okay so growing up i was usually told "do the hard thing first and then you get to do the fun thing." and generally that's reasonable.... if you've got decent executive function. but for those of us who don't, this is a thing i've been using to get through school/work/general human functioning. It's still using hard thing/fun thing, but it interweaves them WAY more
first step: find something that sparks some dopamine quickly. i usually use short-timer online chess or mobile games. if you pick scrolling social media or something that doesn't have a clear endpoint, make sure you have an easy way to set a timer. On apple phones, there's a timer setting that says "stop playing" instead of playing a sound. I love this because it'll take you to your lock screen so you can't accidentally dismiss the timer and keep going. Do NOT make this movement or taking care of bodily functions; eating/hydrating/going to the bathroom/moving around are things you can and should do when your body tells you. take care of ya self
second step: look at your task and break it up TINY. If you have to write a paper, don't break it up by paragraph. break it up into something like fifty words. Cleaning a room: ten items put away. Close reading: 1 page. Really you want something that if your executive functioning was playing nice you could do in 1-4 minutes. I recommend NOT saying "work for x minutes" however, since that's a really quick way to sit there watching the clock. You wanna tie progress to completion not time spent.
third step: estimate how many levels/games/etc of your dopamine source it takes to last 1-5 minutes. Ideally you will already have a sense of this. I'd advise not "testing it out right now" and procrastinating that way.
fourth step: get to work. every time you complete a tiny task, you can do one unit of the dopamine thing. If you get some momentum, you can stack rewards, so if your tiny task was 50 words for one mobile game level, 150 words straight would be three levels. If you are having a really hard time getting going, you can start with 1-3 units of your dopamine thing to kinda jumpstart the process, just decide how many you're doing first so you don't lose hours to it.
note that this ONLY WORKS if you don't ignore your timer/level cutoff. The idea is to get dopamine levels up and use that to power through the next tiny task.
✨ conventional and unconventional self-accommodations in daily life that have actually helped me a lot ✨
for adhd mostly, though theres probably some cross-application or other things im not fully diagnosed with that these also help! really, this is just a list of things ive done that have improved my life recently 💕
1. The Trunk
actual purpose: a designated raised surface solely for clothes in-between the laundry bin and the closet.
my trunk i found at a thrift store years ago is Old and Cool, but also the top is slightly concave (?) and is not a good table for literally anything else. and having a place specifically for in-between clothes has been huge for me, turning what i saw as a bad habit and moral failure (not putting clothes in either basket or closet) into a normal, morally neutral function of how I operate. the trunk is nicer and easier to open when clear of clothes, offering some incentive to clean the clothes off every now and then, but its not something that has to be opened daily and still looks good even with clothes on it. plus, the large but defined space keeps me from improvising places to put clothes, and thus keeps clothes from going everywhere or on other object i want to use more often. its been one of the best changes I've made because its a daily benefit and a symbol of acceptance for myself. AND the previous owner painted pride flags on the inside!
2. My Great Aunt's Table
another peice that has the sole purpose of being a landing zone for objects in-between places. everything on the table except that pole is permanent decoration i love, but that empty space has a Purpose to stay as empty as possible. this also accomodates how sonetimes i just wanna set something somewhere temporarily and deal with it later because my energy is zapped. this table is able to stay empty like this because 1, i got a clock on it and i wanna see it, 2, i got a jewlery box that again id like to see, and 3, those sides open from the top, so if i wanna use those huge storage spaces, i gotta keep enough room there to move stuff on the sides out of the way. also it's gorgeous and matches the trunk, so i especially want it to look nice. its also next to the door and directly across from my rest spots, so i see it a lot and therefore think to clear it off a lot too.
