Oct 1, 2021
Good morning.
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Good morning.
Jimi Hendrix, speaks in colors to express his emotions. His love, is still felt by me when I experience his music.
Jimi’s color was purple. He wore it a lot. And he sang a song about it, called “purple haze” for those of you living under a classic rock. 😉 Jimi had his own style, and his own way of expressing via his guitar. His lyrics were poetic, and sometimes abstract thoughts, but I always enjoyed them because the meaning was all my own when I’d listen. Jimi would sing about life. Life from his perspective as he knew it to be. He would pose questions to us, his listeners. One time he asked us all if we are experienced. And truth be told, that was a hard question for me to answer. I don’t know how experienced I am in anything in my almost 47 years on this earth. I feel like I am constantly learning about and exploring new facets of myself, and practicing all kinds of different feelings and emotions. What feels good? What feels better? What can I do next? And what would be optimal for my life right now, and for my future? What would help us all as a whole? What makes me feel more alive, and more human? How can I spread more love? The experience never ends. There’s always more. It’s something I may never master in this lifetime. But isn’t that why we’re here? It’s like trying on myriad different costumes to see what fits the best for your new iteration. And I believe that purple, looks pretty good on me. It’s not quite a “purple haze” but more of a delightful purple hue that I am consciously choosing to experience, so I think I’ll wear it for awhile.
Happy almost birthday to me, Kari Keillor. Wearing my new purple aura of love! Inspired by Jimi, yes, but I made it myself! 💜
Still Halloween-y.
Dear Kari,
Awareness of other people’s feelings, and the choice to purposefully and deliberately focus on the love and the similarities between each individual in our world is the key to inner peace. I’ve been seriously woke to my need to respect others, and myself.
Being loving doesn’t have to mean going toe to toe with opposing viewpoints. You also don’t have to agree if you don’t. It also doesn’t mean that the people who disagree with you, don’t love you. It can simply mean creating a space within yourself to allow for love to be the most important energy to offer people who are human, just like you are.
We are all a part of the human race. We are all family. 💕
With all my love and support,
Kari
When you create upsetting fictional reasoning in your head about non fictional experiences that you are hurt by because of lack of information, you inadvertently end up filling in the blanks, the potholes of a situation, with a ton of unhelpful, unswerving “fake news” that you, in your upset and insecurity create, and end up linking together as the universal truth.
Then, in your depressed state, subsequently start to believe all that you created, as fact. I’m guilty of doing this a lot. I hurt myself in the present due to past pain I’m still choosing to focus on. That’s why it’s always good to double check your facts in the 3 dimensional reality, first. It can save you a lot of heartache.
But, if you don’t have that luxury, meaning that your current 3 dimensional reality does not support or contain the information you need to pacify the past honestly because that truthful information can only be relayed by someone no longer involved or available, and probably never will, the next best thing is to do this: look elsewhere.
Look at a dog’s sweet face, smiling back at you. (Most dogs smile at you first). If you aren’t a dog lover, learn to be. Dogs are mostly all unconditional, loving creatures.
Have you ever sat with a dog in silence and pet them? (I never have, because I usually start speaking in my native dog language that’s full of high pitched squealing and crazy nonsensical words and stuff…) But it’s a symbiotic relationship. They even say (I dunno who “they” is, in this case it’s probably someone in the medical field) that petting a dog, or most likely any pet, can help lower your heart rate and blood pressure. It’s actually healthy, and good for you, to pet a dog. And they’re soft, and some of them are fluffy, and some are wirey. And some have short hair and some really long. And they’re mostly all cute and snuggly.
Some dogs are hypoallergenic, and some, like my 2 dogs, probably just rolled in mud, and stuck their noses in some kind of poo poos from outside, or from each other’s butts, and then run into the house, panting and wagging their tails happily, and before you can clean them off, they run past you, and lay all over everything, like your new rug, or other stuff you like, and then run back in full tilt and knock you down and trample you with their doggy paws, and roll and lay all over you and stick their tails in your mouth by accident, and overwhelm you with happy, unknowingly grody kisses in your face. Then you try to trick them into going to go see if someone is at the door, or anything just to regain composure, but they usually get wise to that, and keep coming back to love you. And, as a general rule, they are usually extremely happy for no apparent reason, other than because they’re alive, and looking forward to whatever destiny you’ll give them next.
Dogs are sweet and cool. They have all kinds of personalities, and all, if treated properly, love big.
That’s what you should do. Not necessarily get a dog, but be like one. You can think really hard, about something that makes you feel good, and feel that, instead.
