#sexy!phan

[phanfictrashnumber1]

Ducks and Sloths and Bears, Oh My

Here’s how Phil got his bruise. [x]

A/N: This is purely fictitious, I honestly don’t think this is in any way what happened. Also, this is probably as risque as my fics will get just an fyi. lol

They had just endured an annoyingly long train ride back home. They weren’t tired, just calm. They were happy to be back home and in their own bed.

They were in the moon room, tangled up in t-shirt sheets, dim lights reflecting off the moon mirror while Dan did what he did best. His teeth were attached to Phil’s thigh, trying to maintain a rhythm despite the escaped smiles caused by Phil’s moans.

Dan finished with a soft kiss to his work before collapsing beside an out-of-breath Phil.

“I love leaving you panting.” Dan whispered, leaning in closer to his boyfriend. 

“Maybe I should rename my channel ApantingPhil.” Phil said.

“I’d watch it.” Dan said with a smirk before pressing his lips to Phil’s. 

The two woke up the next morning, content in each other’s company while Dan’s eyes were glued to his phone. Phil’s eyes, however, were glued to his thigh. 

“Duck.” 

“Excuse me?” Dan asked.

“Or sloth?” 

“Do I need to call someone?” Dan asked in mock-concern.

“My bruise!” Phil finally said, maneuvering his leg so Dan could see the giant bruise on his thigh.

“Oh God, I did that??” Dan asked. 

“Yes.” Phil said with a slight laugh.

“Are you okay?” Dan asked, this time with genuine concern.

“Yeah, it’s fine, but look!” Phil said. “It’s a duck!”

“You just made something really sexy become really lame, Jesus Christ.” Dan said with a cringe.

“Doesn’t it look like a duck?? Or is it a sloth?” Phil asked. “I need Twitter’s opinion.” he said as he grabbed his phone.

“What?!” Dan let out. “You can’t tweet this!”

“Why not?” Phil asked.

“Because you would be tweeting a picture of a literal fucking hickey that I gave you!” Dan said, flailing a bit.

“Wouldn’t be the first time they’d seen a hickey you gave me.” Phil said as he positioned his leg to take a picture.

“Yeah, except this time you’re showing them intentionally!” Dan fought.

“Well, I’m not going to say you did it!” Phil told him.

“Well, what are you going to say then? You know they’re going to ask.” Dan said.

“I’ll say... I got in a fight.” Phil said as he took the picture.

“Oh yeah, because actual-angel Phil Lester would get in a fight and your opponent would punch you in the thigh!” Dan spoke sarcastically.

“I know exactly what I’m going to say.” Phil said as he tweeted the picture.

“Well, tell me!” Dan let out.

Phil smirked. “I was fighting a bear.” he said, leaving Dan’s jaw hanging open.

[phanfictrashnumber1]

Victim

In which Dan makes a comment about Evan Peters and Phil doesn’t like it. 

A/N: Everyone’s out here writing fics about Dan doing his laundry at Phil’s old flat and I’m here writing about Dan’s crush on Evan Peters.

Every time they decided on joint liveshows, Phil always felt an anxiousness. He found it easy to remain a bit aloof when he had control over the conversation and only answered the questions he wanted to in his own liveshows. But when Dan was around, it was easy to get lost in the conversations he was having with his boyfriend and forget that there were 20,000 people watching and scrutinizing every word they said; every move they made; every second of eye contact.

Dan didn’t care so much, as he loved messing with their audience. He’d purposefully make alluding comments or give Phil a playful touch or stare into his eyes for a little too long, then pass it all off as fan service and “bro” things. It was all a game for Dan, one Phil very much didn’t enjoy playing live on camera.

So when they were sat together in their lounge talking to a laptop screen while Phil worried about what Dan was going to say or do next, he didn’t expect his boyfriend to say this.

“I can watch the other seasons if I want a bit of that back in my life.” Dan said, referring to past seasons of American Horror Story and Evan Peters’ - as Dan called them - “sexy” characters.

“You need a bit of Evan.” Phil chimed in, but was rolling his eyes in his mind.

“But, you know, not complaining, I’d be his victim.” Dan then said ever-so-nonchalantly.

Phil let out a laugh, but his mind was whirling. He’d be his victim? Really?

It wasn’t long until they said their goodbyes and ended the show. As soon as he knew they were no longer live, Phil snapped the laptop shut.

Startled, Dan looked at his boyfriend. “You okay?”

“You’d be his victim? Really?” Phil asked in slight annoyance.

Dan couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “Yeah.”

“How could you say that right in front of me?” Phil then asked.

“You know I like Evan Peters. Besides, he’s my hall pass.” Dan said.

“Your what?” Phil questioned.

“You know, my hall pass. The person I’m allowed to fuck if the opportunity presented itself.” Dan explained.

“And when did we agree on this?” Phil asked.

“I don’t know, I just figured it was obvious! Like how Buffy is your hall pass!” Dan said.

“What?!” Phil let out.

“Oh, come on, Phil.” Dan said, the both of them knowing all-too-well how much of a crush Phil had on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

“Well, I’m insulted.” Phil began. “Who do you think you are talking about another guy like that right to my face?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I’m your loving, committed boyfriend.” he told him. “Who would only leave you for Evan Peters.”

Phil’s jaw dropped. “Well then I guess there’s only one thing left to say.” he said as he straightened himself up.

Dan looked at him, unsure of what Phil was about to say.