2.1 The Clock
adhd time blindness is a bitch, but pretty digital clock visible from every point in the room is a baddie and my wife.
this clock specifically is wonderful because its very easy to reset the time by just pressing hour and minute buttons on the top until you're at the time you need (which was probably annoying to those using it for alarm as one button on the top and youd mess up the time, but im obv not using it for that so ive had no issues)
2.2 Chapstick
if my lips are dry, i pick them like crazy, so a very visible chapstick by the door helps me use it more
2.3 Bracelets
in addition to lip picking, i pick the skin on my arms like nobodys business. so far, wearing bracelets to fiddle with is the only thing thats helped, especially interesting textured and/or heavy ones like this that remind me im wearing it from sensation alone (it used to be silver, ive used it A Lot lmao). i also use those kandy bracelets i got from concerts, and some plastic bead ones i hang from the wall by my door (not pictured)
3. Door Curtains
idk what ailment this is accommodating, but it has definitely made me very happy. originally they were put up to damped sound from the tv in the living room, but i also have been really enjoying the privacy feeling they give, like an extra protection beyond the door. it also blocks light which is great at night when im up and nobody else is and im trying not to trip or interrupt anyones sleep. its two curtains gathered in one small door so it stays closed unless you pull it aside, and opens in the middle very conveniently.
4. body scrubby stays in my room
this is like a staple in dorms i think but i apply it everywhere now. i have a weird contamination thing with showers, anything that stays in the shower (and through other people using the shower) feels icky, so ive started keeping the scrubby thing i use to wash my body in my room instead, washing/rinsing it with handsoap in the sink after a shower so my brain has no qualms with it. this makes showering and actually using the scrubby much easier for me, because it feels more like i can get actually clean in the shower instead of just like wet lmao. careful with this is you have full on contamination ocd tho, idk if this could feed into obsessions or not.
5. recounting my days
i know this looks like journaling, because it is, BUT HEAR ME OUT DON'T SKIP THIS
i journal. really badly. awful handwriting, runon or incomplete sentences. BUT it helps. specifically, i write a summary of my day, include a shitty list of what i ate (because i struggle with it), and occasionally self reflection if im feeling swanky. i use the tiniest journal and jot some bullshit down before bed. i bought my first journal (left) from goodwill for 50 cents because i knew i would struggle with being to precious with pages.
i really struggle to remember days ive lived, even only 2-3 days later, even big eventful or wonderful days. it helps me remember my days i experience, not by looking back but just by recalling how my day went every day and putting it into sentences, my brsin holds onto my own life better, especially the good things i experience. writing streamlines thoughts in a way just thinking can't, especially with adhd, and i often find at night i was forgetting positive things and great mornings just because i was tired at night, and then only remembering by bad night mood when reflecting on the past week.
its been so huge for me, my next journal i got something really cool because i knew id actually use it because i couldn't see it as a waste of paper anymore. i hate to say it but like man people recommend this shit for a reason, the positive effects have been very tangible for me.
6. Physical calendar
another basic, but here i mostly use it for basic basic hygiene shit like marking what days i showered and when i should shower next, plus maintenance chores. having it physical is a big one because i need to be reminded it exists to use it. its not on a wall intentionally, so i interact with it and again remember it exists. its also not a 2026 calendar, its from 2023, i just found a month that started on the same weekday this august did, marked out what was there, and wrote in my own august lmao.
and finally
7. The Thinking Whiteboard
a little handheld whiteboard that i think on. like the benefits of journaling, but for extremely temporary thinking where i just need to straighten my thoughts out but don't need shit saved. i also put reminders there sometimes in between thinking on it, such as these reminding me of basic things for the next few days, like how i totally should shower bc im working on getting better about that rn, or ideas for things to do that i enjoy because my brain is blurry soup that cannot recall shit! (that... sounds worse than it is i think lmao)
plus, honorary mention: Finch self care app, which has been huge for providing my adhd malleable structure that's both easy to follow and adapt to my needs, and is very good at positivity without punishment. checking off goals also puts me in a better headspace because it reminds me just how much positive i did today, and has turned around many a bad mood. not sponsored, i just likey it a lot 👍
I've recently realized that when I was in bad flares, I had to change how I did things (or else I'd nearly faint). I didn't realize though, that I just never stopped doing these. And these are just natural accommodations I made for myself. On worse days, it keeps me from passing out obviously but on better days, it still helpss to not overexert myself. I'm actually proud of myself for sticking with them and not feeling guilty for them!
just something that's helped me that may be helpful for you too.
