Clueless for Two
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The summer before high school, you planned out everything: how you’d come out of your shell, how you’d make a name for yourself, how you’d become popular and well-liked and join the soccer team and maybe try to make it to the varsity team. By the time you accepted your high school diploma, exactly none of those goals came to pass: you made a couple of friends, none of whom were going to the same college as you; you only joined one club for one year for all of high school, and that was the math club in your senior year; you didn’t even try to run for any student council positions, although you did know a friend of the student treasurer in your senior year; you ended up chickening out before the soccer tryouts even started and ended up doing cross-country, which, to be fair, you quite enjoyed.
In other words, you were pretty much a nobody. You left high school having demonstrated exactly zero exceptional qualities about you, memorable traits or defining moments, that would make someone in your graduating class remember you. But honestly, you don’t really care; not because you don’t like your graduating class, or because you didn’t like high school, but because, by senior year, you realized how shallow those goals were.
So, you enter college with no such goals. All that’s on your mind is to study well, find a few friends that you can relax and hang out with, that you would feel comfortable drinking for the first time on your 21st birthday with, and have a good time. Nothing grand, no lofty ambitions. Just, have fun, learn a thing or two, and graduate.
It’s funny how the universe seems to always work against you.
“Oh! You’re…”
You thought no one from your high school chose to go to your choice of college. Then again, you didn’t really ask around for such information.
“…Alien-guy. The one who said, that one time, that to believe that aliens don’t exist is preposterous!”
So, maybe, apparently, there was something memorable you did. And to be remembered by Kang Seulgi, the person who achieved every single one of your self-set goals in high school by her junior year, is perhaps its own achievement.
Then again, maybe not; Seulgi was known to be the nicest girl in school. Nominated for Prom Queen and almost winning despite doing zero work for it, so you heard; making it to the varsity team for volleyball by sophomore year; known by and friends with students from all years, she did it all. Even you had your own positive experiences with her, being grouped together with her for an AP European History project on Rousseau and his impact on the Age of Enlightenment, and being smiled to and waved at a few times in the hallways on occasion afterwards. But that was it. Kang Seulgi was … well, Kang Seulgi. And you knew it. You had no delusions of her friendliness, of why she smiled and waved at you so much, why she sat next to you for the first few days of the math class you both took as seniors. She’s just Kang Seulgi, the nicest girl at school. There’s nothing to read into.
“Huh. Is that my legacy from high school?”
Seulgi laughs. “I’m so sorry! I’m terrible with names. I’m Kang Seulgi, by the way!”
As if you could forget. But you don’t say that. Instead, you remind her your name, and Seulgi apologizes for forgetting it in the same way she might apologize for accidentally kicking your dog, so you shrug it off by saying, “I didn’t know you chose this college.”
“And I didn’t know you chose this one! Why didn’t you tell me?!”
Although the smile never leaves Seulgi’s eyes, the slight bit of disappointment in the shift of the smile on her lips and her cheeks makes you wonder if she actually thinks it was reasonable for you to just walk up to her back in high school and ask her what college she chose, and then promptly inform her that you chose the same one. “Never really had the chance to.”
“I’m so glad that I know someone here. It’s so exciting to be someplace new, but also sorta scary, isn’t it?”
That, you have to agree on. Ordinarily, talking to someone so insanely attractive like Kang Seulgi would’ve been intimidating, but her friendly demeanor disarms any apprehension that might’ve otherwise frozen your vocal cords. “None of your friends came with you?”
“I knoow right?” You withhold a chuckle at Seulgi’s whine. “They’re so mean! I begged them so much too, but the ones who also got accepted here all said that it was too far away.”
“Yeah, but it’s sorta nice being far from home.”
“Yeah, yeah!” The way Seulgi’s eyes light up as she agrees with you … for a second or five, you forget how to breathe. “I think so too! And the campus is soo pretty!”
Fortunately, Seulgi doesn’t seem to notice your pause. “Yeah, it really is.” These kinds of girls, with their otherworldly beauty, who act like they don’t know how much a simple smile, especially such a radiant one, affects others. Well, actually, Seulgi is the only one you know that you would classify as an ‘otherworldly beauty’. Maybe it’s just a Seulgi thing. Still, she ought to wield that weapon more responsibly and intent.
“What do—”
“Alright, everyone!” The booming voice of the professor entering the massive lecture hall silences Seulgi, who turns her attention to the front of the room. You do the same. “Welcome to college! Unless, do we have any poor souls who have an earlier class?” A few hands shoot up, and a collective, sympathetic laugh-groan fills the lecture hall. “I’m so sorry to you all.”
“It’s ok, I’m a morning person!” shouts one amongst the raised hands.
“Oh.” The clear disdain in the professor’s voice and face brings about more laughter in the class. “Well then. I’m … even more sorry to hear that.” The professor’s response is met with more laughter. “Anyway, welcome to Biology 101!”
It doesn’t change anything, though. So what, Kang Seulgi, the most popular girl in high school and generally likeable human being, sat next to you in one of your classes? It doesn’t mean anything. Just like in your math class last year, she’ll probably sit next to you for the first few days, and by the second week, will migrate to sitting next to the friends she’ll have made. And the world will return to normalcy.
Except, it doesn’t. Because, later that day, you see Seulgi again. In one of your classes, again. This time, it’s you who notices her first, entering the classroom from the back and seeing the unmistakable side profile of Kang Seulgi, shuffling around in her orange backpack in search of something. Should you greet her? It’s almost inevitable that she’ll realize you’re in this class with her, right? It’s a relatively small class too, very unlike the massive lecture hall your previous class together was located in. Would she find it off-putting? Well, even if she did find it that way, she wouldn’t let it show on her face. Is there really a reason to say ‘hi’? To be polite, you presume, but…
You feel your body stiffen up as you see her turn around.
