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City Lights

In the light of the sinking dusk,

The streets are alive with shimmering life.

Ringing, echoing, sounds bounce over city lights.

And I am but a seeking wanderer,

Roaming in search of new delights.

There's a voice in me,

That echoes in hollow ribs.

Rings, sonorous, and stills.

It is a voice that waits,

For a city to call from its midst.

Chime a bell so charming,

It pulls my heart from my ribs.

In the light of the waning moon,

I carry this silent want with me.

In wait for its siren song,

Travel city to city.

And in light of the rising dawn,

Find a home to be.

Vulnerability

You think power is an unyielding thing. Cords of strength, unbending and stiff. I have power too, stubbornness and spite. Anger that keeps me raging white. You'll have to pull weakness from my mouth, Like unwilling teeth refusing to give. "Help. Please. Stop" The words will be pried from my cold dead lips. Lips I've sealed, Lips that have always been concealed. Now look for a mouth you've never seen. Look for a mouth you never need. While I hide in my corner, And chew these words to death. Uttered words are power, Power too poorly kept. Vulnerability is a gift, A gift I refuse to give. So fight me for absolution, For pity or resolution. For platitudes that mean nothing to me. Open your eyes and see, See the shadow that has always been. Witness your crime become a raging sea. You might call it madness, But madness is what I choose to be. Unlike anything before, this is truly me.

Hunger

All your life, you did not know how to be gentle, To wait, to be patient. There was always a hunger, That consumed you. That curled in your arms and limbs. That ate from filthy recesses, That knew not dirt from skin. In the gritty cracks of childhood, You did not know how to love and live, How to laugh and kiss. All you knew was hunger, Hunger and it's spidery limbs. It sat in you, a hole in gaping ribs. Pulsed, a void in heart shaped hills. Kindness was lost on you, Gentleness, a mere pseud. And before love could fill your heart, You had devoured it without regard. You wonder sometimes if there is more to life, More than eating fork to knife. But how do you mourn a loss that hasn't been. How do you mourn something before it begins. All you have known is this need to fill, With grief, with pain, with battery or disdain. Anything for the hungry, gaping void, Before it breathes, before it kills.

Blur

I'm floating, dizzy, dazed. My days a blur of heated haze. There is no more adrenaline in my veins, Lethargy reigns. Thoughts push jagged edges in my brain, Tenderly, tenderly sane. And these days, when my lips are silent, I have deemed myself worthy of pain. I need you to love me So I don't have to love myself. I need you to hurt me, So I don't have to hurt myself. Everyday, I'm drifting. Stabbed by dull knives in my heart. If only- somehow- you could- Pry my lips open, drain this blood outside. Cleave my chest open, fix this drowning inside. I am gutted, By every little word thrown my way. I am shredded, By years and years of grey dismay. And there's a loop that says, I am worthy of pain. A loop that drowns me in my own disdain. Silent as I am, will you find my pain? Will you love me enough, to stich me vein by vein?

Midnight

I have been in bed all day, You don't know what that means. I'm hurting, not moving, Thinking of where you may be. Thinking of what you see, Thinking of the other side of my screen. I'm burning, and the rot that consumes me, Climbs up my knees. And I wonder what it was like, when we stood in the summer breeze. I cannot say that I hurt, and drown in disdain. So I think of you, of where you are, And curl up in unease. You do not know what I say when I'm in bed. You do not know what I mean when I'm in neglect. It's almost midnight now, All the day's passed. I must be in my bed, Where sleep comes at last.

Loss

Loss was something you never thought about.

It was an intangible shadow of your dreams;

A darkened hallway,

An empty room,

Smokes and unseen fumes.

Everything that would go away with age,

With time.

But you did not think that these fears would not vanish,

That they would stay, solidify and make you panic.

The older you are, the more you fear loss.

Too afraid to touch what you have.

Too afraid to face what you want.

Clutching tightly to everything at night so in the morning it isn't gone.

Even in your sleep,

You can feel it coiling in your veins.

Up your fingertips, down your amrs and nails.

And you wish you could stop time,

So there would be no loss, no broken chime.

But the press of hands moves on,

Smoothes the sands of time.

And you, in your fears-

Are dragged along,

In the rubbles of night-time.

Seeping Cold

The cold is not new to you. All your life you have known what it is to be cold. To have it seeping in your bones. To wash it from your fingertips, To drip it from frozen lips, To have it blistering in your words, making everything blue tinged. It is warmth that confuses you. You do not know what warmth is. You don't know how it works, In circles or in yellow bursts. You have never sat by a campfire, Or by the hearth to warm your feet. You've never huddled for heat, Or been close enough to another heart beat. All you know is cold. So you shy away from tender hands, From kindness and gentle pats. You hide in your cold pits, just as before. You can live by the snow, forevermore.

So long you have lived, So long you have suffered. So long have you dragged yourself, Bruised, bleeding, butchered. You tire of this life, Of misery, of agony, of hurt. You want to be loved. You want to be kissed and hugged. You want to be told stories to sleep, You want to laugh and no longer weep. In a meadow, you want to lie basking in the sun. Listen to your beloved sing, Watch the moon rise and the sun sink. You want to hold your heart bursting full of warmth, Lost in melody of a lullaby, forgetting all hurts. You want to close you eyes to misery, Wake to moon soaked visions of family. You want to distill destiny in time, Hold eternity in a single rhyme. You want to feel yourself in life, You want your world, free of strife.