#seuxality

[all-about-the-tea-parties]

Hey, names Kim.

I’m 21 years old. I’ve never kissed someone, let alone have sex. I never really wanted to until I was 17/18, never had the Attraction™️ to it. At least I think.... my relationship with sexuality is complicated because it frightens me. I’m a perfectionist at heart and the thought of being someone’s funny/horror story always kept me from doing ordinary teenage stuff, like experimenting.

But I also had bouts of moments where I wasn’t bothered to experiment at all. Like I had no interest in it. I used to joke I was asexual before I knew asexuality was even real.

Even now, when I’ve told many people that I’m bisexual I still wonder if I am. I’ve never met a real girl I’ve wanted to kiss. Or date. I’ve met boys that I wanted to do that with. But sometimes all I want to do is date. Nothing sexual involved. And part of being a person with social anxiety is wondering if that’s because I’m afraid or because I’m asexual???!

I don’t like not knowing myself. It’s the ONE THING I can know truly. I don’t like trying to present myself to another person like “hey, I’m super freaked out about Romantic and sexual relationships would you mind giving me a free trial?” I’m at the age now where I can’t have free trials or make mistakes.

I hate it. I hate this. I want someone to run up to and hug, that’s all. Someone to lean against as I watch tv or read a book. Someone laugh with. Ughhhh

And I can’t talk about this with anyone. Straight people get all weirded out (And more than once have called me frigid) and gay people act like I’m making a fuss over nothing as if I should just KNOW my sexuality and I’ve met one too many (generally older) lesbians who’ve tried to take advantage of me by “offering” themselves for experimentation (like Jesus I wanted to TALK)

This isn’t a sweeping statement about any of the above groups, just my personal experience, but it’s made me feel isolated af.

[lizzyluedudes]

One thing worse than a thief … an ART thief … BOOM 💥

[ingsume]

Do apparently i came out to a not very close friend a while ago when i was really drunk (also interesting that i do not remember it) and she has told atleast one person that i said it and that person asked me about it yesterday which was extremely akward and i had a inner debate for about 10seconds if i should just say it like it is or lie. But i went with the lie saying that i was straight (maybe i am,but i think im bi, idk im so confused about my sexuality honestly wtf) and it was the worst lie ive told in a long time and it was all very akward. So i mean i guess that i like saying that im bi when im drunk because it's the third time I've said it. It might be good it might be bad idk but it feels so hard saying it because like ive said that im straight and been mad att people calling me gay or bisexual because of how my personality is and now i might have to tell those people that they were accidentally right? That feels so bad. And im not even sure about my own sexuality so how can i talk about it? Fuck me basically.

[nonbinaryresource]

If you're male, nonbinary, and female aligned and attracted to men, nonbinary people, and women, does that make you gay, bi, or both?

I’d say either would be applicable.  It would be up to the individual to decide which label(s) they’d like to use.

-Quinn

[kisslikefruit]

Entry 4/15/15

Mmm I been thinkin’ that some days I feel more masculine than others or I feel like presenting myself more masculinely but I never experience any dysphoria so I don’t know if this is a legit gender thing or nah. I know I’m not transgender because I do like being a girl. I often think about being “gender swapped” though. Although I’ve heard trans ppl say that genderbending is transphobic or something like that, I kinda wanna be cis male sometimes? Or experience myself as a cis male, but like, it doesn’t discomfort me at all to be in the body that I am or the gender that I was assigned. So I’m prolly cisfem. Either way wouldn’t bother me tho I don’t think ovo.

I also prefer cis boys to cis girls or trans boys, or trans girls. So I also think I’m probably heterosexual, too? Like, I mean, I’m currently happy with the boyfriend that I have so it’s not as if my sexuality matters too much LOL (das my opinion tho). At one point I thought that like, maybe if I met the right girl I’d prolly be cool with sexual stuff with her. Like I know I’d be able to me romantic with a girl, but idk about sexual. Again, I don’t dwell on it too much usually because I do have a boyfriend that I plan to try and be with until marriage ovo. 

Really tho, maybe I only have the latter tendencies (about my sexuality) because of tumblr. I’ve always felt masculine at random points tho. I thought maybe it’s my first-child oldest-sibling nature not not masculine nature? Who know. 

[analystpeches]

Using or creating gender pronouns or descriptors of sexual orientation is totally up to you. Like, if you think you need the word to describe yourself, that's fine. However, don't become angry if someone asks you to explain. Yes, it is your personal business, and we understand that we should respect your choices, but you need to tell us what it means. Like, really.  Also, please don't call people disrespectful or ___phobic or privileged if they ask you what it means. A word means literally nothing without its definition. That would be like asking a teacher what a word means and their response being "wow, how can you be so uneducated? you fucking trash."  If you're using a term that is not commonly known, than you should feel like it's important to spread the knowledge! Giving nobody information is just another way to confuse people and to completely annihilate any progress when it comes to comprehension and, more importantly, understanding. Plus, it's actually super hard to find any concise information on the internet! Almost everywhere people are using the word with its connotation instead of its definition. An example is the word "truscum". From Urban Dictionary, here is a definition: "Truscum also known as transmedicalists are a commonly misunderstood community on Tumblr. They follow the medical definition of transsexualism i.e that it's a medical condition and that you need sex dysphoria to be trans." However, all over the internet people are saying things like " a group that should die" or "omg check ur privilege."  Anyways, it's all good for you to have an opinion, but you cannot expect others to agree. If you define it in a way with no opinion attached, you have created a person with knowledge who is free to create their own opinion.

