Stephen Stills and Peter Tork, early 1960s (screenshot from Peter’s My Generation interview); and later that decade (photos by Michael Ochs Archives, and Nurit Wilde).
“I first saw Peter Tork in Greenwich Village at a coffee house called the Four Winds, which stands on West Third Street, about 25 yards from the subway entrance and about 25 yards from the now-famous Night Owl, birthplace of the now-famous Lovin’ Spoonful. He and I, as well as my roommate, John Hopkins, were all playing the basket houses. Peter played guitar and banjo and sang songs of social import, big, heavy ballads, Phil Ochs’ tunes and occasionally, a show tune. We all met through Peter’s girlfriend, who introduced us at the club. Soon after, we decided to form a trio… Peter, John and myself. I don’t remember if we had a name, or if we did, what it was. We tossed a lot of names around. [...]
Now, Peter has turned to rock and roll. I think it is because he realized that he is just as good a comedian as he is a musician. And he was then. He used to have some phenomenal bits. The best was his basket pitch. Everybody had to have a pitch as to how to tell the people after they had been soaked a dollar and a half for a cup of coffee that they had to drop something in the basket to pay the performer. You see, it was against the law for the coffee houses to pay entertainers because they didn’t have cabaret licenses, which cost a whole lot of money in New York City. There’s always a law in New York City! Anyway, your pitch had to let the people down easy and not make you look like a beggar… it had to be very diplomatic.
Peter’s went like this: There would be a basket at the corner of the stage and Peter would gaze over at it and say, ‘Look at the basket. What is in the basket? A baby? No, more’s the pity! There is nothing in the basket. What goes into the basket has to be provided by you (pointing at the faces in the crowd), because there is a law in New York City…’
Another was: ‘Now, ladies and gentlemen, since there is a law in New York City that says that singers like myself and my cohorts cannot be paid for singing our beautiful songs for you, I am going to come around with my banjo, which is empty (he would tap it to accent the hollow sound) and accept your kind offerings. For those of you who wish to give a dollar, I’ll yell “swish” so everybody will know you’re not a piker!’
Peter has a very active mind.” - Stephen Stills, TeenSet, June 1967
“I can remember the first time I met Peter. For four days beforehand I heard from everyone ‘Hey! Have you seen the kid down the street that looks just like you?!’ And Peter told me later that he heard the same thing for approximately the same amount of time.We finally ran into each other at the Four Winds Cafe and he said to me, ‘Oh, hi! You’re the kid that looks like me!’ And that’s how we met. [...] I liked Peter right away. I thought he was a really nice guy. He was very warm and very open and willing to talk and communicate and so forth. I knew him before I ever saw him perform. But Pete has had a great effect on the way I perform. The way he used to move, the way he used his accent, his whole attitude toward the theater, the entire theater, gave him a great basis from which to work. He never looks past the fact that he’s supposed to be up there: to entertain the people. And every time he got up there he would perform and do his whole number, exuding all the personality he could and he did some marvelous comedy routines. It was mostly by watching him that I picked up some of those things.” - Stephen Stills, Tiger Beat, June 1967
“I did some work accompanying Steve Stills when he was with Ron Long and the Buffalo Fish. I accompanied this black trio called the [Apollas], on the stand-up string bass.” - Peter Tork, Goldmine, May 1982
“Steve was a friend of mine on the Village streets in early ‘60s. He, as a matter of fact, hit town and became instantly known as that guy who looks like Tork, which was my name in those days. And I ran across him on the street. I said, ‘I know who you are. You’re the kid who looks like me.’ He said, ‘I know who you are. You’re the kid I’m supposed to look like.’” - Peter Tork, NPR, June 1983
“The two became friends and began to perform together.” - Los Angeles Times, October 1992
“He was another Greenwich Village folkee in the days when there were a lot of Greenwich Village folkees. He worked there for three years singing and accompanying groups like the Phoenix Singers and he might still be back there today if it weren’t for Steven Stills. The producers of this T.V. show liked Steven Stills fine, his music and everything. Everything except his screen test. He wasn’t, in their words, photogenic enough. So they asked him if he knew anybody who was like him that photographed a little better. Steven Stills told them about this kid in the Village he knew who looked a little like him. Peter Tork. Peter Tork went down and got the part that Steve Stills almost had. Peter Tork became a Monkee.” - San Diego Reader, December 1973
“The first thing I said to the producer, Bob Rafelson, was, ‘If you don’t like me, I know a guy who looks enough like me to be my brother, who’s a better actor and has straight teeth!’ I told Peter about it because I knew he was a better comedian. After he went down for the first interview, I asked how how he felt he did and he said, ‘Well, it looks good. I’ll see how things go.’ And they kept calling him back. He liked Michael Nesmith. That was the first thing that happened. [...] When we’re not playing music or listening to music, we’re usually picking things apart — groups, ideas we hear from people, pieces of music, each other’s brain.
The quality I respect, more than anything else in Peter, is his honesty. More than any person I know, Peter gives of himself. If you have a problem you can always depend on him for some kind of answer or some kind of suggestion, no matter what it is. He doesn’t worry about offending you, because he just wants to be honest. To me, that’s being a true friend.” - Stephen Stills, Tiger Beat, July 1967
“Steve, as you may have heard, was the guy who looked like me on the Greenwich Village streets who later turned me on to the Monkees, because they liked him, but they thought his hair and teeth were not telegenic and, ‘Did he know anybody more telegenic with a 10th of his talent?’ Of course, Stephen had to go on and suffer with Buffalo Springfield and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. [laughs] Of course, two or three times, Stephen didn’t know which way to turn sometimes, and I was able to offer him my hospitality. When I had the big house, he came up, and for a while, I vacated the big house, and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young were staying there. The Stones stayed there for a week once, under Stephen’s aegis. He had them come over, and I think he cleared out for a week while they stayed there. That was pretty cool.” - Peter Tork, Rolling Stone, 2007; published 2019
“Stephen Stills and I have been pals for years and years.” - Peter Tork, The Daytona Beach News-Journal, October 2009
The Jola Moon (A Rexsoka FanFic) - Chapter 14: MEHT DU MEHT
Summary: Ahsoka's journey into the Temple of the Mother reveals more than she expected.
