Grief
Part 2 to Guilt
Sorry if ending is abrupt, it was already very long and I’m very tired.
Video used for quotes; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LxPHSGYX4Y&t=7967s Summary; Rei found the video of Teruya’s death, and decided to watch it to get answers.
Word count; 1849 Page count; 5
TW for badly written emotional breakdowns.
Whenever she was sad, Rei could always expect to have him by her side. For him to hold her and tell her that everything would be okay.
Rei could wake up from a nightmare and feel his arms wrapped around her, his face buried in her hair as he whispered sweet nothings to her. Promising her that he’d stick by her side and help her through her guilt.
Now he was dead. Teruya was dead because of Rei’s selfish desire to live. He was dead because Rei’s own incompetence prevented her from making two emergency codes fast enough. Rei was a fool.
When she looked through the files of the killing game, she found multiple videos- one being of Teruya. She knew she needed to watch it.
“...Uh, what? Where am I? I’m pretty sure I logged out…” Teruya’s voice was filled with confusion, and his eyes were wide in shock.
Then his throat was grabbed.
Mikado Sannoji held Teruya up by his neck as his mask grinned. “Pleasure to see you again! Teruya.”
The green-haired man grabbed at Mikado’s hand, gritting his teeth and digging his nails into the sleeve. “Ugh!? M-Mikado.….. Sannoji……!!”
“You arriving here means you’ve unlocked your reset code. And after all that, fufu… You still fell into my trap.” The wizard laughed his dastardly laugh, listening in glee at Teruya’s grunts.
“Da…… d…… Damn you……………..” Teruya spluttered out, skin growing lighter in color as his breathing was restrained.
“It’s still too early for you to die… Even though you’re already dead, there’s a possibility that it’d complicate things further if you actually died. I decide when you die.” Mikado spat, dropping Teruya and watching as the former merchant inhaled desperately.
“I decide when you die…” Rei muttered under her breath, shaking her head at the quote as she watched the video, trying to bite back her horror.
Teruya grunted and coughed, holding his head. He barely noticed as he was tied up, seemingly half conscious. “...W-What is this……!! Why have you tied me up!?”
“I must keep you quiet and here for now. Do not worry too much. I brought you some food.” The AI spoke nonchalantly, as if he didn’t nearly kill Teruya.
Rei skipped ahead in the video, she always did. She couldn’t bear to look at Teruya’s beaten up face for more than a few minutes. It hurt her- why?
“-ut your damn mouth! This isn’t the time for that… I should be in the real world, with Rei……” Teruya went slightly quieter at the end, eyebrows creased and eyes full of fear.
“He… Wanted to be with me? Ah… I’m overthinking it… He likely forgot to mention Kinjo… He… wanted to be by both of our sides, to prevent our fights… Yes, that’s right…” Midori glanced over at Rei as the ginger mumbled, soon turning back to her own work at seeing Rei wearing headphones and writing something down on a lined piece of paper.
“There we have a problem. If you disappeared from the virtual world, my firewall would disappear too.” Mikado’s mask donned an angry expression as he stared into Teruya’s eyes.
It took Rei a second to put the pieces together, but she figured it out. Why else would the firewall disappear when Teruya disappeared- he was the firewall. She figured she had this right, so she skipped past, once more.
“Iroha.” Teruya spoke, a firmness in his voice that one would hardly ever hear. Iroha screamed in response, jumping and scrambling away. “I’m not surprised but, are you really the last Void…?”
“Wh-wh-wh-wh-why are you talking to me……” she stammered out, clutching her sketchpad to her chest.
“...Is Mikado trying to kill me?” Teruya whispered, staring at her blankly. There was dried blood below his mouth.
Rei paused once more, squeezing her eyes shut to hide tears. “Yes, you fool… He was trying to kill you…” She whispered to herself, clenching her pen even tighter.
“Eh!? N-No……….” Iroha seemed to know something, and she was horrid at hiding it.
“......Even a fool like me can tell. Mikado said if I die, things would be difficult for him. He’d expect I’d do something like this after hearing that… It’s all another lie.” Teruya’s voice had a sort of wisdom in it that one wouldn’t expect to hear from him, not after his behavior earlier in the game.
“No…” Rei whispered, one single tear dropping off her face and onto the paper she was writing on. The video was nearly over, she knew what was coming. The ginger didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to believe he was dead.
Shadowy hands grabbed her shoulders, causing her to jolt but… No one was there. Midori had left for her lunch break, as had everyone else. Rei didn’t want to be alone at this moment, but she knew she had to finish watching the video.
“Yeah. He wants me to refuse to eat and starve myself to death.” His green eyes began to look at the rice on the floor, but not with hunger. He moved his one free hand slowly across the floor to it.
Iroha was too distracted to pay attention, trying to ignore his words. “Eeeek, I d-don’t know anything, la la!~” She said loudly, trying to speak over his voice.
