An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter 20 Summary (SFW): Hoxton prepares for his first heist without Wolf (ever!) - in turn, Wolf makes his own progress - Hoxton receives his own dedicated space in the Safehouse (which was a long time coming) - the crew have revelations about Locke, Dallas and Bain - and Wolf realises something about Hoxton.
Chapters: 20/?
Fandom: PAYDAY (Video Games)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Underage, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Hoxton | James "Jim" Hoxworth/Wolf
Characters: Wolf (Payday), Hoxton | James "Jim" Hoxworth, Dallas (Payday), Chains (Payday), Jacket (Hotline Miami), Bain (Payday), Sokol (Payday), Houston | Hoxton, Aldstone (Payday), Solomon Garrett (Payday), Duke (Payday), Dragan (Payday), Rust | Tom Bishop (Payday), The Rat (Payday), Captain Neville Winters, Vernon Locke (Payday)
Additional Tags: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Prison, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trust Issues, Paranoia, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Roommates, There Is Only One Bed, But it makes sense in-universe, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, People-pleasing behaviours, Anxiety, Separation Anxiety, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Bank Robbery, Cuddling & Snuggling, Gun Violence, Grinding, Masturbation, Sleep Groping, Possessive Behavior, heisting, Mention of previous partners, Sexism, Sexist Language, Hoxton hates the colour pink because of course he does, Self-Esteem Issues, Body Image, Scars, Burns, Oral Sex, Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Possibly inaccurate descriptions of Georgia, Fair warning: this might be the horniest thing I've ever written, Mile High Club, Creampie, Blood, Face-Fucking, use of the f-slur, Murder, Rimming, Wolf continues to do things that endanger him because of who he is as a person, Suicidal Thoughts, POV Multiple, Chains is the Payday gang therapist and you can't convince me otherwise, Men Crying, Medical Inaccuracies, Gunshot Wounds
Summary:
Hoxton's prison cell - a small, windowless room for two long and lonely years. When he is given a windowless bedroom at the Safehouse, his closest friend Wolf offers him his room for the night, but the arrangement is not as straight-forward as a simple room-swap.
The Jola Moon (A Rexsoka FanFic) - Chapter 14: MEHT DU MEHT
Summary: Ahsoka's journey into the Temple of the Mother reveals more than she expected.
Warnings: None. (The smut will return soon, friends. Let this plot edge you in the meantime.)
Click to READ on AO3
A/N: Canon disclaimer JUST GO WITH IT XD. Translations at the end.
LUV 2 ALL THE CREW IN THE SHEBBY DEBBIES DISCORD: THIRSTY GOOD GIRL HOURS ARE 24/7- Love you so much!
Chapter 14: MEHT DU MEHT
Ahsoka's feet were careful and steady. The air in the cave gave her skin a chill that crawled up her spine and caused her to shudder. Soon the shivers turned into an anxious warmth pitted in her chest. The swift temperature change was a strange warning to expect the unexpected with the task ahead of her.
As she cautiously descended the broad stone steps, she tried her best to observe the construction of this so-called ancient temple. The impressive cavernous space seemed to have an endless winding descent and gave no clues as to where it would conclude.
No grand architectural design informed her who or what had made this place. The steps were uneven in certain stretches and could either be small cliffs to hop down or a slick ramp with no forgiveness for the uncoordinated.
Ahsoka looked for intricately detailed carvings along the pathway but only saw naturally formed veins, cracks, and splits that were no doubt created by the weathering of time.
The stone walls and uneven ceiling were not painted, gilded, or marked in any decorative way by sentient hands. Eyeing the captivating patterns of discoloration along the walls, she concluded it was simply the combination of existing elements responsible for the composite layers of red, orange, yellow, and grey.
Ahsoka took measured breaths to focus and allow the Force to communicate the unseen energy of her surroundings.
It was unusual for her to be moving at such a calculated pace.
When commanding the 501st, she had never wanted to seem timid or afraid. Throughout the war, Ahsoka was usually the first to fearlessly head into unknown and possibly dangerous places. Anakin had been the only person that would lead before her: assuming Skywalker could rein her in to follow behind him, that is. They certainly shared the common trait of scoffing at the nerve of danger for even trying to intimidate them.
Something in her was now more mindful and patient in her strategic approach.
She thought of Obi-Wan. She felt no dread or sense of loss when she reached out to the Force to sense for Master Kenobi.
Instead, she was shocked when she registered his presence in the Force. He was alive.
Could he—Could he have escaped? If he was with Commander Cody? That would mean—oh no.
Ahsoka was reminded again of Rex's DC-17s pointed at her and the choice she had to make at that moment. In half a breath, she had to evade certain death, find out what was happening and what she could do to save Rex.
Escaping alone was not an option she had even considered.
And even though she now knew about the inhibitor chips and Darth Sidious's full scheme, she had to ask herself,
What did Obi-Wan know?
They'd last spoken via comm amid the siege mission on Mandalore. Obi-Wan had only told her about Anakin's surveillance assignment as ordered by the Jedi Council.
Their last words exchanged were proof of the familial bond that they shared,
"When you see Anakin, tell him—"
"—I will."
Then, as if she accidentally stumbled on an unseen door, she connected with Obi-Wan's presence in the Force. She stopped for a moment. Realizing that Morai would not wait, Ahsoka attempted to continue walking down the path as she simultaneously explored her unexpected connection to Obi-Wan's signature.
When she concentrated further on the connection, she sensed sadness and defeat deep within him. That was new and very unlike Kenobi. She could tell he was cradling these emotions in his heart, soothing them to be at peace. He was focused and determined to remain unbothered, but she chose to reach out anyway.
Master? You're alive?
Master Kenobi, I don't know where you are?
I can sense you, even though I'm not sure how.
Ahsoka waited for a response.
Obi-Wan, can you sense me?
Her earlier encounter with Qui-Gon's spirit had done much more than prepare her for entering the Temple of The Mother. It seemed to bridge a lost connection between her Master and Padawan lineage. The power of Splendor allowed Ahsoka to strengthen her awareness of her former master's master in the Force.
Obi-Wan, I know you can hear me. Your Master, Qui-Gon Jin, visited me. His spirit lives in the Force, and he somehow spoke to me. Please, I know you're there...
Then, beginning at a whisper in her mind, Kenobi's presence was connected to hers in the Force,
Ahsoka? It…it is you.
I sense…that you are…you are safe.
Master! Yes. I'm safe.
Rex and I both escaped.
Rex? You—?
I see. Good.
I'm— I'm glad to hear it.
We're alright for now.
I was able to remove Rex's inhibitor chip.
The rest of our legion…I couldn't…
Inhibitor chip? Yes.
Then Order 66 was connected.
The ARC Trooper, Fives…
Ahsoka realized Kenobi had not yet figured out why the clones had turned on them until this moment. The regret in Kenobi's emotions was heavy, painful even.
He was an excellent soldier.
And we didn't listen to him.
Master, where are you?
Rex and I will come and find you.
No.
Be where you are, my friend.
You must not try to find me.
For our safety…and for theirs.
Theirs? I don't understand.
Whose safety?
Ahsoka. I'm sorry.
For all of it, everything.
We failed before.
We cannot this time.
Obi-Wan, please. Rex and I will find you
I think Master Yoda—
No. No, Ahsoka. It's over.
His voice was firm. The tone of authority he rarely used with her but regularly used with Anakin added an extra tinge of pain in her heart.
We must stay apart.
Our paths must never meet. Even like this…in the Force.
You have found your way on your own before.
You must do so again.
But I'm not alone, though—
—I know. I sense the love in your heart.
And…
I am glad for you both.
Truly. I knew that feeling once, Ahsoka.
It was...extraordinary at the time...so long ago.
Master Kenobi? You…
You haven't mentioned Anakin…
She felt Obi-Wan's hesitation. The initial reluctance and despair. She knew what was coming.
Anakin.
He is gone, Ahsoka. Anakin is gone.
No! No, no, no…
She choked on the words with a fierce denial, her gut twisting in pain at the mention of his name, and the burning sensations began coursing through her whole body just as they did before.
Master, I sensed him before Order 66.
Then the loss of the other Jedi was all I could feel.
Tell me what happened.
How do you know?
At the Temple, Anakin…he—
Ahsoka, I tried. Please know I tried.
I know he's gone because…I watched him die.
Ahsoka felt all the air leave her chest and what took its place was a paralyzing agony. The reality that Anakin was gone was one she had to accept. Of all the death and loss from order 66, Anakin's death never felt…possible. She knew what she sensed in the moments before Sidious's order activated the clones' inhibitor chips. Still, after that moment, it had been impossible to be sure.
She stopped in her tracks. She could not physically move one more step. Bracing her hand against the cold, damp stone walls of the cave's tunneled path, Ahsoka willed herself to continue standing upright and not collapse. Her other hand massaged her forehead as she struggled to maintain her connection to Kenobi.
Her heart was already broken with grief when her next thought shattered the pieces to dust,
"I'll have to tell Rex," she spoke out loud.
By now, Morai had stopped her flight and hovered for a moment. She then turned back and carefully perched on Ahsoka's shoulder. The gentle squeeze of Morai's paws on her shoulder caused Ahsoka's concentration to break.
We must continue.
"Morai, I don't think I can."
Either now or later, you will move on. It is the only way to grieve your loss. You must continue.
Ahsoka held her stance, unable to move. Her stubbornness wasn't intentional; she honestly did not know how to move on from the devastating information Kenobi had just given to her.
"He's gone," the revelation only fully sunk in when she heard herself say the words out loud.
Right now, she did not even have the will to fight the feelings causing her to cry shamelessly and be furious at herself for sobbing like this. Frustration and helplessness were not emotions that Ahsoka sat in for any length of time. Her Jedi training had taught her to search her feelings but always be stronger than such emotions.
But this? This was too much to bear.
"He's gone. And…I have no sense of anything connected to Anakin. How could I have not felt this? Why didn't I sense his death?!"
If she took one more step, as Morai had told her, she felt she would deny the grief owed to Anakin's death. If she stayed still in the sorrow or, worse instead, retreated from the task ahead of her, she would be submitting to the suffering that inevitably always comes with attachments, with love. She had chosen to move on and walked away from Anakin before. This time it did not feel like her choice, and she understood that is where the pain was rooted. To have power and still be powerless.
And then Kenobi connected with her one last time,
You came to be the best of us, Ahsoka.
You are much more than a Jedi.
Master? Obi-Wan, don't leave.
You, of all people, should understand
that one would need some time alone.