Shit. Did she notice me staring? She’ll definitely think I’m a creep.
“Oh!” You can’t say you’re surprised, really, by her friendly reaction. What you are surprised about is just how incredibly jubilant she is to see you again. “You’re in my Calc 3 class too?!”
No known force in the universe can stop the smile that blossoms on your face. “Yeah, looks like it.”
“No waay! Oh my gosh, I heard horror stories of Calc 3 from my college friends, but now I get take it with one of the smartest guys in our math class last year, I feel so much better!”
As you make your way to Seulgi’s seat, the guy sitting in front of her turns around. “Oh, really? So, you’re sorta the shit, huh?”
Maybe it’s you that’s looking at the glass half-empty, but you swear you can hear a hint of snark in his voice. Like he’s puffing out his chest, trying to size you up. Not that you really care about meeting his challenge, of course. He’s free to have Seulgi all to himself. “I don’t think so…”
“Oh please, he’s being humble. He got a 5 on the AP Calc BC test.”
“…how do you know that?”
“One of my friends heard from our teacher.”
So maybe that’s another, albeit slightly niche, ‘legacy’ of yours from high school. Or, maybe this is just Seulgi being the social butterfly she is.
“No shit! So did I!”
“Oh, really?”
Seulgi doesn’t seem to detect the chest-puffing that the guy, who you learn is named Justin, is doing. As you plop down next to her, the two of them blast off in conversation about the AP test, studying for it, and what they’ve heard about Calc3 online, with Justin eventually coming around and sitting on the other side of Seulgi. She pulls you into the conversation here and there, but you try to, as subtly as you can, stay out of it. It’s as clear that Justin has an interest in Seulgi as it is that he views you as a threat, so you try to make yourself as small as possible. You’re no threat, you want to tell him, you’re just someone who happened to have gone to high school with her.
It’s no surprise that, by the second week of your Bio101 class, Kang Seulgi is sitting next to a girl who she’s happily chatting up. What is a surprise is that, just as you’re about to slot yourself into a few rows behind her, she turns around, and, upon meeting your eyes, lights up.
“Oh! Over here!” The girl that’s sitting next to Seulgi, you learn, is named Irene, and it’s when you’re able to see her face-to-face that you realize you may have to update your list of ‘otherworldly beauties’. Irene is considerably more reserved than Seulgi, but is by no means a slouch when it comes to beauty, herself.
“Did you do the reading?”
“Hm? There was reading?”
“Well, the professor said it was optional, but I get the idea that it’s like, ‘optional’. You know? Like, how the reading in AP Euro was always ‘optional’, but how you could never understand what was happening in class unless you followed along?”
You laugh at that. “Right. Well, I hope the professor doesn’t expect us to be that studious, being only the first week and all.”
With Seulgi, you find it easy to speak freely. With Irene, it feels nearly impossible, not because she feels impossible to approach, with how soft-spoken and gentle she seems to be, but because she feels intimidating in another way. Like, it’s forbidden for you to speak to her, like she’s a high priestess or maybe even divinity itself, and you are not worthy to be in her presence. Maybe this would be how Seulgi would feel to talk to if that friendliness she positively exudes vanishes.
It also doesn’t take more than a week to confirm Justin’s intentions with Seulgi, and you can’t help but feel that Seulgi’s friendliness is feeding into it, too. Is it intentional? The way she speaks to Justin isn’t dissimilar at all to how she speaks with you. Or at least, from what you can tell. And upon the most barebones investigation, the possibility that Seulgi is intentionally leading Justin on is tossed out the window; she’s definitely too nice for that. At the tail end of the second week, when Justin recommends studying together for the upcoming exam in a month, Seulgi is the one who tells you that you’re coming along. Justin doesn’t let his dissatisfaction show on his face, but he doesn’t have to; you know he would rather you not be there.
To you, it’s crystal clear what Justin is trying to do. Seulgi, be it blissful or willing ignorance, doesn’t address it even slightly.
You consider calling in sick that day to give Justin some alone time with Seulgi. It’s more annoying than anything, how Justin seems so guarded around you. But, at the same time, you can’t really just tell him, especially since you two never talk just amongst yourselves. Also, who studies for an exam an entire month in advance?
But when you text Seulgi that you aren’t coming, she insists on coming over to help take care of you, so you have to awkwardly brush it off and tell her that, you know what, it’s not that bad, and in fact, you’ll come anyway, it’s no big deal. When you arrive, you see Seulgi happily waving over at you, and next to her at the table, sure enough, is an expression on Justin’s face that betrays his intentions. Seulgi briefly inquires about how you feel, and you play it off as no big deal. The hostility from Justin seems to dissipate slightly at that, but only slightly.
Two hours later, the three of you call it quits, and Justin invites Seulgi to eat at the nearby Mexican place with him. When Seulgi insists that you come along, Justin chimes in, saying that, since you’re sick, you ought to go home and get some rest, adding in that he’ll bring you dinner after they’re done. What he’s actually saying to you is clear as day: fuck off, and I’ll buy you dinner.
You have your concerns: you caught Justin unabashedly looking at Seulgi’s thighs, which are especially on display due to how obscenely short her shorts are, and how, despite Justin’s brazenness, Seulgi doesn’t even seem to notice. Is she just extremely studious, or is she oblivious? It’s not your place to know what’s best for Kang Seulgi, nor do you have any obligation to act as her ‘white knight’ … and, it’s not like Justin really seems like a rapist, either. Do you need to be worried about them? Plus, it is a free meal. Who are you, a broke college student, to deny a free meal?
