#scumbro

[jasonraish]

Fashion Santas for Mr Porter. We have Granny Baller Santa, Sustainable Stealth Santa, GORPcore Santa, Scumbro Santa, and E-Boy Santa

[alexrevenge92]

Yeah, I’m a scumbro.

[themancorialist]

Aytoun Street, Manchester.

[jakey-jakes-is-woke]

Get out of your own way

I’ve had four hours of sleep which for me, given the alcohol content in my bloodstream at the time, combined with my workload, was pretty interesting. Of course, because I took yesterday off, a bunch of shit happened (see: alcohol content in my bloodstream), but I’m also listening to the entire U2 catalog on shuffle and this song came on as I found the most embarrassing photo of Jakey-Jakes. I’m not saying it’s time for an intervention, because if you want me to perform more emotional labour for this guy, y’all gonna have to PayPal me. But I’m using this blog as an outlet to forget that I have a Word document that will need to be six pages long within the next three hours, so have some Irish tough love.

Listen, there’s “I’m white and from southern California”, and there’s “my name is Chad, White Claw is lyf, I refuse to wear a mask and I think Eminem is the greatest thing to happen since Elvis Presley” (and you know very well what I mean by that last line). Is there context? There must be. Is there a context for how that’s not even that surprising probably two decades on? Sadly yes. Is there context for all this odd jewelry taste? I don’t know, does anyone have his father’s phone number, cause I have questions for Chad, I mean, Jakey-Jakes.

Okay, so first of all, I want to say this mild hungover will not be helping. Unlike Jakey-Jakes’ girlfriends, I am not barely legal and my wine cooler college days are long past me. Just kidding, I never drank a wine cooler, I’m not a monster, but I used to grab all the food and wine at the reception tables when the art school adjacent to my building in undergrad was hosting some sort of opening, and use it as a) dinner for three days and b) so I could show up to my 6:30pm class with wine (yeah, you wish you had gone to my school). Anyway, all this to say I’m a motherfucking adult, but that also means that I have to type really serious stuff while holding the sarcasm, that my back hurts sometimes and that I find new, unidentified and unsourced bruises with every shower. I’m slightly younger than Jake, which makes me a senior citizen in his eyes. But you know what I have? My dignity, because there’s no picture of me such as this one on the internet.

Oh I can hear you from my bullshit lockdown work-from-home desk; you’re saying that of course there are, because we’ve all been - what, how old is he here, 21? - 21 and dumb as a rock. Actually, at 21, I was already (redacted profession). This doesn’t mean I’m not dumb. I regularly lose the second sock, my contact lenses, I have been known to walk into glass doors and sometimes I take a dish out of the oven without mitts on. Why? Not only did Ivy League not prepare me for any of that “responsibility” stuff, I’m also notoriously absent-minded when it comes to whatever has nothing to do with my job. My calendar may be full until a single day in June of 2022, but it’s also chock-full of reminders to like, pay my taxes, take out the trash, and go to bed. Otherwise I forget. Mostly because I don’t have the time to go to bed, but you know what I mean. I also have a reminder set at 11am everyday that men are trash, because sometimes I forget and we all know where that leads.

Anyway, enough of my social ineptitude and back to Chadey-Chakes here. I wish I could tell you this had been a single instance in which someone told him it was okay to impersonate Vanilla Ice, or maybe he was auditioning for a movie (with an audience?) for the character of “Guy Who Listens to Smash Mouth #2″. For some reason I doubt it, because look at this white ass one percenter who knew he had achieved success when his first grown up apartment looked like it could be on MTV Cribs:

Jesus fucking Christ everyone, this is terrible.

And it all started out like that.

I remember when our goddess and queen of this blog, our true inspiration, the great @kaittiffany​, had mentioned that we all knew at least 4 dudes, at any given time, who describe Donnie Darko as being their literal personality trait. Well, not only are we all entirely guilty of that, and it prompted a downward spiral for me, but I had to deal with the fact that at some point there is so much that a Columbia dropout in eastern mysticism in cargo shorts on a long board in Los Angeles can do: actually, not much. Because, you know, we live in a society, and what it says is that we could have seen the gold chain coming. It was terrible all along. I didn’t realise that, because just like Tom Holland, I did think this Burberry coat was a really great look, but I’m afraid there is a bit of a case of arrested development here. You know when post-humanist philosopher Taylor Swift quoted that part of her depression was due to the famous saying that “people are frozen at the age when they became famous” ? (which inspired this amazing line from one of her best songs: “I never grow up / it’s getting so old”) The truth is, Jakey-Jakes is a saltine from 2001 who is now 40 in 2020.