Warnings: None. (The smut will return soon, friends. Let this plot edge you in the meantime.)
Click to READ on AO3
A/N: Canon disclaimer JUST GO WITH IT XD. Translations at the end.
LUV 2 ALL THE CREW IN THE SHEBBY DEBBIES DISCORD: THIRSTY GOOD GIRL HOURS ARE 24/7- Love you so much!
Chapter 14: MEHT DU MEHT
Ahsoka's feet were careful and steady. The air in the cave gave her skin a chill that crawled up her spine and caused her to shudder. Soon the shivers turned into an anxious warmth pitted in her chest. The swift temperature change was a strange warning to expect the unexpected with the task ahead of her.
As she cautiously descended the broad stone steps, she tried her best to observe the construction of this so-called ancient temple. The impressive cavernous space seemed to have an endless winding descent and gave no clues as to where it would conclude.
No grand architectural design informed her who or what had made this place. The steps were uneven in certain stretches and could either be small cliffs to hop down or a slick ramp with no forgiveness for the uncoordinated.
Ahsoka looked for intricately detailed carvings along the pathway but only saw naturally formed veins, cracks, and splits that were no doubt created by the weathering of time.
The stone walls and uneven ceiling were not painted, gilded, or marked in any decorative way by sentient hands. Eyeing the captivating patterns of discoloration along the walls, she concluded it was simply the combination of existing elements responsible for the composite layers of red, orange, yellow, and grey.
Ahsoka took measured breaths to focus and allow the Force to communicate the unseen energy of her surroundings.
It was unusual for her to be moving at such a calculated pace.
When commanding the 501st, she had never wanted to seem timid or afraid. Throughout the war, Ahsoka was usually the first to fearlessly head into unknown and possibly dangerous places. Anakin had been the only person that would lead before her: assuming Skywalker could rein her in to follow behind him, that is. They certainly shared the common trait of scoffing at the nerve of danger for even trying to intimidate them.
Something in her was now more mindful and patient in her strategic approach.
She thought of Obi-Wan. She felt no dread or sense of loss when she reached out to the Force to sense for Master Kenobi.
Instead, she was shocked when she registered his presence in the Force. He was alive.
Could he—Could he have escaped? If he was with Commander Cody? That would mean—oh no.
Ahsoka was reminded again of Rex's DC-17s pointed at her and the choice she had to make at that moment. In half a breath, she had to evade certain death, find out what was happening and what she could do to save Rex.
Escaping alone was not an option she had even considered.
And even though she now knew about the inhibitor chips and Darth Sidious's full scheme, she had to ask herself,
What did Obi-Wan know?
They'd last spoken via comm amid the siege mission on Mandalore. Obi-Wan had only told her about Anakin's surveillance assignment as ordered by the Jedi Council.
Their last words exchanged were proof of the familial bond that they shared,
"When you see Anakin, tell him—"
"—I will."
Then, as if she accidentally stumbled on an unseen door, she connected with Obi-Wan's presence in the Force. She stopped for a moment. Realizing that Morai would not wait, Ahsoka attempted to continue walking down the path as she simultaneously explored her unexpected connection to Obi-Wan's signature.
When she concentrated further on the connection, she sensed sadness and defeat deep within him. That was new and very unlike Kenobi. She could tell he was cradling these emotions in his heart, soothing them to be at peace. He was focused and determined to remain unbothered, but she chose to reach out anyway.
Master? You're alive?
Master Kenobi, I don't know where you are?
I can sense you, even though I'm not sure how.
Ahsoka waited for a response.
Obi-Wan, can you sense me?
Her earlier encounter with Qui-Gon's spirit had done much more than prepare her for entering the Temple of The Mother. It seemed to bridge a lost connection between her Master and Padawan lineage. The power of Splendor allowed Ahsoka to strengthen her awareness of her former master's master in the Force.
Obi-Wan, I know you can hear me. Your Master, Qui-Gon Jin, visited me. His spirit lives in the Force, and he somehow spoke to me. Please, I know you're there...
Then, beginning at a whisper in her mind, Kenobi's presence was connected to hers in the Force,
Ahsoka? It…it is you.
I sense…that you are…you are safe.
Master! Yes. I'm safe.
Rex and I both escaped.
Rex? You—?
I see. Good.
I'm— I'm glad to hear it.
We're alright for now.
I was able to remove Rex's inhibitor chip.
The rest of our legion…I couldn't…
Inhibitor chip? Yes.
Then Order 66 was connected.
The ARC Trooper, Fives…
Ahsoka realized Kenobi had not yet figured out why the clones had turned on them until this moment. The regret in Kenobi's emotions was heavy, painful even.
He was an excellent soldier.
And we didn't listen to him.
Master, where are you?
Rex and I will come and find you.
No.
Be where you are, my friend.
You must not try to find me.
For our safety…and for theirs.
Theirs? I don't understand.
Whose safety?
Ahsoka. I'm sorry.
For all of it, everything.
We failed before.
We cannot this time.
Obi-Wan, please. Rex and I will find you
I think Master Yoda—
No. No, Ahsoka. It's over.
His voice was firm. The tone of authority he rarely used with her but regularly used with Anakin added an extra tinge of pain in her heart.
We must stay apart.
Our paths must never meet. Even like this…in the Force.
You have found your way on your own before.
You must do so again.
But I'm not alone, though—
—I know. I sense the love in your heart.
And…
I am glad for you both.
Truly. I knew that feeling once, Ahsoka.
It was...extraordinary at the time...so long ago.
Master Kenobi? You…
You haven't mentioned Anakin…
She felt Obi-Wan's hesitation. The initial reluctance and despair. She knew what was coming.
Anakin.
He is gone, Ahsoka. Anakin is gone.
No! No, no, no…
She choked on the words with a fierce denial, her gut twisting in pain at the mention of his name, and the burning sensations began coursing through her whole body just as they did before.
Master, I sensed him before Order 66.
Then the loss of the other Jedi was all I could feel.
Tell me what happened.
How do you know?
At the Temple, Anakin…he—
Ahsoka, I tried. Please know I tried.
I know he's gone because…I watched him die.
Ahsoka felt all the air leave her chest and what took its place was a paralyzing agony. The reality that Anakin was gone was one she had to accept. Of all the death and loss from order 66, Anakin's death never felt…possible. She knew what she sensed in the moments before Sidious's order activated the clones' inhibitor chips. Still, after that moment, it had been impossible to be sure.