And it appears your time away helped
you see things...more clearly.
I understand.
May the Force be with you, Ahsoka Tano.
Always.
Then he was gone.
Obi-Wan and Anakin had been part of the closest thing to family that she had known.
But now, Skywalker was gone forever with a simple statement, and Kenobi had just shut her (or the galaxy out.) In her heart, she felt the pain of a gate closed, a vault locked, and the hollow remainder of empty blank nothing.
Shall we continue? The Mother awaits…
Morai's words cleared her mind again, and Ahsoka gauged where she stood.
Maybe she had no sense of what had happened to Anakin, but she did have the legacy of his training. He would want her to move on.
This is how she would mourn Anakin Skywalker right now. She would move on and return to Rex after her task. She did not have to grieve alone. Neither should Rex.
So she allowed the emptiness, the present void of Anakin Skywalker, to be filled with the knowledge and experience he had given her as his padawan learner.
The quiet and solitude soon became so clear it resulted in a powerful attunement. Her connection to the Force strengthened as it radiated in her blood. Ahsoka registered the physical manifestation. Her skin felt like it was glowing, but it was not. Her heart's rhythm felt more robust, but it was steady. She heard the energy blend and move within her breaths, in and out.
Something powerful was happening to her down here.
As she continued to descend, she felt as though she was inside a place of protection. She was connected to this place but did not feel confined by her surroundings. Her strength could grow, and the power of the Force would grow around her like a womb.
This was like no other temple she had ever encountered.
The distinct rhythm of her boots' steady gait echoed through the eerie silence. The only other sounds were the flapping of Morai's wings and the subtle drops of condensation falling from the cavernous ceiling.
Morai's body gave off a soft green glow that emanated enough light for Ahsoka to navigate the few meters ahead. From the subtle green glow, she noticed the stone was porous, almost poxed from a worn, forgotten existence.
There was a smell, not unpleasant, but certainly not floral or sweet. Instead, it smelled of the sea, much like the scent of salt that lingers on skin and clothing after being near the ocean.
The ocean...
Her memories reached back to the Battle of Mon Cala. She faced those moments of danger and adversity alongside Prince (now King) Lee-Char. Her mind was recalling the experience of fighting a battle underwater. It wasn't long ago, yet it seemed like her experience acting as a military advisor to the young Prince belonged to someone else. Was that really her? Thousands of meters below the surface fighting off Quarren enemies and Separatists alike.
As a Jedi Padawan, Ahsoka had been willing to do whatever the Jedi council asked of her and more. Many times, the Jedi Masters spoke to her as though she was too naive, too confident, too sure of herself. But if that were the case, why had she always been determined to prove her worth as a Jedi? Had she not been good enough, or was she simply too much?
Morai suddenly turned her flight around and headed back towards Ahsoka. She was practically flying head-on towards her.
"Hey! Wha-what are you doing?!" Ahsoka exclaimed.
"If you would like to go back and dwell in your past, we can turn around now," Morai’s commanded. Her stern tone contrasted with the innocent blank expression of the small bird.
"That's not fair, Morai. You know, I should be allowed my own thoughts. I can't help if my mind wanders while we head down this never-ending cave."
"You can help it! You must stay focused on what is ahead. Getting to your destination is sometimes the greatest lesson you will learn."
"I can't see anything. And I am trusting the Force. Usually, I would have a lightsaber, at least in places like this. Or I could prepare and bring something to light the path.
Morai huffed in response and turned back to keep going forward.
"The Jedi may have given you some training but not all of the wisdom of the Force. Your senses, especially as a Togruta, allow you to navigate where you are going without reliance on outside tools or tricks of technology."
"I understand,” Ashoka replied, “the lesson here is: when my mind only focuses on the past, I cannot move forward."
"Yes, but why? You must acknowledge where you are. How brief and small each step is, and likely, you may never take these steps again.” Morai’s voice grew distant as the bird flew ahead of her but still continued.
Ahsoka moved to keep up with her guide and not miss another word.
“Be aware of where you are, Ahsoka Tano…and beware of thoughts that return you to shadows of a past behind you. In those shadows, darkness exists because you are the one who blocks out the light."
Ahsoka understood. It was a simple concept, child's play, really. Yet, as she got older, what was wrong or right became more complicated. Before the tragedy, the living nightmare that was Order 66 and their escape from The Tribunal resulted in giving her these few days on Jola with Rex. Without such a loss, she never could have gained the impossible occurrence of her and Rex bound in love and partnership.
There is always light in the darkness.
Without realizing it, she had reached the final steps. A glow emanated from behind the walls of the tunneled path into another chamber. Morai had flown ahead, and now Ahsoka followed the glow of whatever light was reaching down this far.
As she entered the largest chamber of the cavern, the breathtaking view of a natural opening in the rock ceiling above allowed a powerful beam of light from the Jola Star to fill the grand space.
In the center, Ahsoka saw an altar (if one could call it that.) Above a large clearing was a canopy of giant ribbon vines that were as thin as sheer fabric. There were no trusses, beams, or ropes holding up the vines of the canopy. Eternally suspended in the air by the Force, the simple but impressive natural decoration made it clear that some Force presence was here. The colors of the vines blended and bled in rhythmic patterns, creating a kaleidoscope effect over the altar's centerpiece: a large, empty dirt and stone platform that served as a kind of pedestal.
The platform, if one could call it even that, wasn't very tall, barely two meters high. Ahsoka stood watching the colors weave and dance to an unknown rhythm as she patiently tempered her usual precocious curiosity. She looked to Morai to confirm this was their final destination and found no response. Instead, Morai had perched herself atop a small alcove carved in the stone wall. The little green guide seemed to pass the time by preening her soft green and white feathers.
"I'm guessing we are here?"
Morai looked up briefly to acknowledge she heard but said nothing and resumed her activity.
"Well, then. Here is as good a place to meditate as any. And with all that I learned, I might as well make use of the time."
Ahsoka lowered herself to her kneeling position for meditation. She took one cleansing breath, eyes open. Then one more, eyes closed. She then squinted an eye to peek at Morai, who seemed determined to continue ignoring Ahsoka as they waited.
"You know, Morai, I'm thinking one reason you can't tell me who made this place…."
Morai then stopped her preening. Her little squat body perked up when her eyes darted overlook at Ahsoka, now grinning with eyes closed.
"...is because you don't actually know either."
The little convor's body huffed at the assumption as the feathers of its flapping wings ruffled. Ahsoka did not need to see the small temper tantrum to know it must have looked adorable. She gave a small chuckle at the feeling of Morai's indignation.
"So, it's true. You need me here as much as I need you. A guide with no one to guide is—"
"—wandering. Alone."
Morai completed the statement with a serious tone. Ahsoka understood the message. The entirety of her connection with the Force spirit gave its life to preserve hers.
"You've been waiting for me? But everything that's happened, with the Order, Trace and Rafa, Mandalore? What if I had never come here with Rex?" Ahsoka asked.
"But these things did happen. You have survived. You are here. You must look forward, Ahsoka Tano. I have waited in the world between the worlds, in the realm between the Living and Cosmic Force. I knew not when you would arrive nor how, but you were destined to be here."
Ahsoka processed all the seemingly random choices and decisions that had led her to this moment.
"Then that means? Our journeys are connected."
Ahsoka felt a slight pulsing in the Force. This was a new feeling. The sensation started small, a slight vibration at the base of her montrals. It began to travel quickly, and the pulsing continued to build to an impressive and intimidating rhythm. She held her kneeling position, her focus allowing the new sensation of the Force to build within her.
She then felt the ground beneath her shift and move with the Force. Like when she flew the Y-wing, Ahsoka had to resist opening her eyes to see what was happening. She didn't need to see with her eyes. She needed to feel deep within her connection to the Force. There was the growing pulse of energy, followed by an ominous rumbling, the sounds of cracks and rocks splitting the dirt open.
She maintained her focus in her meditative state, waiting for the arrival of whatever was buried further down in the moon's core.
"Ahsoka. Och ki mi sa och"
That was Togruti, her mother tongue. Ahsoka recited the words to herself to recall the meaning,
"Och ki mi sa och," the voice repeated.
“See…that which I cannot see?”
"Ahsoka e' Jedi…."
The haunting sound echoed as Ahsoka felt the well of emotions overflow and spill out onto the stone and dirt ground. These weren't just tears of sadness; she was experiencing the full sobs of loss, a mother's sacrifice of letting go. Her mother's gift of letting her go.
The voice called out again.
"…a Jedi…"
This anguish was similar to her loss as each Jedi was struck down and plagued the Force with dread and dark despair. Somehow this was a sharper pain. The specific knowledge of knowing your child will not know your love, will forget your face, and one day, have no idea how much you meant to them.
A loss that leads to a greater purpose: Sacrifice.
"…e' Jedi…"
"Stop!" Ahsoka muttered through clenched teeth. Her sadness and sobs swirled and dazed her concentration.
Ahsoka's uneasy regret over leaving the Jedi Order brought about immense guilt. She had kept these emotions hidden, convincing herself she had made the right choice. Only here on Splendor, and only to Rex, had she finally revealed her lonely convictions regarding walking away from the only life she had ever known. And even then, she wasn't sure he would ever really understand.
She had to face yet another difficult admission:
All that her mother sacrificed by letting her go, in the end, was for naught,
"I am no Jedi," she choked on the words that came out barely audible.
"…Ahsoka e' Jedi…."
She broke her concentration and threw back her head, letting the tears fall from her eyes that were shut tight. Ahsoka finally let out a wail of emotion,
"I AM NO LONGER A JEDI!"
Ahsoka fell forward with grief, collapsing over her meditative kneeling position. Again, she found herself in the same position she had been in as she cried in front of Rex in the hangar. She may have been upset about R7, but those tears were not about leaving her beloved droid behind. Like Rex, Ahsoka was capable of hiding from emotions that were just too difficult to face. The sadness, exhaustion, and frustration from trying to make everything right and good took their toll. She now whimpered into the ground,
"I'm...no longer a Jedi,” her lips were quivering out the confession.
The temperature in the cave snapped to a freezing cold when the next voice, different from the one that spoke before.
"The Jedi are no longer," claimed the wicked voice, shrill and venomous as it cackled with perverse joy.
Ahsoka gasped as the chill ran down her spine, and her muscles tensed to tremors. She wanted to block it out and run. Fear settled in her chest, heavy as sand, then a dizzying barrage of familiar voices swirled in her mind.
"I will not take the blame for something I didn't do!"
"Do not try to fly around them…."
