seri
[3:18pm, wc: 983]
(cw: talks of self-doubt and self-guilt tripping)
It was way past lunch time when Seri woke up.
In all honesty, she wasn’t even sure if she was actually awake. Not once did she move out of her position in bed, but she didn’t close her eyes again. The only time she did move was to check the time the second she woke up. How long has it been since 2:02? She silently thanked god that it was their rest day because sleeping in like this on any other day would get her in trouble.
A knock sounded at the hotel room door, but she didn’t bother moving out of bed. She didn’t even shout which, apparently, didn’t matter to the knocker. They had probably used one of the spare keys that were with the manager and Soobin to get in. Was it Soobin?
“Lily,” a familiar voice rang through the room, “hi. Why didn’t you come out for lunch?”
She said nothing but continued to stare into space. She felt the bed dip by her stomach as Yeonjun settled in the little area, a free hand brushing her hair out of her face. He placed the other hand on her forehead, checking to see if she was sick.
“No fever,” he began before getting off the bed and kneeling down so she could meet his eyes. “Tell oppa what’s wrong, baby.”
“I’m 21, not a baby.”
“She speaks,” Yeonjun smiled and poked her cheek, “why so lethargic?”
A simple shrug was all she gave. Yeonjun sighed but went back to sitting on the bed. This time, he pulled her up to sit next to him. Except, she immediately dropped her head forward onto his shoulder.
Yeonjun let her be like that for a minute, one arm wrapped around her and free hand lightly running through her hair.
“Today not a good day?”
There was the slightest of nods from her, which instinctively made Yeonjun coo and bring her onto his lap. To him, she may be an adult, but she was always going to be one of his babies. This is something she understood, which is why she just let him treat her like one.
“What’s wrong?”
There was silence for a minute, feeling like forever to Yeonjun, before Seri spoke in a whisper. “I feel guilty.”
A frown made its way to Yeonjun’s face. “What for, Lilyflower? You have nothing to feel guilty about.”
“You guys are working so hard to help me,” she began, “and MOA are working so hard to help us. I feel like I’m not giving back enough. I feel like I’m not doing enough for you guys.”
Hearing this broke Yeonjun’s heart, especially as someone who’s been watching her growth for the past five years. He saw how hard she pushed herself and by how much she improved. He saw her on good days where she was giddy about how much she was learning and on bad days where she felt like she was retrograding.
Seri was giving her all, but she didn’t see that. She didn’t see that, and Yeonjun was terrified that she’d eventually cross the line and fade into nothingness. He leaned back a little and lifted her face so their eyes could meet.
“Yoon Seri,” he began, “I have known you since you were a sixteen-year-old little misfit who preferred practicing your dance with Beomgyu alone than with the rest of the trainees because of how terrified you are. I watched you grow into your confidence until you started making your own melodies, writing music, widening your vocal range, and improving your dance all the way until you got your own Artist of the Month video. You’re doing more than enough. I see it, the members see it, and MOA see it. We’re all so proud of you, okay?”
He cut himself off by squeezing her face in between his hands and placing a kiss on her forehead. “Today is just a bad day, so don’t listen to that little mean voice in your head. Stick with me and the members. We’re right here for you, so don’t close yourself off, okay?”
Seri nodded, her heart feeling like it was swelling, but almost feeling like she was choking. It was one thing to know someone was proud of you, but it was another to actually hear it from them.
She place her head back down on his shoulder, trying to take breaths to calm her mind, but Yeonjun started talking.
“Seri’s vocals are literally what you hear when Heaven’s gates are in front of you.”
What? What was Yeonjun saying?
“The goddess of facial expressions herself has dance skill that matches, let’s go, Seri!”
“Oppa?”
“Seri works so hard, look at her notes from recording. Can I just say I’ve never seen anyone more critical about their own performance than Seri? Honestly, Seri already started of great, but she’s getting better all the time.”
Seri finally looked up and saw Yeonjun reading from his phone, twitter open with the search tab reading “YOON SERI” on top.
“These are just some of the things MOA think about you,” Yeonjun told her with a proud smile before frowning at his phone again, “I just don’t approve about all these “I think Seri and whoever are dating: with proof” threads. MOA should know better.”
That got a snort to escape Seri’s lips, making Yeonjun grin victoriously. “You see? You’re doing more than enough, and we all love you for it.”
“Yeah,” she shrugged, “okay.”
“Now come on,” he picked her up bridal style and walked to her door, making her laugh in surprise. “None of us have actually eaten lunch yet. Room service should be in Soobin and Beomgyu’s room by now.”
“Oppa! Put me down!”
The smile never left her face after that. She may have bad days, but, hey, at least she knows she’s got people that have her back.
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