She stopped in her tracks. She could not physically move one more step. Bracing her hand against the cold, damp stone walls of the cave's tunneled path, Ahsoka willed herself to continue standing upright and not collapse. Her other hand massaged her forehead as she struggled to maintain her connection to Kenobi.
Her heart was already broken with grief when her next thought shattered the pieces to dust,
"I'll have to tell Rex," she spoke out loud.
By now, Morai had stopped her flight and hovered for a moment. She then turned back and carefully perched on Ahsoka's shoulder. The gentle squeeze of Morai's paws on her shoulder caused Ahsoka's concentration to break.
We must continue.
"Morai, I don't think I can."
Either now or later, you will move on. It is the only way to grieve your loss. You must continue.
Ahsoka held her stance, unable to move. Her stubbornness wasn't intentional; she honestly did not know how to move on from the devastating information Kenobi had just given to her.
"He's gone," the revelation only fully sunk in when she heard herself say the words out loud.
Right now, she did not even have the will to fight the feelings causing her to cry shamelessly and be furious at herself for sobbing like this. Frustration and helplessness were not emotions that Ahsoka sat in for any length of time. Her Jedi training had taught her to search her feelings but always be stronger than such emotions.
But this? This was too much to bear.
"He's gone. And…I have no sense of anything connected to Anakin. How could I have not felt this? Why didn't I sense his death?!"
If she took one more step, as Morai had told her, she felt she would deny the grief owed to Anakin's death. If she stayed still in the sorrow or, worse instead, retreated from the task ahead of her, she would be submitting to the suffering that inevitably always comes with attachments, with love. She had chosen to move on and walked away from Anakin before. This time it did not feel like her choice, and she understood that is where the pain was rooted. To have power and still be powerless.
And then Kenobi connected with her one last time,
You came to be the best of us, Ahsoka.
You are much more than a Jedi.
Master? Obi-Wan, don't leave.
You, of all people, should understand
that one would need some time alone.
And it appears your time away helped
you see things...more clearly.
I understand.
May the Force be with you, Ahsoka Tano.
Always.
Then he was gone.
Obi-Wan and Anakin had been part of the closest thing to family that she had known.
But now, Skywalker was gone forever with a simple statement, and Kenobi had just shut her (or the galaxy out.) In her heart, she felt the pain of a gate closed, a vault locked, and the hollow remainder of empty blank nothing.
Shall we continue? The Mother awaits…
Morai's words cleared her mind again, and Ahsoka gauged where she stood.
Maybe she had no sense of what had happened to Anakin, but she did have the legacy of his training. He would want her to move on.
This is how she would mourn Anakin Skywalker right now. She would move on and return to Rex after her task. She did not have to grieve alone. Neither should Rex.
So she allowed the emptiness, the present void of Anakin Skywalker, to be filled with the knowledge and experience he had given her as his padawan learner.
The quiet and solitude soon became so clear it resulted in a powerful attunement. Her connection to the Force strengthened as it radiated in her blood. Ahsoka registered the physical manifestation. Her skin felt like it was glowing, but it was not. Her heart's rhythm felt more robust, but it was steady. She heard the energy blend and move within her breaths, in and out.
Something powerful was happening to her down here.
As she continued to descend, she felt as though she was inside a place of protection. She was connected to this place but did not feel confined by her surroundings. Her strength could grow, and the power of the Force would grow around her like a womb.
This was like no other temple she had ever encountered.
The distinct rhythm of her boots' steady gait echoed through the eerie silence. The only other sounds were the flapping of Morai's wings and the subtle drops of condensation falling from the cavernous ceiling.
Morai's body gave off a soft green glow that emanated enough light for Ahsoka to navigate the few meters ahead. From the subtle green glow, she noticed the stone was porous, almost poxed from a worn, forgotten existence.
There was a smell, not unpleasant, but certainly not floral or sweet. Instead, it smelled of the sea, much like the scent of salt that lingers on skin and clothing after being near the ocean.
The ocean...
Her memories reached back to the Battle of Mon Cala. She faced those moments of danger and adversity alongside Prince (now King) Lee-Char. Her mind was recalling the experience of fighting a battle underwater. It wasn't long ago, yet it seemed like her experience acting as a military advisor to the young Prince belonged to someone else. Was that really her? Thousands of meters below the surface fighting off Quarren enemies and Separatists alike.
As a Jedi Padawan, Ahsoka had been willing to do whatever the Jedi council asked of her and more. Many times, the Jedi Masters spoke to her as though she was too naive, too confident, too sure of herself. But if that were the case, why had she always been determined to prove her worth as a Jedi? Had she not been good enough, or was she simply too much?
Morai suddenly turned her flight around and headed back towards Ahsoka. She was practically flying head-on towards her.
"Hey! Wha-what are you doing?!" Ahsoka exclaimed.
"If you would like to go back and dwell in your past, we can turn around now," Morai’s commanded. Her stern tone contrasted with the innocent blank expression of the small bird.
"That's not fair, Morai. You know, I should be allowed my own thoughts. I can't help if my mind wanders while we head down this never-ending cave."
"You can help it! You must stay focused on what is ahead. Getting to your destination is sometimes the greatest lesson you will learn."
"I can't see anything. And I am trusting the Force. Usually, I would have a lightsaber, at least in places like this. Or I could prepare and bring something to light the path.
Morai huffed in response and turned back to keep going forward.
"The Jedi may have given you some training but not all of the wisdom of the Force. Your senses, especially as a Togruta, allow you to navigate where you are going without reliance on outside tools or tricks of technology."
"I understand,” Ashoka replied, “the lesson here is: when my mind only focuses on the past, I cannot move forward."
"Yes, but why? You must acknowledge where you are. How brief and small each step is, and likely, you may never take these steps again.” Morai’s voice grew distant as the bird flew ahead of her but still continued.
Ahsoka moved to keep up with her guide and not miss another word.
“Be aware of where you are, Ahsoka Tano…and beware of thoughts that return you to shadows of a past behind you. In those shadows, darkness exists because you are the one who blocks out the light."
