Title: Boss Room
Relationships: Silica/Sinon
Fandom: Sword Art Online
Word Count: 1289
Summary: It's the first time Keiko is seeing her family since she's started dating Shino. She struggles to tell her family about it.
Author Notes: Written for SAO Pride Week 2022 Day 3: Coming Out.
AO3 LINK
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Keiko's long, frilly dress comes close to dragging against the stone floor with each of her steps towards the door to her parents' house. She doesn't have to, but she bunches some of the fabric between her fingers to avoid getting it dirty, just to be safe.
This dress is one of the many ill-fitting articles of clothing bought for her when she was a few years younger, the purchase done with the expectation she'd grow into it; an assumption that mocks her to this day, littering her wardrobe with dresses a size too big for her 4' 10" of height. As she looks at Shino by her side, clad in a flannel shirt and a jean skirt, Keiko can't help but think that her parents' assumptions about her tend to cause her nothing but trouble.
She sighs.
Seeing as Keiko hesitates to knock on the door, Shino, who's been mostly silent since they left the bullet train, pipes up.
"Whatever happens, it's not like I'll stop being your girlfriend, you know?"
Keiko doesn't look at her, but her hand reaches for Shino's arm. I know, the gesture wordlessly says.
Keiko has liked girls as far as she could remember, even if she didn't always know . She's gotten a fair lot of attention from boys in her time in SAO, and mostly didn’t dislike it, but something clicked back then when the rare girl would call her cute. It sends a shiver down her spine to have a place place as unpleasant as the death game be the source of her sapphic awakening, but little about SAO was purely pleasant or unpleasant. Allowing her to find herself amidst the strife was perhaps Aincrad's saving grace.
Now that she knows of her inclinations and has a girlfriend, the idea of opening this door to a family meeting and letting them know feels like a greater challenge than entering a boss room. Silly as it is to compare both, she wonders if that's how the frontliners back in the death game felt before clearing a floor, forced to open a door to what felt like certain doom if they wanted to make any progress.
"I'm not worried about us as much as, just… I told you about my family. They are…" she punctuates her sentence with a vague hand gesture. "I don't live with them because the survivor school is all the way in Tokyo, and they found a way to resent me for that somehow. If they can find a way to get mad at me for having been in a coma , they'll find a way to get mad at… Us. Me." Keiko's teeth clench in a way that makes her jaw squarer. "Me and my dad only just got to speaking terms again, when I finally visited on New Year's. I guess I'm afraid of losing that."
When she stops and thinks, this is how it's always been with her parents; they never understand. Her father calls her insane for daring to use VR again. Her mother would chide her for refusing to go to her aunt’s house, where her cousins would incessantly ask her intrusive questions about her time in the floating castle. Both of them told her that changing her study focus from being a chemist to being a psychologist was a foolish choice, especially with how heartbroken it made her grandpa, who was excited to see her following in his footsteps.
"I don't know," Keiko says, biting her lip. "I guess I'm being a bit of a coward, haha…”
Truly, she's always been a coward, and she knows it. She couldn't face the front lines in Aincrad, couldn't face her dad head-on until holiday last year, couldn't—
"Hey now," Shino interrupts her train of thought. Her hand reaches for Keiko's. "You’re being too hard on yourself. It’s not weird to be scared when dealing with stuff like that. It’s not like I have much experience with it myself, but…”
Shino’s words feel bittersweet as they leave her own mouth. Shino understands that with her absent parents, distant relatives, and few longtime friends, worries about coming out creating a rift between her and her close ones probably never were on her mind quite as often as they were Keiko’s. She doesn’t know if her mother would even be able to process it if she were to broach the subject, and she isn’t close enough to her aunt to care if she had a negative reaction. She feels a tinge of jealousy at how, despite Keiko’s predicament, at least Keiko gets to have a father to be stuck in said predicament with.
“... But I think that if we managed to survive literal death games, we can take on your relatives.”
“... Probably,” Keiko responds.
Shino is right. How is she still scared of anything after the two years she spent in the floating castle, literally fighting for her life?