"You're reckless, little one…The Jedi Order is your life! "I understand wanting to walk away…."
"C'mon, Tano!…you got this, Ahsoka."
"Leave everything else behind while we still can!"
"I'm here, okay? I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere."
"There is good in him…."
"When I look at you, who you are, Ahsoka Tano,
I know it exists."
"I am suggesting that perhaps if you have trained her well,
she shall take care of herself. And find a way back to you."
"Even if you have to leave me …again."
She thought she recognized the voices of Anakin and Padme. Maybe Master Plo? Still, she could not make sense of some of what they were saying. But of all of them, Rex's voice was clear and reassuring, reminding her who she is today. And that his love for her and her equal love for him is part of her now.
She sat in heavy silence. Only the sound of her breathing filled the space.
Until she heard the voice that spoke in Togruti repeat the words again,
"Och ki mi sa och."
Ahsoka nodded. She understood what it meant, even though she never had the chance to learn her mother tongue,
"See what you cannot see."
Ahsoka opened her eyes to the warmth and comfort of the voice. Her head tilted curiously when she saw a tiny sprout burst through the ground. She paused her breathing without realizing it, and the growth stopped. She then again inhaled and exhaled.
It grew.
She breathed again. Inhale. Exhale.
Taller now, the sprout was widening, forcing its way through the stone pedestal, climbing taller, branching, and reaching as it continued to grow.
Ahsoka made sure to allow her breathing to steady. Her mind cleared away memories and past moments. She focused on what was growing right in front of her.
Now the mystical emergence of the fully grown and massive tree dominated as the central focus in the cave. The wood pulsing with life from the Force that had instantaneously achieved the impossible by accelerating the life cycle right before her eyes.
This was no mirage. Ahsoka's senses were heightened as she knelt before the tree. Her montrals registered each creek and gnarled twist and stretch as the branches reached toward the light, air, and nourishment. The tree's bark wafted through the air, a scent that triggered Ahsoka's memory, unearthing something she believed was lost to time.
The smell of home. The scent of her mother.
Though the memory may have been small and faint, its effect was compelling. Ahsoka narrowed her concentration, allowing the combination of sense and memory to be at the forefront of her mind. The other worries and thoughts in her mind were now subdued. They bowed in this new memory's presence, giving deference and biddability to the long-lost treasure.
She inhaled the smell of weeping jasmine, teroli spice, and endless fields of turu grass,
"Meht."
The word had been her first. And though she had not spoken it in almost fifteen years, it easily came to her as though no time had passed. Mother.
With her eyes closed to enhance her sense-memory, Ahsoka recalled the hazy memory. It was her point of view while comfortably pressed against the warmth of her mother's chest, wrapped in the carrier for one of their walks. Ahsoka's mother, Pav-Ti Tano, would talk and sing to her. Pav-Ti's heartbeat and sweet softness soothed Ahsoka when her mother's voice vibrations hummed in her montrals.
When she was ready, Ahsoka opened her eyes to a shocking sight. The now enormous tree crowded the cavern's once empty space. The suspended display of vines that seemed to float without purpose now naturally decorated the imposing structure. The branches had wound themselves through the colorful, sheer tendrils and tangles easily as though they had been waiting to be intertwined all along. The changing colors were more vibrant, glowing, and reflecting color off the dark wood.
Ahsoka found herself mesmerized by the puzzling result of this entangled dance of wood and vine. As she looked across the broad and truly impressive display, her eyes caught the significant reveal at the base of the trunk.
In a moment, her breath seized.
Of all the wonders and oddities Ahsoka had seen in the galaxy, she had never seen something that struck her with awe so suddenly that her eyes teared up.
The roots and base of the trunk had contorted to form a grand throne of gnarled wood. There, in the seat of the enormous throne, was an equally enormous Marg Sable flower. A flower only found on Shili. The revered flower was used in ceremonies and medicines and was considered sacred to the Togrutan culture.
The teardrop-shaped petals' red and purple blended colors were highlighted with orange and yellow markings. The signatures of marg sables repeated on each petal, but no two flowers' designs were alike. Togrutans believed their species was the gift of life given by the marg sable flower. Essentially, their living flesh was made whole by the Great Gardeners, the gods, Yau and Boshk, of Life and Growth. Her memories of reading about the ancient tales late one night with Master Jocasta also reminded her of another Togrutan belief concerning the marg sable.
Because a marg sable could not be grown outside of Shili, not even on Kiros, the Togruta believed only misfortune came for those Togrutans who left their home planet.
“And yet, here we both are, my little one. Du tazi unt. Du tunguma’s tunguma.”
A voice from the flower spoke. A soft, calming female voice simultaneously filled Ahsoka's mind and the cave's empty space. She quickly wiped the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes to be sure she was awake, sane, present, anything to be sure she was not dreaming.
"Du tun—? Tungama means… I don't remember…," Ahsoka confessed.
"Daughter. Du tunguma's tunguma. You are my daughter's daughter," the voice replied.
The words were expressed by a glow emanating from the marked petals of the regal flower before her. Ahsoka choked at the realization that this was the voice of—"
"Zi-Shika Tano. I am your grandmother. All these years, from afar, I have sensed your growth in the Force, your training, your courage, and your resolve. You have led a dangerous and full life, tazi unt, and I have always been proud to know you were of my line."
Ahsoka's reaction was silent with the loudest of thoughts clamoring in her mind.
Where does she even begin?
She never knew her mother, let alone her grandmother. There was an entire history of herself that she had lived without, and initially, not by her choice. She certainly never dwelt on such lost ancestry if she was honest with herself. That was not the Jedi way. The Jedi had been her family…until they weren't.
"I am an unexpected presence. You have come to seek your tasks and learn of The Mother."
Zi-Shika's statement reminded Ahsoka's present: where she was, why she was here, and what she was meant to do next had more importance than lost history. Still, she could not help the sentimental streak of curiosity.
"Meht du meht, how are you speaking to me, Zi-Shika? The flower, a marg sable? They cannot grow anywhere except Shili. And you…you can—or could wield the Force?"
"My spirit lives eternally in the Force. The Jedi long avoided the practice. But I am no Jedi. From a young age, I hid my abilities to remain with our people. On Shili, I had heard tales and seen others being taken away. They left our planet, usually never to be seen again. That was not an option for me. So I masked my power of healing with our medicines and rituals. I listened to the Force in deep meditation, learned what I could on my own."
"But without the Jedi to train you?" Ahsoka asked.
"Train me for what purpose? To what end, child? I did not need to be trained with weapons, a saber, acrobatics, or to take on the political burdens of entire systems. I belonged here. Mindfulness was a power that allowed me to maintain my connection. And so, I lived my life on Shili like any other Togruta. The most challenging was my sense of foresight. You have this gift, too, I know. Weakened though. Your need to respond immediately to such visions clouds their meaning. I found that I should keep my visions to myself. Unless someone asked, I would not say what I knew. As you know, visions can sometimes be unclear or misleading. Many times, my visions were of things I did not understand. Beings I had never met. But the most important vision I had was when I was a young girl, to young even to take a warrior. Just a small child. I had a vision of you."
"Me?"
"Yes. You were leaning over a man, a man with millions of souls. Your heart was open and focused. Your well-being was in danger but safe and secure. But your connection to the Force? It was truly powerful and strong. The scene around you was crashing, burning, filled with violence. Yet, you were calm with devotion, care, and love. The Force flowed so freely between you two. You summoned, he returned. You were one with the Force. Truly one. Then my vision was you chasing clouds. Running water. Then…freedom. Yes, hmmm, it was freedom. A light in the darkest of nights. An exhausting and long night that would overtake the galaxy."
Ahsoka's eyes were tearing up again. Never in her life as a Jedi had she allowed herself the broad freedom to just…cry. Small sentimental tears, heaving sobs of grief? These were things Ahsoka rarely allowed herself to experience without limit. Her Jedi training did not forbid such expressions. Instead, she was always instructed to acknowledge such feelings and burdens that can cloud judgment. Now, crying in this temple, she wasn't sure if she was confessing or declaring. She just knew it felt right to let her tears flow.
"I am sorry that I never knew you. That I know nothing of my mother. I-I— This was not at all what I expected to find."
"You expected another mission? Direct orders? Answers to solve the problem and save the galaxy?"
"That's all I have ever known. Without that life, I felt lost and—"
"Invisible. Unknown."
"Yes."
"And with your Captain, this young man who you have taken as your warrior? Do you feel unknown and invisible?"
"No. Not at all. The complete opposite actually."
Ahsoka was taken aback. Not only by the revelation that when Rex looked at her, he saw all of her. He respected, adored, and loved her—even before they had become more than friends.
"You see, tazi unt. I did not know which of my daughters would bear this special child in my vision. But I knew I needed to be here. I could not leave. The Jedi would not have me the older I aged anyway," her gentle voice grew weary at the next revelation, "By the time I had that significant vision of you, I was hiding my abilities from every Togruta I knew, even my own family,"
Ahsoka had remained in her meditative position even though it no longer felt like she was in deep meditation. Hearing the change in Zi-Shika's voice, she realized the conversation with her grandmother's voice flowed easily, as though they had always known each other.
Ahsoka decided to stand up and approach the seat of the great flower. Perhaps as an instinct to give comfort, though she had no idea how to comfort a flower, its mysterious voice, or Force spirit.
"I know that Togruta never truly accepted those born with Force sensitivity. The few conversations I had with Master Shaak Ti made that very clear. The idea of an individual with powers stronger than an entire clan united was dangerous."
Ahsoka was now seated on a root that laid just below where the marg sable remained. There in the colored light that basked from the cave's opening, she looked to the source of her grandmother's voice. Like a wide-eyed child fixated in awe at the loving adult who enraptured their attention, Ahsoka even allowed herself to lean her montrals into the tree for comfort.
"Yes. Shaak Ti's departure was an especially sad time. Her mother died giving birth to her. They had been a prominent clan, but with only four warriors and few children. Their grief and shock were quite painful to all. Grief is unavoidable and takes many forms when it arrives. Shaak Ti had been a lonely child from the beginning and was put in the care of other clans, even ours. By the time she was barely a year old, it was impossible to not notice her abilities."
"Shaak Ti was a revered Jedi Master and General, but she would have spells of melancholy. Master Jocasta once told me these spells worsened after she returned from a diplomatic visit to Shili."