Ahsoka understood. It was a simple concept, child's play, really. Yet, as she got older, what was wrong or right became more complicated. Before the tragedy, the living nightmare that was Order 66 and their escape from The Tribunal resulted in giving her these few days on Jola with Rex. Without such a loss, she never could have gained the impossible occurrence of her and Rex bound in love and partnership.
There is always light in the darkness.
Without realizing it, she had reached the final steps. A glow emanated from behind the walls of the tunneled path into another chamber. Morai had flown ahead, and now Ahsoka followed the glow of whatever light was reaching down this far.
As she entered the largest chamber of the cavern, the breathtaking view of a natural opening in the rock ceiling above allowed a powerful beam of light from the Jola Star to fill the grand space.
In the center, Ahsoka saw an altar (if one could call it that.) Above a large clearing was a canopy of giant ribbon vines that were as thin as sheer fabric. There were no trusses, beams, or ropes holding up the vines of the canopy. Eternally suspended in the air by the Force, the simple but impressive natural decoration made it clear that some Force presence was here. The colors of the vines blended and bled in rhythmic patterns, creating a kaleidoscope effect over the altar's centerpiece: a large, empty dirt and stone platform that served as a kind of pedestal.
The platform, if one could call it even that, wasn't very tall, barely two meters high. Ahsoka stood watching the colors weave and dance to an unknown rhythm as she patiently tempered her usual precocious curiosity. She looked to Morai to confirm this was their final destination and found no response. Instead, Morai had perched herself atop a small alcove carved in the stone wall. The little green guide seemed to pass the time by preening her soft green and white feathers.
"I'm guessing we are here?"
Morai looked up briefly to acknowledge she heard but said nothing and resumed her activity.
"Well, then. Here is as good a place to meditate as any. And with all that I learned, I might as well make use of the time."
Ahsoka lowered herself to her kneeling position for meditation. She took one cleansing breath, eyes open. Then one more, eyes closed. She then squinted an eye to peek at Morai, who seemed determined to continue ignoring Ahsoka as they waited.
"You know, Morai, I'm thinking one reason you can't tell me who made this place…."
Morai then stopped her preening. Her little squat body perked up when her eyes darted overlook at Ahsoka, now grinning with eyes closed.
"...is because you don't actually know either."
The little convor's body huffed at the assumption as the feathers of its flapping wings ruffled. Ahsoka did not need to see the small temper tantrum to know it must have looked adorable. She gave a small chuckle at the feeling of Morai's indignation.
"So, it's true. You need me here as much as I need you. A guide with no one to guide is—"
"—wandering. Alone."
Morai completed the statement with a serious tone. Ahsoka understood the message. The entirety of her connection with the Force spirit gave its life to preserve hers.
"You've been waiting for me? But everything that's happened, with the Order, Trace and Rafa, Mandalore? What if I had never come here with Rex?" Ahsoka asked.
"But these things did happen. You have survived. You are here. You must look forward, Ahsoka Tano. I have waited in the world between the worlds, in the realm between the Living and Cosmic Force. I knew not when you would arrive nor how, but you were destined to be here."
Ahsoka processed all the seemingly random choices and decisions that had led her to this moment.
"Then that means? Our journeys are connected."
Ahsoka felt a slight pulsing in the Force. This was a new feeling. The sensation started small, a slight vibration at the base of her montrals. It began to travel quickly, and the pulsing continued to build to an impressive and intimidating rhythm. She held her kneeling position, her focus allowing the new sensation of the Force to build within her.
She then felt the ground beneath her shift and move with the Force. Like when she flew the Y-wing, Ahsoka had to resist opening her eyes to see what was happening. She didn't need to see with her eyes. She needed to feel deep within her connection to the Force. There was the growing pulse of energy, followed by an ominous rumbling, the sounds of cracks and rocks splitting the dirt open.
She maintained her focus in her meditative state, waiting for the arrival of whatever was buried further down in the moon's core.
"Ahsoka. Och ki mi sa och"
That was Togruti, her mother tongue. Ahsoka recited the words to herself to recall the meaning,
"Och ki mi sa och," the voice repeated.
“See…that which I cannot see?”
"Ahsoka e' Jedi…."
The haunting sound echoed as Ahsoka felt the well of emotions overflow and spill out onto the stone and dirt ground. These weren't just tears of sadness; she was experiencing the full sobs of loss, a mother's sacrifice of letting go. Her mother's gift of letting her go.
The voice called out again.
"…a Jedi…"
This anguish was similar to her loss as each Jedi was struck down and plagued the Force with dread and dark despair. Somehow this was a sharper pain. The specific knowledge of knowing your child will not know your love, will forget your face, and one day, have no idea how much you meant to them.
A loss that leads to a greater purpose: Sacrifice.
"…e' Jedi…"
"Stop!" Ahsoka muttered through clenched teeth. Her sadness and sobs swirled and dazed her concentration.
Ahsoka's uneasy regret over leaving the Jedi Order brought about immense guilt. She had kept these emotions hidden, convincing herself she had made the right choice. Only here on Splendor, and only to Rex, had she finally revealed her lonely convictions regarding walking away from the only life she had ever known. And even then, she wasn't sure he would ever really understand.
She had to face yet another difficult admission:
All that her mother sacrificed by letting her go, in the end, was for naught,
"I am no Jedi," she choked on the words that came out barely audible.
"…Ahsoka e' Jedi…."
She broke her concentration and threw back her head, letting the tears fall from her eyes that were shut tight. Ahsoka finally let out a wail of emotion,
"I AM NO LONGER A JEDI!"
Ahsoka fell forward with grief, collapsing over her meditative kneeling position. Again, she found herself in the same position she had been in as she cried in front of Rex in the hangar. She may have been upset about R7, but those tears were not about leaving her beloved droid behind. Like Rex, Ahsoka was capable of hiding from emotions that were just too difficult to face. The sadness, exhaustion, and frustration from trying to make everything right and good took their toll. She now whimpered into the ground,
"I'm...no longer a Jedi,” her lips were quivering out the confession.
The temperature in the cave snapped to a freezing cold when the next voice, different from the one that spoke before.
"The Jedi are no longer," claimed the wicked voice, shrill and venomous as it cackled with perverse joy.
