#shaqirapoem

[shaqiramentality]

Realization

I don’t understand it but believe I won’t fight it. So many things unsaid that I continue to hide it. The reason is simple and maybe it isn’t smart to do. As selfless as I am being, it should be the thought of the gesture. Many times I address things just to let it be known but in the end I realize maybe it wasn’t the way to go. As open as a book I should probably express the words written in the pages. Yet still I just draw a huge picture and let the interpretations be what they may be. Now I’m being asked what is really up forcing my thoughts resurface. With such a conversation maybe we are being delusion and not honest with ourselves or each other. Instead things are hidden, ignored and forgotten hoping that it would never be brought up. It’s our system, it always worked but maybe this one time it might make things worst. They all ask what is wrong? How do i feel? Are you ok? If I actually knew the answer then I would reply so my answers of course are “Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t matter. i feel nothing i guess. I’m not ok but that’s not important right now”. With what is at hand I do not matter and caring towards me is quite slim. So many questions being asked as if I even know what is going on to begin with when I am not controling this flight. I still refuse to enter any thoughts, I’ve ignored them for so long for a reason that I don’t want to let them back in and deal with them. There are more important things than to be worrying about no feelings. One thing I can’t even mention is why I am even doing that. The reason is inconspicuous. The fact of the matter is everything has suddenly changed and without a choice I gotta live with it without even having much of a say. That being said all I can do is go with the flow and hope what I strive for becomes a completed goal. Thank you dear friend for helping me come to this realization. I now know the truth and maybe confessions are now due.

[shaqiramentality]

Suppressed Thoughts (Pt 2)

Mistakes are mistakes ... they are in fact inevitable.

Now you can't tell me your mistakes and tell me not to make them and expect me to be perfect when you know I truly am not.

NO ONE is.

See that's the thing you have such high expectations that I can't even begin to live or breathe then you wonder why I am so independent and took that early leave.

So here I am and still not only you but the rest of the bunch try to "fix" me when I am not even broken.

Still you all tell me I am doing wrong when you all know know I'm the GOOD one out of the others.

Why single me out in such a way that uselessness and failure seem to be what is destined of me.

With all my years on earth I continue to strive for the total opposite and continue to prove that each and every one of you is wrong.

Prove that God made me the way I am and the way I am is exactly what you want to be.

You think I don't know it's jealousy and envy why the years spent was to make me feel worthless and a waste of space an accident when indeed I am more than you ever could be?

None of you understood the capacity that my brain had or the strength in my physicality that my body can take the hits that are thrown and reflect it right back with a scar to show.

You refuse to realize that I have been successful in many ways which is why you worked so hard to make sure every opportunity I got didn't even last even for a good few days.

Independent at a young age so I've matured mentally before average time and even though you all thought I was through you all taught me how not to depend not only on people but specifically not to depend on you.

Removed from my life I do not push conversations but I have enough respect to acknowledge your presence and send you blessings.

If you all just knew how foolish you were being but it's too late you are all are still mourning on what use to be when I once showed any care and love towards you.

Now I face the world alone not like it's new.

As you all still haven't learned your opinion matters to me as much as a tennis ball matters in soccer.

Keep criticizing and gossiping on what you think you know for one day I will show you exactly what I always will know...

Regret will be you're greatest friend.

Regret is indeed your residence.

[shaqiramentality]

Together

Goodbyes are too short,

Hellos are too far.

It's like no matter how much time is spent together,

The time apart is like a stormy weather.

We talk and text so it's like you're never gone,

But I will always cherish time together as if it were gold.

My heart races and no words come out,

At times you may think I'm stupid or not ok,

But it's just me thinking of the right words to say.

Confused and wondering what is this complication,

The feelings present turns all of this into a love application.

Like to love seems to be where this is heading,

On this road I actually look forward to is what I'm treading,

Having "I Love and Need You" as the main heading.

Bottom line it's a sensation of true relation that this love is real.

No matter the risk my floats like a mist as it floats to your heart.

My touch brings sparks as you react just right,

Brings to new levels as we reach new heights.

Our lips they touch and the world goes silent,

Just you and I in existence as the moment keeps inclining.

Having you in my arms is warmth that keeps love to endure,

As I hold you closer and kiss your forehead I know you feel the security which is why you wrap your arms around me and relax as our hearts beat in harmony.

Like I said goodbyes are too short and hellos are too far.

The time apart are spent reminiscing,

Of you and of me,

Together..

[shaqiramentality]

Always putting in 100%, Suddenly it doesn’t always seem pleasant. Many complain about me falling back, Yet when I go for the prize they’re the ones that lost track.