older character I made a long time ago, so I don’t quite have all the history worked out yet. But I’d love a review and some suggestions for what I have so far. 

Name: Haruka (Meaning clear weather combined with fragrance) Inuzuka

Gender: Female

Age: 12

Time set in: Pre Shippuden

Birthplace: Konohagakure

Lives in: Konoha

Appearance: Haruka is around 5 feet and 2 inches tall, and 125 lbs. Her hair is a light brown color and reaches down to a little past her shoulders, with some loose bangs hanging over her forehead. She ties it back with a simple hairband, making a small, messy ponytail. Her eyes are dark brown, though this isn’t easy to see with her slit pupils, her skin is tanned, and her canine teeth are sharper than average. Like the rest of her clan, she has red fang tattoos on her cheeks.

C: 125 lbs is actually rather heavy for her height and age, with this BMI calculator suggesting that she is overweight by 2 centiles (childrens BMI is calculated differently to adults, with anything over the 91st percentile suggesting they are overweight). Obviously BMI isn’t foolproof, but if you bring her weight down to 120lbs she would be a ‘healthy weight’ for her height and age.

Her uniform consists of dark blue three-quarter long pants, with an equipment pouch attached to the back and a holster tied to her right leg. Her shoes are standard dark blue sandals/boots, and she wears a lighter blue open cloth vest that leaves her arms bare. Underneath is wooden chest armor and a simple mesh shirt beneath that. She wears a set of open fingered gloves, with built in blades that extend like claws. Haruka’s headband is tied loosely around her neck.

C: This is okay, though I wonder whether built in blades on gloves would be practical or too bulky. I’m also curious about the choice of wooden chest armour.

Family: (sentence or two for each immediate family member. No need to go into detail on extended family unless relevant)

Morina (ninja hound)- A light brown dog with pointed ears and a curled tail, based off the Akita breed. She’s small at the moment, but has much growing potential.

C: I like the choice of a Japanese breed. I’m curious as to how big she is at the moment, and how big she’ll be when she’s fully grown.

Gaku Inuzuka (Father)- A jounin who’s been in the field since at least the Third Ninja War, and fought directly against Kumo under Minato Namikaze’s command. He’s skilled and confident, but likes to take a slower, more careful approach to problems and is rather strict.

C: What dog(s) does he have?

Kaori Inuzuka (Mother)- A clanless chunin kunoichi that married into the Inuzuka. She works in the medical and science division, and is ocassionaly sent out on missions to gather data and samples when not researching.

C: It’s lovely to see someone working in this field. What does her research focus on?

Kiba Inuzuka (clan relative)

Tsume Inuzuka (clan relative)

Hana Inuzuka (clan relative)

C: I assume that they’re not closely related then.

Occupation: Ninja

Rank: Genin

Team: Kotetsu Hageta (OC clan), Yoshiro Hyuga, and their sensei Kenzou “The Tiger” Byakko

Friends: (still working on this area beyond her two team members)

C: No worries.

Personality: Haruka is a stickler to the rules, and does her best to treat all of her percieved elders and superiors with respect, politeness, and loyalty. In a way, this makes her idealistic, as she believes the best of people in those positions until she is proven wrong. She was raised to value teamwork, and even though she is a bit prideful and standoffish at times, she readily acknowledges that she’s stronger when she’s not alone. Leaving someone behind is a very last resort to her, and she’s more likely to fight to the end than retreat unless told to do so, as long as she feels like it’s still possible to win. She’s more analytical than hotheaded, though when her ego is bruised or she’s worried about something, she may snap at people and have to apologize later.

Haruka puts on a rougher persona around her equals to try and fit her clan’s reputation better, but she’s insecure about her own talent compared to her father’s. Also going against her image is her desire for neatness and order. Possibly because of having a scientist for a parent, she had an unusual amount of knowledge on medical subjects growing up, and despises messes, germs, and dirt in general. She sometimes chastizes people for unhealthy habits, and even washes her dog more often than usual to make sure she’s clean as well. When in battle, this uneasiness is pushed back by adrenaline, though she may complain about the blood and dirt and mess afterwards. She hates loud noises, insects, and chocolate too, though more out of preference than disgust and paranoia.

Haruka enjoys music to the point of using it as a calming tool, though she can’t play an instrument, and she likes trees and woods despite the less than ideal conditions of the outdoors. Her goal is to find her own path to strength and become as respected as her father, no matter how far up the ranks she has to go.