Remember 2001? The year then-mayor of NYC Rudy Giuliani said nothing happened to NYC? Good times.

But to go back to the song I mentioned, which features a verse by King Kendrick at the end:

Nothing’s stopping you except what’s inside

I can help you but it’s your fight

Well no I won’t help because I’m grown and as I’ve mentioned I have my own shit to work on, but I think there is definitely something about Jake Gyllenhaal that deserves immediate attention, in addition to the fact he seems to not give two flying fucks about what is happening right now. I think he needs to stop dating people that are not fully done with puberty, it’s a real problem. I think he needs to invest in the future. I think he needs to stop being what W called him, because they’re right and it’s W. I think he needs to keep growing his beard and become a person of substance. Cause if he brings that long board to NYC - which he won’t, he deserted the city, but we never know - I might have to take it away from him.  This is why we can’t have nice things.

Anyway,

Blessed are the arrogant

For there is the kingdom of their own company

Blessed are the superstars

For the magnificence in their light

We understand better our own insignificance

Blessed are the filthy rich

For you can only truly own what you give away

Like your pain

Those lines won’t come easy to certain readers I’m sure, but we can figure it out, I have faith in tumblr.

Oh and

I’m fucking offended, you won’t make me believe a Chad who was initially bound to do keggers at USC while ultimately marrying a Kelsey and living in a gated community has any idea who Minor Threat are. Don’t insult the cause.

Jake Gyllenhaal has the power to age with grace and intelligence and this blog is here to remind everyone we can all improve if we are rooted in strong ethical values.

Now let me label the switches in my apartment cause I’m tired of never knowing how to turn on the light in my home office, and maybe drink more water because that London dry gin with some rosé was some shit.

[rectoversofundamental]

#portaldoaprendizdoingles #Repost @bbclearningenglish • • • • • 👖Are you #fashionable? Are you #scumbro?😎⠀ Visit our website to hear these words in context and learn their #pronunciation:⠀ https://bbc.in/2J2bm2y (copy and paste the link into your browser)⠀ How do you like to dress?⠀ ⠀ #vocab #vocabulary #fashiontrends #6minutes #esl #eslpodcast #eflpodcast https://www.instagram.com/p/BpGAG60AiK3/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=er15ov7ogdt

[i-read-somewhere-that]

What’s a scumbro? Let’s say it’s a catchall for the R.E.I.-clad trustafarian co-ed meets Supreme. It’s pizza for breakfast and caviar pizza for dinner. Scumbro is the version of streetwear that wears irony like it’s a dewy hint of highlighter on the cheekbone—like normcore did, but much less precious. The scumbro wears Patagonia and Crocs but also the latest Adidas limited drop. He probably played soccer in high school, but left the team sophomore year because he was “busy,” and by busy he means skating. He grew up in sneakerhead culture, dabbled in athleisure, and maybe his parents sent him on Outward Bound after they found out he was selling his Ritalin. There in the woods, he discovered fleece. He used to shave every week and a half, but “can sometimes get away with every two weeks.” It’s the skate bro and the Deadhead bro from 2008 hugging each other so hard they went poof and emerged as one man a decade later on Howard Street sucking down a C.B.D. latte next to Jonah Hill.

[virtuallykim]

Pete Davidson and the Rise of the Scumbro

What’s a hypebeast on the rise to do in this particular streetwear world?

I am still wanting to pants those dillweeds who were their jeans around their knees (what I call the “I stole this from my 8 year old sister” jeans) and now this I rolled out of bed at an atelier to look like shit look. 

[damico3000]

I can fuck wit @jerzeefynest like this cuz he's my #SBB <- short for #ScumBagBrother aka #ScumBrother oooor #ScumBro , we even got a secret #ScumBros hand shake where ya fart in ya hand then wipe the bottom of ya shoe wit that hand then slap the person your dating and laugh in their face and say " HAHAAAA I love you bitch...😉" then jump in the air and high 5 in the Jordan pose