Shino had told Keiko before that her original reason for logging in Gun Gale was that she was looking to become a stronger version of herself, to shed away her weakness as Shino, the fragile schoolgirl, by immersing herself in Sinon, the cold sniper of the wastes. And, against all odds, she did in some way.
As Keiko looks at herself trembling in fear at the idea of uttering the words, “This is my girlfriend,” in front of her parents, she can’t help but wonder if Aincrad made her any stronger. Perhaps unlike her girlfriend, who had toughened herself through steel and grit, her time in Aincrad had her hollowed out like a gourd, and nothing but the plastic image of the cutesy girl with the feathery dragon remained; cute, convenient, and perhaps attractive to some, but lacking in strength to handle things by herself.
At times, it feels like everybody around her matured from the experiences they faced, but all she got for her trouble were these shaky hands.
“I wish I could be more like you,” Keiko says, after a moment lost in thought.
“Like me?”
“Yeah! You’re strong. You’re cool. You don’t get cold feet when it matters.”
That draws a chuckle out of Shino.
“I’m not so sure about that. Come on, you know me. Lots of things still make me nervous. I wish I was more like you , really.”
“Like me?”
“Yeah, like you. You have a big heart, to the point where you care more about others than you do yourself. I wish I was more like that sometimes, but… I don’t think my brain is there yet, or something.”
A part of Shino doubts herself even as she admits as much. In fact, looking at Keiko, she believes she can think of at least a person she might have a soft spot for.
“Knowing you,” Shino continues, “You’re probably thinking of this as something you’re doing by yourself. That dealing with your parents is your battle, and you shouldn’t burden others with it. But that’s what I’m here for… that’s kind of the point.”
Shino interlaces her fingers with Keiko’s. As she does so, Keiko remembers Shino’s use of we earlier.
It’s nice to remember that she is not going in there alone.
“You’re right,” Keiko says. “I just wish this was easier. But if you’re with me, then…”
She squeezes Shino’s hand tighter.
“I don’t have to worry about anything.”
She takes a deep breath. She can still feel her heart beating so loudly in her chest that she can hear it blaring in her ears, but that’s fine.
As she taps her knuckles on the door to her family house, a sense of serenity washes over her as she looks to her side.
Title: Stars of Soot
Relationships: Silica/Sinon
Fandom: Sword Art Online
Word Count: 3083
Summary: Sinon shows off GGO to Silica as a date, at Silica's request. As she experiences the different sensations of such a hardy world, Silica wonders why this world means so much to the other girl.
Notes: Made for SAO Pride Week 2020 - Day 2: Stargazing. This one wasn't beta read because I was a bit pressed for time, so please forgive me for any glaring errors. It's been a while since I wrote Silica/Sinon! It was quite fun to revisit the ship. As per usual for me, this wound up as a weird mix of fluff and character study.
AO3 Link
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The air in Gun Gale Online smells like gasoline and gunpowder, but Silica doesn’t mind… much. Not when she clings to Sinon’s back as they speed down the highway on a rental buggy, pigtails fluttering in the wind as her cheek finds rest in-between her girlfriend’s shoulder blades.
“I still can’t believe you want to try out this game,” Sinon says, the metallic hairpins on the sides of her face clinking lightly. She’s still not that used to driving, in the game or otherwise, so she keeps her eyes on the road instead of turning her head back as she talks. Vehicular collisions are not particularly romantic.
I just want to know what you see in it , Silica replies in her mind, raising her head.
She understands that, for all the time they spent together in ALO ’s fairy realm, that wasn’t Shino’s ‘world’, not in the way this place is. When she doesn’t bury herself in the curve of Sinon's back, the gas and soot is more apparent to all of her virtual senses, and even though it was her own proposition, she has to ask, why? Why choose colorless tiles and cracked pavement over the boundless hues of fantasy?
“I’d be lying if I said I… particularly get it,” Silica admits. “But this world is important to you, right?”
“Yeah,” Sinon replies. “ GGO might be an acquired taste, though. This game is gritty.”
She rolls her shoulders, leaning further back onto Silica.