C: I like her personality, though the first paragraph gives me an ‘older than 12′ kind of vibe. I really like her goal too.

History: Haruka was born to Gaku and Kaori Inuzuka, a few months before the Nine-tailed Fox attacked. Both of her parents survived, but many ninja, some Inuzuka among them, died trying to push it back. Gaku became overprotective and stricter as a result, though he always seemed that way to Haruka growing up, and she didn’t push his boundaries much. Instead, she had a huge amount of respect for his past achievements, and wanted to be just like him for a long while. Her mother wasn’t nearly as hovering, but she let her read science textbooks that laid around the house, but she didn’t understand much of it beyond basics, and eventually decided it wasn’t the path for her once her “neatfreak” tendencies set in.

C: Gaku’s reaction is completely understandable here. I’m curious as to how much Haruka was actually able to understand of these science textbooks though. Most of the textbooks I have at home probably wouldn’t be accessible to anyone below 16 years old. It would be more believable if they bought her some age appropriate science books.

She went to Academy around the age of 6, and Gaku was supportive despite his worries over the village’s future peace. She picked up on the studied subjects quickly, and was consistently near the top of her class when it came to tests and sparring, though she wasn’t great with genjutsu or chakra control, relying on her family’s techniques heavily. She had a small collection of friends, mostly because she didn’t look easy to approach. She recieved Morina, who she calls Mori for short, as her ninja hound a year before her graduation, the same year as Naruto’s class but in a different room.

C: I checked with other mods, but we weren’t sure if the rookie 9 were the only ones to graduate from the academy when they did, or there could be another class to graduate from. Some more details about her academy friends would be nice, and maybe a little information on her contact with them after she graduated, though I know you haven’t really finished this part of her yet.

She was assigned her teammates, a quiet, but skilled clan boy named Kotetsu Hageta, and Yoshiro Hyuga, a cheerful member of the branch family who wasn’t very talented in the Gentle Fist arts. Under the leadership of the jounin Kenzou Byakko, a famous trap specialist and battle commander, they grew closer together and improve their skills. She does eventually befriend Anko Mitarashi and, impressed by her drive to grow stronger and diffentiate herself from her teammates, gives Haruka side lessons in poison usage as an unofficial student.

C: Does the team have any speciality?

 Abilities:

Ninjustu- 1

Taijutsu- 2.5

Genjutsu- .5

Int- 2

Strength- 2

Speed- 4

Stamina- 1.5

Handseals- 1.5

Total- 15

C: These are reasonable stats for a genin.

Haruka fights like an Inuzuka, with sharp senses, quick reflexes, and hit and run tactics. She doesn’t have as much brute strength, but her speed is even greater to balance this out, and she uses quick accelerations to increase the power behind her blows. She also has a pair of metal claw weapons she extends to increase her reach and bolster her jutsu effectiveness. She’s great at tracking and flanking opponents, but suffers in prolonged direct combat and is best with backup. Her chakra natures are Fire and Wind. Haruka is also a rookie poison user.

C: Does she mix poison with her clan techniques?

Jutsu/Techniques list-

Man Beast Clone

All Fours Jutsu

Tunneling Fang

Fang Over Fang (Iron Fang Over Fang with her weapons drawn)

Fang Rotating Fang (Iron Fang Rotating Fang with her weapons drawn)

Wind Style: Tornado Fangs- Original technique that requires spinning upright and moving along the ground like a pair of tornadoes, slashing opponents apart with an added wind element. It can draw enemies into it at high speeds.

C: Adding in wind style would make it a high level jutsu and be quite hard to create (see Naruto adding wind nature to rasengan), so I feel this is probably something she wouldn’t be able to come up with as a genin and is best left until chuunin or later.

Tainted Claws- A technique that cuts the enemy with her poison tipped weapons, eventually causing their muscles to go numb and make them slower. This is more of a setup for more powerful attacks, as it makes the opponent an easier target.

C: Why did she chose that particular poison? A fast acting and fatal poison would seem a more sensible choice.

Overall, I like Haruka. As you haven’t finished working on her yet, there are bits of information missing, and I’ve tried to point out each time I had questions about her. Even if you don’t write out an answer to each of them, it would probably be beneficial to think about the questions to help develop her. I’d also like to know about any goals that she might have, and more on what made her choose to be a ninja, though it’s okay if she doesn’t really have long term goals considering her age. This is definitely a good start and I wish you the best of luck with fleshing Haruka out. If you have any questions please feel free to message us.