So, you ultimately end up excusing yourself, deciding you don’t want to endure another hour or so of Justin trying to pretend like you don’t exist as politely as possible. It ends up being Irene that you end up hearing about it, of all sources. You’re a bit taken aback when she immediately starts talking as you take your seat, but as she continues, you can tell why.
“I saw Seulgi walking with a boy, so I went to greet her, and it turned out, they were going back to his apartment.” Oh. What the— “I was a little suspicious, so I asked him about his roommate, and he said something about asking him to be somewhere else for the next few hours.” Oh. Oh no. Did you misjudge Justin? “I was able to stop it, but … was Seulgi always so … oblivious?”
So, it’s not only you. On one hand, you feel vindicated for being right, at least somewhat, about Justin, but on the other hand, you’re kicking yourself. If you were suspicious of him, then you should obviously wedge yourself between them at any chance you get, especially since Seulgi doesn’t seem to mind. You even had another chance to do so, when Justin dropped the food off at your door, whispering a quick, “thanks, man,” before handing you the food and whisking off. And the result of that? If Irene hadn’t been there to interpose … you don’t want to consider it.
“I’m not really sure.”
“Hm? I thought you were friends with her in high school.”
“Not really, no. We sometimes waved to each other in the halls, but she waved at pretty much everyone in school.”
Irene pursed her lips. “Hm … I really got the impression that you two were close friends, at least.”
Leave it to Seulgi to talk to another person about someone like you as if you were her close friend. It isn’t much later that Seulgi herself arrives, and none the wiser either. The topic of Justin doesn’t come up again, and having Seulgi ask you where Justin is in your Calc3 class later that day affirms this for you: Seulgi is too pure for this world. You aren’t her ‘white knight’, and the idea that you, of all people, should protect her is cringe-inducing at best and pretentious at worst, but it’s pretty clear that it needs to be done. You can’t bear the thought of someone taking advantage of Seulgi’s kindness, and, selfishly, you don’t ever want this part of Kang Seulgi, her overwhelming friendliness that borders on naivete, to vanish due to someone using it for their own selfish purposes.
It doesn’t take long after Justin that it starts happening more and more: you acquire Irene’s aid, but it’s not like you two can babysit Seulgi forever. It doesn’t help that she’s living in a single, meaning you can’t even enlist the help of a roommate to your cause. Instead, it’s you happening upon her at the fountain near the science building, chatting away with some guy who is very clearly taking every chance he can to look at Seulgi’s exposed midriff, and going out of your way to greet her. Or, it’s you seeing her at a café she introduced you to second week after classes started and seeing the guy talking to her being a little too touchy, hands dangerously close to her torso, but Seulgi never seeming to really notice. Or, it’s a bunch of other stories from Irene, who you’ve had to exchange numbers with in this pursuit of protecting Seulgi, all of this slowly, but surely, leading up to you making any and all excuses to hang out with Seulgi so that you can keep an eye on her.
Of course, Seulgi doesn’t seem to catch on to your intentions, and in fact seems to be happy that you’re inviting her to eat lunch and chill at the nearby rec center before heading to your Calc3 class, that you’re looking for every single hang-out location downtown to bring her and Irene to on the weekends. You might’ve felt slightly self-conscious before, so shamelessly inviting someone like Kang Seulgi to all these places, but this isn’t about yourself. It’s about Seulgi, and making sure nothing undue happens to her.
And so, the first year passes like that: Irene and you, along with a few other of Seulgi’s friends that were enlisted—all of whom were females, despite Seulgi having no shortage of male friends. You suspect it has something to do with Irene, who quickly established herself as Seulgi’s best friend but, for some reason, isn’t the one being asked to room with her in the following year. With her connections, Seulgi manages to snag one of the most highly-sought-after apartments on campus, and of all people, Seulgi asks you to be her roommate.
“Me? What about Irene?”
“She was the one who told me to ask you. She said she already has an apartment for next year, but she says that it’s close by, though!”
Over this year, you have learned all sorts about Seulgi that makes you realize how easy it is for her to, without meaning to, attract someone. Above all else, Seulgi is extremely affectionate and clingy, finding every excuse to hug and hold the hands of her friends. Of course, there’s her stunning beauty and her dazzling eye-smile that causes heart palpitations to all manner of people, but there’s also her outgoing, sunny personality that draws people in like a nickel to a super magnet. The way she dresses, too, tends to show off her nice figure: her slim waist, her toned midriff, her milky-smooth legs, and the number of tight shirts that she has, that you swear have been growing over the year … you really do try not to look, but are only mostly successful in doing so. Thankfully, you haven’t caught the ire of Irene, who somehow either hasn’t noticed you stealing a few glances, or is otherwise pretending not to notice, despite the number of guys you’ve caught her glaring at that were looking a bit too hard at Seulgi. You can’t really blame Irene for glaring, either; you’ve learned, over the years, to view every man as a potential threat to Seulgi, lest you encounter another scenario where you find a close male friend of hers getting a bit too close to a black-out-drunk Seulgi while clearly recovering from a hangover himself. Upon further questioning, Seulgi revealed that it was her who pushed them to drink so much, although she refused to disclose what they were talking about and why it warranted such alcohol consumption. Maybe it was just you being paranoid; from how it appeared, it did look like he was about to do something to her, but thinking back, you realize it’s also plausible that he was trying to check in on Seulgi.
