#self limitation

[occvltvre-blog]

You know what. I'm cute. I'm talented. Im gonna fuck some shit up. Let's get it.

[spiritualgateway]

When you let go of the belief that you should or need to know who you are, what happens to confusion? Suddenly it is gone. When you fully accept that you don't know, you actually enter a state of peace and clarity that is closer to who you truly are than thought could ever be. Defining yourself through thought is limiting yourself.

Eckhart Tolle

[thebostonbeard]

Elephants, fleas, and self limitation: freeing your mind to be able to break through

Elephants and fleas may or may not be restrained only by their minds. But the lessons the tales teach about self limitation are vital.

I had fun writing this, looking back at how far I’ve come as a runner (and on a personal level as well).

[silentwhispersinthevoid]

in this ongoing quest - exploration - of aligned, authentic expression ... there are tiny steps forwards, mini-realisations. and then huge blockages, that kick up all the frustration and anger and desperation? up again

that old tangle, the old patterns, the creative flow completely blocked again

in other words, I've tried to record some videos. again. and it's ... when I play them throuh in my head, thing flow perfectly. i record them, of course they turn out differently than in my head, but that's fine, that's what I've come to expect

but then - I get stuck. overthinking. overanalysing. and I can't even tell anymore whether the feeling of "eeehhh, not quite" is authentic or coming from the judgmental perfectionist still living inside

ack, even this is kind of writing up the hill.

writing, let's go back to that for a bit, I had this realisation last night in bed that what gets me really excited, right now, when it comes to creative writing, is not so much the writing, the story telling. the PLOT of something. I'm interested in the details. Like, I read this fanfiction, and the last chapter was the fictional discography of one of the main characters. and that really sparked something. I got so excited, like, THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO WRITE

and I remembered that as a teenager, thinking up characters and their stories was way more interesting to me than actually telling the story from the poin where we meet them onwards.

like, think tolkien, but instead of languages, I'd make up people, and instead of world history, I'd make up their history. and then lose intereset.

and as I was lying in bed and thinking about that, yeah, there was this feeling sense of excitement, of joy. of wanting to do that, express that way

right now, I can't bring that feeling back, mostly because I think the mind already went into stuckness-loops over the video thing

the video thing

the writing

like, what exactly IS that feeling right now? it's not really anger. frustration. actually, I think it's panic over not being able to get it right. yeah, that's what it feels like.

like way back in school, I'm sitting a written exam, the clock is ticking down, I'm not finished, I try to rush but now nothing is working, nothing is clicking, I'm blanking entirely and still trying to make this work, get this right/done/finished/complete

THAT'S the feeling.

huh. how do I get myself out of this?

and I so much want out from under this particular shadow, this blockage. there is the feeling underneath, beyond, of simply fun and exploration, curiosity and joy and I KNOW THIS IS MY SOUL

and my consciousness is stuck here, in the panic, the perfectinism, and the panic of not being perfect and right and UGH

so. deep breath. too much attention to the stuckness-loop will only reinforce it. trying to push through it will only reinforce it.

how can I go around it?

there is the sense of, soften, let go, relax, LET YOURSELF SINK DOWN, and I will be able to, like, tunnel under the stuckness and be free

the stuckness is pretty loud. and there is someone very small inside who is very afraid of the stuckness

and another part that is almost paralysed by fear of: I'm feeling the freedom now, but if I make a wrong move, it will catch me and then I will become trapped again and forget what it's like to be free, to feel safe

interesting.

and actually, that kind of goes with the realisation of last week, with the ripples of that realisation, boiling down to:

what is invited is to find new ways of expressing and creating

that is very clear in the feeling, actually. even right now. the mind is flapping and flailing, like, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?? what does that look like? how do????

and I'd like to tell the mind, let it know that this is not about doing. this is really about being.

this is not about getting the words right

this is not about getting the expression right, even

this is about getting the energy right

the rest doesn't matter all that much.

remember? creating for the sake of creating, with the outcome a nice bonus on top? a very distant second priority?

that's how we create artworks.

so, your question, dear mind is now this: how can you take what we learnt from creating art and apply this to creating video?

look, the "old" way of creating isn't working anymore. at all. you know this. I know this. so why keep trying to make it work, when we both know it won't? ever?

can we try something new? can we try - to let feeling drive? just this once? for a test video?

remember, the one of me just babbling was better in quality of sound and light AND ALSO SHORTER than anything we tried to record when coming from a vaguel remembered script.

huh

huh

hm

yeah, so, I don't kow if it's actually possible to do that right now, I have a panicky feeling running around in my sacrum. but it's certainly something to sit with and contemplate and FEEL INTO

and actually, it's a good question: CAN I make a video about a certain topic WITHOUTH coming from a script?

it's certainly something to try ...

(unfortunately, the mere thought of trying sets of the panic again. what the heck is going on, where is this coming from, I mean, it is interesting, sure, but also ARGH)

[urdchama]

Bashar on growing up in society and conditioning

We adopt all the patterns we see around us, in order to survive. To communicate and to be sustained by the society we accept its belief systems. That in itself is not a bad thing. But we absorb a lot of garbage along with the useful information.

As you're growing up, any time anything contradictory to the unconditional love you're made of is presented to you;

any time you're forced by a situation to limit yourself, to cut yourself off from that unlimited being that you are;

any time you're coerced in any shape or form to not being allowed to express the totality of your being; 

you then choose to diminish your awareness of yourself just a little bit more, just a little bit more, just a little bit more.

"Fit into this mold. That mold. Do it this way. This is the way it's done. You must fit. You must fit. You must fit. You don't want to be thought of as strange. Or unusual. You don't want to be looked at as crazy or locked up. You must fit. You must belong. You must be one of us."

"Alright. I'll diminish myself a little bit more. And a little bit more. Because I want you to love me. I am missing the love, where is the love, is this the way to get it? To buy into your belief? If I believe as you do, if I limit myself, will you love me? Alright, I'll limit myself."

But then, after you are so good at doing that, thinking that you're doing it because that's the way you're going to get the love, all of a sudden you begin to realize that now you don't know any other way to attract love other than to continue to limit yourself. 

Between the years of 3 to 7, you have learned the lesson of limitation so well, that you now almost don't know any other way to be. "I have learned to accept my limitation so I will be loved for my limitation."

[...]

So the fear is that if you express your unlimitedness, you won't be loved. You would lose the love you have, the love of your friends, the love of your parents, the love of your peers. So the pattern in the society is "Do not excel. To excel means you lose the love." Or what you think is the love that have been given to you in your life.