Treat yourself like a three-year-old. wouldn't take a three year old somewhere for a few hours without a water bottle and snacks? pack some for yourself. Wouldn't take them to something loud without headphone or earplugs? bring some for you. It's going to be really long and boring, but you aren't expected to have lots of social interaction? pack yourself activities or fidget toys.
It's really just a different way to think about actually accommodating yourself and your needs, just treat yourself the way you would a kid your babysitting with the same needs as you.
unless otherwise explicitly stated. “its okay to accommodate yourself” means Without Permission from Anyone who isnt yourself. im self-diagnosed auDHD and work in a pretty loud environment, and one day i just showed up, with my fidget jewelry + noise canceling headphones, and
1) only the coworkers i had to work with directly had anything to say
2) “the loud noises are overwhelming today, im gonna prioritize solo work” was all the explanation i had to give and just meant i got more to do in the back, by myself (heaven!)
3) a coworker (also on the spectrum) was shocked and said along the lines of wishing theyd realized that was an option
technically it wasn’t an option until i made it one.
so! results may vary, give yourself accommodations, and dont be afraid to set boundaries or fuckin quit
Autistic adulting is learning to give yourself permission to self-accommodate.
I used to think that because I can’t touch raw meat, I would never be able to cook. But then I learned about packaged, pre-cooked meat! Yay Perdue grilled chicken strips! Yay pre-cooked meatballs! Screw people who say “that’s not real cooking”, I bought food, made it in my own kitchen, and ate it! I cooked!
Find what is stopping you and then give yourself the accommodations you need to Do The Thing!
i recently realized that i am autistic(self dxing after extensive research and reflection) and have started just asking for clarification in conversations and holy shit am i missing so much more than i thought, and im way worse at determining others emotions than i thought. i have severe audio processing issues and it feels like the difference in understanding is comparable to the difference between having subtitles or not. sure i can get by without, but with is so much better
Oh wow! YAY! Your first self-accommodation and it’s already helped you so much! I’m so happy!!!!!!!!!
Whenever I find a new accommodation for myself it’s like this too- a whole WORLD opens up to me, a whole box of colors I never knew about before! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!
sometimes i worry that i am so used to masking that i'm not 'autistic enough'. i know a lot of people feel this way but idk. i've spent so long 'sucking it up' and dealing with bad input in an externally normal way that i can't tell the difference between what is really a Bad Input, and what is just something i don't like. like am i freaking out on the bus because i'm autistic, or just because i'm very sensitive? am i just a picky eater or is this a Bad Food? am i overindulging my own neuroses?
We alllll go through this. The first step, when you learn you’re autistic, is to slowly start to re-learn yourself. To stop sucking it up, and allow yourself to say “This is awful for me, and I’m allowed to feel awful about it.”
Also, “I’m just very sensitive” is allistic-code-speak for “you’re autistic”. It’s the same thing. Your sensitivity comes from your autisticness. So yes, you are freaking out on the bus because you’re autistic. And you’re allowed to freak out. It’s okay that it’s stressful! Once you un-do all of the allistic programming in your mind and permit yourself to admit that riding the bus is really stressful for you, then you can work on figuring out why, and you can work on improving the situation for yourself. Is it bad noises? Does wearing headphones help? Is it awful smells? I carry scented hand sanitizers around with me, so if I run into a bad smell in public I just rub that on my hands and then sniff my hands and bam, bad smell blocked.
You’re not just a picky eater, you’re autistic. If you don’t like the food, you don’t like it. You don’t have to clarify how much you don’t like it, all you have to do is never eat the yucky food again. There is no reason to force yourself to eat foods that you find unpleasant. Period. Full stop.
Giving yourself accommodations is not “overindulging”. You are not going to make yourself “more autistic” by giving yourself accommodations and you are not going to make yourself “less autistic” by suffering. You’re the level of autistic that you are, and nothing will ever change that.
What you will do is make yourself more miserable by not accommodating yourself, and make yourself less miserable by accommodating yourself. So do it. Avoid the yucky foods. Avoid the bad touches. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Listen to yourself. You’re allowed.