“But … I’m a guy…?”
Seulgi laughs. “I know that, silly! The building is co-ed. Unless…” Seulgi’s voice diminishes real quick real fast, and you start to panic slightly. Is it some expression on your face that you aren’t aware of? Maybe you shouldn’t have said that? “…you don’t want to?”
What? That’s what she’s worried about?
This Seulgi woman … did you ever mention she’s too pure for this world?
“Well, I mean, I was thinking about getting into one of the dorms closer to the center of campus, but I haven’t really applied for any of them yet.”
“So?” Seulgi’s voice is back to the happy, chipper tone you’re used to. You breathe an internal sigh of relief. Whatever it was, it seemed to have passed just as quickly as it arrived. “You’ll join me?!”
It’s true that being Seulgi’s roommate will make it easier to keep an eye out on her. But the question remained: what about your own sanity? Spending this much time with someone who was gradually becoming well-known on campus, in various social circles and as an up-and-coming volleyball player on the bench of the university’s team, who has been confessed to so many times that Seulgi has stopped crying to you about how bad she feels about rejecting yet another person, you’ve gotten as used to her as any straight man can. But, the prospect of living with a woman so strikingly, dangerously attractive and effortlessly, obliviously alluring, in your mind, is a combination made in hell that’s designed to test your patience and restraint to the max.
You’ve already decided that you, of all people, will never do anything to Seulgi. For whatever reason, you seem to be the only man close to Seulgi that Irene tolerates, even to the degree that she’ll talk about Seulgi’s male friends to you behind their backs. To act on any impulses, to fall for her in any way, is a betrayal of Irene’s trust in you, and more importantly, is a betrayal of your own morales.
“Um…”
“Please, please, please, pleaaaase?”
When Seulgi uses those puppy-dog-eyes on you, there’s nothing you can do but to acquiesce to her request. And as Seulgi squeals and hugs you in celebration, you reinforce this idea in your head: you will never, ever, for any reason whatsoever, do anything to Seulgi. You’re just there to protect her. You’re there to chase off anyone who would have bad intentions with her. Irene is counting on you.
“Thank you!! Next year is gonna be soo much fun!”
Seulgi’s joy is infectious, and eventually, you find yourself grinning stupidly along with her. “You’re really that lonely, living by yourself, huh?”
She nods. “I thought it would be fun to do that at first, but…” you know. There have been no shortages of nights that Seulgi has spent at your, or Irene’s, or any of her female friends’, place. You live in a male dorm, though, and have repeatedly tried to get it into her head that her coming over to a place filled with men is a bad idea, especially since those men often give you shit for being so close to her, having been asked on more than one occasion, “So, how’s her pussy?”, a question you always shoot down with a glare and a following, “We’re just friends bro, what the fuck?” The night always ends with you walking her home and her begging you to stay at her place for just a little bit longer, and seeing her pleading with you almost always makes you freeze at the door, but this is the one line you told yourself you would never cross.
So much for that.
“…it’s just, there are times when I want to watch a movie with someone, you know? Or just, talk with about things, and whenever I’m doing homework, it’s nice to be able to take a break from it with someone or scratch their brain about it.”
“Well, you can always use ChatGPT.”
“But it’s not the same! I can’t hug ChatGPT after it helps me, I can’t look at ChatGPT in the eyes and know that it’s really, truly listening and empathizing with me, I can’t—”
“I know, I was kidding.”
“…oh…” Seulgi pouts again and lightly slaps your shoulder, “…meanie.”
“Well, do I have to sign a lease or something?”
“Yeah!” And just like that, Seulgi’s mood turned around completely. “I’ll email you the link for you to sign. Ooh, I can’t wait!!”
There are a few things that you’re worried about, first and foremost being how clumsy Seulgi is: it’s like the universe decided to balance out her insane attractiveness, her magnetically friendly disposition, her bubbliness that can always put a smile on even the most unwilling face, with this one fault, and it only makes her cuter. Her incredible knack for finding something to knock over, or to trip over nothing, is truly astounding; you sometimes wonder how she’s been able to get through life in one piece, not to mention how she manages to stay so positive and happy-go-lucky. Another is the two modes she has: her usual mode, in which she’s smiling and clumsy and very affectionate and caring; and her serious mode, in which she becomes completely unrecognizable, and one that you definitely don’t find sexy in any way, and it’s definitely not something you—
Yeah, this is going to be a problem.
And in the first week or two after moving in with her, your fears are validated. It turns out, there’s even more to learn about Seulgi, like how she seems to dress up at home at all times, wearing outfits that don’t seem particularly comfortable, and how she can’t stand not being in makeup, even going so far as to hide her bare face the few times you’ve accidentally caught her in the morning, walking to her bathroom. Even more so than last year, Seulgi intrudes on you, walking into your room and asking to watch a movie together or play a game together or try a dessert she bought on the way home together or just sit in the living room and talk about stuff together.
After learning about how you usually did your meals, Seulgi starts insisting that the two of you cook your meals for every dinner, with the expense for ingredients being split evenly. “Look at us, cooking together like a ma—”
A silence stretching almost a full minute follows. Why couldn’t you hear the rest of the sentence? Did the noise of the stove fan overpower her? “…hm?” You look over at Seulgi, who is chopping up some green onions at the moment. “Sorry, I couldn’t hear, what did you say?”
“Nothing!” Seulgi doesn’t turn to face you, but you swear you can see the tip of her ear being slightly pinker than usual.