[naruto-oc-critiques]

In terms of combining the Gentle Fist and swordplay, I was thinking of making a hybrid called the Gentle Blade, where the user would coat their weapons in a concentrated layer of chakra and slice the chakra system and internal organs instead of just cutting the outside. It would be like a larger scale of the medical chakra scapel technique. Would that seem plausible for a Hyuga to figure out in time?

Time? Perhaps if you gave a time-frame that could be judged better, but for now I’m jut going to go with ‘before they die’ ok?

The main issue here is whether that technique is feasible at all.

The wiki doesn’t provide much info on the Chakra Scapel, so we’re gonna have to go with headcanons here.

Personally, I think of the chakra scapel as a then veil of tiny, short chakra needles around the user’s hand, which then gives then user’s hand the ability to cut things. Since chakra does not abide by the rules of contact (you cut what you can reach) this allows it to cut the insides of people w/o the user’s hand going inside of people.

The precision and power of cut comes from the user’s ability to constantly maintain a concentrated chakra-field dense and sharp enough to be able to cut, something which normal chakra cannot do. This is very hard, as seen by the fact that most people cannot do it.

Going by that logic, scaling up that technique would be close to impossible. As such, I would say don’t do that technique, but I can offer you some alternatives.

Firstly, you change the reasoning behind the chakra-coat to wind chakra, like Asuma’s knives, where the reach of the blade is increased along with cutting power. But I assume you want the wow factor of scoring internal injuries, so here’s 

Secondly, you can consider it a literal extension of the Gentle Fist. As in, the sword is not coated in a layer of chakra. It simply acts as a conduit for the chakra, where upon contact, just like the Gentle Fist, the user sends a shockwave of chakra down the sword, to use the sword’s contact point with the opponent as an entrance into the opponent’s internal system. This burst of chakra does not need to be precise - it simply needs to wreck havoc on the opponent’s internal system. But perhaps you also want the wow factor of scoring internal hits w/o contact, in which case I present to you

Thirdly, you can consider casting a ‘sheath’ of chakra around the blade, so that the reach is extended, internal cuts can be scored within justifiable reason, and Hyūga-like control of chakra is necessary to wield it. But, this version has serious flaws. How will the user maintain this long-reaching blade of pure chakra? Chakra is only an energy. It’s reach can only go so far. As such, to justifiably maintain an large extended reach and maintain the precision needed for internal-only cuts, the user has to keep pumping their chakra into the sword - a huge waste, seeing as shinobi are meant to end the fight with as little blows as possible, and here you have this idiot wasting his chakra to give a little more reach to his sword.

Basically, consider what you want the technique to achieve, how it can be done in compliance with canon logic and a little extrapolation, and then justify, justify, justify. Don’t just go for the wow factor and forget the grisly details of shinobi life.

as for whether the Hyūga can achieve this within his lifetime? sure, if he doesn’t die.

within a month? I don’t think so. i think we’re talking years, here, on this kind of precision-based technique.

- Ln

[naruto-oc-critiques]

I'm working on a pre-Shippuden Hyuga clan OC, and I wanted to ask for some comments/tips on his history/skills. Right now, I have him as a branch member (full Hyuga mother and retired Samurai father). He has the Byakugan, but his dad doesn't live with the rest of the clan. I wanted him to struggle with traditional Gentle Fist style beyond the basics, but would it make sense for his father to pass on some Samurai sword techniques to make him more balanced? Or maybe even begin combining the two?

I don’t see why he couldn’t learn the Gentle Fist style and some sword techniques too. I’m not sure on how you would combine the two though, as the gentle fist style is about attacking the chakra system, and I can’t see a sensible way to add swords into this unless he switches between the two, rather than combining it into one style. Even if he only uses the gentle fist style in battle, learning how to use a sword could still make him a more balanced and better fighter. If you have an idea on combining the two different styles into one, them please feel free to send us another ask explaining how you would intend for it to work and we can let you know how plausible we think it would be.

-C

[crystalelemental]

It’s a canon noncompliant Dedue anyway, though in retrospect, like 95% of what I write is canon noncompliant. It’s more of a “imagine if Dedue were written by people with a sense of racial sensitivity.” Like imagine if his supports with Ingrid weren’t all about the white woman’s feelings about the genocide her kingdom carried out, and maybe spared a moment to explore more of Dedue’s thoughts and feelings about what happened more than not at all.