Ahsoka gasped as the chill ran down her spine, and her muscles tensed to tremors. She wanted to block it out and run. Fear settled in her chest, heavy as sand, then a dizzying barrage of familiar voices swirled in her mind.
"I will not take the blame for something I didn't do!"
"Do not try to fly around them…."
"You're reckless, little one…The Jedi Order is your life! "I understand wanting to walk away…."
"C'mon, Tano!…you got this, Ahsoka."
"Leave everything else behind while we still can!"
"I'm here, okay? I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere."
"There is good in him…."
"When I look at you, who you are, Ahsoka Tano,
I know it exists."
"I am suggesting that perhaps if you have trained her well,
she shall take care of herself. And find a way back to you."
"Even if you have to leave me …again."
She thought she recognized the voices of Anakin and Padme. Maybe Master Plo? Still, she could not make sense of some of what they were saying. But of all of them, Rex's voice was clear and reassuring, reminding her who she is today. And that his love for her and her equal love for him is part of her now.
She sat in heavy silence. Only the sound of her breathing filled the space.
Until she heard the voice that spoke in Togruti repeat the words again,
"Och ki mi sa och."
Ahsoka nodded. She understood what it meant, even though she never had the chance to learn her mother tongue,
"See what you cannot see."
Ahsoka opened her eyes to the warmth and comfort of the voice. Her head tilted curiously when she saw a tiny sprout burst through the ground. She paused her breathing without realizing it, and the growth stopped. She then again inhaled and exhaled.
It grew.
She breathed again. Inhale. Exhale.
Taller now, the sprout was widening, forcing its way through the stone pedestal, climbing taller, branching, and reaching as it continued to grow.
Ahsoka made sure to allow her breathing to steady. Her mind cleared away memories and past moments. She focused on what was growing right in front of her.
Now the mystical emergence of the fully grown and massive tree dominated as the central focus in the cave. The wood pulsing with life from the Force that had instantaneously achieved the impossible by accelerating the life cycle right before her eyes.
This was no mirage. Ahsoka's senses were heightened as she knelt before the tree. Her montrals registered each creek and gnarled twist and stretch as the branches reached toward the light, air, and nourishment. The tree's bark wafted through the air, a scent that triggered Ahsoka's memory, unearthing something she believed was lost to time.
The smell of home. The scent of her mother.
Though the memory may have been small and faint, its effect was compelling. Ahsoka narrowed her concentration, allowing the combination of sense and memory to be at the forefront of her mind. The other worries and thoughts in her mind were now subdued. They bowed in this new memory's presence, giving deference and biddability to the long-lost treasure.
She inhaled the smell of weeping jasmine, teroli spice, and endless fields of turu grass,
"Meht."
The word had been her first. And though she had not spoken it in almost fifteen years, it easily came to her as though no time had passed. Mother.
With her eyes closed to enhance her sense-memory, Ahsoka recalled the hazy memory. It was her point of view while comfortably pressed against the warmth of her mother's chest, wrapped in the carrier for one of their walks. Ahsoka's mother, Pav-Ti Tano, would talk and sing to her. Pav-Ti's heartbeat and sweet softness soothed Ahsoka when her mother's voice vibrations hummed in her montrals.
When she was ready, Ahsoka opened her eyes to a shocking sight. The now enormous tree crowded the cavern's once empty space. The suspended display of vines that seemed to float without purpose now naturally decorated the imposing structure. The branches had wound themselves through the colorful, sheer tendrils and tangles easily as though they had been waiting to be intertwined all along. The changing colors were more vibrant, glowing, and reflecting color off the dark wood.
Ahsoka found herself mesmerized by the puzzling result of this entangled dance of wood and vine. As she looked across the broad and truly impressive display, her eyes caught the significant reveal at the base of the trunk.
In a moment, her breath seized.
Of all the wonders and oddities Ahsoka had seen in the galaxy, she had never seen something that struck her with awe so suddenly that her eyes teared up.
The roots and base of the trunk had contorted to form a grand throne of gnarled wood. There, in the seat of the enormous throne, was an equally enormous Marg Sable flower. A flower only found on Shili. The revered flower was used in ceremonies and medicines and was considered sacred to the Togrutan culture.
The teardrop-shaped petals' red and purple blended colors were highlighted with orange and yellow markings. The signatures of marg sables repeated on each petal, but no two flowers' designs were alike. Togrutans believed their species was the gift of life given by the marg sable flower. Essentially, their living flesh was made whole by the Great Gardeners, the gods, Yau and Boshk, of Life and Growth. Her memories of reading about the ancient tales late one night with Master Jocasta also reminded her of another Togrutan belief concerning the marg sable.
Because a marg sable could not be grown outside of Shili, not even on Kiros, the Togruta believed only misfortune came for those Togrutans who left their home planet.
“And yet, here we both are, my little one. Du tazi unt. Du tunguma’s tunguma.”
A voice from the flower spoke. A soft, calming female voice simultaneously filled Ahsoka's mind and the cave's empty space. She quickly wiped the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes to be sure she was awake, sane, present, anything to be sure she was not dreaming.
"Du tun—? Tungama means… I don't remember…," Ahsoka confessed.
"Daughter. Du tunguma's tunguma. You are my daughter's daughter," the voice replied.
The words were expressed by a glow emanating from the marked petals of the regal flower before her. Ahsoka choked at the realization that this was the voice of—"
"Zi-Shika Tano. I am your grandmother. All these years, from afar, I have sensed your growth in the Force, your training, your courage, and your resolve. You have led a dangerous and full life, tazi unt, and I have always been proud to know you were of my line."
Ahsoka's reaction was silent with the loudest of thoughts clamoring in her mind.
Where does she even begin?
She never knew her mother, let alone her grandmother. There was an entire history of herself that she had lived without, and initially, not by her choice. She certainly never dwelt on such lost ancestry if she was honest with herself. That was not the Jedi way. The Jedi had been her family…until they weren't.
"I am an unexpected presence. You have come to seek your tasks and learn of The Mother."
Zi-Shika's statement reminded Ahsoka's present: where she was, why she was here, and what she was meant to do next had more importance than lost history. Still, she could not help the sentimental streak of curiosity.
"Meht du meht, how are you speaking to me, Zi-Shika? The flower, a marg sable? They cannot grow anywhere except Shili. And you…you can—or could wield the Force?"
