No one asked me to offer up my two cents ¢ but I am going to anyway because this topic really gets up there under my skin and I’d like to just put something out there
Putting this under a read more because its long, but idk it would be nice if someone read this 💕 🌈
I think the big thing here is that we all need to do a better job understanding Harry as a human being, and not as a figure written or puppeteered by someone else to cater to us. And as a human, especially as a human who is also a celebrity with a following, Harry does and says things that sometimes are for him, and sometimes he does and says things that are for someone else. And we do not really have a way to know which is which, nor will we ever, and nor should we, because he is a human.
I don’t know about you all, but I would hate it if other people had some way to always instantly differentiate between the things I do and say for my own sake, and what I do for the sake of other people. That’s a personal differentiation and we do it often times as a way to protect ourselves and to protect and support others depending on our environments. The way I present myself in one space and with certain people may be entirely different from the way I do in others, and this is something I think a lot of lgbtq+ people can identify with.
We aren’t television characters, we have this kind of interiority and this ability to present ourselves in the ways we want/need to for ourselves AND for other people. The same thing goes for Harry Styles, and every other celebrity, believe it or not. Because even if they live very different lives, they still don’t exist, and their actions and words don’t come about, for the soul purpose of influencing an audience in one way or another in the way a fictional character does.
This why Harry literally cannot queerbait anyone. The things he says and does automatically have some interior aspect to them, because he is a human being, and we can’t just label them as something done for only the purpose of influencing us as his fans/audience because he is not a character and that’s not the only possibility in his existence!! It is just as possible that he does what he does for his own safety, his own comfort, his own reasons, as it is that he does them for our own safety or our own enjoyment. And how would we ever know what is what unless he tells us?
I know this is extra complicated when it comes to sexuality, but I think that makes it also extra important. We don’t know for who or why Harry does and says these things pertaining to sexuality for certain unless he says so, and its important that we always remember that. Respecting Harry’s words/actions includes both listening to what he says (for instance, don’t you dare disregard him saying gender of a partner is “not that important” just because he also said “she”) AND acknowledging that fact that what he says/does is a choice he makes based on environment and can be for his and/or for others sake.
Sometimes it might be easy to say “he waved a rainbow flag for the fans” because yes, waiving our flag does signal out a clear show of support. Another easier example would be his Orlando posts, which again I think are easy to take as being for support of a community and not necessarily pertaining to himself. With things like “not that important” or Harry wearing rainbows in his private life, it may be easier to call these things as “for him” or “about him” because true, that was Harry talking about his own preferences in a partner, and Harry making the choice to adorn himself in pride symbols in spaces that are more his own. We can see how some things are may be easier read as for him or for us, even though there are certain people who love to argue one way or another that it is all just “queerbaiting” and therefore about influencing us, or that its all for him and his personal expression and has nothing to do with anyone because it personal.
But really, how on earth could we ever know, unless he tells us “I did x for y” or if we are Harry himself? We just can’t.
I get why people are upset, I really do. I know its hard to suddenly feel so disconnected from someone you feel so close to in regards to something as significant as sexuality. But I think, as a lot of lovely lgbtq+ fans have been pointing out, if you put yourself in his shoes (as much as is possible), you can see that the things Harry says and does cannot be reduced down to as either always for him or always for us. He, like every other person, and if he is not straight then like every other not straight person, has to navigate, perform, live, and just be in different ways depending on the spaces he is in and the people he is with, both for his own well being and that of others.
Because Harry is such a special case, as this wonderful wonderful man who has never made a big deal about stressing any label for himself one way or another, remembering this all is especially important. It would be one thing if Harry had definitively labeled himself as any sexuality and then said things that were ambiguous and possibly confusing. As a gay ™ myself, I know I would be… thrown off if an openly and comfortably straight identified man went around constantly saying the gender of his partner was “not that important” because ?? Like then it might make sense to question why that man would say that or who he was really saying it for in the space he was in.
But Harry isn’t that. Harry is so far unlabeled, and as such it doesn’t really make sense for us to constantly be questioning why or who any of his expressions of pride and solidarity and gender neutrality, OR any of his uses of a “she” pronoun or mentions of relationships/love with women are for. Maybe they are for him, maybe its for us, maybe its both. Maybe they change from space to space, between different people, and in different situations. So far as he has never labeled himself, we need to understand then that this is a completely human thing he does to keep himself and others safe and comfy. Just as we all do.
And for me, at the end of the day as his fan, Harry doing and saying what he needs to (especially if he is not straight!!) to keep himself and others he cares for (which includes us) as safe and comfortable as possible… that is what is most important. Not wasting our times making graphs and charts and fighting back in forth in attempts to clarify and sort out everything he has ever said in order to “prove” anything about him.
So long story short. Lets all do our best to remember that Harry Styles is a human being. We can’t know his reasons behind everything he says and does, nor should we be able to. He doesn’t owe us that clarification, nor does he owe us a coming out or anything of the sort if he is not straight. What Harry says and does in this regard is sometimes going to be for him, sometimes for us, sometimes for both or for a mix, sometimes for someone else entirely. And if and when he opens up about any of it, it should be for him, and on his terms.
The words and actions that keep Harry (and those who love him) safe and comfortable, and that allow him to speak his mind and share his beautiful art, are human and they matter. Please don’t reduce them to anything else.