It hasn’t even been an entire month, but it feels like these kinds of instances happen not infrequently. You don’t really know how to describe them: it’s like Seulgi tries to do something, or say something, but stops herself. Is she just being conscious of you? Because you’re a guy? You don’t know how to ask her about it, either, because you don’t even know what is it you want to ask. It does feel like Seulgi does get flustered more easily than you originally figured, although it’s more understandable to be flustered about the next incident. You’ve just finished taking a shower and, after getting out, realized you didn’t grab a new shirt. So, you dry yourself off, put on boxers and your shorts, and go to your room with your old shirt in hand, only to run into Seulgi.
“Oh!”
“Oh, Seulgi—” For a split second, you swear you could’ve seen her eyes bulge out of their sockets. Her gaze lingers for a brief second, or so it feels like to you, before she diverts her gaze to the side, then the ground. “—sorry, I just forgot a shirt, so…”
“A-Ah, really? Um, it’s ok.”
Again, Seulgi makes sure not to show you her face, but you swear you can just barely make out a slight bit of redness at the tip of her ears. But, that’s normal, isn’t it? It doesn’t mean anything. Any girl would react in such a way if they happened upon her shirtless male friend. Most likely, it’s just her reacting that way out of shock not anything else. Certainly not because she is impressed or attracted to you or anything.
You didn’t really think much of it. One of the reasons you decided to take on this endeavor is because you felt you were already accustomed to being close to Seulgi. Physically, that is: hugging, holding hands, feeling her chin resting on your shoulder to watch a video you’re showing her, even more mundane things like sharing utensils and getting a matching bag accessory. It has definitely not been good for your heart, but accustoming yourself to it has been more of a matter of survival than anything else. Whether you like it or not, Seulgi is going to be physically affectionate, so the question is simply: how soon can you get used to it? The answer turned out to be about eight months.
Or at least, that’s what the answer was. Now that you’re living with her, you’re unsure.
You can’t even blame summer break because, although few and far between, you still met up with Seulgi a few times in the two-month span, coming from the same city and all. It’s just … the increased frequency at which close-ness happens. You really did think that you had a grasp on how to calm yourself around Seulgi, but it turns out, seeing her sleepily wish you goodnight or grocery shopping with her or taking an occasional post-dinner walk together makes it really hard to keep a cool head at all times. Constantly reminding yourself your purpose in rooming with her and to keep your delusions in your head … it’s only been two weeks, but it already feels exhausting. How are you supposed to survive, what, nine more months of this?
Given that you and Seulgi are doing different majors, you’re at least given some reprieve during classes. However, you soon learn that, in fact, Irene is in a fair amount of your classes. How you didn’t know Irene was doing your major with how much time you spent with her and Seulgi, you aren’t sure. Thankfully, it does give the two of you some time to strategize in your protect-Seulgi strategy.
“Thank you, by the way.”
If Seulgi is an energetic puppy, Irene is a graceful cat. Seulgi’s energy bounces off the walls; she illuminates the room she’s in, and her smile inevitably gets transferred onto the faces of others. With Irene, she’s softer. More graceful, regal, even. Irene’s presence seems to calm everything around her down, to a point where one starts to realize how horribly out of place one is being so close to her.
“Hm? For what?”
“For agreeing to be Seulgi’s roommate.”
And when she smiles at you, you feel your heart skip a few beats.
These otherworldly beauties, so haphazardly using their absolutely radiant, heart-stopping smiles like it’s no big deal. First Seulgi, now Irene; they really needed to learn to reel it in, lest they give you heart problems. They really do ought to use them with more responsibility and intent. It’s just a smile, but you swear you almost fell for Irene right then and there.
“She’s a handful, isn’t she?”
You laugh. “A little bit. The other day, she forgot about the thing she was cooking and I swear, nearly set off the fire alarm. We had to open every single window in the apartment to vent out the smoke.”
Irene laughs. It’s a truly musical sound, and the sight is one to behold as well: her perfectly proportional, perfectly symmetrical features light up, with her eyes disappearing into slits and her lips parting into laughter, and it’s all but inevitable that you join in with her as well.
“That does sound like Seulg—”
“Hey, what are you talking about?”
Irene lets out a shriek, jumping as Seulgi pats her shoulder. Irene head whips around and sighs upon seeing her best friend’s face. “Oh my gosh, it’s just you.”
“It’s just me! So, what were you talking about?”
“Hm? Oh, nothing!” As Irene responds, she starts making some space between the two of you. Not that you mind, but you do notice it. “We were just studying for an upcoming exam.”
Seulgi guffaws. “Already?!”
Irene nods and pouts along with her best friend. “I know, right?”
“Well, if he’s your study partner,” Seulgi nods at you, “then you’re sure to ace the exam.”
Irene nods. “Yeah, that’s why I’m not that worried about it.”
“Wow, that’s a lot of pressure you’re putting on me there.”
“It’s not fair.”
“Hm?” Irene directs an inquisitive gaze towards Seulgi, who is looking at you.
“I want to study with you too, but Irene’s stealing you from me.”
It’s so difficult. It’s so damn difficult to not get the wrong idea when Seulgi says stuff like this, pouting like she’s genuinely jealous. Does the universe expect your heart not to skip three beats at that?
“Well, too bad~” Irene replies in a singsong voice, sticking her tongue out at Seulgi. “You have Wendy to help you study, anyway.”
“Yeah! Wendy’s really smart, too. You should be even more confident with her as your study partner.”
And you swear, Seulgi looks a little bit disappointed upon hearing you say that. Even though you’re one-hundred percent sure Wendy is much, much smarter than you. “…it’s not about that…” is what she responds to you with, or at least, that’s what you thought she said.
