#shieldretired

[garglemyballsack]

steve rogers and the rubber blow job.

// the look of horror on ben's face when @shieldretired tells him he wears condoms while getting a fucking hummer cause some crusty old feminist lady convinced him if he didn't wear a condom at all times, he could get some version of super serum aids and wipe out humanity.

first the shock. then the condom blow job. then the absolute fucking CACKLING that'd happen once he was alone. cause of course VANILLA ASS STEVE ROGERS would wear a rubber to get his dick sucked.

ben vc just: "that erksine/howard stark bullshit crossed some fucking wires in that one's brain. didn't it? guy's the fucking FORREST GUMP of sex. least he's pretty."

I CAN'T with you, sarah.

[zimwy]

in all honesty, barnes had considered detaching his prosthetic for this. but steve had given him a look he took as scathing, and if that wasn't enough, reminded him he wasn't fragile--just not captain america anymore. sometimes, bucky feels a writhing pang of resentment over that, deep in his chest, unnamable; he had no problem with sam mantling the identity, it wasn't that. as he ties his hair up, careful not to let any strands pinch between the grooves of his metallic grasp, he thinks he comes to the precipice of understanding his own faults and inadequacy.

there would be a day where he would be alone. and, although bucky worked better alone, solitary in life had a habit of leaving him hollow. that's where it came from: steve was going to leave him, eventually. he would exit the mortal coil before barnes, at his most unlucky, and that wasn't an idea bucky liked entertaining. he makes sure the hair tie is snug before he wrings the stress out of his wrist, leans over in one direction to gently prime the muscles in his sides, then the other direction. his hands come up flat between them. ' you want me defensive? or fighting back? '

@shieldretired

[normaltothemax]

Shit My Friends Say do i look like i know spices to you? the only spice i know is porn. (Shieldretired for Clint oops)

Clint swears his brain makes that record scratching noise. He has to take a second and stare at the good Captain “Call Me Steve” America. Blink a few times and stick a finger in his ear, wiggle it around, as if that’ll make what he just heard make any more sense.

“Obviously you don’t know what spices are, you grew up in the time where everything was boiled—that was a rhetorical question.” It wasn’t, he’d just forgotten who he’d been speaking to, for a second. “Also, you know what porn is? Who showed you porn? Who’s been corrupting you? That’s probably, like, a super serious crime in at least seventeen states.”

(Alright, maybe he’s playing up his reaction just a bit, but it’s always fucking hilarious to rib the guy.)

@shieldretired (x)

[iomadachd]

@shieldretired asked: [ line ] sender draws a trail of kisses down the length of receiver's shoulderblade and up their neck (Dean)

DIFFERENT KINDS OF KISSES (accepting)

He's enjoying himself, he's fully going to admit that. He's a sucker for physical contact, and the fact Steve is just being so damn casual about it? Bliss.

He groans as those lips reach his neck and his hand creeps up to curl into the other's hair, keeping him there for a moment. At least he has the illusion of keeping him there.

"Y'know, if you wanted me out of my clothes, you could have just asked, Steve. Although... the romancing is pretty great."

[hellceo]

“Why? Part of your dark, mysterious past?” — beach read ( accepting ) / @shieldretired

THERE'S PROBABLY SOMETHING TELLING THAT HE TAKES THE CALL HERE. " Something like that, " he says, more dry than desert sand. " It's my son, " he clarifies, and then unlocks the phone with a sigh. " Gavin, what is it? "

Even through the line, the lift and lilt of a strong, strong Scottish accent is unmistakable; he listens for a minute, and then blinks, a little incredulous. " Are you checking in on me? " Another minute. " I'm fine. " He waits. " I'm —— " He slides a glance askance to Steve, brows wrinkling a little, and then decides on, " — on a date. " A pause, another blink, a roll of his eyes. " Yes, I mean it. What? No. "

He's — putting on a show of being disgruntled, really, but there's something — somehow a little warm in it, too. " I'm fine. Look. I'll come up there in the next day or two. Yes. Yes, Gavin. Right. You too. " He hangs up, lets that moment hang there for a minute, and then just gruffs, with only a shade of awkwardness, " Kids. "

[errantsouls]

if you're so smart i'm not drunk at all. i'm just being... verrrrrry haaaaappy. — roman holiday ( accepting ) / @shieldretired

" Oh, I never claimed to be that, " Balthazar says, amused — he, of course, is entirely sober, and it's clear that this one is most certainly not. " But you? Ah, yes, my friend. You are, in fact, quite happy and quite drunk. " And, without so much as asking — he reaches over, takes his drink, and swallows the rest himself in one go — germs be damned, because what's he got to worry about? he drank with vikings — and vanishes the glass off —— somewhere.

He smiles, then, benignly. " And now, see? Without a drink. And oh, damn, what a shame, the bar is dry. So up you go, because it's time for your happy ass to sleep this off. "

[the-mjolnir-owner]

Sweet 16!

Guess the age my muse lost their virginity @shieldretired

"We have a winner!"

[flighttruth-archived]

sam was laid up in bed, buried under mounds of blankets. thankfully his fever had broken during the night. still, he was GRATEFUL that steve came to check on him.

"just the flu," he mused as a cool hand pressed against his brow. sam looked to steve EXPECTANTLY, wondering what the verdict might be.

after several moments, sam's shoulders sagged in relief with a firm nod from the other. "i appreciate you taking care of me. redwing's been in a snit since i've been bed ridden." he laughed, regretting the effort it took to be amused. his fever may have broken but SAM WASN'T OUT OF THE WOODS just yet. he still needed to recover.

@shieldretired sent in: [ check ] sender checks receiver's temperature by placing the back of their hand against receiver's forehead, trying to see if they're sick