Summary: With Gabriel, Castiel, and Dean in Purgatory together, Cas comes up with the idea to create a blog to chronicle their journey and serve as a resource to future hunters. Of course, Gabriel can't do anything so altruistic without warping it for his own amusement - especially when a certain hunter finally stumbles across it.
"Hellooooo Earth, and welcome to another riveting episode of 'Why Don't Those Two Fuck Already: Purgatory Edition'!"
Castiel didn't even look up as his brother swept the camera - an unnecessary affectation for an archangel - around the small cave. He had grown used to his brother's antics.
Dean, however, had not. "Screw you, dickwad. If you're gonna play around with the internet, at least look up a way out of here!"
"Ooh, someone's touchy today!" Gabriel turned the camera to his own face and continued in an obvious stage whisper, "Guess we'll still have to wait for the big climax!"
"You know what - "
Castiel cut in before their arguing attracted any of the monsters dwelling outside their cave. "Gabriel, I intended for our contact with the earthly plane to be for research purposes. If we cannot find a way to leave Purgatory, then at least we can leave behind an accurate record of it for future hunters."
"BOOOOOOOORING!" Gabriel's face had never left the camera's view screen. "But hey, I got news for everyone! We picked up a new stray down here, a little kitten who - get this - calls herself Shadow. Yes, we did in fact find a talking kitten in Purgatory. Will wonders never cease."
He angled the camera down to his chest, where he cradled the sleeping kitten in one arm. "She's pretty much a cutie."
"No one cares about your damn cat, Gabe."
Gabriel rolled his eyes at the pacing hunter. "And aren't you a bundle of sunshine and cheer. But hey, at least your cat has a playmate now, right?"
"Steve is Cas's, not mine."
Gabriel glanced over to where a blond kitten was nestled in his younger brother's lap. One of their followers had magicked the fuzzball in, and Gabriel was damned if he didn't want to know how the kid had done it. And whether the same witch could get them back out, but apparently human magic didn't work that way.
"Dean, you know that Steve is just as affectionate with you as he is with me," Castiel corrected, one finger stroking between the fuzzball's ears.
Gabriel cocked his head suddenly, letting the camera fall cockeyed. His Grace was dampened in Purgatory, but he retained enough to maintain a mental link with the earth...though he preferred to showboat on the internet than to do anything useful, like contact Sam.
"Well, hello stranger!" he announced, seemingly at random. "And welcome to the show! What's your question?"
As Gabriel waited, he rolled the camera to where Dean was still pacing, now with an even more pained expression. Behind him, Castiel just looked weary. "Ooh, and another one for the happy couple!"
"Quit making shit up, Gabe, it's getting old!"
"Dean, you wound me! Do you really think I would - "
"Dean, these questions are our only contact with the outside world, and they may give us a clue to escaping Purgatory. A few inquiries into our relationship - "
"There's nothing few about them, and you know it, Cas!"
"Oh ho, what have we here!" Gabe interrupted, face lighting up. "Boys, your prayers have been answered!"
Dean's scowl transformed into incredulity as a familiar voice echoed around the cave, "Dean? Cas? That really you?"
"Sammy, you bitch..." Dean breathed.
A warm chuckle. "Jerk. Dying on me like that. But - crap - what happened? Everything just - "
Castiel rose and moved to Dean's side, laying a steadying hand on his shoulder. "I do not believe that we did, in fact, die, Sam. I believe the backlash from Dick Roman's death, combined with his connection to Purgatory, opened a brief portal which pulled us here. We discovered Gabriel, as you have seen - "
"Hey there, sexy," Gabriel drawled, earning a startled chuckle.
"Wow, I just - you can't believe how good it is to hear your voices again. To see you, even if it is through a computer. I didn't even know - "
"Dude. Chick flick moment, really?" Dean shrugged Cas's hand off and moved in front of the camera, as though he could stare through it to his brother. "Look, you can do the touchy-feely crap when we get topside, okay? 'Cause we still need a way out, since Mr. Snappy Fingers here - "
"Watch who you're calling names, Mr. I'm-not-codependent-I'm-just - "
" - since Mr. No-my-powers-don't-work can't find a freaking way out," Dean continued stubbornly.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaand that's enough from the peanut gallery!" Gabriel announced, stealing the camera away and smiling into it. "So, Sammy, tell me all your secret desires."
"Gabriel - "
"Nope, my hunter now. Go sexually harass your own, little bro."
The scuffle behind him almost drowned out Sam's choked cough. Life - or afterlife - was shaping up to be pretty much perfect.
