this was yet another mistake. another one to add to the amassing pile. what else could sneaking over to silas’ cabin in the middle of the night be considered as if not an enormous mistake?? it wasn’t even like the blame could be placed on the drinks she’d been having earlier since in the time that it’d taken for the idea to grow roots most of her buzz had already dissipated, replaced by overwrought nerves. now she stood in front of his door and stared down at her hands with a scandalized look as if her hands had acted of their own accord and betrayed her. she’d already knocked and in the interim between her knuckles rapping lightly upon his door and her listening for any movement from within she began making the realization that she wasn’t at all ready for another encounter with silas. an unfortunate realization to make right after having taken that first step past the point of no return. ever since their reunion in new orleans her thoughts had strayed towards silas enough times to deal some serious damage to her pride. that was the consequence of a kiss shared between them that night, need and anger reigniting flames of passion that had otherwise been kept burning lowly. the days following that heated reunion weren’t much of a balm to her. not when it almost seemed as if she could still taste him on her lips, still feel his hands on her skin, still hear his voice in her ear asking her to follow him to a hotel room. it had taken everything she had to reject that suggestion. it had taken even more for her to walk away from him, knowing that anything else would’ve been a mistake. so what the fuck was she doing here now??
she didn’t have an answer to that question, but even more troubling it suddenly occurred to her that right this very second she didn’t have an answer for any questions that silas could potentially throw at her. marcella had acted on impulse with this decision to seek him out, spared any thought that might’ve discouraged the idea. with a little liquid courage that voice of reason in her head had gone silent, abandoning her to her stupidity. the price for hubris, she thought. she should’ve been thinking of what she was going to say instead. having spent the entire time trying to talk herself out of it, she hadn’t allotted any time for figuring out what she was actually going to tell him or even what she was after. did she even know?? what if he wasn’t even here?? he’d given her the details of his cabin back in new orleans before they’d parted ways again — another attempt to have her in his bed that she’d dismissed. but even if she knew which cabin he was staying in, what made her think that the offer was open-ended?? what made her think that her presence would still be received all that warmly after everything that had happened?? she hadn’t been thinking, that was the only explanation and all of these questions without an answer had her feeling woefully unprepared. quickly losing her nerve, she exhaled a breath and shook her head. this is stupid. leave it alone. turning to do just that, of course that’s when she heard the telltale sound of heavy footsteps approaching the door, freezing her in place.
this was so unlike her. marcella couldn’t be described as a tentative person. not when there was usually an immense amount of confidence propping her up, but one wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at her right now. the sound of his footsteps approaching had given way to a long and heavy silence once he reached the entrance to his cabin. with her back to the door she couldn’t exactly see him, but she could feel his stare burning straight through the door’s peephole as he watched her. just being under that heavy gaze again was enough to run a desirous thrill up her spine. slowly turning back around, she’d dared to focus on the lens of the door viewer from her side, emotions running the gamut but eventually settling on reflecting a restlessness of self. marcella wasn’t sure how much time passed with her just standing there, waiting for some kind of reaction from him before he finally opened the door to her. it certainly hadn’t been enough time to steel herself for whatever conversation would follow either way. there he was. the man who’d upset the precious balance of her life, the man who’d been nothing but trouble since the moment she’d let him into her bed. the man she couldn’t stop herself from wanting no matter how destructive. here he was standing right in front of her and she could think of nothing to say to him. marcella carina costa, the girl with an opinion on everything and no real inclination to ever hold her tongue, was rendered temporarily speechless. it was as if the moment she’d locked eyes with him her brain had sputtered and stopped, leaving them suspended in a limbo that neither knew how to escape from. except silas did know the way out of this tense situation. however, judging by the fact that he’d yet to speak and instead seemed perfectly content simply watching her squirm, she got the impression that he was purposefully prolonging the moment. something she didn’t appreciate, but again not something that she currently had the ability to express. her eyes were doing most of the talking right now anyway as they remained trained on silas’, but she grew uneasy thinking of the kinds of secrets they might be liable to spill. shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she averted her gaze for half a second. so many things needed to be said, but when she looked back up at him and was confronted with the severity of his stare, all she could manage was an uncharacteristically meek ❛ hi. ❜