"Yes, she thought if she could complete an Aruk hunt and show the elders that Togruta Jedi were just like other Togruta. She hoped to change ancient cultural reservations regarding those of us who are Force-sensitive. Our world and the Togruta ways are as old as the Jedi. Not as violently stubborn as, say, the Mandalorians, of course, but stubborn in the protectiveness of our people and community."
"I had wondered if Rex and I should leave here and perhaps go to Shili, perhaps they would help hide us. But, I'm guessing that plan won't work."
"Your Captain Rex, clone or not, as a human, he would never be accepted by Togruta men. And now, as you are eighteen, many years past your initial warrior binding days—"
Ahsoka quickly stood up. The shock of realization hit her.
"Eighteen? Did I? I-I-missed my Life Day again?"
She didn't know why, whether it was appropriate or not, but some wild instinct in her climbed the tree and settled on a lower branch. Her energy was restless again when she realized she had lost track of days, weeks, months, and another year of life. Again.
The day of a Jedi's birth and aging was more for calculations than celebrations. Records needed to be accurate with so many different species born from various systems living at the Jedi Temple.
"I missed it last year because of everything that happened with the bombing, the trial and the Jedi Council. And now I've missed it again! I just hadn't even thought of it when Bo Katan and I were trying to— oh. My birthday was…,"
Ahsoka gasped as a chill ran down her spine when she recalled,
"The last time I saw him was before the 332nd departed for Mandalore."
Anakin.
My lightsabers were my Life Day gift.
She let the tears well up and flow freely as she curled herself to lean against the tree.
It was Anakin who told her about his Life Day celebrations on Tatooine. How his mother would make a special meal with what they had and some small present (usually a junk set of parts or rusted tools) for him. He thought his mother was just trying to make him feel better in their situation. And he would do his best to do the same for her on her Life Day. His meals were terrible, his gifts even worse. But seeing her smile was worth the effort. He said he never forgot his birthday or hers. Skywalker never forgot his mother.
Ahsoka remembered the strong, conflicted emotions in his Force presence when he told her these things. She could not tell if it was anger or love when Skywalker spoke of his mother. She only remembered looking at him with compassion as he told her his mother made sure to tell him every year how special he was to her, and that she would always be proud of him because she was proud to be his mother.
The memory drifted in like a fog of vision.
When Anakin gave Ahsoka that first gift, a small jogan fruit cake he took from the kitchens, she laughed at his strange, kind gesture. She also saw how much it meant to him to share this ritual with someone. The celebration of one's life, beginning with their birth, and in some ways…a celebration of their mother. He never asked her if she remembered her mother. He already knew the answer.
"Your birth is worth celebrating, Ahsoka. I know you don't remember your ceremonies of life that were had on Shili," Zi-Shika's kind voice brought Ahsoka back from that day with Anakin in the Temple courtyard.
"No, I don't remember. I wish I did." Ahsoka now had her lean body lying along the branch. Her fingertips traced the grooved lines of time that had worn into the tree.
As the colored lights from the vines danced over the wood, Ahoska's faint memory of the feast and celebration of her mother's binding ceremony once again returned to her.
"Zi-Shika? I do remember some things. I remembered one of my mother's binding ceremonies. I was so little so I only remember being happy that everyone was…happy. But, I don't remember who my father was and if he even knew me.."
"Oh yes. Sa khos…your father. You were Pav-Ti's fifth born child with her first chosen warrior, Tavraas Dar."
“Tavraas…Dar. Tavraas Dar.”
Ashoka had hoped that something would come to mind by saying his name aloud.
Nothing.
She still had no memory of her father, only the faintest memories of her mother and siblings. The frustration she presently felt was new and troubling. Having had no reason to think of her family before, Ahsoka was allowing herself to acknowledge this significant missing piece of who she was. She may never reconnect with her family, even though the Jedi Order's well-intentioned policy of complete familial detachment was now gone.
She sat up on the sturdy branch, eased her body to stand, and climbed back down to the great flower's wooden throne.
Zi-Shika assured her, "I sense you feel as blank and confused as when I first greeted you here. Tell me your confusion, tazi unt.”
"It is strange to know that my mother and father, our whole family I have never known, are alive on Shili. And all this information about my past? I was told by another Force spirit and Morai to not dwell on what cannot be changed. Yet, all we have spoken about is my family history? What does this have to do with this moon, Splendor, the Jola star system, or The Mother?"
Ahsoka wished that she could actually see her grandmother the way Qui Gon Jin had appeared to her. She should have expected that none of this would be straightforward, but her patience was withering from the shock of so much information.
“Zi-Shika, meht du meht. Since I entered this cave— this temple…I have learned that I have no family. My Jedi master is gone, and those Jedis that remain are in hiding; our lives are in danger. Then I'm asked to reflect on the Togruta family I never knew. But I must learn to accept that they have always been part of me? Meht du meht, I honestly don’t think I can cry anymore today."
Ahsoka faced the seated flower. Not wanting to seem flippant, she still bowed her head with respect. She knew she was speaking with a weary and tired heart as she continued,
"I don't know if it's the Togruta part of me that longs to have a clan or tribe of my own or if it's because I was raised at the Jedi Temple, where what made me different gave me a sense of belonging, but I…I… don't know how to just…give up. I know that the Force exists on this moon in a way that I have never felt before, but I still don't know who or what is The Mother?"
"Tazi unt, you know I am not The Mother you seek. I am a channel of the Force. My physical body passed many years ago, tunguma du tunguma. My spirit comes to you as a voice to speak what you need to hear. My spirit is one with the Force, which lives in all things, including you. These things, you know, Ahsoka. I did not create this flower, this tree, or dirt. I did not create my being that was given to me to live as I chose. That was given to me by—"
"—your mother. Each mother gives a part of her life to bring in a new one. A part of them lives in all those descendants that come after."
"Simple, yes? But a more complicated question is why does the Force live in all things?"
"The Force is…a Mother? The Mother."
Ahsoka looked up at the flower, the tree that had grown rapidly before her eyes, and the cave around her with colored light and pulsing Force energy. She began to connect with what was around her. This was not a temple of worship, but this place was sacred. The being she was seeking had been part of her life all along. But today, she realized she stood at the point of origin of all life in the galaxy.
"Then...Splendor is not a moon. The Force came to being here. This place is the womb."
"Yes, and once it came into being, like any other child, it leaves the womb, grows in size and strength, gives and takes, finds and loses balance, creates, and destroys,” Zi-Shika replied.
Ahsoka then asked, "On Mortis, the Father spoke of this duality and balance. But I don't understand if this was the womb, why did they live on Mortis?”
"One must leave the womb to go live their life. The Mother made the being, the First Acolyte, called The Father, to balance all existence. The Son and Daughter were made to be the acolytes of each eternal opposing side, beginning with the darkness of nothing and the light of everything. They grew and evolved, just as children do. Although the physical distance was far from the one who gave them life, the Force was always with them."
"The Mother is the origin of The Force. I am one with The Force, and the Force is with me."
Ahsoka felt a soothing calm in her connection to the Force. Tranquil and quiet, she embraced the feeling with the realization that her grandmother's vision, her act of saving Rex, and their coming to Splendor, Anakin and Padme's hidden lodge, had resulted in her and Rex discovering their genuine devotion to each other.
In the few days here, Ahsoka and Rex's mutual attraction and newfound desires led them to quickly realize the exciting rush of physical pleasure combined with trust and intimacy. Their bodies were experiencing something new, but their hearts remained as committed to each other as they had always been, just as when their lives were in danger.
Ahsoka mused over her thoughts as she slowly sat down. She understood, or she thought she did. Zi-Shika's words were starting to reveal an answer, but Ahsoka still wasn't sure.
“Meht du meht, Zi-Shika? I know that what has happened between Rex and me, our love was there before we—"
"Acted on it? Yes. You human warrior is a good man, and his passion for you is quite evident," Zi-Shika lovingly teased.
Ahsoka's eyes widened at the statement as she felt the blush creep over her face and lekku. She had never discussed this topic with any other female before, let alone with the Force spirit of her grandmother.
As a Togruta, we believe mating is more than breeding. It is a powerful form of communication and appreciation. The giving and receiving of pleasure from another is a way to share and harness the power. You are discovering how this kind of power, combined with your connection to The Force, enlightens what was already there between you two."
Ahsoka swallowed hard. Her mouth was dry with the thought of what she believed would be her task.
“Meht du meht, am I…am I to be...a mother?”
"You will be, tunguma du tunguma. A very, very powerful mother."
"But Rex and I cannot—"
Ahsoka could not finish the statement. Her eyes screwed tight as her heart sank with the realization that, as a clone, Rex could not have children. Equally heartbreaking, she knew as a Togruta, she could only become a mother if she conceived and remained on Shili or Kiros in commune with other Togruta clans. Togruta females were incapable of carrying a child to term outside of those conditions.
"Little one, who is not so little anymore. It is true that you will be a mother, Ahsoka. One who must make great sacrifices."
"I don't understand?" Ahsoka swallowed the sob lumped in her throat, looked to the flower, and waited for her grandmother’s voice to explain.
"Your years are long ahead of you, Ahsoka Tano. With your chosen warrior, Captain Rex, you will have many, many children. More than any other Togruta mother has ever had before. But these children will not be of your physical womb…they will be born throughout the galaxy. They will be the children of The Rebellion.”
Ahsoka was staring so intently at the source of her grandmother's voice that she did not notice Morai’s sudden flight to join her, landing gently on her shoulder.
A/N: So sorry for the delay in the update. I am working on the next five chapters now. But I let this one take as long as it needed to because I'm creatively stubborn. Hope all the highlights were worth it:
Ahsoka is 18!
Zi-Shika (my OC) is Ahsoka's Force-sensitive grandmother!
The Force began at a fixed point in the galaxy!
And Ahsoka and Rex are the mama and papa of The Rebellion
Pretty fun chapter, huh?
And...moms. Shout out to moms (womb and non-womb alike)
John interlocked his fingers and placed them on the table. His eyes fixated on mine. I kept glancing up and down from my food to his face but my main focus was on eating. My stomach grumbled.
“I’m glad you like it.” He said, as he smiled. “Now let me tell you what’s going to happen. You will be staying here where you are safe from harms way. Either the man looking for you will come for you here or I will find him and eliminate him myself. But until that happens you have to stay with me. It’s what your father would have wanted.”
‘Would have wanted.’ The words echoed in my head. I still don’t believe he’s really gone.
I wiped my mouth with my napkin and placed my silverware on my empty plate.
“Look, thank you for saving me and all, but I am a consenting adult and you cannot just keep me here against my will. I would rather take my chances, John.” I glared at him and he glared back.
