#shaw rambles

[shawdios]

Technically this is an unfinished piece since I haven’t added his scars, however, fuck that it’s too much to add to an already rendered piece.

There’s so much for me to say about this, from a story based symbolism lense and a meta lense. So, I’ll put most of it in a reblog once I can compose myself.

TDLR for now? Trans Man experience + Complex Abuse

Earlier sketches and wips under cut

[opulent-lawyer]

Me, whenever I see the defense attorney floundering (which is Always):

[shawdios]

Shaw got their license!

Have hark in car + shades

[shawdios]

Happy birthday to us! We are going to do a birthday stream but are unsure when to do it. Going to be playing a very on brand game for us >:]

[shawdios]

I’m really proud of the art on this one. It took me several sketches to figure out how to draw Silvers body, and whether or not I wanted to draw him alive or not. Settled on him being dead already, or very close to dying.

NOW to ramble about detail choices!

Those dots on his cheeks, it’s popped blood vessels! When you are strangled with a cordlike object, your blood is trapped in your head and the pressure builds and builds till the vessels in your skin pop!

And for his death specifically, the vines had thorns on them, so those dug into his neck and nicked some serious veins, muscle, and tissue. So he was strangled and also drowning in his own blood. Hence his blood spilling from his mouth and the blood soaked ruffles.

I chose to avoid drawing his eyes, simply because in the sketches that I showed them— o-o u-u it looked like kinky art and him enjoying a good ol bondage strangle. And I TRIED. So hard. But he just refused to look like he wasn’t enjoying it!!! Damn you Masochist Silver! *shakes my fist*

And of course, for the trend, it has to be Autumn floating around Silver’s head. It also ties pretty nicely into Autumn killing himself in that timeline because Silver had died and his family doesn’t “need him” so he feels aimless. So, ghost Autumn returns!!!

The line art turned out amazing! Heheheheheheheheh

Ghost Autumn also barely took any time to sketch and lineart the frames of. Probably 30-45 mins. Hardest part was fucking animating Silvers swinging!!!!!!! Fuck you past me for deciding he was going to swing back and forth and autumns ghost wasn’t going to line up with thattttttttt. Timing was a bitch.

Autumns animation of going around silvers head loops twice. Meanwhile silver swings left, then right. And then the two loop at the same time. Fuck you past me. If I knew how to tween, this would be much better. But I do think there’s a charm to the choppiness.

I’ve wanted to draw the horror that is Silver’s death for a longgggg time. I actually have in the past but never truely captured it like this one does.

This is the only other time I’ve drawn it:

And its after Autumn returns to Silvers quarters to see what happened and he sees Silver hanging. Autumn cuts Silver down and pulls all the vines off. Then holds him.

And as he mourns the one person that understood him, Autumn wonders, in his incredibly biased opinion:

Because he believes that there was a way to cause change without any violence. Silver is dead. Flame is severely mutilated all because they wanted to assassinate Silver.

Was it worth it?

Autumn would say no.

(Especially with how the revolution results in a slaughter of all those who don’t join it)

[shawdios]

Woah Holly shit. Manic episode? Manic episode.

The colors be coloring

I can’t stop movinggggggg

Semi quit my job

Thank my bestie for helping me salvage it

Wooooo

Wish I could have the month and a half of paid off time I put in tho ;-;

WA

manic episodes are funnn

I can’t stop talking either I ramble and must speak evertyinhghggg

Must tell

Must speakkk

Wooooo

[shawdios]

Some more thoughts,

Hark doesn’t know what he would’ve wanted to study. (I honestly can’t think of anything fitting of him other than him not knowing) Yeah he’d be pushed into Political studies, yeah he’d be pushed into studying for taking a leading role in Business, but those are things his mothers would have wanted for him. He wouldn’t know what he wanted. Something he and Sam actually bonded over; the stress of being pushed to study things you didn’t particularly like.

In SASS he doesn’t particularly find anything academia related interesting or emotionally appealing. After all him and Sam are the epitome of “gifted kids intentionally drop out out of school to spite those putting Expectations on them”

He enjoys baking, and that’s enough.

Flint keeps coming to mind. He’s an example of “yes you had access to education, but the system that gave you this also restricted you and molded you to their liking” He would’ve definitely been an art major if he’d been given an education that WASNT in a shitstorm of politically charged indoctrination education and cultural distain for non Tool/Building based Arts. There’s a deep imbued shame for wanting to draw and use mediums to make something. And this mother fucker repressed and bottle shatters onto everyoneeeeeee else his emotional train wreck. He never pursued his interests, and if he did he got shamed for it (ie art). So yeah, he went with whatever made him fit in and look good socially to his peers and caretakers.

He just is a character I love to naw on for an exploration of how the people you grow up around affect your development of beliefs and bias and the importance of teaching people emotional regulation. And also the exploration of the fact that, yeah, people can be shitty then change for the better. Effects of Queer repression.

Fuck they are all just so interesting to explore! It’s been so long since I’ve rambled about them all.

[opulent-lawyer]

Thinking about changing my last name to something that isn't associated with the family that keeps sending assassins after me