“...Or is it reverse psychology? If me dying would really cause such a problem, why aren’t you forcing me to eat…? Why are you just standing there, watching me starve?...That’s the problem, I’m refusing to eat and you’re both acting like it’s according to plan.”
What he said seemed to get through to Iroha, as she put her sketchbook down and didn’t try to speak over him. “A-And that’s weird… If he wanted to kill you, he could do it any time……” Nervousness coated her voice. “And if he wanted to starve you, he wouldn’t bring you meals like this…”
Rei wished she was by Teruya’s side when this had happened. To comfort him, tell him that she would get him to safety one way or another, to give him hope like he always did for her. But it was too late, no matter how much she wished it wasn’t.
Whispers filled the room as tears dripped down her skin and onto the sheet of paper below, narrowly missing the ink.
“...I think… The meals are insurance. You’ve poisoned the food, haven’t you…?” His hand had grabbed onto the chopsticks. He was going to do it.
“No, no… don’t do this to me…” Rei pleaded ever so silently, as if wishing she could change the past. She didn’t want to believe her only support- the only one she trusted, at least- was dead.
The voices were going to get to her.
“P-P-P-Poison……!? Y-You’re just overthinking!! It’s just rice!! Delicious rice!!” Iroha had raised her voice again, clutching her sketchbook once more.
Teruya had an almost sorrowful expression on his face as he fiddled with the chopsticks, lifting up a single grain of rice before putting it back down. “...If I’m weak in spirit, I’ll succumb to hunger and eat the food, and if I do that, I’ll die from the poison anyway. It doesn’t matter if I starve or get poisoned. Either way, it’s definitely a trap to kill me.”
“Don’t eat the food, you goddamn idiot…” Rei muttered, rubbing her eyes as she listened, barely able to see the screen through the blur of tears.
The whispers were getting louder.
“It’s only natural when you think about it. If I’m alive, then nobody can go back to the real world. So what would you both do when this is all over, if you can’t leave? In the end, that bastard would end up killing me one day. And he’s trying to hide it by bringing me food.” Teruya said with a twinge of anger to his voice.
Iroha squeaked in confusion at his words, putting her sketchbook to the side as her eyes widened ever so slightly.
“That bastard. He said I’m already dead and that he decides when I die. I know what that means… He’s going to kill me, but it’s not time yet. He’s trying to predict when I’ll die by manipulating my actions.” His green eyes shone with determination as he rolled his wrist and neck, preparing for what he was going to do.
“...... T-That’s. I have no clue……….” Iroha tried to feign ignorance, but failed.
Teruya began to smirk, eyebrows creased. “But what if Mikado made a mistake in his plan?...What if he isn’t as smart as he thought? For example, if I stay alive, nobody can get out, and you can’t contact the outside… What if you’ve only focused on your front and not your back, and I eat the rice?”
A ‘rock’ formed in her throat as Rei choked back a sob. Midori had opened the door to get back to work, but saw the older woman’s state and immediately shut and locked the door. Rei needed privacy whilst she was in such a state.
“..........Huh? T-Teruya, you wouldn’t……….” Iroha gasped out, eyes wide in horror as the realization dawned upon her.
“.........I bet it’s really delicious. Bon appetit.” And with that, Teruya held the chopsticks as properly as he could and lifted up a few grains of rice.
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeh!?!? W-What’re you doing?!?” Iroha nearly screamed in horror as she watched Teruya raise the rice to his mouth.
Rei took the headphones off, placing them on the desk as the video played on. Shadows seemed to roam around her, grappling her arms and squeezing her neck. Your fault. It’s all your fault, Rei Mekaru. You’re guilty for the deaths of so many.
She squeezed her arms, digging her nails into them through the sleeves of her white-to-brown jacket. Satsuki died because of her. Mikako died because of her. Teruya died because of her.
She was beginning to hyperventilate, and tears were flowing down non-stop as she let out soft pleas for the pain to stop and to be left alone from these thoughts.
Rei began to feel light-headed, and moved to hold onto her chair for support. So much bottled-up sadness, letting itself out at just one thing- she was pathetic, wasn’t she. Truly pathetic.
When Rei began to try and calm her breathing, however, she heard something from the headphones, loud and clear;
“Yeah…… I should have done this in the ballroom……… Looks like I’ve grown up a bit…… I don’t know how much time I’ve given them by doing this, but…… I hope…… I helped them…… It’d be great……U….gh… I’ll……. Leave it all to you….. Rei…….. Tsurugi…………….. Ple…ase……”
Teruya’s final words. Loud and interrupted by coughs repeatedly. Wishing for Rei and Tsurugi to win.
That was Rei’s final breaking point.
She closed the video through a blur of tears, pushing the paper aside numbly before holding her head in her hands and screaming, her sorrows embedded in each sound. It hurt, but so, so good.
Especially when she imagined the warm embrace of Teruya coming from the shadows that consumed her.
