ily #79
79) “I’ll still be here when you’re ready.” with sei
she expected it. lately you were too in your head to have fun when the two of you were together, and even when you would be excited about something, it seemed to easily wear off, unlike the beginning of your relationship.
a part of sei thought it was her. that it was her fault, but she couldn't really come up with a reasonable excuse as to why. because she felt the opposite. she was more in love with you than ever, she was happier, whether she was in the same perimeter as you or not, having you in her life helped her improve in many ways.
so she wasn't really surprised when you asked her if the two of you could meet up at your place to talk. there hasn't been any more dates, no more 'i really want us to go together' no more 'dress nicely, ?' and sei would be lying if she said it wasn't tearing her apart.
but still, she sits down at your backyard table like she is still in the most blissful stage of her life. she stares for a little at the platter of snacks you've prepared for the two of you, at least until you come back with drinks for the two of you: lemonade.
it makes her sadder, because she remembers the times she sat on the counter watching you make the famous ade for your friends' birthday parties or just any celebrations you were invited to. at some point, it became her go to party favor too, but only if you made it. she remembers the playful banter that took place every time because of the amount of sugar you put in it, but that never stopped her from being the first to have a glass, always making sure to remind you that you made the best lemonade in existence.
it's bittersweet, the two of you sitting here, so different to the many other times the patio had been witness of key moments in your relationship. she doesn't want to admit it, but she knows this is more of a goodbye. and sei's chest overflows with nostalgia.
"thank you" you start, placing your glass of lemonade on the coaster. coaster the two of you had painted on one of your first dates. you set up a picnic just for the two of you and had both of you paint coasters for each other's home, you clearly still treasured your own pair "for agreeing to come here"
"of course" the knot on her throat tightens as she nods "what did you want to talk about?"
"well" she knows you're nervous, specially when you clear your throat before talking, it brings her back to when you first asked her out. you were so nervous back then too, wiping your hands on your pants, biting the inside of your cheek also. "i think i need a break"
"oh" yes, it hurt. but surprisingly less than she had expected. "okay"
"i am still in love with you. i just don't think it's fair, y'know?"
"like..?"
"like i'm not ready to be in a relationship this serious." you shrug "i want forever with you, sei. but i can't give you that right now"
"oh" she nods again "well, i love you, y/n" her hands find our own, as if to emphasize that would never change. “I’ll still be here when you’re ready.”
"really?"
"really." she still likes the way your eyes light up when given an ounce of hope, and she herself hopes she can one day go back to witnessing them as your partner.