Excluding Silica, Sinon has never been one for bubbly and cute, so GGO would always be a better fit for her. But this virtual world was made with inhospitality in mind, so not exactly the perfect dating spot. The fact that she’s here for one surprises her more than it does anyone else.
“Well,” Silica says, “good thing you’re here, then! Having a tour guide to show around should be a huge help.”
Sinon wheezes. “So I’m your tour guide, now?”
“Yes!” Silica proudly proclaims.
The sniper smirks. “Okay, then.”
Sinon twists the handlebars, and the bugey roars as it peels through the road. She can’t help but smile as Silica’s high-pitched yell reaches her ears, just barely audible over the revving of the engine.
*
The howling of gunfire can’t be heard as much within GGO ’s hub city, but the loud advertisements that echo from the bright signs serve as a fitting substitute, volume-wise.
Silica’s only knowledge of this game comes from watching Sinon and Kirito fight for their lives, real and virtual, through a tournament broadcast. The fact that Sinon still logs in daily to Gun Gale even after that incident would be odd to anyone other than people like the beast tamer and her friends, who are all VR addicts despite their time in Aincrad.
The two years in the floating castle, despite the pain it caused her, was where Silica grew the most. She’d never openly say that there’s a part of her that misses the days after the one year mark, when she’d settled into her reputation in those lower floors and tried to forget the outside world so much that she succeeded. None of her friends would. It’s a silent understanding and an untold promise; not to admit missing those days, so they don’t have to, either.
What does GGO, a medley of grit, greys and metal, mean to Sinon?
Their circumstances are different, but the scars they bear stain their skins in similar ways. The masks offered by virtual worlds, Silica knew, gave one the opportunity to confront themselves in ways one couldn’t anywhere else. There was something to the kind of place one chose to do so that Silica found important to know.
Sinon got to see New Aincrad, walk over the same plains wherein the beast tamer had met Pina, bask under the same electronic sunlight she experienced for two years.
It’s not fair if only one of them gets to do it, is it?
**
The sun sets while they stroll through the city, and Silica understands more of the acquired taste Sinon had mentioned. The approaching dusk was somewhat nice on itself, but the place was still a palette of monochrome then, all steel on sand, black on white. Once it’s officially night time in game, 6:00 PM sharp, however, everything changes. The dark of night makes the huge, floating billboards pop, neons of purple and blue scattered through the cyber landscape. The virtual city night lights become luminous streaks in her vision while they dash on the way here on the buggy, not unlike how she imagines speeding through one of Tokyo’s nightlife districts in a motorcycle would feel like. It’s movielike, but not fantastical or unreal, but maybe that’s the point; she doesn’t think she’d have the guts to go at such high speeds with her flesh-and-bone body, nor would Shino have the confidence Sinon presents.
There are things from real life that one can only do in a game like this.
***
They stop by an equipment shop at the center of the now-luminous city. Unlike the last time she was here with someone else, Sinon has no tournament sign-in to get to after shopping, so they can take their time.
Sinon is surprised when Silica picks an overall sensible combat outfit; a tactical green and black leather outfit with red accents, along with a dark, moss-colored poncho. We kind of match! Silica beams as she presents herself, pointing back and forth between her and Sinon’s outfit colors. She frames her face delicately and comically she does so, her eyes shining like a cartoon fawn’s. Sinon knows it’s on purpose, this over-the-top display of sweetness, but it makes her smile anyway.
Of course Silica found a way to make this cute.
It’s also cute, albeit in a different way, when Silica’s eyes look away from the armor section of the store and widen as she takes notice of a display of combat knives. They’re military-grade blades, absolutely indistinguishable from the real-world articles. Unlike just a moment ago, the shine in her eyes is unfeigned.
“Oh yeah, this game has these!” Silica exclaims.
Sinon turns to her with a quizzical look.
“... You’re interested in the knives?” That makes it two for two, the times she’s taken someone new here and they thoroughly ignored guns. Are all fantasy game players like this?
“Of course I do!” Silica exclaims, like it’s obvious. Her look all but says, I spent years fighting with daggers, remember?
