ok so i have an alter who's a gatekeeper/protector who controls who gets access to what memories. earlier one of my other alters tried to remember some stuff and they pushed them out and reacted... aggressively, in a way that frustrated alter #2 and hurt their feelings. they keep saying "there's a reason you don't have access" and i know they have good intentions, but they sometimes limit memories to the point where it's rly counterproductive... any advice for talking to them about this? thanks!
Hey Anon,
As a protector that holds a few memories, they could be doing this based on a plethora of factors, such as:
- Thinking said memories would harm the certain alter;
- Thinking they, for whatever reason, can’t handle those memories;
- They think the alter is too young or unstable to have those memories;
- Etc.
I think it’s very important to find out the reason behind them withholding memories. Before confronting them about this, try to see (whether it be through reflecting or experimenting) if they withhold memories from certain alters or just everyone in the system. If they withhold it from certain alters, it’s best to think about what those alters have in common, then you can confront them by saying something along the lines of “Hey, I noticed you won’t let [X alters] access certain memories? Is it because of [similarity]?” If they won’t let anyone in the system access the memories, then that’s where things get more tricky.
Essentially: I believe talking to them about it is extremely beneficial and worth a shot, but it’s very important to not come off as 100% accusatory (i.e “Why are you withholding memories? Why won’t you let [X alter] access memories?”) Try to theorize why they may be doing it, and bring up the theories to them, as sort of mentioned with the similarity theory above.
Best of luck,
- X