Realization
I don’t understand it but believe I won’t fight it. So many things unsaid that I continue to hide it. The reason is simple and maybe it isn’t smart to do. As selfless as I am being, it should be the thought of the gesture. Many times I address things just to let it be known but in the end I realize maybe it wasn’t the way to go. As open as a book I should probably express the words written in the pages. Yet still I just draw a huge picture and let the interpretations be what they may be. Now I’m being asked what is really up forcing my thoughts resurface. With such a conversation maybe we are being delusion and not honest with ourselves or each other. Instead things are hidden, ignored and forgotten hoping that it would never be brought up. It’s our system, it always worked but maybe this one time it might make things worst. They all ask what is wrong? How do i feel? Are you ok? If I actually knew the answer then I would reply so my answers of course are “Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t matter. i feel nothing i guess. I’m not ok but that’s not important right now”. With what is at hand I do not matter and caring towards me is quite slim. So many questions being asked as if I even know what is going on to begin with when I am not controling this flight. I still refuse to enter any thoughts, I’ve ignored them for so long for a reason that I don’t want to let them back in and deal with them. There are more important things than to be worrying about no feelings. One thing I can’t even mention is why I am even doing that. The reason is inconspicuous. The fact of the matter is everything has suddenly changed and without a choice I gotta live with it without even having much of a say. That being said all I can do is go with the flow and hope what I strive for becomes a completed goal. Thank you dear friend for helping me come to this realization. I now know the truth and maybe confessions are now due.