“Listen y/n your father left a message for you and promised me not to show you unless you were going to raise a problem.”
I got up from my seat slowly and stretched. I winced as my stitches ached, reminding me of how immobile I could be if I tried running or fighting him.
“Then show me, because I won’t stop trying to get home unless I see some solid evidence.”
He got up from his seat and walked passed me. He went across the room to the open living room area and grabbed a laptop off a side table. He picked it up, opened it and came back over to me.
“Please sit.” He gestured to my chair, and I sat.
He placed the laptop in front of me and took my empty plate away as a video was buffering. Suddenly, my dads face showed up. It was him in his study and he started talking.
“Hello sweetheart. I thought I would have so much more time with you but unfortunately my life is now cut short.” I clasped my hands over my mouth in shock. No… This can’t be real.
“I have invested everything into keeping you safe. I have hired on the most skilled professional to keep you out of harm. His name is John Wick and you can trust him dear.” Suddenly gunshots were going off behind him and smashing sounds were apparent. Tears were now streaming down my face.
“I love you sweetie. I am so sorry it had to end like this, but you will do great things… I know it.” Tears were in his eyes too as more gunshots went off and he closed down the camera. The video stopped, and I didn’t realize it but I was sobbing. John placed a caring hand on my left shoulder and I couldn’t help but turn to him in my chair and pull him into a hug. My face against his lean waist as my tears were making his shirt damp.
“I am so sorry.” He whispered.
“It’s not your fault.” I sobbed.
My stitches were hurting more then ever with all the crying I was doing. I let John go and stood myself up from the chair.
“Okay I believe you now, so what’s next?” I wiped my tears away with my bare arm.
“I’ll help you get a shirt on.” He said.
We were walking towards the room I came from when suddenly there was a knock at the door. John and I froze and he pointed me to go to the room. But at that moment bullets riddled through the front door, John pushed me down flat to the ground and he was lying on top of me. I could feel the stitches completely rip and start to bleed out. My screams were masked by the gun fire as John was covering my head. It felt like an eternity but the bullets finally stopped. He grabbed me and threw me into the hall closet that was a few feet away.
“There is a panic room in there, lock it behind you!” And he slammed the door shut. I wasn’t going to sit around and ask questions so I crawled to the back and found another door. My waist was throbbing and it was so painful I could hardly stand. I crawled in and locked it behind me. I was atop a stair case that led underground. I was bleeding profusely as I slid down the steps carefully, covering my side with my right hand. Blood was running right through it. I heard the sound of more gunfire as I went over to the bed. It hurt too much to move now so I laid beside it cradling myself. The gunfire finally stopped and I could do nothing but lay there in agony. I heard the door click and knew immediately that it had to be John. He turned the corner and stared at me with the same look he had the first time I saw him. He was covered in blood, but not his. He ran to a cupboard that was on the other side of the room and grabbed a kit from it.
“This is going to sting a lot but I need you to stay still so I can stop the bleeding.”
I was already in so much pain, I didn’t want anymore.
“No John please don’t, just put a bandage over it and ill be fine.” I begged.
I heard him tear something open and put whatever it was, inside his waistband and pulled his shirt over it.
“Just breathe.” He said calmly. Tears were welling again. I must look like the biggest baby on earth. He then jumped on top of me, straddling my lower body and pinned both my arms above my head so I was lying flat on my back. He took out the medical staple gun and shot me eight times with it. Yelping each time as he did so. I could tell my adrenaline was helping because it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would. When he was done he released me immediately and got up. I rolled to my side and was breathing hard, I was exhausted. He scooped me up and laid me gently on the bed.
“I’m sorry I had to do that.” He said. As he leaned back to walk away I grabbed his wrist.
“Please don’t leave me again John.” I whispered.
My adrenaline was crashing now and I could feel my body ache again.
“I’m going to get you some pain medication I’ll be right back.”
“No! I don’t want to be a dead weight zombie again.” I stated.
“You won’t be, its non-drowsy.” He said.
I released my grip and he went back to the cupboard.
“So, what happened out there?” I asked curiously.
“I like to keep those things to myself but I’m sure you can imagine.” He walked over to me and handed me two pills. I popped them in my mouth and swallowed them dry.
“Promise me you are not drugging me again?”
“I promise.” He said as he sat beside me on the bed and put a hand on my head.
My pain was subsiding and I started to sit upright in the bed be weary of my fresh staples.
“We are going to stay down here a while till I know for sure that its safe for you.”
“Okay then, I want to know a few things John.”
He raised a brow at me curiously.
Hours went by as we waited to be sure I was in the clear from danger. We talked a lot about his business side of his life. He made me laugh at little jokes here and there and I told him more about myself. He was a genuine person that I’m growing to like more and more. He told me about his nickname and he talked to me about how he got into the industry as a young boy being trained like his father before him and how much of a choice he didn’t really have in it. But in the end, he was telling me that he wouldn’t know what else he would be doing in life since he focuses on nothing else but his missions. He turned to me with a gentle stare.
“I think its safe to go up now.” He said.
He scooped me in his arms and carried me bridle style up the stairs.
“I didn’t know the boogeyman was such a gentleman.” I giggled as I held myself to him. Looking down I saw the dried trail of blood I left behind getting down here.
As we reached the hall he put me down gently. I reached up to him and pecked him gently on the cheek.
“Thank you.” I said.
He clasped his hand in mine and interlocked his fingers as he led me back to my room. When we got there, I asked him if he could help me get my sports bra off, as I didn’t want to hurt my staples. I turned around, back facing him and he gently whisked it up over my arms with ease. I covered my breasts with my hands as they were excited to be free now. I turned around facing him still covering myself and asked.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” I stared at the floor, I was blushing but didn’t want to see his reaction.
He paused for a moment and raised my chin in his hand so I would look at him dead in his beautiful eyes.
“Absolutely. But first I’m getting you somewhere safe.” He said dropping my chin and handing me the sweater.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 17/?
Fandom: PAYDAY (Video Games)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Underage, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Hoxton | James "Jim" Hoxworth/Wolf
Characters: Wolf (Payday), Hoxton | James "Jim" Hoxworth, Dallas (Payday), Chains (Payday), Jacket (Hotline Miami), Bain (Payday), Sokol (Payday), Houston | Hoxton, Aldstone (Payday), Solomon Garrett (Payday), Duke (Payday), Dragan (Payday), Rust | Tom Bishop (Payday), The Rat (Payday), Captain Neville Winters, Vernon Locke (Payday)
Additional Tags: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Prison, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trust Issues, Paranoia, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Roommates, There Is Only One Bed, But it makes sense in-universe, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, People-pleasing behaviours, Anxiety, Separation Anxiety, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Bank Robbery, Cuddling & Snuggling, Gun Violence, Grinding, Masturbation, Sleep Groping, Possessive Behavior, heisting, Mention of previous partners, Sexism, Sexist Language, Hoxton hates the colour pink because of course he does, Self-Esteem Issues, Body Image, Scars, Burns, Oral Sex, Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Possibly inaccurate descriptions of Georgia, Fair warning: this might be the horniest thing I've ever written, Mile High Club, Creampie, Blood, Face-Fucking, use of the f-slur, Murder, Rimming, Wolf continues to do things that endanger him because of who he is as a person, Suicidal Thoughts, POV Multiple, Chains is the Payday gang therapist and you can't convince me otherwise, Men Crying, Medical Inaccuracies, Gunshot Wounds
Summary:
Hoxton's prison cell - a small, windowless room for two long and lonely years. When he is given a windowless bedroom at the Safehouse, his closest friend Wolf offers him his room for the night, but the arrangement is not as straight-forward as a simple room-swap.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter Summary: The gang prepare for their biggest heist yet; Wolf realises something about Hoxton, and commits to bettering himself.
(SFW Chapter)
Chapters: 11/?
Fandom: PAYDAY (Video Games)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Hoxton | James "Jim" Hoxworth/Wolf
Characters: Wolf (Payday), Hoxton | James "Jim" Hoxworth, Dallas (Payday), Chains (Payday), Sydney | Kelli King (Payday), Clover (Payday), John Wick, Jacket (Hotline Miami), Bain (Payday), Sokol (Payday), Houston | Hoxton, Aldstone (Payday), Solomon Garrett (Payday), Bonnie McGee (Payday), Duke (Payday), Dragan (Payday), Rust | Tom Bishop (Payday), Joy (Payday), Jimmy (Payday)
Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Prison, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trust Issues, Paranoia, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Roommates, There Is Only One Bed, But it makes sense in-universe, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, People-pleasing behaviours, Anxiety, Separation Anxiety, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Bank Robbery, Cuddling & Snuggling, Gun Violence, Grinding, Masturbation, Sleep Groping, Possessive Behavior, heisting, Fake Marriage, Mention of previous partners, Sexism, Sexist Language, Hoxton hates the colour pink because of course he does, Self-Esteem Issues, Body Image, Scars, Burns, Oral Sex, Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Possibly inaccurate descriptions of Georgia, Fair warning: this might be the horniest thing I've ever written, Mile High Club, Creampie, Blood, Face-Fucking, use of the f-slur
Summary:
Hoxton's prison cell - a small, windowless room for two long and lonely years. When he is given a windowless bedroom at the Safehouse, his closest friend Wolf offers him his room for the night, but the arrangement is not as straight-forward as a simple room-swap.
The Jola Moon (A Rexsoka FanFic) - Chapter 13: And Fives Is With Me
Summary: Rex and Fives have some catching up to do. Ahsoka encounters a familiar presence in the Force.
Warnings: None. (I know, right?!)
Click to READ on AO3
A/N: Canon disclaimer JUST GO WITH IT XD
LUV 2 ALL THE CREW IN THE SHEBBY DEBBIES DISCORD: THIRSTY GOOD GIRL HOURS ARE 24/7- Love you so much!
Chapter 13: And Fives Is With Me
Rex barely made it a few meters following "Fives" before he dug in his heels, refusing to take another step further.
Fives– or whoever (or whatever) was only a few paces ahead of him, continuing the trek. The figure had taken off their helmet, now holding it at their hip as all clone soldiers did out of habit. Rex heard him take a deep inhale and exhale out with an audible sigh before Fives's signature vocal tone boomed out,
"Stars! The air on this moon is incredible, Rex. This feels good. I miss that feeling when we could take our helmets off and actually breathe in the air of a new place. Eh, that is, before it all went to shit with blaster fire, blood and smoke, right?"
Fives didn't urge Rex for a response.
But Rex still wouldn't move. He was tired of looking at the perfect replica of the back of Fives's full head of jet black hair.