Silica takes one of the knives from the demo display. It looks comically large in her hands, and yet it pales in comparison to the ones she’s grown used to in fantasy games. She spins the handle in-between her fingers, resting it on her knuckles. The hand flourish when she bumps the blade upwards, sending the knife spinning high, and then catches it from the air with her open palm is almost too fast to see. She gleefully changes the grip a few times before finally settling it in a simple reverse grip.
“They have such a better feel than those bulky daggers!” Silica exclaims in glee.
“ Impressive,” Sinon mutters under her breath. She can’t help but be hit with a sense of deja vu .
There’s a sensible distance one can gain when looking at someone brandishing a bright sword that looks more like a cosplay prop, or a fantasy dagger coated in filigrees. But there’s no distancing from seeing Silica, in all of her titanic five feet of height, doing knife tricks one would expect of a special forces soldier, or perhaps a movie greaser, when the blade is so realistic.
Sinon would be lying if she said she doesn’t find the display at least somewhat attractive.
Sinon heads over to a small menu in front of the knife section as she selects the same blade Silica had in hand. Soon after she goes through the proper transaction steps, holding Silica’s hand and laying it over the holographic display, one of the store robots scoots over to hand Silica her item.
Silica’s smile makes the credits Sinon spends all worth it.
… Is a knife a weird gift to give your girlfriend? Sinon thought, but that was a bridge already crossed. Then, she remembers the real reason they came here.
“I know you’re mostly here to look around, but you’ll still need some sort of main weapon if you’re to experience the game. Pick whatever gun you’d like to test out and we can go to a shooting range.”
****
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am absolutely serious!”
Instead of the shooting range, the two find themselves by a station near the edge of the city, connected to the game’s starter fields.
The vehicle’s mounted weapon protrudes from a hatch on top. Its long, steely frame glimmers as it reflects the sun’s harsh light. The heavy machine gun could be mistaken as some sort of cannon for the uninitiated in the ballistic arts, with its bulky, long barrel, but it’s a high-RPM, lightning-fast automatic weapon, nothing short of a reinforced harbinger of death.
“You said I could pick any weapon,” Silica reminded the other girl. “I’m picking this mounted gatling gun.”
Machine gun, actually, Sinon thought of correcting. Other than the regular shooting ranges in GGO, there were also training grounds for driving by the outskirts of the city, by the game’s starting area - it had been where Sinon had trained her bugey skills, in fact - but the knowledge of that, or of the existence of mounted weapons, is the sort of knowledge most newbies wouldn’t have.
Silica did her research for sure... and was probably planning this.
Sinon’s original plan was to simply show Silica around the game, so buying an expensive armored vehicle sounds unwise, especially when there’s only two people.
The sniper squints her eyes at the shorter girl. Noticing Sinon’s glare, Silica fans her eyelashes pleadingly, and Sinon’s resolve falters.
… I guess I was thinking of getting everyone else to convert and help me out, anyway?
“... Fine,” Sinon concedes. “But you better help me convince everyone else to hop on here for the PKer problem, then.”
Silica immediately jumps in excitement. The humvee’s engine purrs to life as Sinon turns the engine key, and the newbie gunner excitedly hops to the top hatch.
*****
Silica is small, but she doesn’t feel so when she holds onto the trigger in the huge weapon’s handlebars, the generated mobs in the starting fields shattering into red sparks. She loudly laughs in excitement as the high speed vehicle traverses the shifting sands.
The ride is a feeling unlike her other experiences with virtual worlds. It might be due to what Sinon earlier described as a “commitment to grittiness,” but the game still replicates hints of discomfort; her small frame vibrates from the gun’s recoil, her fingertips feel a bit too warm, and she has to ask Sinon to stop every so often because of dizziness.
It’s annoying at first, but it grows on her.
Silica wonders if this is part of what draws Sinon to this world.
******
Silica finds the pink hue that covers GGO ’s desert sands endearing.
She gets a good vantage point to admire the landscape as she’s wrapped in one of Sinon’s arms and they zip up a rocky structure. The grappling hook’s line is taut with their combined weight.