TL;DR: Please explain what your sexuality, gender, or pronouns are/mean before you are angry at those who lack knowledge of these things!

[misowithlizo]

Bisexual erasure in the media

I don't usually get pissed and make social justice posts in all caps, but I'm going to do it now, so heads-up. This is not directed at anyone in particular, so please don't take offense -- it's more directed at people that haven't yet seemed to grasp the concepts I'm going to address, and to me, this week, those people have been producers and script-writers of TV shows.

Three times in the past week, I've seen women on TV dating other women. That's fine, that's wonderful. But what's not so wonderful is that the people around her immediately assume she's a lesbian, and sometimes the woman does, too.  **

SEXUALITY IS NOT A SWITCH. SEXUALITY IS A SPECTRUM. SEXUALITY IS FLUID.  A WOMAN DATING SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MAKE HER A LESBIAN. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE YOU WANT ONLY WOMEN, NOTICE ONLY WOMEN, FEEL ATTRACTED TO ONLY WOMEN -- WOMEN, EXCLUSIVELY. 

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU FLIP A SWITCH AND UNTIL THE END OF YOUR LIFE YOU'RE SUDDENLY ATTRACTED TO ONLY WOMEN. THAT IS SUCH A BLACK AND WHITE WAY TO LOOK AT THINGS, AND NOT ONLY IS IT WRONG, IT'S OPPRESSIVE, BECAUSE IT CONTRIBUTES TO BISEXUAL ERASURE. BELIEVING THAT PEOPLE (ESPECIALLY WOMEN, WHO ARE GENERALLY MORE FLUID IN SEXUALITY THAN MEN) ARE ONLY ONE OR THE OTHER, PUTTING THAT BOX ON THEM, NEGATES THE VERY EXISTENCE OF BISEXUAL PEOPLE, WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO BOTH SEXES. SOMETIMES IT'S AN EQUAL ATTRACTION TO EITHER, 50/50, SOMETIMES IT'S 25/75, OR IT CAN EVEN BE EVERY SINGLE RATIO IN BETWEEN. THESE RATIOS ARE NOT IMPORTANT, BECAUSE IT CAN CHANGE DAILY, HOURLY. THAT'S WHY SEXUALITY IS FLUID.

IF ANY OF THESE WOMEN ON THE SHOWS/THE PEOPLE AROUND THESE WOMEN HAD MENTIONED BISEXUALITY, LIKE "HMMM MAYBE SHE'S BISEXUAL" OR "YEAH I THINK I COULD BE BISEXUAL BECAUSE I LIKE BOTH MEN AND WOMEN" I WOULDN'T BE SO PISSED AND I WOULDN'T BE MAKING THIS POST

PUTTING PEOPLE INTO "LIKES MEN"/"LIKES WOMEN" CATEGORIES IS HARMFUL BECAUSE IT ERASES THE EXISTENCE OF EVERYONE IN THE MIDDLE AND IMPLIES THAT THERE IS NO ROOM FOR CHANGE, BOTH OF WHICH ARE MISCONCEPTIONS

I AM GRATEFUL THAT GAY CHARACTERS ARE POPPING UP MORE AND MORE ON TV, BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, PERSONALLY, I BRISTLE AT THE "GAY" LABEL BECAUSE, THUS FAR, I HAVE NOT SEEN ANY PERSON WHO HAS HAD RELATIONSHIPS WITH BOTH MEN AND WOMEN WHO HAS NOT TRIED TO BOX THEMSELVES INTO A "HETEROSEXUAL" OR "HOMOSEXUAL" LABEL. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO THE SPECTRUM OF HUMAN SEXUALITY, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

SO YES, WE ARE MOVING FORWARD WITH GAY REPRESENTATION, AND I LOVE THAT. I'M SO GRATEFUL. BUT WE NEED TO START THINKING ABOUT THE REST OF THE SPECTRUM, TOO. 

AND BY THE WAY? ATTRACTION IS NOT A "PHASE". IT JUST IS WHAT IT IS. IT'S PART OF SOMEONE'S LIFE AND JUST BECAUSE THEY CHANGE OVER TIME DOES NOT MAKE ANY SEGMENT OF THEIR LIVES LESS VALID, SEXUALITY-WISE. THAT IS HETERO-NORMATIVE BEHAVIOR.

** I am aware that this post only addresses a small segment of the spectrum. I know the spectrum is much bigger than this, so please forgive me for only addressing cis people who embrace labels -- I know there are many many more categories of people, and also people who don't want to label themselves or categorize themselves.