It was shaved when he died. He had taken his chip out and had a shaved head.
Truthfully, it could be the back of any clone's head. But that walk? That was Fives.
Fives had this walk that just oozed confidence, announcing that he was ready for any damn thing thrown at him with each strut. He always had his shoulders back, chest out, whether he wore his armor, blacks, or those damn starched civvie jumpers.
Fives's goateed chin always led as he walked, giving him a demeanor that was so approachable it was intimidating. Shinies felt special even if he barely said three words to them. And women? Forget it. Military-grade TUG tractor beams only equaled his unique magnetic charisma. Women were instantly drawn to his lively energy field of casual swagger.
It was something Rex had never felt around the opposite sex. Until here, on Splendor with Ahsoka. Rex was still dizzy from waking up with the lustful haze from making love to Ahsoka, now being quickly removed by this bizarre scenario. Was it too much to ask for one day of normalcy and rest?
He heaved out a sigh.
This is crazy. Or am I going crazy?
"Hey!" Rex shouted to his supposed brother, who stopped walking but didn't turn around.
As Rex was trying to puzzle out this non-response, he caught the slightest of movement.
Kriffing hell. I don't believe it.
Incredibly, it was the nervous tick that no other clone had. The thumb and pinky of Fives's right hand would continuously tap a drumming restlessness on the side of his thigh plate. Everyone would joke that Fives could both march in time and to the beat of his own drum.
And it was that tiny detail that finally made Rex confront the situation out loud,
"What in the galaxy is going on?! You're… You're—"
"Dead? Yes."
"What do you mean, 'yes'? Then how—"
"And no ."
"WHAT?! I—I don't understand? I saw you get shot! Commander Fox shot you right in the heart…in front of me. You died in my arms!"
Rex was about to start registering the painful memory again.
"And yet, Captain, here I am, in the flesh even," his face proud and hands out presenting as though he too was impressed, "This was unexpected, I know."
Fives allowed Rex a moment to try to wrap his brain around this strange event. But being Fives, he just couldn't resist,
"But...stranger things have happened on this moon, huh, Captain?" He gave a wink.
"What the—?! You can't be serious! This is some fucking Force trick. You are not really Fives and I am not going to play along with some head game that's going to use Fives's memory to fuck with me!"
Fives stood there pulling his gloves tighter and adjusting his gauntlets, "Are you done?"
Rex's eyes widened at the incredulous question.
Fives walked over to Rex with a playful, almost boyish taunt. He stood face to face with his clone Captain. Rex's quizzical look at Fives was twisted up in so many emotions, as he realized this was not a mystical spirit or ghost. Somehow, here on Splendor, Fives was flesh and blood made whole.
Fives then slowly lifted up his right arm to Rex's cuirass. Then shoved him— hard.
Stunned, Rex lost his footing as he flopped back on his skid plate, his helmet tossed to the ground. Astonished, he immediately got back to his feet and shoved Fives back.
"Haha! There's my Captain!"
"Don't you fucking dare! You are not Fives!"
Rex was karking spitfire mad with rage and grief. Anger was burning from his chest, radiating up and down to his extremities. His face was beet red while tears welled in his eyes with fury.
"You can't do this! You have no right!"
Rex tried again to shove him, but Fives easily dodged Rex's jump at him with a zig-zag sidestep.
"Fight it, Rex. C'mon, Cap! That's it. Get pissed!" Fives dropped his bucket to the ground
"Stop!"
"I tried to tell ya." Fives's right boot swiped around Rex's left calf, almost taking Rex out completely. But, Rex caught himself on his knee plate, back up on his feet in a flash, and repositioned a defensive stance.
Rex roared with unrestrained anger, "FUCK YOU!!!"
His boisterous voice echoed across the landscape. Rex's chest was heaving, his head pounding from the exertion of his emotional release still traveling the distance.
Fives closed his eyes and listened, appreciating the sound as it traveled.
The two of them silently registered the reminder of their dear brother— Echo.
Both men now knew that Echo was never actually dead. The 501st's silent trauma from thinking they lost him at The Citadel turned out to be worse than grief. Instead, they should have felt overwhelming guilt for leaving him behind still alive and suffering.
Echo's torturous imprisonment at the hands of the Techno Union had left his mind and body permanently scarred. And even though Rex risked everything to save him, he had to let Echo go...again. No longer the ARC Trooper he once was, Echo was changed forever. Still, saving Echo was one of the few victories Rex could actually be proud to have achieved.
Fives spoke carefully in a calm tone, "On Anaxes, you knew it was Echo. Even Cody doubted you, but you knew. Didn't you ever wonder how you were so sure or more importantly why you were sure that Echo was still alive?"
"I just figured...Are you saying...No, no, no, this isn't fair. You have no idea what we went through! What Echo went through!"
Fives relished in Rex's challenge. Oh, he was ready for a brotherly fight.
"Oh, I don't know?! Tell me, Rex, how I don't know what it's like to be deserted, by my brothers?"
"I was there, Fives! I did not desert you. You don't think I regretted giving you permission to stay with Tup on Kamino?! Not a single, fucking day went by when I wished I could go back and do things differently. You would have left with me and let them–"
"Let them what? What, Rex? Let them reprogram Tup? Or worse, let him die? Cap, if you think I would have actually listened to you—"
"Listened to me? Oh, Maker, forbid!"
Rex's fury came out in nasty biting sarcasm as he continued,
"How dare I, Captain Rex, expect the one and only cee tee fucking five five five five should listen to me? I was just the lowly captain of the whole damn 501st Legion?!! You'll have to forgive me, Fives. Yes, I regret the very moment that I—yes, me, Captain Rex— made the wrong choice and gave one of my best men, my closest brothers, clearance to go on a damned suicide mission."
Both men stared daggers into each other's eyes. These emotions were actually the agonizing love that could only be between what most people call…family.
"I should have ordered you to leave with me!"
Fives scoffed an incredulous laugh at Rex's predictable response. He made no effort to mask his disappointment in Rex's final declaration on the matter.
"Sometimes, Rex, honestly, I can't believe I looked up to you. You know what? Forget it. You aren't ready for this! If you're gonna pull that same 'good clone soldier' crap you always do, then there's no point to me even being here."
Rex would not accept such an insult. The blatant insubordination was too much—from anyone, whether it was some Force ghost or even a reanimated, undead Fives.
The boiling rage moved Rex to charge and lunge at Fives in response. The two soldiers tumbled down to wrestle; their colliding plastoid armor pieces clacked and clashed as both scraped for the upper hand over the other. Rex bared his teeth with each forceful reach, then shouted and spat out every painful conviction,
"Not ready for what, Fives, huh? Tell me, smart ass! You cocky, mouthy bantha-fucker! Grrrrrrr—"
Rex used his whole torso to dig his head into the weak point under Fives's armpit. The maneuver caused Fives to wince aloud in pain at the stabbing pressure being applied to his pectoral muscle. Rex was limiting the reach of Fives's bicep as he tried to grab at Rex from behind.
"Tell me, Fives, you little shit! Running your mouth again, huh? You have no idea what I have been through! After Umbara, losing Ahsoka, then Tup and you? Then how we found Echo. And now?! Now, I've lost everyone. Everyone, Fives!" Rex spat out the combination of sweat and saliva that had built up with his shouting and complete focus on maintaining his dominant hold over Fives.
Rex was now shoving Fives's face down into the dirt to get the dulled arm in a hammerlock behind his back. Both men were now snarling out their breaths as Fives fought against Rex's strength to search for an opening. Rex's voice strained as he continued,
"I…would search…the galaxy and back…tenfold…if I— ARGGHHHH!…if I could...hmph...bring…GAHH!…any of my brothers back!"
Fives feigned a moment of surrender, and then he laughed maniacally as he pounced on Rex's slightest readjustment and release. Fives quickly wrapped his left leg around Rex's thigh, attempting to start a flip and spin for a reverse half-shoulder hold on Rex. But Rex anticipated the move and just applied more pressure to his grip on Fives (now completely) numb shoulder and crunched neck as the adrenaline raged Rex's continued fury,
"How dare you tell me I'm not ready for whatever the fuck ‘this' is , or will be! After everything I have been through, everything I have lived through?! What in this damned galaxy could I not handle?"
Rex's body was worn out from fighting one of the smartest, toughest damn troopers he's ever known. He released Fives with a huff and sat back on his haunches. Fives pulled himself up to his knees, heaving with breath. He swung his arm in circles to soothe his rotator cuff as he plopped back down on his skid plate and stretched his legs out before pulling his knees up to rest his arms on his knee plates.
"I can't Fives. I can't fight you, whether you are him or…aw fuck, I don't know anymore."
"So you do see that it's me?"
"I don't know what you are. You sure as hell fight like Fives."
"Ha!" Fives snickered in response.
Rex yowled into the air at his physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. Letting himself catch his breath, he confessed, "I don't know what's happening. Fuck! Every day here has been like some dream, then a nightmare that then turns into a dream. How is this harder than fighting a damn war?"
"Because you are becoming your own man, Rex. I'm never gone as long as you see yourself as a free man. You can't pull that perfect soldier routine anymore. You're a rebel now." Fives stood up and reached out his hand for Rex to safety-grip his wrist, "And you know what that means?"
"What?"
Rex accepted Fives hand and the two locked their grips around the other's wrists as Fives pulled Rex up to face him. Fives placed his hand on Rex's shoulder plate.
"It means you'll do what is best and right because you know it is. You'll question authority, doubt their bluffs, and know that you can always outsmart them."
Rex would have been horrified and insulted by the label 'rebel' at any other time in his life. But now? He was sure he just couldn't live up to the description.
"That was always you, Fives. I was never the rebellious type."
Fives gave him a smirk.
"Hmm…interesting. Yet here she is, with you, on this moon. She's in love with you too…and you with her. Guess you only rebel when it comes to uh…love?"
Rex had no idea how to respond to this. Fives was right. Again.
"I'm…," Rex felt the hesitation creep up. He was facing one of his brothers who knew about his and Ahsoka's relationship. Of all of his brothers, Fives knew. Fuck.
Rex wasn't sure what came over him, but he started to laugh. He genuinely began to laugh because he absolutely didn't give a shit what anyone thought, even Fives.
"Ahsoka and I… I'm not going to deny what I feel, Fives."
"Good."
"It is. It's better than good, it's the best feeling I've ever had in my life."
"Oh, I bet ."
"Don't fucking start, Fives. I'm not talking about that with you."
