#scott loves peebee

[kerek-the-unhallowed]

Peebee TEH thief

Peebee: Hey Vetra guess what?

Vetra: Do I want to know or is this going to be something horrible.

Peebee: Trust me, you’ll want to know.

Vetra: Fine. Tell me.

Peebee: I stole Ryder’s underwear!!

Vetra: What? Why?

Peebee: Because it’s funny to see him all uncomfortable. Also because human guys have cool underwear. It’s all soft. And cottony

Vetra: What’s cotton?

Ryder: WHERE IS MY UNDERWEAR YOU BLUE SIREN.

[kerek-the-unhallowed]

Oops.

Keri: So, I’ve heard you and Pelessaria are a couple now.

Scott: yeah we really hit it..wait how did you know? We’ve literally only been official for a few days.

Keri: um…

flashback

Poc is floating around the Nexus with a message autoplaying on maximum volume

Peebee (through Poc): ATTENTION ALL DORKS AND LAZY BONES. LADIES GENTLEMEN AND THOSE OF UNSPECIFIED GENDER. THE HUMAN PATHFINDER AND I ARE NOW DATING. HE IS SO ADORABLE AND HE IS MINE. I LOVE HIM AND WE HAVE SEX EVERY NIGHT. THATS RIGHT THE HUMAN PATHFINDER AND I ARE BANGING. AND IN LOVE. TREMBLE IN DESPAIR AND JEALOUSY BITCHES.

flashforward

Keri: Call it a woman’s intuition. But you know I’m still interested in you..

Poc: HANDS OFF YOU UNCULTURED SLUT

[kerek-the-unhallowed]

Perfect compromise

Peebee: So what's this spaghetti you go on about?

Scott: You've never had spaghetti? How do you know what peanut butter is but not spaghetti?

Peebee: Because peanut butter is the food of the goddesses and I'm the goddess so duuuuuh

Scott: Spaghetti with Parmesan cheese and meat is heaven. Heaven Pelessaria

Peebee: Is it better than peanut butter?

Scott: Yes.

Peebee: Is it better than popcorn?

Scott: Yes.

Peebee: Is it better than sex.

Scott. Maybe. No.

Peebee: Do you want to have spaghetti?

Scott: Yes. Do you want to have sex?

Peebee: Always with you around.

Scott: GOT IT. Romantic dinner. Spaghetti. Then sex.

Peebee: Yes. Love that idea. Go make it. Now. Please. Thank you

[kerek-the-unhallowed]

Vetra and peebee

Peebee: soooooo you can get anything from your contacts?

Vetra: Pretty much anything that was brought along, I can eventually track it down?

Peebee: So guns, parts, armor?

Vetra: Yep, also food, personal items, contraband. Stuff like that

Peebee: What about clothes?

Vetra: Oh yeah, especially for Asari and humans, they wear basically the same stuff.

Peebee: What about lingerie?

Vetra: I'm sure I could- wait? Lingerie?

Peebee: Yeah! Lingerie!

Vetra: Why would you..? Oh.

OH.

Peebee bites her lower lip and smiles

Vetra: That poor boy.

Peebee: I'm just doing my part in making sure our Pathfinder is rested and relaxed!

Vetra: uh-huh. The fact that you're pretty much in love with him doesn't have anything to do with it.

Peebee: Excuse me, it's not pretty much! It is! Now get me my sexy underwear!

[kerek-the-unhallowed]

Peebee and Ryder

*Peebee tackles Scott, knocking him flat on the ground* Peebee: Hai! :D Scott: I love you too.

[kerek-the-unhallowed]

Standard peebee maneuver

*cute girl walks up to Scott* CG: hi! :D you're the pathfinder right? Scott: Trying to be, maybe finding meridian will improve my resume. CG: *giggles* you found us a homeworld, I should think that gives you a leg up anywhere *winks* *PEEBEE BOYFRIEND SENSES ACTIVATED* Scott: *oblivious to the little flirt* well you'd think so but that's not always the case. But I can get a free lunch anywhere now. CG: oh? Are you hungry? There's a place nearby if you want to try it, id love a chance to get to know the pathfinder more *smiles meaningful* *CG is unaware of the impending cataclysm. Peebee is sneaking up behind Scott* *Scott is catching on*: while that is appreciated I am in a committed relationship. *Peebee feels a flush of happiness that is soon overwhelmed by rage at CG's next words* CG: well she doesn't have to know? Come on it'll be fun! Besides it takes a human to know what a human wants ;) *PEEBEE IS RAGE* *Peebee appears from nowhere and attaches herself to Scott. Who does not appear surprised in the slightest* *Unspoken woman code suddenly darts between the cute girl and Peebee* Peebee: MINE. BITCH BACK OFF OR DIE CG: HE MAY BE YOURS BUT HE WILL BE MINE *Scott looks down at peebee and smiles. Clearly the asari is the winner* Scott: This is my girlfriend Peebee, I guess you knew that already. I'm happy with her *Peebee clutches him possessively* Peebee: He is mine. That's all you need to know. *Scott blushes a little* CG: D: *defeated for now she makes an excuse and runs away* *Peebee victoriously leans on Ryder, savoring her epic battle with the random bitch trying to take her love. No one-* *Scott interrupts her train of thought by kissing her deeply* *Peebee is blush* *Scott thinks it's adorable*

[kerek-the-unhallowed]

Simple

Peebee: Ryder! I need your help with something? Scott: Hmm? Peebee: I just found something really important, a Rem-tech facility on Elaaden. The scanner picked it up. If I'm right it could have an entire database about all of their tech there! Scott: one scan told you that? Peebee: Never underestimate the power of scanning!! It's probably crawling with deadly remnant. As always. But it's a really important find!! Scott: well lets go then. Peebee: This is why I love you Scott: and here I thought it was my dashing good looks and expert skills in bed. Peebee: Those are bonuses.

[kerek-the-unhallowed]

Peebee: *Moves under the laundry*

Scott: *Reading a book, an actual book from the Milky Way, looks at the lump*

Peebee:*pokes head up* Hello! I’m back!

Scott: You’re in the laundry.

Peebee: I’m warm.

Scott: I just cleaned those

Peebee: Again, warm.

Scott: Destructor of my clean clothes.

Peebee: Woohoo!im the destroyer!

Scott: the destroyer isn’t getting any tonight.

Peebee: FUCK.