“Hm?”
“I said, you’re right about that!” Oh, so you did mishear.
But when Seulgi flashes you with a beaming smile, you feel like you can also see a similarly disappointed expression on Irene’s face.
You have more female friends than male friends—that is to say, you only have one male friend, the rest being female friends of Seulgi’s. That fact does come with some perks: they are more than willing to throw compliments around like it’s nothing, they always have your back when any issue arises, and they’re always ready to talk about anything and everything that you wanted to talk to them about. But this is one of the negatives: it feels like, sometimes, there are hidden motives, or secret messages or meanings in their words that you can never quite catch on to. It’s something that you have been desperately trying to get better at, which Seulgi gives you a fair number of late-night conversations to improve at, such two nights after the exam.
“You know Annie?”
“Yeah, the one who’s always asking you to join the dance team.”
“Yeah.” From just her tone, you can tell that something’s wrong. But that’s just the basics. In an effort to improve your mind-reading skills, you’ve started to play a little game: can you guess what Seulgi’s about to say just from the tone of her voice and the look on her face? Seulgi is a woman who wears her emotions on her sleeves, someone who can’t lie to save her own life, so it theoretically should be easy to get in the right ballpark, but your record is still pretty bad.
What would it be this time? Maybe it has something to do with the dance team? Did it disband recently?
“Terry, someone from the male dance team, asked me out earlier.” Well, looks like you were completely wrong again. “And I rejected him.” You reach out and pat her hand as she speaks. “But Annie, who has a crush on him, was with me when it happened.” It’s truly astonishing, how empathetic Seulgi is. Of course, there’s the obvious matter of having to reject the confession of the crush of one of your friends, but she also genuinely looks guilty. Like, as if she could’ve done something about it. “I … didn’t know what to do. I just…” a tear falls down her cheek, her voice warbles, and she lets out a sniffle. “…I just feel so bad. I was cheering for them so much, we even had a plan to set them up on a date next week, but…”
“It’s ok, Seulgi.” Your arm goes around her shoulder to pull her into a half-hug, and Seulgi buries her damp face into your chest. “It’s not your fault.”
“B-But, maybe it was because I insisted on being in charge of gathering information from him. I was so excited for Annie that I didn’t even realize…”
The more she speaks, the more uneven her voice becomes. It’s starting to tug at your own heartstrings, too. “It’s not your fault, Seulgi. Wanting to help your friends is never a bad thing.”
“B-But, but if I just let someone else do that job, maybe that wouldn’t have happened!”
If Terry spent so long with Annie but ended up falling in love with you from spending a handful of minutes here and there over the course of a few weeks, then the chances seemed pretty low for Terry to reciprocate Annie’s feelings. You don’t say that, of course. You may be slightly socially awkward, but you’re not that socially inept. “You don’t control how Terry feels, or who he falls in love with. And who knows? Maybe Annie and Terry’s bond will grow after this.”
“…I don’t want Annie to hate me, though.”
“Why would Annie hate you?”
“Because…”
You asked the question already knowing the answer, but you still ended up asking it. It’s not a very logical train of thought, to dislike your friend for being the recipient of a love confession from your crush, but you also know that love isn’t exactly logical. “But you worked so hard on helping Annie with Terry, didn’t you?” You can feel her nod against your chest. “Give her enough time, and she’ll realize that you were just trying to help. I don’t think she can be mad at you once she realizes that.”
“…really?”
You’re the one that nods this time. The entire time, you’ve been soothingly rubbing her back, but now that she’s looking up at you, from an incredibly close distance, mind you, not only does your hand stop, but so does your brain. Calm down. Get over it. “Yeah.” You can only hope that you aren’t blushing right now. What a wildly inappropriate response, considering how Seulgi’s literally crying in your arms. You try not to let the scolding you’re giving yourself show on your face.
“Promise?”
“I…” you tilt your head in confusion, Seulgi’s response breaking the spell of enchantment her teary eyes placed on you. “…if she doesn’t, then I’ll go talk to her myself.”
Seulgi giggles at that. “Don’t threaten her!”
“I never said I was going to do that.”
“That’s how you made it sound like though.”
You smile again and pat her back a few times for good measure. “But, don’t worry too much about it, ok? From the few times I’ve spoken with Annie, it seemed like she’s a good girl. If she’s mad at you, she’ll forgive you eventually.”
Seulgi nods and sits back up straight. “By the way…” Seulgi directs what you can only describe as an accusatory glare at you. “…Irene.”
“…What about Irene?”
“You see her a lot, don’t you?”
You nod slowly. What’s this about? Does Seulgi maybe want you to protect Irene against potential suitors, like you promised Irene regarding Seulgi? That would certainly be a humorous situation: both best friends asking a third-party, and a guy at that, to protect the other from undue advances from potentially sleezy guys. Although not as frequent, you’re not unaware at how many guys have shot their shot with Irene. “Yeah, I guess. We’re in a lot of the same classes, since there aren’t many people in our major.”
“Hm…” Seulgi, while lightly dabbing her eyes with a tissue to clear them of tears, maintains a steady gaze on you.
“If you’re wondering about if guys ask her out often, I—”
“You really haven’t noticed?”
“…noticed? I guess maybe guys ask her out when I’m not around her, but…”
“No, not that. Irene. About … you.”
Ok, this isn’t where you thought this was going at all. “What about me?”
“Are you serious?”
Did you forget something that happened recently? But, digging through your memory of the past few weeks, you’re coming up blank. “Seulgi, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Irene! She has a crush on you!”
