#selfshame

[kyhibit]

Shame and Inadequacy

Good news: I passed my NCLEX and I am a nurse!

Bad news: I have a strong sense of self-shame and feeling of inadequacy.

The self-shaming cycle is so vicious. I start to believe the lies I tell myself that I am not good enough and that I suck or that I’m no good. Even if I make a little mistake or its something I am completely unaware of, I still go through the cycle. I end up self-loathing and not wanting to leave my bed and just isolate myself.

The hardest part of my recovery is that there are so many habits that are ingrained in me that I have to work on changing. The problem is when I fall back into one of these habits and then realize I did, I beat myself up so much. The biggest part of all this is its not even my fault...I didn’t do anything to perpetuate these dysfunctional behaviors. I just did what I needed to protect myself emotionally. 

I just passed the NCLEX and was the top in my class, and a certain family member has already made me feel inadequate. They didn’t really even say they were proud of me, and now they expect me to have a job already. I don’t have my license number yet, so it would be a waste of time applying to jobs. I just once want to feel like something I accomplished was good enough. 

I woke up with this feeling of self-shame, so I tried to do the DBT skill of opposite action. I got up and cleaned and went to a coffee shop to be around people and I ended up having a nice conversation with my barista again. He made me smile and helped shift my mood and emotions. I really just wanted to stay in bed all day and cry, but I knew that wasn’t the best for me. Recovery is hard.

[biblesandcoffeeshops]

My job does not define me.

Sometimes shame will wisper to me that im "just" a barista. It'll stir up a false sense of need to clairify that i have a managerial position. It'll tell me that i have less worth as a person. But the truth is my job is just what i do, not who I am. It does not define my future, my worth, nor my hope. But what does, is knowing the truth about who I am because of Christ. I don't do what i do for any man, but i do it unto God. So it doesn't matter if im a barista, a doctor, or if im jobless. I know my worth, it's that worth doesn't fluctuate but grows as i develop as a person and learn more about who i really am. And the same is true for you. Your circumstances do NOT define your worth.

[picklingsalt]

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"It Bounces" spend enough time around me and you'll hear this phrase. Life, habits, achievements, vibes, friends, foes, it all bounces. Everything I have ever cultivated in my life has gone through periods of great progress and success. Everything I have ever cultivated in my life has gone through periods of great trial, failure, struggle, and abandonment. My diet, education, careers, friendships, family, garden, finances, etc. My yoga practice reveals my internal dialogue for my default thought settings through it all. My back bends, always deep, with the arch through the whole back. Took this video and saw my lower back pinched, immediately came down on myself for not practicing enough. Shame for pursuing stregnth in my shoulders and back while neglecting mobility. But it bounces. Just as I fell out, I will bounce back. And in a yoga practice that often feels like wandering in the dark, hands open waiting to grab something.. there it is. A project. A focus. Something else is sure to fall by the way side. But I won't judge or shame myself any longer. It bounces. I will bounce back. I will hit high and low. #struggleisreal #selfshame is the worst #cameldeflated One year ago I was on my forearms.

[parachutebomb]

I ain't even close to being cool with the man in the mirror

[skygenders]

I'm kinkshaming

The only person who can kinkshame me is myself

[nuttysinoemi]

QUOTE #1403:

I wish I was that girl who thinks she's ugly but is actually really pretty but instead, I'm that girl who think she's ugly and is actually ugly.

[milo-gin]

The crowd

I didn’t remember how hard life was until the time came that I had to visibly expose myself to a crowd of people. I felt suffocated by the angle the saw me from. I was the center of attention, and I could either leave that stage being a clown or leave a hero. So I made the chance to bare myself out. I tripped and fell a million times, but in the end…I proudly left that stage being myself

[sapphirescience]

I've become a bad person who sins only in the dark.