"Really, Rex? You're telling me that fu—
"Watch it, brother!" Rex stepped to Fives
"Excuse me…uh, having sex with Ahsoka—
"It's more than sex, Fives."
"Kriffing stars, Rex will you lighten up?"
"Not about this, no. It's Ahsoka, Fives. She's not just some quick fuck in the back of 79's. She's…."
For some reason, the lagoon came to Rex's mind.
A warmth settled in his chest as he recalled how jittery and nervous he was to touch Ahsoka then. The terrifyingly wonderful rush of kissing her neck while suspended in the air combined with the sound of her surrender to affection.
"She's everything to you now."
"Yeah. She really is."
"You going to admit I was right? You never did apologize, Rex."
"What you said was out of line. Then and now."
"And what was it I said, again? Remind me."
"Oh this again? You know what you said that night. As usual, too kriffing much."
That night. That stupid, wasted, drunken night.
The same week Ahsoka left, Rex went out with the boys to 79's and sat there like a drunken fool. The memory stung differently now. He no longer felt like less than a man for not participating in the hedonistic orgy. He wasn't made of stone. But now facing Fives, Rex shuddered at the thought of what happened on the way to 79's...
As they all left the barracks, Fives pulled Rex aside to walk a bit behind the others,
"Captain, sir, I know you don't want to go out with us. But you should do yourself a favor and let one of these Shebbies finally fuck you. Maker, those gals have been dying to fuck the one and only Captain Rex!"
He gave Rex a slap on the back before throwing his arm around Rex's shoulder.
"If this is supposed to be a pep talk, you are failing miserably, Fives."
"Come on! Do you know how many times we are asked," Fives squeaked up his voice to a high pitch and batted his eyelashes, 'Where's the Captain, tonight?' or 'Is Captain Rex taken or what?' Haha. Or what is right!" Fives belly laughed as he shoved and released Rex from his hold.
"I highly doubt that, Fives. Am I taken? Why would they even ask that?" And what do you mean or what, huh?"
"Because…"
Rex looked at Fives blankly, having no idea what he was implying. Fives stopped walking. Rex stopped in turn.
"Captain, I'm serious. She's gone now. I know it's gotta hurt. She was the only female you've ever really cared about."
"What? You mean, Commander Tano? We all will miss—"
"Sir, respectfully, I'm talking to you, one man to another. You don't have to admit it out loud, but come on, Rex. I know."
Rex laughed off the serious tone in Fives's voice.
"Know what?"
Fives snickered out his bafflement that had just a hint of pity hanging in the air.
"Fives, if you're implying that I have feelings for Commander Tano in that way…."
"You're telling me that you don't care, it doesn't hurt that you may never see her again?"
"She's our Commander?!" Rex was starting to turn red in the face. Fives wasn't sure if it was anger or embarrassment.
"Come on, Rex! You mean to tell me that all that time you two have spent together, sitting next to each other every flight, every briefing, working extra hours on field reports, covering Skywalker's ass, guarding her tent on missions, every night we went out you two stayed in for—"
"All of those things I did as her captain! Look, the 501st has, fuck! We had one of the most talented and dedicated Jedi Commanders in the GAR. I never saw her as…as…."
"A beautiful, wickedly smart, kind, and powerful Togrutan Jedi whose body needed to grow up as fast as ours did, so you could finally kiss her one day?"
Yup. Rex still remembered what Fives had said that night…and not one trooper in the 501st failed to notice Rex's response that stuck around on Fives's face the following week.
"Look, Fives. I am sorry I punched you that night. Though, you were out of line. But yes, I... I could've handled my response better."
"Worth it."
Rex laughed.
Fives grinned, "Well, it was. And...I was right."
"That mouth of yours. Kriffing unbelievable. Damnit, Fives. I told you it would get you killed. Are you going to at least admit that I was right?"
"Again. Worth it."
Fives grinned at his brother with pride and said no more. For someone like Fives, silence carried significance. This was Fives's unspoken declaration of pride and honor. He stood there silently, grinning at Rex. Fives knew that even though the circumstances of his death were tragic, had he not uncovered the truth of the inhibitor chips, Palpatine's true identity, and the plan for Order 66, he would've been just another pawn in the greatest deception against the Jedi and The (now fallen) Republic.
Rex stepped to his brother and hugged him. He held Fives so tightly his own armor was digging into his skin. But Rex let the pain of the armor do its worst as he took a deep breath and confessed,
"Thank you, Fives. I'm sorry. And you were right, brother."
Muffled in their armored embrace, Fives responded,
"I'm still waiting for you to admit making love to Ahsoka is the best kriffing feeling you've ever had."
Rex grunted, then pulled away from their embrace. He was blushing, but he was also grinning. It was the cheekiest grin Fives ever saw on Rex's face.
Ahsoka trekked the crumbling path that was lined with buried and broken columns. It was headed in a direction that would go much deeper into the cloud forest. She assessed that the heavy lower and upper canopies of massive trees could tangle up any clear path, so she paid attention to the patterns above made by the branches and foliage. There seemed to be hundreds of shades of green in this forest. This only made the forgotten detritus of demolished stone stand out worse. Life had moved on and taken over the untamed area that once was a hallowed, sacred space.
She could not help but think of the grand structure of the Jedi Temple. Growing up inside the temple walls, she had always believed the Jedi Order's high prestige was known and respected throughout the galaxy. But her months in the lower levels of Coruscant saw no such greatness or protection. The rest of the capital city was stifled beneath the weight and bloated distinction of Coruscant's upper levels. An obvious ruling class that was physically burying the rest of the city's population beneath them. And there at the very top level was where the "guardians of peace and justice" made their home.
The city's central landmark had a majesty that presided over the people of the capital city as a symbol of what? Was it to glorify their ability to protect others, or was it self-glorification?
In the months after she left the Order, Ahsoka would often wonder if the Jedi ever considered the real difference they could've made had they chosen to build their temple in the bottom levels of the city instead.
But none of that mattered now, though.
Ahsoka began to recall through a series of emotions and images the memories of the grand hallways, the quiet of the Jedi Archives, the lights of the training rooms, the comfort of the living quarters, and the powerful energy of the Jedi council room. All of these would one day be a ruin, buried in layers of time and forgotten.
I need to find out who survived.
Ahsoka hoped she could find answers if anyone else survived Order 66? Knowing that so many others fell, who would train the younglings now?
The younglings!
Ahsoka collapsed under the weight of grief, anger, and agony. Her connection to the Force was crawling under her skin, stinging with pain throughout her whole body.
No. This can't be…
Tears fell without shame from her eyes as she rooted her feet back to the ground to rise back up. With concentrated breath and gritted teeth, she slowly built up her spine one vertebrae at a time as she fought the weight of darkness and a sense of horror.
Innocent lives. They were just children and had done nothing wrong.
Vengeance will not bring them back.
Still, the rage brewing in her was instant. Ahsoka felt the shudder in her neck and shoulders as her jaw clenched. Lips curled in; she wanted to scream, spit out fire, and roar at the whole damn galaxy when she imagined what monster would commit such an unfathomable act of violence.
She wanted to do all those things. Instead, she let it horrify her but not consume her. Again, there was a darkness similar to a bottomless cavern of pain that had clouded her when they first arrived on Splendor. Her connection to the Force was a lifeline that she clung to as the grim shadow invaded her thoughts.
Ahsoka's body was trembling from being so locked up; her muscles flexed with tension. She was still registering the anger and disgust, calling for swift retaliation. She concentrated her focus and stared at a patch of grass that was struggling to sprout through the dirt.
Life. Hope.
Fixated on this one spot, she stayed grounded in her place at the moment.
"Darkness cannot guide my path. I am one with the Force and the Force is with me."
Rex.
She softened at the thought of him. A slight grin formed thinking of last night, his handsome face cradled in her lap as she watched his lips move when he spoke. She thought of how his eyes glowed when he smiled at her now. She closed her eyes and recalled the warmth of his voice when he was close to her skin just before kissing her neck. She wasn't sure if it was a feeling of comfort or safety, but it was calming. Rex was more than just her first love, closest friend, and warrior bound. Now he would always be a beacon that could to guide her back to the moment she fought her last fight in the war for the Republic…and was victorious. As long as the two of them lived, this evil that had murdered so many could never truly claim victory.
She knew leaving Rex behind this morning was what she had to do, but she missed his grounding presence right now. Still, Rex would be furious if he knew about the slaughter at the Jedi Temple. His clone instinct to protect the innocent and vulnerable would have him halfway to battle mode, and she would be the one telling him to stand down for a moment.
"Who did it? Who ordered the younglings to be killed?"
"One who controls the galaxy now."
The voice that answered was masculine, older, distant, yet serene. This spirit is here with her or around her, somewhere. She felt his presence in the Force. Morai circled above, but the man's voice was near. There was a familiarity with his Force presence. One she doesn't remember, but she knows him.
"This murderer? This is the work of Darth Sidious?"
"His apprentice, but yes, by his orders."
"They must be stopped."
"And how will this be acheived? More battles, more war. Isn't that what the Jedi were trying to do all these years? Not much to show for our efforts."
"Our? Then…you are a Jedi?"
"In my mortal life, I was, yes. Now I am just one with the Force. One of many Jedi who have left their mortal bodies. Now they are Jedis in memory only. For as long as anyone will remember if they do at all."
"I remember. I will not forget. I— I want to seek vengeance, but I–"
Ahsoka's emotions were simmering underneath her skin as a singe of heat caused her teeth to clench. She looked out to scope around her and distract her from the painful sensation. She noticed the top of a ruined pediment edging out of the ground. Once the smooth and shaped marble cornice slabs had met at a perfect point, now they were off-center, one side bearing the weight of the other that was crushed and buried into earth and loam.
"You know vengeance is not the way. Balance, Ahsoka. As you have found here. And you have found it here. You opened your heart to love with Rex when tragedy and grief could have consumed you."
The petty embarrassment of how much this spirit knew took her by surprise for a moment. That is until she registered what was just said and the lack of judgment in the man's tone.
"Balance? I certainly do not feel any balance since this massacre of my…," she stopped herself.
"You can say it, your people. Your family. You grew up at the Jedi Temple, Ahsoka. Leaving one place does not erase who you were in the past, you bring it with you in the present, for better or for worse."
"Who are you? Why do you feel so familiar to me?"
"Our connection exists here and now because your presence here has increased your powers, Ahsoka Tano. As a Jedi, I sought out past the acceptable boundaries of the Order. There was always more truth and more knowledge. A Jedi was to have no fear, and yet, the forbidden is only deemed so out of fear. You are now able to commune with me in the Force because of the power here. As you may have realized this place is not simply a moon."