And yes, canonically, Dedue talks about being willing to follow any order Dimitri gives, and turns himself and other soldiers into beasts even without Dimitri’s orders because he was willing to protect Dimitri at any cost. But that’s kinda the problem. Dedue is written as someone who believes he is indebted to Dimitri for the bare minimum of trying to stop an ongoing genocide, and as Dimitri’s direct inferior, instead of as a friend on equal footing.

[wittyblather]

This is a very slight Voltron spoiler but there actually is more than one girl in the series if you're concerned about it being just all dudes 90 percent of the time. It'll become apparent a few episodes in ^^.

hmmmm oh really

eh, i’ll give it a few episodes, see if it grabs me. if it doesn’t, it’s not necessarily the show’s fault, i just have a short ass attention span when it comes to tv, lol.

[scorpio-rat]

Sailor Moon: Legend of the Woodstar

Fanfiction.net link here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11227883/1/Sailor-Moon-Legend-of-the-Woodstar

Chapter 1

"Another dead end…" A dark haired man dressed in a white lab coat glared at his computer monitor, the only light in his shadowed study. "All I can find are dead ends!" With a frustrated sound, he stood up and swiped the files off his desk. Stacks of papers recording data from multiple tests fell to the floor and he stared at them, breathing heavily. He'd been at this for years, trying to find the perfect solution to what plagued Japanese society-no, the world's society for generations.

Energy. Everyone needed a source of power, but it was a proven fact that Earth only had so many sources to offer. Eventually, conventional ones would run dry, and the population would turn to riskier things. Wind, water, thermal heat, nuclear... Japan had already suffered enough from unstable energy. They needed something reliable, but still endless.

Dr. Isamu Kimura had researched and tried every possible method he could dig up, but his projections all failed or proved too finicky to be trusted. Was it possible that today's science did not hold the answer? Maybe it was time to look in a more unorthodox place…

Calming down, he ignored the mess on the floor and walked over to a large bookshelf. The texts lined up on it were mostly various chemistry, natural science, and physics books, but the very top row was different. Dusty from lack of use, this set of leather bound pages held a different kind of knowledge. They were all over old legends from ancient people, and they often held accounts of things more amazing than tangible science of this age. They spoke of magic.

Ten years ago, Isamu would have never believed such a thing, but with that he had seen recently, he was starting to open up to the idea. Monsters stealing the life forces of the innocent, people mutating into beasts, and nightmares come to life had plagued Japan as of late, and all of these threats were neutralized by a group of young girls who referred to themselves as Sailor Senshi. What other explanation could make sense of their incredible feats than magic? That was the kind of thing he needed.

He was lucky his partner had always enjoyed those kind of mythical stories outside of work. Isamu grabbed one at random, blew the dust off it, and cracked it open.

Silver and Gold: Tales of Two Kingdoms

He skimmed the novel, reading bits and pieces of old legends about the Earth and Moon during the time before things were recorded. Were there really such powerful civilizations that long ago? The beginning of one chapter caught his attention, and he stopped to read it in full.

The Energy Within

Every living being in existence has a spirit, an energy within them that defines who and what they are. They are considered the seeds of life, and they are rumored to be birthed from a central point in space, the shared origin of all. Even the stars grew from these seeds. Some seeds are brighter than others, and some grow stronger with time, but they all share the quality of never truly dying. Even if the body holding it decays with age, the seed will return to its origin to rest, and then create a new body to be housed in. Flesh is fallible, but these shining beacons are everlasting.

"An interesting theory…" This society's explanation of souls was something to think about. They seemed to believe that energy simply existed within everything, like precharged batteries. Marking the section, he flipped through it again until he came upon another chapter.

Legend of the Woodstar

In a distant Kingdom, there was a gem that held the power of nature itself. Born from the will of a great Thundergod, it fell from the sky and into the hands of a maiden. This child became the favored one of her people's god, and with that blessing commanded both the gentle woods to grow and the ruthless lighting to smite. That gem was called the Woodstar, as the green jewel glowed and pulsed with power and life.

