Aug 31, 2024
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I want to write a Severance crack fic where The Marks figure out how to converse in real time through like, drugs and meditation, and they have hate sex, and the other Innies are like "Mark should NOT be cool enough to have psychic hate sex with his outie before the rest of us even think of that. This won't stand."
Que Helly awkwardly trying to seduce Helena while Helena is yelling at her about doing ketamine in their shared body.
"Uh... Wrong door."
Mark S., "Cold Harbor," Severance, season 2, episode 10 dir. Ben Stiller
Been watching Severance lately
So many of you have these elaborately crafted Severance theories that I think it’s my duty to pitch unhinged ones with very little bearing just to balance it out. Okay here goes. Irving was a navy seal, this is hinted by him returning to the dead seal in the woods. Every innie can play the theremin, it’s just built in with the electrical brainwave interference going on with whatever they inserted during the severance procedure. Rebek impregnated Devon, which is why her name is one of the baby’s middle names. Lumon is getting into the matchmaking business: the references to fertility, gemma behind mark’s screen, cold HARBOR is something used for SHIPPING, need I go on??
ben stiller really said „listen…. LISTEN!!! i have a vision. adam scott. but covered in blood. YES. that’s what people really want. we have to give it to them” and i want to really thank him for that.
*If Severance were a Musical*
Mark: Well, it was nice to meet you, Helena.
Helena: *breathless* You too, Mark.
Mark: *intense eye contact*
Helena: What is it?
Mark: Nothing. Uh, goodnight.
*Mark exits*
*cue soft, melancholy music*
*lights dim*
Helena: *while watching him walk away*
🎶 Well, Helena, you've done it now. Karma's come to tap you,
on the shoulder.
🎶 All the lying that's been festering, plus the identity theft, is coming now to crush you, like a boulder.
*music swells, Helena climbs onto the table to sing her heart out*
🎶 You ruined everything
You stupid bitch
You ruined everything
You stupid, stupid bitch
🎶 You're just a lying little bitch
who ruins things,
And wants the world to burn
🎶 Bitch
🎶 You're a stupid bitch
And your Daddy hates you too
*the other patrons have started to sway with the music now. A line cook passes Helena a microphone*
🎶 I was so close to Paradise
But now the only thing I'm close to
is defeat.
🎶These shards are a metaphor
for my soul
Won't stop the self-pity 'cause
I'm on a roll.
🎶 Yes, Mark completes me,
but how can that be?
When there's no me left to complete?
*music swells, faster tempo*
🎶 You ruined everything
You stupid bitch
Sing with me!
*audience joins in*
🎶 You ruined everything
You stupid, stupid bitch
🎶 Yes! I deserve this!
🎶 You're just a stupid little slut
who doesn't think,
And deceives the people she loves!
🎶 Now he knows I'm not some
innocent lamb,
He sees me for what I am
*big breath*
🎶 Which is a horrible, stupid,
dumb and ugly, cruel and pathetic, simple self-hating
*finale fanfare*
🎶 Bitch!
*the lights come back up. Drummond waits by the door. He looks unimpressed.*
Drummond: Are you done?
Helena: *nods and hands off the microphone*
*She gets off the table and smoothes her skirt*
*They exit*
severance + textposts [1/?]