A conversation with self. By: Kari Keillor
me: well, all I know is that I think about a lot of things both consciously and subconsciously that affect my feelings and mood in my present moment. And when I internally discuss things that are hurtful, like reminding myself of people who don’t value or appreciate me, or, have treated me poorly in the past, I tend to get upset … within myself. Does that make sense?
Bigger Me: sure, cause I’m you. But let’s clarify for all those who aren’t. You’re saying that you think about things that are not kind about yourself, or, better put, you choose to recall things that don’t serve you for a better outcome.
me: yes. And for clarity’s sake, I’m going to call my higher self, “we” since I’m connected to everyone, and everyone is a more fair consensus, than just me.
Bigger Me: agreed. We, are “we” from here on out.
me: cool.
Bigger Me: ok, so now we can refer to “you”, Kari, as “you”, and ourselves, also a part of you, as “we”.
me: yeah.
Bigger Me: got it. Now, where were we.
me: In me! But more figuratively you were clarifying being “we”.
Bigger Me: right. Ok.
me: Listen, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but if you are upset with me, and thinking negative things about me in our head, maybe you need to square things up with you, first, and not me.
Bigger Me: right, we agree. But we, remember, are a facet of you. So, we will aid in the squaring up.
me: and yes, it doesn’t escape me that I feel insane sometimes, and I’m talking to myself in my online journal.
Bigger Me: Listen Kari, we experience what you do, so let’s save the judgement and just continue chatting til we feel better. Deal?
me: Deal.
Bigger Me: Ok, let’s begin by saying that we’re your support team. We’re a part of you, but also connected to everyone else too. But we are here for you whenever you need us, and even when you think you don’t.
me: Thank you. I appreciate that.
Bigger Me: Great. So since we’re your internal guidance, we want what you truly want. And it’s your choice as to what energy we guide you with, since your filter will only allow whatever energy you’re ready to accept. And you are the person we’re focusing on right now. Make sense?
Me: Go on…
Bigger Me: alright, we believe you’re seeing yourself and other people in a not so great, kinda “eh” way. You believe you are mostly disliked by all who know you, and you review that frequently in your mind. We aren’t saying it, you are. But we’re all experiencing the energy of your opposing thoughts to what and how you truly are.
Me: yes. I’m not always down with people these days. Especially myself.
Bigger Me: …yes… and you are missing people being kind to you. And since you’ve alienated yourself from all those people in the physical, you are not being kind to you, by thinking about all the ways you have perceived and experienced the proof of your beliefs that you are not liked.
me: yes. I tend to be reactive to the energy that I perceive they are emitting to me.
Bigger Me: ok, right. Fair enough.
me: I usually am.
Bigger Me: well, since we are a facet of you, we agree.
me: yes! I knew there was a reason I enjoyed talking to you. But what happens when you like people, but you don’t agree with their interpretation of you, meaning me? That discord is hard to overcome, especially when their opinion is how ass I am.
Bigger Me: well, that’s just the thing.
me: what is?
Bigger Me: well, if that resonates, that’s what you need to look at. That’s how you may feel about yourself. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t affect you as much being labeled as that, because it wouldn’t be near to your higher vibrational state. But if you are close to agreeing with that ass statement, you’re gonna inevitably feel it.
me: damn…
Bigger Me: yeahhhh! Shit!
me: ok. Unfortunately I can’t get further away from the feeling of ass to experience much else right now, cause that’s all I’m replaying over and over in my head as of late.
Bigger Me: we know. That’s why we’re discussing. We think the thing to do is become in solidarity with the truth of the matter, and that is that you’re actually a loving, good person.
me: “unconditional love” is a little too lofty of an energy to leap to from where I’ve been recently and currently reside. I’ve been taking up a seemingly permanent residence in ass gulch, especially after I think about things about my past that support the hypothesis held by others and now by myself, that I suck.
Bigger Me: yes, we feel it.
me: so you see where I’m coming from then?
Bigger Me: of course we do. We’re you.
me: right. I keep forgetting…
Bigger Me: well, you’re currently writing about how people think you suck, thereby focusing on that, and reexperiencing the feeling of it. And we gotta say, we all hate it.
me: yeah. Me too.
Bigger Me: right! So, in short of getting a frontal lobotomy, maybe the path of least resistance would be to be more aware of what we’re thinking and what kinds of thoughts we entertain from here on out.
me: listen, that’s too tall of an order for me to do all the time. One can go insane and argue that I already have by writing this conversation with myself, let alone get lost in the minutiae of paying attention to every little thought I have ever. Also, I don’t have many friends left in which to share all this with.
Bigger Me: well, considering your current energetic state, we venture to say that that’s probably a good thing.
me: how so?