"My spirit lives eternally in the Force. The Jedi long avoided the practice. But I am no Jedi. From a young age, I hid my abilities to remain with our people. On Shili, I had heard tales and seen others being taken away. They left our planet, usually never to be seen again. That was not an option for me. So I masked my power of healing with our medicines and rituals. I listened to the Force in deep meditation, learned what I could on my own."
"But without the Jedi to train you?" Ahsoka asked.
"Train me for what purpose? To what end, child? I did not need to be trained with weapons, a saber, acrobatics, or to take on the political burdens of entire systems. I belonged here. Mindfulness was a power that allowed me to maintain my connection. And so, I lived my life on Shili like any other Togruta. The most challenging was my sense of foresight. You have this gift, too, I know. Weakened though. Your need to respond immediately to such visions clouds their meaning. I found that I should keep my visions to myself. Unless someone asked, I would not say what I knew. As you know, visions can sometimes be unclear or misleading. Many times, my visions were of things I did not understand. Beings I had never met. But the most important vision I had was when I was a young girl, to young even to take a warrior. Just a small child. I had a vision of you."
"Me?"
"Yes. You were leaning over a man, a man with millions of souls. Your heart was open and focused. Your well-being was in danger but safe and secure. But your connection to the Force? It was truly powerful and strong. The scene around you was crashing, burning, filled with violence. Yet, you were calm with devotion, care, and love. The Force flowed so freely between you two. You summoned, he returned. You were one with the Force. Truly one. Then my vision was you chasing clouds. Running water. Then…freedom. Yes, hmmm, it was freedom. A light in the darkest of nights. An exhausting and long night that would overtake the galaxy."
Ahsoka's eyes were tearing up again. Never in her life as a Jedi had she allowed herself the broad freedom to just…cry. Small sentimental tears, heaving sobs of grief? These were things Ahsoka rarely allowed herself to experience without limit. Her Jedi training did not forbid such expressions. Instead, she was always instructed to acknowledge such feelings and burdens that can cloud judgment. Now, crying in this temple, she wasn't sure if she was confessing or declaring. She just knew it felt right to let her tears flow.
"I am sorry that I never knew you. That I know nothing of my mother. I-I— This was not at all what I expected to find."
"You expected another mission? Direct orders? Answers to solve the problem and save the galaxy?"
"That's all I have ever known. Without that life, I felt lost and—"
"Invisible. Unknown."
"Yes."
"And with your Captain, this young man who you have taken as your warrior? Do you feel unknown and invisible?"
"No. Not at all. The complete opposite actually."
Ahsoka was taken aback. Not only by the revelation that when Rex looked at her, he saw all of her. He respected, adored, and loved her—even before they had become more than friends.
"You see, tazi unt. I did not know which of my daughters would bear this special child in my vision. But I knew I needed to be here. I could not leave. The Jedi would not have me the older I aged anyway," her gentle voice grew weary at the next revelation, "By the time I had that significant vision of you, I was hiding my abilities from every Togruta I knew, even my own family,"
Ahsoka had remained in her meditative position even though it no longer felt like she was in deep meditation. Hearing the change in Zi-Shika's voice, she realized the conversation with her grandmother's voice flowed easily, as though they had always known each other.
Ahsoka decided to stand up and approach the seat of the great flower. Perhaps as an instinct to give comfort, though she had no idea how to comfort a flower, its mysterious voice, or Force spirit.
"I know that Togruta never truly accepted those born with Force sensitivity. The few conversations I had with Master Shaak Ti made that very clear. The idea of an individual with powers stronger than an entire clan united was dangerous."
Ahsoka was now seated on a root that laid just below where the marg sable remained. There in the colored light that basked from the cave's opening, she looked to the source of her grandmother's voice. Like a wide-eyed child fixated in awe at the loving adult who enraptured their attention, Ahsoka even allowed herself to lean her montrals into the tree for comfort.
"Yes. Shaak Ti's departure was an especially sad time. Her mother died giving birth to her. They had been a prominent clan, but with only four warriors and few children. Their grief and shock were quite painful to all. Grief is unavoidable and takes many forms when it arrives. Shaak Ti had been a lonely child from the beginning and was put in the care of other clans, even ours. By the time she was barely a year old, it was impossible to not notice her abilities."
"Shaak Ti was a revered Jedi Master and General, but she would have spells of melancholy. Master Jocasta once told me these spells worsened after she returned from a diplomatic visit to Shili."
"Yes, she thought if she could complete an Aruk hunt and show the elders that Togruta Jedi were just like other Togruta. She hoped to change ancient cultural reservations regarding those of us who are Force-sensitive. Our world and the Togruta ways are as old as the Jedi. Not as violently stubborn as, say, the Mandalorians, of course, but stubborn in the protectiveness of our people and community."
"I had wondered if Rex and I should leave here and perhaps go to Shili, perhaps they would help hide us. But, I'm guessing that plan won't work."
"Your Captain Rex, clone or not, as a human, he would never be accepted by Togruta men. And now, as you are eighteen, many years past your initial warrior binding days—"
Ahsoka quickly stood up. The shock of realization hit her.
"Eighteen? Did I? I-I-missed my Life Day again?"
She didn't know why, whether it was appropriate or not, but some wild instinct in her climbed the tree and settled on a lower branch. Her energy was restless again when she realized she had lost track of days, weeks, months, and another year of life. Again.
The day of a Jedi's birth and aging was more for calculations than celebrations. Records needed to be accurate with so many different species born from various systems living at the Jedi Temple.
"I missed it last year because of everything that happened with the bombing, the trial and the Jedi Council. And now I've missed it again! I just hadn't even thought of it when Bo Katan and I were trying to— oh. My birthday was…,"
Ahsoka gasped as a chill ran down her spine when she recalled,
"The last time I saw him was before the 332nd departed for Mandalore."
Anakin.
My lightsabers were my Life Day gift.
She let the tears well up and flow freely as she curled herself to lean against the tree.
It was Anakin who told her about his Life Day celebrations on Tatooine. How his mother would make a special meal with what they had and some small present (usually a junk set of parts or rusted tools) for him. He thought his mother was just trying to make him feel better in their situation. And he would do his best to do the same for her on her Life Day. His meals were terrible, his gifts even worse. But seeing her smile was worth the effort. He said he never forgot his birthday or hers. Skywalker never forgot his mother.