You don’t mean to be rude. The thought of being mean to Seulgi is completely foreign to you. The most you would go would be to tease her, but that’s only because she gives such good reactions due to how simple-minded she tends to be. But, what can you do but laugh at such an outlandish hypothesis? “What?”
“Stop laughing at me like that! I’m serious! I’m her best friend, I would know.”
Is she mistaking all the time you spend together with Irene, strategizing about ways to keep Seulgi safe, as her having feelings for you? But you can’t just tell Seulgi that’s why you’ve been spending so much time with her: how would Seulgi feel if she found out that her friends have been doing this behind her back? She’d feel devastated, that her friends are secretly working so hard for her sake, and that’s not something you want to be on your conscience. “Why would you think that?”
“What do you mean? You two spend so much time together!”
There’s something in her voice, though. Maybe it’s leftover from the tears she was spilling recently. But there’s also something on her face, a lack of the sparkle that appears every time she’s talking about romance. Maybe it’s because it’s awkward, since she’s suspecting her best friend has feelings for another of her close friends? “Well, I mean, it’s just easier to do homework and stuff with someone else, and I know Irene the best out of everyone in our classes, so…”
“How about you? Do you like her back?”
Seulgi doesn’t seem to be listening to you, which seems … out of character? For someone like Seulgi, the very definition of puppy-dog friendliness, who even sat down with a homeless man to listen to his woes once, it isn’t like her to just disregard what you said. Maybe it’s just that she doesn’t buy your excuse.
“I…” Irene is insanely attractive, both outwardly and inwardly. If you just got past her somewhat icy exterior, it’s easy to start falling for her. For anyone else, it might’ve been a forgone conclusion that they fall in love with Irene. Were it not that your heart was already taken, so too might you have. “…I don’t like her romantically, no. But she’s a great friend…?” Ok, now it sounds like you’re friend-zoning Irene. Irene. Irene. Probably more beautiful than most celebrities, has one of the most pleasant voices you’ve ever heard, caring, gentle, kind, can cook, has a natural maternal instinct to take care of her loved ones without any prompting. That Irene. Is it even allowed to friend-zone her?
“Oh.” Seulgi does sound somewhat happy about that. Or perhaps it’s relief that there isn’t going to be anything awkward between two of her close friends.
“Why do you think that Irene has a crush on me?”
Seulgi shrugs. “I can’t really say, but I can just tell.”
In your eyes, it’s Seulgi that Irene so obviously has a crush on. You’re even relatively sure some of Seulgi’s friends suspect the same thing, too. But you aren’t confident enough to say it, so instead, you just say, “That’s not very convincing.”
“Whatever. I know my best friend.”
“…and even if Irene does have a crush on me,” you cringe slightly at that. Even saying it feels wrong. “…should you be telling me about it?”
“Why not? Is there something wrong with wanting two of my best friends to get together if they like each other?”
‘Best friend’, huh. Apparently, you’re the only one who hasn’t picked up on that, of being promoted to one of Seulgi’s best friends, as one of Seulgi’s male friends—the rare one that doesn’t seem to have any romantic interest in Seulgi, or Irene for that matter—asks you about it. Or rather, not that, but something adjacent.
“Are you and Seulgi dating?”
Are you just a rude person? Maybe you are. But honestly, who wouldn’t burst out laughing at such a question? Twice in two weeks has someone suggested something so unrealistic. It’s not like you’re a protagonist in some romcom manga. It’s just too preposterous of an idea to not laugh at.
“What? No, of course not.”
Mark shoots an inquisitive, unbelieving look at you. “I don’t believe you.”
“Wha—why? I swear, I’m not dating Seulgi.” Said woman is currently perusing Banana Republic with some other female friends while you and Mark, who have been dragged along as extra hands to carry bags most likely, are waiting outside. “Ask her, she’ll tell you.”
“Hm…”
“…why don’t you believe me?”
“Well, I mean, you live with her, and I heard that it was Irene who asked you to be her roommate.” Even amongst Seulgi’s friends, Irene has a reputation of being somewhat cold to even Seulgi’s male friends. That, of course, included Mark, although she’s less cold and more indifferent to him by now. “And you were holding hands earlier, and she seems pretty comfy leaning on your shoulder or hugging you out of nowhere…”
You furrow your eyebrows. “What?” What’s so unique about that? “Well, you know.” You intended to leave it at that, but from Mark’s expression, he does not, in fact, seem to know. “That’s just how she is.” And now, it doesn’t seem like Mark is buying it. “You know how physically affectionate Seulgi is.”
“Only to her female friends. And you.”
You frankly can’t believe it. You scan Mark’s face for any signs of teasing, or him trying to do a ‘gotcha!’, maybe to get you to admit your feelings for her. But, there’s nothing. “…really?”
“Yeah, really. I don’t think she’s even tried to hold my hand before, but she just reaches for yours like it’s the natural spot for her hand to be.”
“Ok, you’re exaggerating a little now.”
“What is Mark exaggerating about?”
The two of you jump at the sound of Seulgi’s voice. You’ve apparently gotten so engrossed in the conversation, your mind so blown at the revelation that Seulgi apparently isn’t physically affectionate to any of her other male friends, that you didn’t hear or see her approaching. “Nothing!” Unfortunately, the fact that both you and Mark say that at the same time only makes Seulgi more suspicious.
“No, tell me! Why are you leaving me out?” Seulgi whines, slipping her hands into yours and bumping her shoulder into you. But now that Mark said that tidbit, you’re suddenly a lot more self-conscious of Seulgi. You thought it was something you got over already, how clingy Seulgi is, but the thought that you’re somewhat special to her…?
