Oct 28, 2022
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The SCP Foundation's 'top-secret' archives, declassified for your enjoyment.
…I think the SCP Foundation just found an alternate universe version of Starscream. (Or Megatron. Depends on which con you think is more useless.) XD
WHY THE [Redacted] ARE YOU SO CUTE????
Guess who accidentally created a theme for SCP-1370?
(I used BeepBox. Turns out I can be a musician.)
Writing dark au at 5 am again. Weeeee
“I’m confused,” Mr. LD (Life and death) said. “Are you guys dead or...?”
“We are,” Mr. Lie said.
“Yet we are not.” Mr. Stripes continued. “We are here,”
“Yet we are not.” Mr. Lie said.
“Just answer the question already.” LD sighed. “I need to pay for rent, you know.”
“We just answered your question.” the twins said as if they were one person.
LD rolled his eyes, sick of his brothers’ “stuck between universes” bullcrap. The last time he met someone like this was Klaus. Now he’s dead and his dead body is possessed by some plant. Yet... the twins are a different case. Nobody truly knows how did they got stuck in the middle of everywhere and nowhere, but here they are, now more annoying than ever.
“Have you two heard about the whole ‘collector’ thing?” LD asked them. “I’ve heard Lost mentioning this guy a few times but I never understood.”
“Mr. Collector is one wicked scum.” Stripes said. “Wishing to take revenge on each and every one of us.”
“He was supposed to be one of us, but...” Lie said. “Things didn’t work out as he planned.”
“But that’s all we know.” they said at the same time.
“Collector is a piece of shit and I’ll handle him as well.” a familiar voice came from behind LD.
“Oh, god.” Lie said.
“Brass, stop.” Stripes said.
“You two should shut the fuck up!” Brass yelled at them. “You three were dad’s favorites, and I’ll handle you as well!”
“Last time you tried, you fell off the roof.” LD said. “The one before that, it was raining and you didn’t want your cape to be ruined.”
“Not to mention that Lie and I aren’t really here.” Stripes said.
“So basically, you’re an idiot.” Lie said.
“I’ve killed many.” Brass said. “I killed Redd, I killed Mad...”
Lie couldn’t resist letting out a small laugh. Not the “my evil plan succeeded” laugh, but rather the “Wow, this guy doesn’t know anything” laugh.
“Why the fuck are you laughing?” Brass asked.
“No reason.” Lie said, putting on a smile. “Carry on. You’ve killed them, yes...”
“I could kill you too if I want to.” Brass said.
“Again, we’re not here.” the twins said.
“And you definitely don’t want to fight death.” LD said. “Remember, Brass. I don’t go easy on anyone. Not even my siblings.”
“Is that a fucking threat?” Brass asked.
“It’s a warning.” LD smirked. “Just remember that the faith of poor little Mikey is in our hands.”
“And if you’ll take the wrong steps,” Lie said.
“Or if you’ll try to do something stupid,” Striped continued.
“Then I’ll make sure your son’s pain is finally over.” LD said, tapping Brass’ shoulder as he passed near him, only to disappear into smoke.
“Think wisely, Brass.” Striped said. “We all know you still have some good left in you.”
The twins disappeared, leaving the automaton all by himself.
“One day...” he told to himself. “One day I’ll save him...”
---
The small robot sat on the cold floor of his room at the new church, drawing on a piece of papers with crayons almost bigger than his body. Pesterbot sat beside him, watching over in case of any danger.
“Pesterbot,” Mikey said. “You’re my best friend here, you know that right?”
“Thanks.” Pesterbot said.
“Do you mind if I’ll tell you my secret?” Mikey asked.
“I don’t mind at all.” Pesterbot replied. “Spill.”
Mikey kept smiling, as he stared happily into his friend’s eyes and whispered.
“Don’t tell dad, but I know I won’t be able to see the end of this year.”
Dark AU VS Regular side characters- know the differences (part 1)
Jeffrey
Regular Jeffrey, killing someone for the first time so Brass won’t get hurt: Oh, F R I C K! Please tell me they ain’t... oh godddd I think I committed murder!!! I’m a horrible person! I’m so sorry!!!
Dark AU! Jeffrey, killing someone: Welp, the Miss is finally dead. Now, the fuck ya needed, Brass? *le wonk*
SCP-1370:
Regular SCP-1370: I just stole a fucking tank, and you can’t stop me, Jeffrey! Now all potted plants are about to get F U C K E D!