Ahsoka remembered the strong, conflicted emotions in his Force presence when he told her these things. She could not tell if it was anger or love when Skywalker spoke of his mother. She only remembered looking at him with compassion as he told her his mother made sure to tell him every year how special he was to her, and that she would always be proud of him because she was proud to be his mother.
The memory drifted in like a fog of vision.
When Anakin gave Ahsoka that first gift, a small jogan fruit cake he took from the kitchens, she laughed at his strange, kind gesture. She also saw how much it meant to him to share this ritual with someone. The celebration of one's life, beginning with their birth, and in some ways…a celebration of their mother. He never asked her if she remembered her mother. He already knew the answer.
"Your birth is worth celebrating, Ahsoka. I know you don't remember your ceremonies of life that were had on Shili," Zi-Shika's kind voice brought Ahsoka back from that day with Anakin in the Temple courtyard.
"No, I don't remember. I wish I did." Ahsoka now had her lean body lying along the branch. Her fingertips traced the grooved lines of time that had worn into the tree.
As the colored lights from the vines danced over the wood, Ahoska's faint memory of the feast and celebration of her mother's binding ceremony once again returned to her.
"Zi-Shika? I do remember some things. I remembered one of my mother's binding ceremonies. I was so little so I only remember being happy that everyone was…happy. But, I don't remember who my father was and if he even knew me.."
"Oh yes. Sa khos…your father. You were Pav-Ti's fifth born child with her first chosen warrior, Tavraas Dar."
“Tavraas…Dar. Tavraas Dar.”
Ashoka had hoped that something would come to mind by saying his name aloud.
Nothing.
She still had no memory of her father, only the faintest memories of her mother and siblings. The frustration she presently felt was new and troubling. Having had no reason to think of her family before, Ahsoka was allowing herself to acknowledge this significant missing piece of who she was. She may never reconnect with her family, even though the Jedi Order's well-intentioned policy of complete familial detachment was now gone.
She sat up on the sturdy branch, eased her body to stand, and climbed back down to the great flower's wooden throne.
Zi-Shika assured her, "I sense you feel as blank and confused as when I first greeted you here. Tell me your confusion, tazi unt.”
"It is strange to know that my mother and father, our whole family I have never known, are alive on Shili. And all this information about my past? I was told by another Force spirit and Morai to not dwell on what cannot be changed. Yet, all we have spoken about is my family history? What does this have to do with this moon, Splendor, the Jola star system, or The Mother?"
Ahsoka wished that she could actually see her grandmother the way Qui Gon Jin had appeared to her. She should have expected that none of this would be straightforward, but her patience was withering from the shock of so much information.
“Zi-Shika, meht du meht. Since I entered this cave— this temple…I have learned that I have no family. My Jedi master is gone, and those Jedis that remain are in hiding; our lives are in danger. Then I'm asked to reflect on the Togruta family I never knew. But I must learn to accept that they have always been part of me? Meht du meht, I honestly don’t think I can cry anymore today."
Ahsoka faced the seated flower. Not wanting to seem flippant, she still bowed her head with respect. She knew she was speaking with a weary and tired heart as she continued,
"I don't know if it's the Togruta part of me that longs to have a clan or tribe of my own or if it's because I was raised at the Jedi Temple, where what made me different gave me a sense of belonging, but I…I… don't know how to just…give up. I know that the Force exists on this moon in a way that I have never felt before, but I still don't know who or what is The Mother?"
"Tazi unt, you know I am not The Mother you seek. I am a channel of the Force. My physical body passed many years ago, tunguma du tunguma. My spirit comes to you as a voice to speak what you need to hear. My spirit is one with the Force, which lives in all things, including you. These things, you know, Ahsoka. I did not create this flower, this tree, or dirt. I did not create my being that was given to me to live as I chose. That was given to me by—"
"—your mother. Each mother gives a part of her life to bring in a new one. A part of them lives in all those descendants that come after."
"Simple, yes? But a more complicated question is why does the Force live in all things?"
"The Force is…a Mother? The Mother."
Ahsoka looked up at the flower, the tree that had grown rapidly before her eyes, and the cave around her with colored light and pulsing Force energy. She began to connect with what was around her. This was not a temple of worship, but this place was sacred. The being she was seeking had been part of her life all along. But today, she realized she stood at the point of origin of all life in the galaxy.
"Then...Splendor is not a moon. The Force came to being here. This place is the womb."
"Yes, and once it came into being, like any other child, it leaves the womb, grows in size and strength, gives and takes, finds and loses balance, creates, and destroys,” Zi-Shika replied.
Ahsoka then asked, "On Mortis, the Father spoke of this duality and balance. But I don't understand if this was the womb, why did they live on Mortis?”
"One must leave the womb to go live their life. The Mother made the being, the First Acolyte, called The Father, to balance all existence. The Son and Daughter were made to be the acolytes of each eternal opposing side, beginning with the darkness of nothing and the light of everything. They grew and evolved, just as children do. Although the physical distance was far from the one who gave them life, the Force was always with them."
"The Mother is the origin of The Force. I am one with The Force, and the Force is with me."
Ahsoka felt a soothing calm in her connection to the Force. Tranquil and quiet, she embraced the feeling with the realization that her grandmother's vision, her act of saving Rex, and their coming to Splendor, Anakin and Padme's hidden lodge, had resulted in her and Rex discovering their genuine devotion to each other.
In the few days here, Ahsoka and Rex's mutual attraction and newfound desires led them to quickly realize the exciting rush of physical pleasure combined with trust and intimacy. Their bodies were experiencing something new, but their hearts remained as committed to each other as they had always been, just as when their lives were in danger.
Ahsoka mused over her thoughts as she slowly sat down. She understood, or she thought she did. Zi-Shika's words were starting to reveal an answer, but Ahsoka still wasn't sure.
“Meht du meht, Zi-Shika? I know that what has happened between Rex and me, our love was there before we—"
"Acted on it? Yes. You human warrior is a good man, and his passion for you is quite evident," Zi-Shika lovingly teased.
Ahsoka's eyes widened at the statement as she felt the blush creep over her face and lekku. She had never discussed this topic with any other female before, let alone with the Force spirit of her grandmother.