Despite the pleasure found in their proximity, as her hand holds Silica’s body close to her by the waist, Sinon does so primarily out of practicality, as Silica doesn’t possess a grappling hook of her own.
Silica, however, finds herself smitten by the situation. Being carried in the arms of a cool girl as she takes in the sights of a foreign world, the warmth of her body providing solace in the cold, simulated night, is a scene befitting a dream she’d have long ago if she’d known she liked girls sooner.
Silica sighs in disappointment as they reach the summit, going from dream to simulated reality. As she looks at Sinon, she’s glad this reality, virtual as it is, is still dreamy aplenty.
The plateau atop the rock formations, where monsters couldn’t reach, was the perfect stargazing spot. It allows them to wind down after spending an entire day driving, shooting, and in Silica’s case, shouting in excitement. Sinon is not exactly the romantic type, far from it, but even she recognizes what the beauty of GGO’s night sky can do to one’s heart. She’s glad she gets to watch it with someone else now, instead of only her sniper rifle for company.
Sinon sits herself by a boulder on the plateau that she manages to find snug. The wordless invitation she gives Silica, as the spot to her side seems like it would fit her perfectly, beckons the younger girl, who hasn’t acquired the same grit to be truly comfortable on the hard surface. Thankfully, Sinon’s shoulder is softer than the rocks.
“So, what did you think?” Sinon asks. “Was I a good tour guide?”
“Yes,” Silica answers. “I give you five stars!” She nuzzles closer onto Sinon’s side.
They stare out at the sky. The moon is hidden behind drifting clouds.
“I have a confession to make,” Silica admits, in a tone that sits between jokey and serious. “I didn’t want to try this game only to shoot guns.”
“Oh?” Sinon’s surprise is clearly feigned. Even she would be able to understand that Silica’s request to see this game was a date proposition. There was a reason she decided to cap the night off with stargazing.
“Yeah. I guess I figured… playing this game would make me feel closer to you.”
“Oh.” Sinon’s surprise this time is genuine. “Well… do you?”
“Hmm.” Silica looks at them, sitting side by side, sharing warmth, and yes seems like the obvious answer here. “I mean, yes. But I suppose I was looking for an answer.”
“An answer… did you find it?”
“I’m not sure I did. I think I found… something,” Silica says. Her grip on Sinon’s arm tightens, a mix of affection and nervousness. “I think there is something important about virtual worlds, and why we’re drawn to them. I... now that I think about it, maybe I could’ve just asked you from the beginning.”
Her heels pitter-patter on the rocky surface.
“What does this… What does GGO mean to you?”
Sinon looks at Silica, a bit puzzled.
Silica doesn’t know how fair of a question it is, really. Could she explain what drew her to virtual worlds? Why thinking of Aincrad, her former prison, makes her feel homesick? But she’s nothing if not sincere, and she wants to know. She figures Sinon, introspective as she is, thinks about those things more than she does.
“GGO is, you know.” Sinon makes a meaningless hand gesture. She thought obsessively before about this question - her objective, her growth, her path towards becoming stronger , she called it. She doesn’t know how to distill it in a sensible way, is all.
A place to face my fears?
Where I met Kirito, thus, how I met you?
“ Home?” Sinon says without registering.
Oh.
It’s under this night sky, beneath a red moon, that Sinon realizes this is the first time she got to enjoy this world with someone she truly cared for, life-or-death situations notwithstanding. This place, with its odd smells, rattling sounds, and even unpleasant sensations, has been one of the few places of respite she had from… everything. Others. The world. Herself. It’s more evident now, with someone to share it.
“I came to this world because I wanted to surpass who I was. I wanted to become stronger,” Sinon explains, unsure of whether she sounds pretentious. Sinon’s jaw clenches, and Silica gives her a reassuring squeeze. “When I first came here, there was nothing I wanted more than to erase my real self with this- this stronger version of me. This better version of me.”
The image of Hecate II, her sniper rifle, her companion, comes to mind. She’d thought before, at times, what was she without its weight on her back, other than a fragile girl who can’t help but retch at the sight of gun replicas? Without burnt fingertips and trembling shoulders from gun recoil, how could she call the strength she built here real?