Dark AU! SCP-1370: Uh... F-fellas? I-is that okay if I’ll stab that guy? H-he seems like a threat to our lord UwU
Joe (motherfucking) Schemo:
Regular Joe, who cannot die: God, I want to commit liven’t, but I won’t because of a) I fucking can’t and b) Mad would be sad. In that fucking order. I may now go down that hill screaming at the top of mah fucking lungs.
Dark AU! Joe, who’s a re-animated shadow-monster boy: God, I wish I could be alive and normal. But I guess being a shadow thingy is cool too. Also, I would die again for you, Mr. Mad.
Patches:
Regular Patches: *borks in adorable*
Dark AU! Patches: *demonic noises, probably have some dead-doggos rabies*
Just some fluffy Mr. Brass X Jeffrey headcanons
They met during [redacted]'s containment breach. It broke both of their containments's walls. Jeffrey decided to explore the site while the staff was busy trying to fix the problem. As he passed next to Mr. Brass's containment, he saw Brass had a panic attack so he decided to try and talk to him. The staff realized that Jeffrey can calm him down, so whenever Brass had a panic attack they put Jeffrey in his containment to calm him down.
Their first kiss was when Jeffrey had a panic attack because he finally realized that "The Miss" wasn't going to get him back nor care about him. The reaserchers decided to let Brass handle the situation, because a) they wanted to see if Brass can do that. And b) because Brass knows what it feels like to be disowned. Brass straight up ran over to him, hugged him, asked him what's wrong and gave the "If she threw you away like this, she's an idiot with a single brain cell and you are better than her." Speech. There was a moment of silence and then Jeffrey just kissed him.
The first one to say "I love you" was Mr. Brass. Somehow some people from "the church of the broken god" managed to sneak into the site and caused one hell of a containment breach. Jeffrey ran to see if Brass was okay, but he bumped into the intruders. Since they thought he was a new form of Brass, they tried to grab him and pull him apart. Brass saw that, grabbed the closest thing he could use as a weapon (which was a pipe), and just began to fight off these guys until security came. After security arrested the church men, he hugged Jeffrey (who was alright but a bit shaken) and began to sob because he was so scared of losing him. Then he accidentally said "I love you", and it took him a few seconds to realise that he said it out loud. Before he could speak, Jeffrey pulled him into a kiss and said "Aw, man, I wanted to say it first."
They were dating for five years before they got engaged. They were at some festival after being released by the foundation, and when the fireworks began, Jeffrey got down on one knee, pulled out a ring and asked Brass if he'd marry him. Brass bursted out of laughter. "Fuck you, man! You stole my line!" Brass said as he also went down on one knee and pulled out a ring. Both laughing, Jeffrey asked "So is that a yes?" and Brass was like "We were just proposing to each other. It's a fucking yes.". They were about to kiss, but Ms. Sweetie just yelled "Fucking cheesy!" at the two of them.
They had a private wedding because Brass still was scared of any ceremony/ritual. They were both okay with that. They also didn't make a big deal out of it when they had dinner with the rest of the little Misters. Brass just said "...well, after Jeffrey and I got married..." And all 19 siblings just stared at them like "You two got married???" And Jeffrey said "Yeah. We've been married for four months now.". For the first time everyone threw slurs in different languages at Brass and the two of them just sat there laughing. Smiles was the only person who was cool with that. (Based of a true story in one family dinner we had at my mom's uncle's house. It was hilarious.)
They adopted scp-1370 around two years after they got married. They wanted to adopt someone from the SCP foundation, and when Brass saw 1370 trying to fight a potted plant, he was like "what an idiot.". He then walked over to Jeffrey, pointed at 1370 and said "We take him." . A few months later 1370 tried to steal a tank. Not a toy tank, but a full size, armed, working army tank. Jeffrey was stressed and Brass was so proud.
Favorite underrated SCPs
You guys are free to add your favorite too.
SCP-1370- This robot was literally trying to fight a potted plant...and failed.
SCP-2045- Jeffery is just...too pure for this... (Also, why the fuck is he Euclid? What did he do?)
SCP-1908- Mr. Clean’s SCP version.
SCP-629- Him... he needs a hug...
SCP-3008- Infinite Ikea. Infinite Ikea.
SCP-1504- Just... just read it. It’s good.