As a Togruta, we believe mating is more than breeding. It is a powerful form of communication and appreciation. The giving and receiving of pleasure from another is a way to share and harness the power. You are discovering how this kind of power, combined with your connection to The Force, enlightens what was already there between you two."
Ahsoka swallowed hard. Her mouth was dry with the thought of what she believed would be her task.
“Meht du meht, am I…am I to be...a mother?”
"You will be, tunguma du tunguma. A very, very powerful mother."
"But Rex and I cannot—"
Ahsoka could not finish the statement. Her eyes screwed tight as her heart sank with the realization that, as a clone, Rex could not have children. Equally heartbreaking, she knew as a Togruta, she could only become a mother if she conceived and remained on Shili or Kiros in commune with other Togruta clans. Togruta females were incapable of carrying a child to term outside of those conditions.
"Little one, who is not so little anymore. It is true that you will be a mother, Ahsoka. One who must make great sacrifices."
"I don't understand?" Ahsoka swallowed the sob lumped in her throat, looked to the flower, and waited for her grandmother’s voice to explain.
"Your years are long ahead of you, Ahsoka Tano. With your chosen warrior, Captain Rex, you will have many, many children. More than any other Togruta mother has ever had before. But these children will not be of your physical womb…they will be born throughout the galaxy. They will be the children of The Rebellion.”
Ahsoka was staring so intently at the source of her grandmother's voice that she did not notice Morai’s sudden flight to join her, landing gently on her shoulder.
A/N: So sorry for the delay in the update. I am working on the next five chapters now. But I let this one take as long as it needed to because I'm creatively stubborn. Hope all the highlights were worth it:
Ahsoka is 18!
Zi-Shika (my OC) is Ahsoka's Force-sensitive grandmother!
The Force began at a fixed point in the galaxy!
And Ahsoka and Rex are the mama and papa of The Rebellion
Pretty fun chapter, huh?
And...moms. Shout out to moms (womb and non-womb alike)
For all of you who feel cheated about the VIP tickets thing for the GG live shows. Okey fine, the price is a little to high and the grumps should maybe have said something. BUT (and it’s a big but here) if you read what it stood on the place where you bought the tickets it probably would have said what the VIP tickets was. It usually do, and if not well figure it out before hand!
(okey have to take a deep breath here)
Another thing for those of you who have bought the VIP tickets, you get great seats, you get a poster and YOU GET TO SEE THE SHOW. I am actually getting a little pissed at this because there are a lot of fans that live in (eks like myself) Europe that maybe NEVER will get to see them live on a show or in person for that matter. I personal live in Norway so when GG has a stream ( like the horse charity stream) they stream from (ca) 08:00PM to 05:00AM my time. Since they stream at that time it means they also stream to Monday morning for me, but I am a fan of them and I really want to see it live so I sit awake and watch! Plus me traveling to the states takes time (and I am talking all from 8 to maybe 18 hour depending) it takes money all of wich I don’t have. (I am also shit scared of flying so that doesn’t help).
So I beg you people who are lucky enough that gets to see these shows live and have fun and just being there inn person looking at these two goofs having fun on stage, just remember that there are people that might never get that experience. You can say the next day that you were there and saw it with your own eyes, the rest of us that is not that lucky gets to see little snips of videos that is being put on instagram, FB or some other media the day after. Believe me that is not the same feeling.
I am sorry if I offended anyone with this but I’ve had enough and it had to be said so thank you to whoever read all of this! *hands over a cookie to you*
Okay so yeah on Thursday, I left for a 2-day class retreat and the letter strictly said that you should keep your phones since it will create a disturbance during sessions. A lot of my classmates hid it in their bags, under their beds and some of the girls hid it on their bras lmfaooooo. I had to like choose between actually bring it and hide it or leave it at home(it the end, i left it).
On the first day, nothing much happened. We left on the afternoon and arrived at the venue 45 minutes later. We arrived and started our first session.
Sister told us to create some scenarios about 'blessings'. We played about 'me' not knowing about life at all and I'd waste it by getting drunk, doing drugs and going to parties every night. Then we solved it by just believing in God that he is always there for us and we cares for all of us.
The other scenes done by the other groups were so hilarious HAHAHA i had trouble breathing in all of them xD. We had our dinner then directly went to our rooms. They told us at by around 10PM, we should be in our respective rooms... but then the boys were still outside even though it was already around 1AM(?)..
Our group preferred staying inside since our room was so extremely cold and discussed various stuffs..
I was supposed to be asleep by around 10PM since I was so tired(and no phone), but there are a lot of people coming in and out of our room because they said our room was the best(lolol)..
so I ended up sleeping at 12AM .. then later on.. waking up constantly every hour.. oTL.
On the 2nd day, I just injured myself. We went to the hammocks and I chose one. As I sat on one, I thought the hammock would help me sit down safely.. but I ended up on the ground head first. Thank god my head didn't land on the rocks or I was lucky enough that it wasn't cemented or else I would have been in a coma by now. I literally had trouble breathing and my back hurts really bad(it still does as I write this but only when I get out of bed or twist my body).
We watched I Not Stupid Too 2 again.. (and cried ... again) TwT
We then had our sharing during the night time where we share all of our feelings, saying sorry to someone and or discuss family related stuff. I didn't even know that a lot of my classmates are secretly suffering .. having all of those sickening things done to them but still managed to put on a smile... wow.. just wow.. I just-...
There were confessions as well, but they confessed it in a very wrong way. The other side was hurt and the person who confessed did not noticed it right away but they apologized about what they said after the sharing.
My friend has a brother who is more of a 'special child' where he walks like he's drunk and he didn't speak, but my friend could still understand him. She took care of him even though his brother was 17 and she was still 9. She told us about his first love(who is also one) where we would give away his stuff so that he could give it to her. He asked my friend one day about buying chocolates for her.
It was so sweet of him ;w; and the girl liked him back too. ;w;
A whole lot of laughter, crying and anger ensued the 2nd day.
On the next day... which was today, our parents arrived at the venue and sister informed us that we should make a heart-to-heart talk with my parents. We had no problems which each other so there is really nothing to talk about..
A few minutes later, we had our mass and then we immediately left afterwards to eat lunch