“Nothing important. Just guy stuff,” Mark replies.
Are your palms sweaty? Oooh no. You can’t suddenly get so self-conscious of her. Not now, not this late into having committed to this whole ordeal, of being the only guy Irene trusted to protect Seulgi. What about Irene’s trust in you? Are you just going to betray her like that?
However self-conscious Mark’s comment makes you of Seulgi, she doesn’t seem to notice at all: not for the rest of the trip to the mall, not after dinner that day when she randomly hugs you from behind while you’re doing the dishes because ‘she was bored’, and certainly not when she’s cuddling up to you, a week later, watching a movie on the couch, with a glass of wine in her other hand.
“That guy … is so oblivious, it’s a little annoying, isn’t it?”
From hearing such a comment coming from Seulgi of all people, you can’t help but let out a little chuckle. “Yeah, it sorta is, huh?” You can feel Seulgi’s eyes land on you, but before you can look back, her eyes are already directed back to the TV screen, taking another sip of her wine. “Isn’t that your second glass? Are you gonna be ok?”
Seulgi nods. “My first class isn’t until 2:00 tomorrow.”
“Right.”
There’s a brief lull, in which you two return your attention back to the movie. Seulgi, for whatever reason, seems pretty dead-set on finishing her second glass of wine, and when she does, she sets it down onto the table and turns towards you. “Does that guy remind you of someone?”
“Huh?” Your eyes go back to the screen, but the more you rack your brain, the more confused you get. Is she trying to precede a story with that question? Maybe recounting something from high school? “Um … I don’t think so?” Seulgi sighs and turns away from you for a second. You watch her do something—collecting herself? “What—” the next moment, Seulgi has turned back towards you, cheeks flushed a deep red but a determined look on her face, and the next, you feel something warm and slightly moist on your lips. You open your eyes, and it’s only then that you even realized you closed your eyes. Seeing Seulgi’s gently closed eyes mere centimeters from yours, feeling the warmth of her face emanating onto yours, the velvety texture of her lips pressing against yours, quivering, a prominent taste of sweetness from her lipstick mixed in with the slight bitterness of the wine she was drinking filling your taste buds.
Wait. Seulgi is kissing…
No. This shouldn’t be how it is. You can’t do this. You’re supposed to protect her, not…
The thought is fleeting, though. You aren’t a lightweight by any means, but the taste of alcohol from Seulgi’s lips causes you to sink into a drunken stupor. Your brain feels like its melting. You can’t get a grip of your surroundings, but at the same time, it feels like every single one of your senses sharpened by a few degrees.
Fuck. Is this happening? Do I smell bad? How do I even kiss? Should I be—
When Seulgi pulls away, you’re still staggering from the sudden kiss. You can’t be drunk from that miniscule amount of alcohol you consumed, right? You didn’t even drink any tonight.
“Sorry, did you not like it…?”
“Hm?” Oh. That brief, instinctual pulling back motion you did.
You move to explain yourself, but Seulgi has already turned away from you, dejected, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry…”
“No, Seulgi, it wasn’t—”
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I-I, I just—” your palm on her cheek silences her. You turn her head to face you; the sight of the tears welling up in her confused eyes tugs at your heartstrings, but it’s enough conviction to follow through by tilting your head and capture her lips in another kiss.
You can tell you’ve caught Seulgi by surprise, but when she finally processes what just happened, she melts into your embrace. Her weight shifts onto you, which you’re ready for by using your free hand to brace her waist, and then starts to lean in to deepen it. The feeling of her soft, sweet, slightly bitter lips moving against yours, needy, desperate, as if she can’t get enough of you, of your warmth, your affirmation and your own desire for her, all of it on top of Seulgi pressing herself onto you, leaning into you, is pushing your senses into overdrive. Your lungs constrict and your chest tightens, and trying to keep up is all you can do from getting utterly consumed by Seulgi. It’s messy and sloppy and wet, and as much as it feels like you’re also melting into Seulgi’s embrace, you can’t help thinking: are you doing this properly? Are you kissing properly? Is Seulgi enjoying it too?
“Mmm…” her muffled moan assuages your doubts, doubly so when her hands loop back around your neck and pull you closer. Your other hand finds her waist, and with how close she already was to you, all that’s left to do is to pull her onto your lap. For a brief moment, Seulgi pulls away to swing her leg to the other side of your lap, straddling you with her legs, and for that brief moment, the two of you share an exasperated, breathless, but exuberant look.
Seulgi is stunning. Her hair slightly unkempt, a tear streaking down her left cheek, but she’s more beautiful than you’ve ever seen her. The ghost of her lips has you yearning for more, but the desire to bathe in her beauty overshadows everything else.
Then, Seulgi giggles. A musical set of notes that sets your heart aflutter. “You stole some of my lipstick.”
You grin back. “Mind if I steal some more?”
Seulgi obliges eagerly, pressing her lips back against yours and her chest against your chest. The warmth from her body, the warmth from her lips, seeps into yours, and as the two of you move in awkward synchronization, you slowly start to lose your sense of self. It feels like you’re melting under her touch, the way she’s pressing herself against you. Her body heat, her soft, warm lips, her eyelashes brushing against your face, puffs of air from her nose landing on your cheek, her legs, her arms, her torso mixed with yours, it’s making your head spin. When she finally pulls away, Seulgi looks as out of it as you are, cheeks dyed a deep red hue. “Should we…?”
Wordlessly, you pick her up and carry her to her bedroom.
Next part here.
