#shit cassi says

[snowiewoulf]

[snowiewoulf]

I'm weak. I'm so fucking weak and not even my medicine is helping anymore and it's pissing me off. I'm so fucking alone.

[snowiewoulf]

just edited the fucking HTML code for my theme to add a god damn widget for NaNoWriMo.

fuck HTML codes. that shit was too complicated. I'm not made for computers. -weeps-

[snowiewoulf]

again.

not even a mention.

not an invite.

not even a "what are you doing today?"

Nor a "Hey, i haven't talked to you in like three weeks how are you doing?"

this is why i say i don't have friends. why i say that i hate everything. why i punch walls and kick things and yell and slam doors and want to punch myself in the face. because all i can ever think about his how i'm constantly abandoned by my family and friends and lovers and all of this. Years after constant years... it adds the fuck up.

I don't even think that they forgot about me... they just left me out.

[snowiewoulf]

I'm angry for so many reason and at so many people.. My case against my former employer should have been closed last year seeing that I filed it in the summer of '12.. I don't even sleep next to my boyfriend anymore, rather, I either sleep on the couch or wait until he goes to work so I can sleep in bed... Not a damn person wants to go to rocky with me EVEN when I offered to pay their way I can't do anything for Halloween because celebrating it all by yourself in an empty apartment is just plain 'ol depressing.. I want to write so bad and have for the past like 3 weeks but instead it's like I lost my best friend yet again and it sucks. I'm a person that always loses friends because of a reason that is beyond my reach and it just... Keeps happening. And there ain't a god damn thing I can do to fix any of those problems.

[snowiewoulf]

Here's the thing... You can't tell someone that you'll do something every week for two months and then every week say "I can't I made plans already but next week." And the same thing happen again. You can't promise like that. It's lying. And it fucking hurts. It's shitty to tell someone that we'll discuss something later and then not talk to them at all for three weeks. It makes ME feel like the bad person. It makes me have anxiety attacks and throw up from them because I feel like I fucked up the entire world. Then I sit here with yahoo staring into my soul and mocking me; reminding me that I lost the only thing that got me up every morning and feel like I'm not totally isolated from the world because I don't do anything all day every day for the past three months. I constantly feel forgotten and worthless by family and friends and people who claimed that they loved me and now threaten to kick me out. You can't do that to people and especially not me because I have anger issues and I can not control them without medicine and I'm not currently doing that... In short: I lost everything and I'm blamed for being upset about it.

[snowiewoulf]

Scarification really is beautiful But it's not for queasy people... I would... If it didn't terrify me...

[snowiewoulf]

I had to put on my pants to take the trash out seeing that I'm the only one who seems to be able to take charge of this household.