Shadowhunters 2x18 - Magnus’s walls
Everyone is having a “great” time, enjoying the beautiful flashbacks, how Malec is going so far in such a short time, how their love is pure even if circumstances are terrible, but I am probably the only one feeling very scarred and terribly sad. Absolutely no criticism to the show, because the episode was FANTASTIC. I’m really talking about the emotional journey it put me through so, let me vent it out a bit, because as many as you, I’m a mess. I’m sorry it’s going to sound terribly sad.
As I said in my previous commentary on episode 2x17, the problems between them were “healthy angst” kind of issues, that would help them see the differences between them, face it all and be better for each other. I was expecting things to get even more meaningful because of the teasers and spoilers we had so I thought I was prepared, but I wasn’t.
The flashbacks were extremely important. However, let me tell you something most people won’t agree with: I was a bit wary of them (but I was still open to them, mind you, and I’d never judge before seeing them). I was one of the few people who enjoyed 2x07 IMMENSELY; I thought it was a beautiful, well done episode that came in full circle. To understand it, we have to sit through it and grab all the tiny details that the writers put out, so that the end would make even more sense. I never saw the problem with consent, since I absolutely understood what Magnus was saying, how afraid he was that Alec would “go” the morning after and thus that he was “using” him for experience. Nonetheless, I ABSOLUTELY understand people who didn’t enjoy it as much as I did, and their arguments and point of view make sense. I respect their opinions. Still, 2x07 includes all my favourite Malec moments: the date, the Omamori (my favourite moment ever), the smooch attacks, their first time.
After saying that, however, I am infinitely grateful for these flashback. I’m so glad they created them and put them in this episode, in THIS way, because they fit perfectly and made us understand so much more, so I was scared for nothing.
I ALWAYS wanted to know what happened during that “infamous” night between 1x06 and 1x07: what did they talk about? How was Alec behaving? And Magnus? How did they feel after talking about everything and nothing, after drinking and being in each other’s company for so many hours? And here I have it, that tiny little moment in the morning after. I don’t know if you notice, but it was such a wink to the “Bane Chronicles”: Alec sleeping on the couch after a “mission”, waking up to Magnus making coffee (note: in the “Bane Chronicles” he would do that many times, and it’s Magnus who would wake up with the smell of coffee in the air and Alec being busy in his kitchen). I loved it. I loved seeing the difference between season 1!Alec and season 2!Alec, how insecure he was, how everything was new, how he was still ashamed of what he felt and what he was doing, how he almost smiled and was genuinely surprised by Magnus when he stopped thinking about all those insecurities and how he would crash all his emotions the moment he started overthinking. I loved how Magnus was tiptoeing around him as well, trying to make Alec feel comfortable but still trying to flirt as well; the surprise he showed everytime Alec said something he didn’t expect. Season 1 gifted us of so many feelings.
And then the night between 2x07 and 2x08 happened. Everything was so well done but what I am immensely thankful for is that they didn’t change the “tone” of 2x07. It wasn’t presented as “here, we fixed what you didn’t like it”, it was a natural following of everything the built in that episode: them entering their room with their lips locked, both being extremely greedy of each others’ touches, the bed gloriousness, Magnus “losing” control. THAT scene, above it all, was so well done. Magnus continued to being completely immersed in his feelings and it showed through his confused way of speaking (it was the SAME in 2x07 when he tried to explain to Alec he was afraid of losing him). It was so important for him to be accepted by Alec after seeing his warlock’s marks during such an intimate moment, even more after we saw what happened with his family.
Here I am, being terrible. I know the WHOLE episode was beautiful and I know it was absolutely well done but it destroyed me seeing Magnus like this. It was so sad.
The PURPOSE of the flashbacks was to remind Magnus what he had, and what he could lose if he accepted the Seelie Queen’s offer. And throughout the episode, what we see is Magnus putting back the walls around his heart. It was REALLY painful to watch, as a Magnus fan. It was AMAZINGLY well done and Harry Shum Jr. remains a BLESSING for this fandom, for me as a huge Magnus fan and for everyone in this show. It’s unbelievable how he can deliever so much without speaking. You can see him hardening his heart in those tiny little moments before and after the flashbacks: there, on that couch where Alec stayed with him after all the mess in 2x12; there, when he holds the Omamori (I’m gonna meta the hell out of it one day) and looks out at that rainy sky; there, at the Institute, holding Alec’s hand; there, when he goes out from the infirmary, looking at that cursed flower again, missing Alec and having to go through everything alone.
Yes, alone. That’s one of the things that made me EXTREMELY sad. He was ALONE throughout the episode. Not even Max nor Bat, who were physically wounded, were alone. He was the only one; everyone else had someone by their sides. He was alone at home, and NO ONE checked on him but Alec (who needed him both physically and emotionally for the terrible Max’s situation); he was alone at the institute as well, even if surrounded by the Lightwoods, because NO ONE but ALEC talked to him. He was alone going through his memories and his emotions, no one to talk to, no one there to ask him if he was okay, as if everyone was expecting him to BE okay, since he’s immortal, powerful and the High Warlock of Brooklyn (yes, those are the things EVERYONE and Alec included, at first, thought about him).
And that’s another terrible aspects of it all. He’s so conflicted about the whole situation with the Seelie Queen because his emotional life doesn’t get along with what the Downworlders and the Shadow World expect him to do. People expect him to be a leader, to protect the warlocks and the Downworlders in general, to destroy the possible menace, to bring peace. And Alec is RIGHT, they can work together to make them get along, to make it possible, but I think he feels the pressure of it all, and seeing how the misunderstandings between him and Alec and the problems the Clave is causing make Magnus vulnerable to be nudged towards duty. He’s doing what season 1!Alec was doing, and it’s understandable, even more if you think about how afraid he was and is.
At this point, after 7 weeks of knowing each other and falling in love, he probably knows Alec is THE ONE. And we know how scary it is for Magnus, after all the lovers he lost, after all the people who just used him and left him alone. Remember who Magnus Bane is, and how he was shaped to be like that. After 400 years of experiencing loss, starting from his own mother and family, to all those lovers, who would either judge him, leave him for someone else, continue their lives, die on him, saying he wasn’t enough, saying he was too much; after what he went through with the torture in Valentine’s body; after finding someone who loves him and he can trust, it’s really easy to see why he’s trying to hide his true self, and put those walls around his heart again.
I have no words to express how proud I am of Alec. During this episode he has shown once again how brave and passionate he is. He’s the perfect person for Magnus, from the way he holds him and touches him, to the things he says to him. He’s brave also for saying sorry every time he understands he made a mistake; for the way he ALWAYS tries to make it work, TOGETHER, and being stronger than before. I love him and Malec forever.
Having said all that, as @alyxhavok wisely stated: let’s be patient, and wait for the Alliance rune and for Catarina (who may do something like in book 6, talking to Magnus about how Alec is important for him and stop fooling around).
And a HUGE shout out to the cast, writers and directors, who did an amazing job not only with Malec, in this episode, but also with everything else.
