it was my birthday yesterday which means im supposed to be a pretentious writer and explain all the ways i want to grow or maybe how i have finally grown into whatever it is i am now. but really all i feel is this lightening of pressure, a finalizing fact that no one can take from me: the days will just keep on going whether i grow or not, feel better or not. if i can learn the definition of surviving, i might actually someday see the blessed door open. in this stationary quiet, there might be a purpose if enough years rack up behind me. and they will continue, whether we like it or not, and they will lead somewhere because, well, they just have to, right? all i am worthy of asking for is to not feel as wounded anymore, and the relief off my chest is answer enough.