#shrek anon

[nakylvr]

little substance scenario!...

reader is away for god knows what reason and they're taking too long. then maybe megan and dani are high off their asses, bored as hell, and dani says "5 dollars i last longer than you" and megan goes bet. mutual masturbation ensues and dani ends up getting pegged because she said smth abt pillow prince megan and the latter is like 🤨

THEN reader comes home, and at first they're like what the hell from seeing dani taking it where the sun don't shine but ultimately watches them anyways

(can i be shrek anon 💚)

the mutual masturbation leading to fucking pipeline oh yeah 🙂‍↕️ it's so them, and it's honestly the way it probably happened for the first time. they're both too high to really give a fuck and will just start fucking on the couch literally. but megan being the one in control because dani probably said some half-teasing half-being an asshole joke or some shit and megan took it seriously and oh look now they're fucking to "prove a point". you finally coming home and immediately hearing the noises and freezing before slowly turning the corner and seeing megan pounding into dani from behind while dani is moaning and practically crying into the couch from how megan's fucking her. you don't say anything, just watch in silence as the two go at it, and it isn't until they're done and megan finally glances over and sees you do they realize you saw. megan immediately stammering out words that don't even make proper sentences but is trying to apologize while dani can't even process the situation cause she's too fucked out and is just laying on the couch. you just smile though and say you don't mind, and megan gets so red. you three talk about it the next day, and all agree it's fine because you honestly don't care.

[empiressmpheadcanon]

I'm running out of headcanons for imortal shrek actor Joel AU, so I've gravitated to angst by default.

TW: Mentions of Death and executions, and implied eating disorders.

• Joel is imortal, so he definitely has seen so many deaths. Loved ones, Strangers, Enemies, a lot of deaths.

• Probably desensitized enough to death that he wouldn't really bat an eye if a murder happens in front of him. Unless it's Lizzie or Jimmy.

• Because Joel was alive back when public executions were considered entertainment he definitely enjoys making a show about horse death.

• He probably doesn't need to eat or drink so sometimes he just decides not to. Sometimes he doesn't eat for weeks until he remembers that even if he won't die, he still needs to produce energy.

• Joel has trouble with his memory, so he writes important things down on a book or a piece of paper. He's seen a lot of things and it's hard keeping track of all of it.

• Sometimes, he forgets big events and stuff, including his own birthday a handful of times.

Bonus: Lizzie reminds Joel to go to meetings eat food on time. Does she have a concept of what food is healthy? No, not really but she tries her best.

-Shrek Anon

Very :( over the angst but Joel forgetting his birthday is kinda funny hshhzhzhsjsj

Lizzie jimmy and pix coming to mezalea with a huge cake with "happy birthday" on it: hey joel :D

Joel: ?? whos that for?

Lizzie: ... you??

[another-silly-mixels-blog]

Mixel Shrek?

S T O P .

~ Mod Niksput

[ihatebnha]

dilf bkg = shrek

- shrek anon

wyd when your husband takes you out to dinner in this fit?

[kazuhasbunny]

Hey I'm the person who sent thew shrek script.

Can i be #shrekanon ?

😭😭😭 ok

[sugardaddykenma]

I am seriously proud of being the start of calling you a Shrek kinnie. I am really proud and now I want to write something like this specifically. Maybe with you as the princess chick and Washijo being the mean short dude that you have to marry. But PLOT TWIST!! (also, just saying, I do know the story line a little, but haven't ever watched it) Instead of getting saved my the manly man Shrek, you grow to love your precious Washijo and get married. -Shrek anon

youre proud of putting me through hell? 

[moonshine-dan]

damn not even for me, lemme show u my swampy ass - shrek

SHREK?!?!

[rabble-dabble]

Meme

Somebody once told me the Alternia is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest troll in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead Well, the sweeps start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your pan gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow Hey, now, you’re an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is trolled Only shooting stars break the mold It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder You’re bundled up now wait ‘til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water’s getting warm so you might as well swim My world’s on fire. How about yours? That’s the way I like it and I’ll never get bored Hey, now, you’re an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is trolled Only shooting stars break the mold Go for the moons Go for the moons Go for the moons Go for the moons Hey, now, you’re an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is trolled Only shooting stars Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change Well, the sweeps start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your pan gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow Hey, now, you’re an all star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is trolled Only shooting stars break the mold And all that glitters is trolled Only shooting stars break the mold