Misophonia and Morality
So today I was reading this medical paper/article on misophonia because the sound of my dog snoring completely mentally and emotionally derailed me from writing, and what I learned was really interesting.
Scientists don't know for sure what causes it yet, but studies show that when a person with misophonia is triggered their heartbeat increases, along with feelings of anger, disgust, and sadness/despair. These feelings are not invoked by other negative stimuli (control stimuli), just by the particular trigger sound, which I’m sure many people with misophonia can confirm.
But what's interesting is that some of the main areas triggered in the brain are those associated with facial recognition and enduring personal harassment. We also respond with the part of their brains related to morality, meaning we find the sound to be (either consciously or unconsciously) *morally* objectionable which is why it's interpreted by the brain the same way bullying or other harassment is. The response is also linked to conditioning.
This makes me (personal conjecture, not from the study) think that it's probably a result of early childhood conditioning that linked the trigger sounds with trauma. However! The study found there was no direct link to the fight or flight response, as you find with most trauma stimuli. Fear was anticipated when they set up the study, so they were surprised to find misophonia doesn't invoke it, aside from mild anxiety which was speculated to be related to anticipated exposure (and which I speculate to be related, at least in part, to self-monitoring mechanisms--as in, I know I’m over-reacting and so I become concerned that I will behave in a disproportionately vengeful manner).
Because of this, misophonia seems to be linked not with physical or emotional danger, but with bullying.
Even though the stimuli will invoke an immediate emotional and physical response that’s similar to a trauma reaction, it’s not directly trauma related, though it might be a byproduct. It's more likely a side effect of having been in situations where the individual felt they had no control, and were forced to endure the unpleasant sound unnecessarily and intentionally. This is why there's moral implications.
This is really interesting to me because my primary trigger is snoring, and I'll bet cash money that it's a result of having been forced to take naps as a kid.
Now, in most cases naps are totally healthy for children, providing them with much needed rest and structure. However, in my case ((and I will note here a trigger warning for my personal experiences with CSA)) my first non-familial babysitter would put his children and I down for “naptime” but always with me in a separate place, where he would sexually assault me.
As a result, I became terrified of sleeping in the presence of anyone other than my parents. Yet, all through preschool, kindergarten, and until my subsequent babysitters stopped forcing me to “nap,” I would simply have to lay there for at least an hour every day, listening to other kids snore while ruminating on how morally repugnant adults were. As such, I assume the sound of snoring became linked with my feelings of rage and despair at having my trauma-related feelings dismissed yet again (no one ever addressed the situation with the babysitter). This is just speculation, but given that one of the most common trigger sounds for misophonia is chewing noises, I'll bet a lot of kids were forced to sit at the table during silent, emotionally tense dinners, or were forced to eat stuff they didn't want to, and developed (were conditioned into having) a moral hatred for the sound of chewing.
I’d be curious to know if anyone else can link their misophonia triggers to morally objectionable moments in their childhoods.