"The Force is very powerful here. It…it reminds me of…."
"Mortis? I was there, with all of you. Obi-Wan and Anakin, they never spoke of your time there again, did they?"
Ahsoka felt as though she was dusting off a lost sentimental treasure from her mind. It was a memory placed in some mental vault for safekeeping but then lost to the frantic day-to-day demands of the war. Recalling it now, she considered all that she, Anakin, and Obi-Wan experienced on Mortis. The significance was lost at the time.
"No. We never spoke of it. Not even to the Council. It's as though…we just dismissed that it ever happened. And I—"
Morai's flight circling above her caught Ahsoka's attention.
"Morai, she was…the Daughter."
The bird gracefully swooped down and took its place on Ahsoka's vambrace.
"You gave your life for me. I'm trying to remember…The Father, The Daughter, and The Son. It all seemed so significant when we were there, but it was as though it never happened once we left," she said.
Qui-Gon responded, "When memories are forgotten, did the experience even happen?"
Ahsoka was familiar with this type of questioning. The contemplative nature of a Jedi was the result of deep philosophical training. Wisdom and compassion for others within a small community are simple and accessible. But to have the same consideration and openness for an entire planet? That was much more challenging.
Whereas Jedi were expected to practice compassion for all living things in an entire galaxy —while also wielding the power of the Force. Jedi needed to expand their perceptions and opinions beyond the narrow scope of their own personal understanding. The individual is limited. Jedi were trained to accept that they were part of something greater.
Once, she was part of something greater, too…until she wasn't anymore. The thought of this never quite settled in her heart right. It was as though some emotional limp from a painful injury healed wrong. She accepted she would live with the invisible scar forever.
"I remember you little one. Master Plo once told me his heart grew tenfold the day he sensed you, Ahsoka. The power in you had a strength and light that was unlike any he had felt. Your sense of good and bravery was so uplifting, he wondered if I had not made a mistake in my conviction for the youngling I had found."
Ahsoka still could not puzzle out who this was. She was done with this bizarre encounter attempting to bring up her past as though it had any idea what she had been through these last few days or even this last year.
"What do you want from me?! I'm here, aren't I?"
"No, you are not here! You were drifting back to your days as a Jedi padawan. We can talk about the Order, your training, your determination to prove yourself over and over again. What good would that do? It is gone now. Would you like to waste precious time reminiscing over days past? Is that what you have become since leaving the Order?
"No. That's not fair. My entire life was devoted to the Jedi Order. I was...," Ahsoka could not stop the hurt that always stung in her chest when she thought of Bariss's betrayal by framing her. But even more hurtful were the actions of the Jedi Council, believing Ahsoka was capable of the Temple bombing.
"Thinking of the past will always leave you falling behind. Where you are now is all that matters."
"To prepare for what is ahead?"
"Wrong again. A future that has not happened. How does one prepare for that?"
Ahsoka reached out to touch one large piece of a broken column. Its once smooth, sturdy stone had stood at an unknown height but now lay in shattered rubble. Its base was strangled in the ground at a falling angle.
The man's voice continued,
"You see what is broken before you. Do you waste time staring at these ruins wondering how or why they got this way? You could. You could do that. Or…you can try to put it back together."
Eyeing the pieces like a puzzle for a moment, Ahsoka assessed the difficulty. She closed her eyes, reached out her hands to allow the energy of the Force to work through her, and lifted all the pieces to hover. Next, she drew in the expanding breath that allowed her body to release an exhaling breath of elevated power. This is when the Force manifests from her as its conduit. As the scattered rubble swirled in a guided dance, the pieces began to pull together to their original columned form. Some pieces were large and jagged around the edges, some as tiny as a pebble. When she attempted to reassemble the pieces, her mind began to play flashes of scenes, unfamiliar to her but familiar to…
"Qui-Gon Jinn? You are Master Qui-Gon Jinn. You were…Obi-Wan's Master, the one who found Anakin. I-I barely remember you."
"I am. Yes, you were quite young. And, yes, I was a Master, but now of none, of nothing."
She sensed his presence grow stronger. She wanted to open her eyes to see him, but she would lose the focus needed to hold the broken pieces together.
"You are rebuilding a ruin. What will hold it all together?'
"The Force…"
"Hmmm…not without you. It won't stay together."
"But you were the one who said I could put it back together?!"
"Your mind is clouded, young one. The lesson is in the learning. What is there to learn from studying ruins or attempting to rebuild what cannot exist again?"
Ahsoka was so close to completing the column ruin. She wanted to finish this one task just to feel like she was still...capable. Always trying to prove herself, but to whom now? A ghost of someone she barely knew? There was no Anakin, Obi-Wan, Master Windu, or the rest of the Council.
She reluctantly recalled her weeks alone in the lower levels of Coruscant, sitting without any purpose.
She knew Qui-Gon was right. Once she had each piece together, what would keep it all there? She had to choose. Does she stubbornly stay there and hold the assembled column in place for the satisfaction of putting it back together? It's not like she could stay there holding this one column's thousands of pieces in place? But if she let go, it would all fall apart and crumble again. Her efforts would be a waste.
She accepted and admitted to the Force spirit, "I must let go."
"Yes. When you understand your choice, you know you are making the right one. As you enter the Temple of The Mother, be wise not to dwell on what happened before. Ask yourself, why are you here now? "
Ahsoka let her connection to the Force subside. The tiny twist of defeat she knew too well irked her as she realized she was still trying to convince the ghosts of her past that their doubt in her innocence was a betrayal that hurt her deeply. But her need for their approval was hurt much worse.
His spirit stood tall over her when she opened her eyes, a hazy form of stardust and light. She suddenly remembered when she met Master Jinn so long ago; she thought he was the tallest human alive. Now in some strange spirit form, she studied his face, robes, energy, and presence in the Force.
"You must begin your training today. Morai will guide you to The Mother."
"The Mother."
Ahsoka still had no notion of who or what was The Mother. She looked over into the midst of the wild forest. The massive trunks of kapoks, banyans, and palms appeared woven together to form some kind of an arboreal gate.
"I see no entrance to a temple at all. Forgive me, Master Jinn, but we just went through this. I cannot rebuild something that is lost."
"No, you can't. But, as you said, you can see what is before you. Look ahead, begin your own path."
Ahsoka closed her eyes and held her breath for a moment. Exhaling out, she opened her eyes and moved to take a step but thought again. It was no hesitation; instead, a sense of farewell and gratitude filled her heart. She looked over where Qui-Gon had stood, and he was gone.
"May the Force be with you, Ahsoka Tano," his voice then disappeared with the wind.
She felt a subtle warm breeze brush against her skin. Then it was gone.
"Thank you, Master Jinn. May the Force…be with you, always."
Ahsoka then took her first step on the unseen path further into the forest. She was determined not to falter in her actions.
The ground began to tremble as she walked. A thunderous rumbling underneath the ground caused Ahsoka to brace her stance. Unphased, maybe more determined, she continued, adjusting her gait as she moved in tandem with the crunching wave-like shifting of ground that would split and reset. It was as though something was waking up, but she sensed no other living beings of any kind.
The vines and dirt that had covered the shattered ruins of columns began to snap and crumble; a new pathway was being outlined directing the now elevated path into the cloud forest. Ahsoka observed the transformation as she leaped when suddenly, the columns rose up fully reassembled and erected once again. This time, it was not Ahsoka holding any of this together. The Force was demonstrating its impressive power, her own seeming small in comparison.
Up ahead, she saw the branches and leaves of the trees shake mightily as it was clear something was uprooting itself from below to rise out of its hidden natural tomb. In her vision, she saw two large White Wroshyr trees grow out of the ground to an impossible height in a matter of seconds. Ahsoka and any padawan of the Jedi Order had studied the archives of the mystical gem bearing majestic trees.
She remembered learning how they had long been extinct. The last one on Kashyyyk was said to have provided the last known precious meriyx gemstone over a millennia ago. Yet here on Splendor, two of these sacred trees stood guard on either side of a small humble stone square structure flanked on either side by the two trees and massive moss-covered boulders. The newly revealed path of mismatched stepping stones had also broken through the surface, snapping roots and knocking over some of the gigantic trees.
The building had some sort of small entrance. As Ahsoka got closer, she deduced that this was not the temple. This was just the entrance.
She finally padded her swift feet to face the small darkened entrance. There was no door, no markings, or symbols. Nothing gave her any indication of what was inside, but she braved every step anyway.
She had let the Force guide her on her own path, and now she stood at the precipice.
Morai swooped down and flew past her, disappearing into the darkened entrance.
And as Ahsoka took a step inside the temple's dark and seemingly empty entrance, she smiled and thought of Rex.
He's okay. He's not alone.
"I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me."
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter Summary: Hoxton gets his Revenge; the four celebrate.
Chapters: 12/?
Fandom: PAYDAY (Video Games)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Relationships: Hoxton | James "Jim" Hoxworth/Wolf
Characters: Wolf (Payday), Hoxton | James "Jim" Hoxworth, Dallas (Payday), Chains (Payday), Sydney | Kelli King (Payday), Clover (Payday), John Wick, Jacket (Hotline Miami), Bain (Payday), Sokol (Payday), Houston | Hoxton, Aldstone (Payday), Solomon Garrett (Payday), Bonnie McGee (Payday), Duke (Payday), Dragan (Payday), Rust | Tom Bishop (Payday), Joy (Payday), Jimmy (Payday), The Rat (Payday)
Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Prison, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trust Issues, Paranoia, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Roommates, There Is Only One Bed, But it makes sense in-universe, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, People-pleasing behaviours, Anxiety, Separation Anxiety, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Bank Robbery, Cuddling & Snuggling, Gun Violence, Grinding, Masturbation, Sleep Groping, Possessive Behavior, heisting, Fake Marriage, Mention of previous partners, Sexism, Sexist Language, Hoxton hates the colour pink because of course he does, Self-Esteem Issues, Body Image, Scars, Burns, Oral Sex, Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Possibly inaccurate descriptions of Georgia, Fair warning: this might be the horniest thing I've ever written, Mile High Club, Creampie, Blood, Face-Fucking, use of the f-slur, Murder
Summary:
Hoxton's prison cell - a small, windowless room for two long and lonely years. When he is given a windowless bedroom at the Safehouse, his closest friend Wolf offers him his room for the night, but the arrangement is not as straight-forward as a simple room-swap.