“Would you be my victim?” Phil asked and before Dan could comprehend what was happening, he was being tackled to the floor and landed with a thud.

Phil pinned down Dan’s arms while the rest of his weight kept Dan from moving.

All Dan could do was stare at Phil’s devilish eyes as he squirmed beneath his boyfriend.

“Get off me, rat!” Dan shouted.

“But you’re my victim, silly.” Phil said before lowering his lips to Dan’s neck with peppering kisses all while Dan thrashed beneath him.

“Stop!” Dan let out.

“No can do.” Phil told him. “You should have thought about the consequences before you talked about another guy like that.” he said as he slowed the kisses down, dragging his lips along Dan’s neck and making Dan shiver. “You thought you could be Evan Peters’ victim, but it’s much worse to be mine.” he whispered against Dan’s neck before attaching his teeth to the tender skin, sucking gently.

Dan began to shriek but it finished as a moan. He still couldn’t move out of Phil’s grasp, all he could do was bare it.

“Phil!” Dan tried sounding annoyed but instead just sounded pleasured.

Phil smiled against Dan’s neck, pressing a final kiss to his handiwork before sitting up and admiring Dan’s breathless, trembling form. 

“Well? Wouldn’t you much rather be my victim?” Phil asked.

Dan looked up at his boyfriend, eyes wide with daze. “Always.”

[phanfictrashnumber1]

A Single Gold Hoop

Dan gets a new hoop earring and is afraid Phil will accidentally rip it out. Based off Dan’s tweet.

Dan stood in front of the mirror. He couldn’t take his eyes off it. It was perfect.

He loved the way it shined, catching any light around him. He loved how it was a slight touch of color, but still went with his aesthetic. He loved the way it hung so perfectly from his ear.

A single gold hoop.

Did he look like Connor or Troye yet? He could only aspire to look as cool and fashionable as those two always did.

As much as Dan loved the look of this hoop, he couldn’t help the insecurities that flooded his mind. Did he really look good with a hoop? Was he cool enough for this? What would the internet think? What would Phil think?

But it wasn’t just Phil’s opinion he was nervous about, it was the entire situation. It was having to wear this hoop around Phil all the time. He loved Phil, he really did, but he didn’t love Phil’s wild, untamed limbs. His biggest fear in all this was how Phil could - accidentally, of course - pull out the hoop and inevitably rip his ear off, leading him to bleed out and kill him in a slow, painful death.

Okay, maybe he was overthinking this, but the fear was still valid in his mind. Phil could somehow find a way to get his hand or his foot or his fringe stuck in this hoop, Dan was sure of it.

Dan took a breath breath, taking one last look in the mirror before heading into the lounge to find Phil, wanting him to be the first to see.

Dan didn’t speak as he sat down on the couch beside Phil, who didn’t bother looking up from his laptop.

“Ahem.” Dan let out, hoping to get his boyfriend’s attention.

Phil looked up and his jaw dropped slightly. He noticed it immediately.

“Oh my God,” Phil let out.

Dan bit his lip. “Do you like it?”

“Like it?” Phil asked. “It looks amazing!” he said as he reached out to touch it, but was suddenly stopped by Dan.

“Whoa, whoa, Mr. Grabby Hands!” Dan let out as he gripped Phil’s wrists. “No touchy.”

“Why can’t I touch it?” Phil asked with a pout.

Dan looked at him. “Well, I guess you can, just... be careful, okay?”

“Of course.” Phil said before gently grabbing the hoop between his fingers, feeling the cold metal against his fingertips. He loved the way it added to Dan’s face. It was now the start of his incredible jawline. It sparkled in every light as it hung perfectly from Dan’s ear. It was simple but cool. There was no denying it, Dan looked outright hot.

Phil found himself playing with the hoop in his fingers. “So, why didn’t you want me to touch it?” he asked, unable to take his eyes off of it.

“I was afraid you’d accidentally pull it out and rip my ear off.” Dan told him.

Phil stared at him. “Dan, that’s not going to happen.” he said. “Not with my hands anyway.” he then said before suddenly pouncing at him. He secured Dan in his arms, making sure his boyfriend was unable to move before he suddenly locked his lips onto Dan’s ear.

Dan shrieked, both at the fear of Phil pulling the hoop out and at the feeling of having Phil’s mouth against his ear. He pushed at Phil, but it was no use. He’d just have to take it.

Phil ignored his boyfriend’s protests and kept the hoop between his teeth, letting his tongue swirl around it.

“Phil, stop!” Dan let out.

“You know you like it.” Phil whispered against Dan’s ear before he began sucking on the hoop.

Dan was cringing on the outside, but Phil was right, he did kind of like it.

“This hoop is so hot.” Phil growled, playing with the hoop with his tongue.

Dan found himself breathless as he gave in, letting Phil enjoy his new hoop the way he wanted.

Phil continued licking and nibbling on the hoop until he suddenly found the hoop between his teeth and no longer attached to Dan’s ear.

“Oh my God!” Phil let out as he held the hoop in his hand.

Dan threw his hand to his ear, feeling just an empty hole. “I knew you’d rip it out!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to! Are you okay?” Phil asked urgently.

“I’m fine, you spork!” Dan said with a laugh. “I cant believe you bit my earring off.”

“Sorry.” Phil said sheepishly as he handed the hoop back to Dan.

Of all the things Dan thought Phil could use to rip his hoop out, he didn’t think it would be teeth.