Every winter I sit back and fantasize about the upcoming summer. The hot sun, endless beaches and my new summer body. You know the one that looks like a cover of Shape magazine. Preferably, the one with Gabrielle Union on it. I think she has the perfect amount of muscle mixed with femininity. Yeah and she’s also kind of like my girl crush. Well her and Rihanna, but she’s like barely 30 so her body doesn’t count. On second thought, now it does… she got thighs. Aweeeee, welcome Rih Rih to the grown lady’s club. Membership includes constantly obsessing over what you eat, working out harder than ever just to cancel out that bottle of wine you had for dinner last night and gaining weight when you breathe… Enjoy. Anyhow I’ve digressed. When I lived in the Midwest this summertime daydream was the only thing that kept me alive during the long winter months. There were -20°wind chills, I dressed in layers (Long Johns, sweaters and a puffy coat) and the days turned to night by 4 pm. Talk about depressing. And honestly nothing made you want to kill yourself more than that late March/early April snow storm that randomly showed up after a week of 50°weather. The kind of weather that gets your hopes up just enough for you to strip off two of the three layers and begin boxing winter clothing, excited for spring. Nope. Bam. Blizzard. Why must you taunt me Mother Nature??? Why!!! But now I’m spoiled. I live in La La Land where technically it’s sunny all year long. Except for the 3 days out of the year where it rains… I mean drizzle. And everyone here has a conniption, wearing rainboots, crashing their cars, and clogging up the already overly congested expressways. I get it I’m spoiled, but even with winter on the West Coast being a freezing 68°I do still find myself in summer fantasyland every January. I can’t help it, I love the summer. And now that it’s June, I’m even more excited. You know why? Because this summer is special. This is the summer where I’ll finally have YOU, Future Boyfriend, to vacation with!!!
I know what you’re thinking, “How can we vacation when we haven’t met yet?” Oh, yee of little faith. It’s only a matter of time. Between Tumblr, Instagram and Facebook I have nearly 5000 people putting eyes on this each week. Statistically, let’s say about ¾ of them are all the same people who just happened to be friends with me on every social aspect of my life (wow that just drastically dropped my popularity… and self-esteem). Now take ½ of those remaining people and say they have shared (either verbally or physically) this declaration of my search for you over the past year and a half to someone. That leaves me with about 500 or so potential prospects out there who could actually be you. Yay!!! The odds are definitely in my favor. Unless, they’re not. Hold up. Maybe it means I have a 1 and 500 chance to actually meet you. Ugh. That would suck. Freaking math. I always knew that damn Pythagorean Theorem would come back to haunt me 🙄. Anyhow, I’m still optimistic that this is our summer together. Mainly because I’ve already fantasized about it. Since winter. And it was soooo romantical. So, um yeah Future Boyfriend, it’s happening. But I guess before I start planning our first vacation together, I should start by asking, “Do you like traveling?” Now I’m not talking about a road trip across state lines. I did enough of those to last me a lifetime. And before you tell me a road trip is the perfect way for two people to test their love for one another – Trust me it isn’t. Until you’ve been trapped in a car for 22 hours, driving from Michigan to Miami, stopped by the police twice and lost because the person driving refuses to ask for directions or listen to the co-pilot who’s navigating from the passenger seat – You don’t know that sometimes love just isn’t enough! No, I’m asking are you interested in stamping our passports together? Because I am. See I’m already one step ahead. Knowing that this was our summer to vaca together, I went out and got a new one. My old passport was all about work, because that was the only time I really used it. It had bad juju on it. It was disgruntled and unsatisfied. Even the picture looked disinterested. TSA would open it and see a mean version of Sharkeisha staring back at them and it was immediately on and poppin. Now, Future Boyfriend, my new photo says VACATION!!! It’s comes with a topknot and a smile. Because nothing says stamp me more than a thot bun. And lucky for us, it finally arrived in the mail. Just in time for summer. So, Future Boyfriend the question is what are you waiting on? 500-to-1 or 1-in-500 you need to hurry up. Because if you take too long, you’re in for the coldest winter ever!
