How to discover high levels of self survelliance in us? Our social anxiety can manifest even around people we used to consider safe (we may start overthinking about everything we did or said, scared any of those could be considered or seen as wrong or bad); we may get scared of our mind and intrusive thoughts, and try to avoid them completely; we may start shutting down more often (fear of speaking up), self gaslight, speak bad about ourselves (even with ourselves); we may avoid sharing personal ideas or opinions in order to pick up others', and considering those better/more accurate (even if wrong, and ours' right); we rather communicate through text than verbally, cause we can revise and correct.
Please try to find ways to avoid self monitoring or practicing self survelliance, for these are only making your life hundred times tougher. Accompany those habits with more compassionate ones, and nice words of appreciation about yourself. You're learning to be you and to be free of others' expectations (that you don't have to live by). You may have grown up in a difficult environment and now you have to deal with lack of self trust and self confidence: but that's not true. It's only an idea you got of yourself, not your true self. Find it inside of you. Heal that side of you. You're worthy the way you are, just get out there and prove it yourself and everyone else (but yourself in parrticular). You're good enough. Even more than that. There's nothing wrong in mistakes or "being weird", we all are. Just don't be scared of your uniqueness and show it. (If people judge you, it's because you trigger them. It's not your problem, but theirs).