She guarded the gem in a beautiful temple deep in the forest, and many made pilgrimages to seek her help and advice. But as with any bright light, shadows were formed behind it. Ones with darker intentions appeared to take the Woodstar for themselves, and the maiden pleaded for help to keep it safe. Her Thundergod relented, and made four smaller gems that took the form of humans. They held their own power, but their destinies were tied to the Woodstar forever. With her four new guardians, the maiden was able to repel any twisted foes that dared to take her gem. But as the years faded, so did she, as she was only mortal.

Eventually she died, and the Woodstar disappeared with her. Her guard faded as well, and her people waited with baited breath to see what would happen next. Soon after her death, a new child was born, and on her brow was the sign of their god. She had been reborn, and within her lived the Woodstar, now a part of her very spirit. Her four guardians reawakened and resumed their positions, though they too had different forms. And so the cycle continued, generation after generation. The maiden's purposed changed slowly but surely, until she was just as much of a warrior as her guardians, and she could finally take an active role in protecting her kingdom of thunder and oak.

"The Woodstar…" Isamu muttered, absorbed in his thoughts. It was a vague story, but the object it described sounded amazing, and very similar to the seeds he had read about just before. If it could create life and summon lightning with no repercussions, then it would theoretically be an amazing energy source. But did it exist? Was a living thing capable of carrying around all that power? Taking the book, he sat down as his cleared desk and started looking up more sources. With each new story that complimented the theory, his eyes grew brighter.

"I can work with this…But how to find this fabled object?" He needed defined characteristics to look for, quantifiable things to track.

Excited now, Isamu started building a virtual model of a theoretical Woodstar, and estimating the readings it would give off. Once he had that completed, a tracking program could be created, and he could start scanning for what he was looking for, though he already had a certain starting point in line. The only beings on Earth that had ever displayed anything near that kind of power were those Sailor Senshi and the things they fought. He had a feeling in his gut that they were linked to this in some way. It was only a matter of time before he could find that connection…

Isamu picked up a small wooden picture frame and moved it closer to his workspace, smiling. The photo inside was of a young, redhaired woman and himself standing together.

"We're so close to what we've dreamed of now, Chiyo, I know it…"

[sailormoonsub]

Inner senshi, 12 -How they sleep

Ami:

Rei:

Mako:

Minako:

Usagi:

[senshiofserenity]

Ami for numbers 11, 16, and 20. ^^

This character’s favorite piece or pieces of clothing

I find Ami to be the type who doesn’t care much about fashion and clothes. So if she were to have a favorite, it’ll be something that just hits her exact specifications. Like it’s just the right shade of blue and practical or something. But anyway, I’m going to go for something that has a deeper emotional meaning. It’s the dress she received unexpectedly from her father on her 16th birthday. He usually just sends postcards or birthday cards or short messages, and sometimes just a picture with no words at all. Sometimes it’d come days or even weeks late, and one time it was like six months away from her actual birthday. 

But then her sixteenth rolls around, and the package is there bright and early that morning. Ami is surprised and ecstatic once she recognizes her father’s neat yet slanted handwriting. Inside there is a note about how sixteen is an important age and how he’s proud of her for becoming a woman and hopes that she will find the dress to her liking.

By this point, Ami’s own fashion sense has evolved. She’s ditched the old-fashioned style for a bolder and more chic look, largely thanks to her friends (both for helping her confidence and for the makeovers/fashion tips). The dress she finds in the package is one that would fit her old self better. It’s very conservative, with a high neckline, long sleeves, and rather shapeless.

Ami never wears it, because she isn’t that girl anymore. But she keeps it pristine in its box with its thin tissue papers, considering it one of her favorite pieces of clothing anyway.

Their sexuality

Like Rei, I can see Ami pretty content with never marrying or being in a relationship with someone. She’s really good at entertaining herself and being on her own, so she won’t really ever crave a special someone to share her life with beyond her friends. She won’t feel like there’s anything missing or consider it a box that needs to be ticked in order to have a happy life. As long as she has a successful career in the field she’s passionate about and her friends, she’ll be happy.

If anything, if she’s ever attracted to someone, it would be because of their intelligence, because they can match her level.

Household chore they hate the most

I was going to say none, because I don’t see her as the type who dislikes any household chore, having probably been used to doing them since she was little, what with her mom always being busy and all. But then you gave me the idea of mails, and so mails it would be. Ami does not like picking up her mails, especially on her birthday. Because when her father’s isn’t there, it has the potential to ruin the rest of the day.

Every single time she tries to manage her expectations. She tells herself it won’t be there, that today isn’t more special than yesterday, that she expects nothing.

She fails every time.