Bigger Me: well, you wouldn’t want to pass this ass to someone else, would you?
me: no. They may catch it.
Bigger Me: right. So going back to what we normally discuss, becoming more of yourself is cool and all, but your issue is when you bring the new “you” to the old energy, it’s not jiving so well. Because when you finally go back to interact with the other people that share your world, you become fearful that you will be rejected for it.
me: is that what the issue is?!
Bigger Me: well, we are a part of you, but we are also a part of everyone else too, so we have a slightly bigger perspective…
me: ok. Well, what about the people who don’t like me? Sometimes I construe their behavior as less than kind towards me, on purpose.
Bigger Me: seeing the world through the fear filter will garner that reactive, defensive energy. You will keep finding proof of your thoughts and beliefs, and you’ll keep creating situations for you to defend yourself. It’s a vicious cycle. The next time you feel defensive in a situation try this: when you feel attacked, go to a place in your head where there’s no argument, and no insult to fight against.
me: I can’t go there in my head immediately! People will think I’m nuts, or a pushover if I start talking about the calla lilies being in bloom as an answer to their insulting everything about me.
Bigger Me: can’t be any worse than what you perceive people think of you already. What do you care?
me: well, unfortunately I do.
Bigger Me: that’s the whole issue.
me: you have to at least be in the same reality as they are, don’t you?
Bigger Me: well, if you come from the preexisting, already established reality of insult and abuse, which incidentally always stems from fear of inadequacy, then you will continue the chain of abuse by accepting it. But, if you choose to have a filter of love, the weird stuff you claim people do and say to you won’t even register to you as such. Your filter in turn wouldn’t resonate or pick up the insult, or, if it does, you won’t care. Cause love overrides it. You end up filtering anything not love, out.
me: oh. I guess I never thought of it like that before, or I have, but I forgot.
Bigger Me: that’s why we check in.
me: let’s just say, that i say something kind to a jerk fach, and they gut punch me, are you saying I won’t feel it?
Bigger Me: well, first of all, you’ll feel it. And thereafter every time you think about it. But if you were to accept the energy of love you’d only have to experience the pain once, if that was the case. Also, if you were in the love energy, you wouldn’t label them as a “jerk fach” to begin with… and probably not have been open to being in the position of being gut punched, either physically or emotionally. In that case that’s still you choosing to hold and engage in some “not so great” energy. And that’s not love.
Secondly, people who are primarily choosing to experience and live in the energy of love aren’t usually around people who don’t, because the two energies don’t resonate. If they do happen to cross paths, which can sometimes occur, it doesn’t usually last for long. Everyone needs to, and will experience and be exposed to both contrast and love depending on life’s circumstances. There’s always a choice presented in every situation.
me: ok, but what if someone labels you as a jerk fach, and then gut punches you for no apparent reason…
Bigger Me: then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Until then, don’t focus on the negative eventualities that are most likely not probable.
me: got it.
Bigger Me: Kari, you are a loving person. We appreciate your willingness to be open about your life, and wanting people to understand that everyone has an internal monologue that they are playing out both in their heads, and in their lives according to how they feel. You deciding to be honest about yours, is beneficial to the whole of all of us, regardless of who reads this or not. Because just the mere creation of the energy is enough to create a catalyst for change. It’s out there, and we are too. Life is how you decide to perceive it. Deciding to explore your feelings and your thoughts that aid in how you feel is a fast track to developing a way to your happiness. This is for anyone, including you. So, be you, and don’t worry about how you are perceived and treated by others. Because when your sole focus is love, that is all you’ll see and experience.
me: thanks for caring.
Scene.
Day 6 of #RedeemTheSelfie
Challenge: SELFIE DEVELOPMENT - Oh the puns are just getting started...
Post a picture of something you are doing to make yourself better, smarter, more caring, more informed, etc... throw the hashtag in there! I’m reading this book my aunt gave me.
So I need a haircut... and I need to trim my beard... and I’m already getting a little tired of looking at myself in pictures. The reason I don’t take many selfies is that I don’t really think I’m “important” enough to put myself up on the interwebs. “People don’t want to see me,” “Why should I take a picture of myself, isn’t that a bit egotistical,” etc.
I’d like to develop the part of me that sees myself as important even more than I have these past few months, but not to the point of becoming egotistical, narcissistic, or pompous... but as I heard it said, “If I meet a person without an ego, I haven’t met anyone.” I think there’s truth in that.
Almost a week into this! If you haven’t read the intro yet, take a look and join in!
http://s-t-robertson.tumblr.com/post/125515206509/redeemtheselfie