This place is home because it was under this same carmine moon that she realized Asada Shino, the high-schooler, was just as much of a warrior as Sinon, the elite sniper. Under this virtual sky, nothing but code threads woven into a reality, was where she accepted who she was.
She fidgets with her fingerless gloves as she continues. “It’s hard to give a simple answer,” she concedes. “But if I had to try, I’d say… this is the place that showed me it was okay for me to be myself. To recognize my strength, to connect with others. Back then, before this game, I never thought I’d get to have... this, I guess.” Sinon nudges Silica’s shoulder with hers, playfully. “Who knows. Maybe I just wanted to be proven wrong.”
Silica’s heart tightens. She moves a hand to Sinon’s cheek.
“I’m glad you were proven wrong, then.”
In what Silica is pretty sure is the first time, Sinon is the one approaching her for a kiss.
It’s quick and sweet. Sinon’s thin lips press onto Silica’s lightly. It’s easy to forget they’re in the virtual world then, with their eyes closed the way they are, the waves of warmth radiating through their faces as the only signal their AmuSpheres send to their brains.
*******
The night goes by quietly as they stare to the sky, save for the distant sounds of underground monsters shifting the sands and Silica’s occasional comment of how she’s sure she can tell the constellations even through the thick clouds. They have little time before GGO’s short day cycle robs them of this sight.
That sky, this world, are virtual, and they know that. It’s hard to tell, though, when it shares stars with the real one, when it shares warmth with the real one, when the strength they gain, the bonds they deepen, the sights they see, carry over to the real one.
The air in Gun Gale Online smells like gasoline and gunpowder, but Silica doesn’t mind… at all, really, when it grants them the opportunity to be so frank and close, so near when they’re so far.
When it grants them the opportunity to be themselves more than anywhere else.
Title: Next Time
Pairing: Silica/Sinon
Fandom: Sword Art Online
Word Count: 2,431
Summary: Shino visits Keiko in a snowy day. One of them has to open up so the other can, too.
Notes: Made for SAO Pride Week - Day 2: Trust. I’m a bit late in posting this due to a power outtage in my neighborhood. Thanks to @thegayfromrulid for beta reading.
AO3 Link
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It was snowing outside.
Keiko patted inside the tall kitchen cabinet and her fingertips gathered dust brushing against the wooden cover. Feeling the cold metal surface of the can she looked for, she grabbed it and closed the door. Following into the next room, she was greeted by a small, fluffy creature that rubbed itself against her legs and purred softly.
“Are you really being affectionate or is it just the food?” She asked her cat and almost expected an answer.
She unsealed the can with the jagged opener, sneering at the unpleasant smell oozing from the container. She dumped the wet contents on the tiny bowl that read “Pina”. The feline’s ears bristled upwards as it gracefully walked to the pot, stuffing its face with the kind of gross-looking food.
There’s my answer, she thought.
Crouching, she caressed her pet’s head, a sigh of defeat escaping her mouth.
“You really are the worst kitty ever, you know?”
The cat continued to munch on the contents of the bowl, unfazed by her accusations. Stepping into the next room and slouching on the sofa in the living room, she stared at the ceiling for a while.
A few hours earlier, her parents had once again invited her to a family gathering, and once again, she’d refused.
She hated seeing her family. They asked too many questions about her time in the floating castle, too many inquiries of years she’d rather forget. She loathed seeing her relatives and the judging stares that they directed at her, and no amount of scolding about “her growing reputation as a shut-in” could change that or convince her to go.
Unsavory thoughts of her time in Aincrad swirled in her mind, but she quickly swatted them away. Letting those feelings fester for too long tended to give her headaches, and that wasn’t the time for–
The doorbell rang.
Her heart skipped a beat. She knew who stood behind the door – they were expected, after all, and there weren’t many people who would visit her dormitory, especially at this hour.
She walked to the door, somewhat anxious. Looking through the peephole, she saw the distorted image of a girl, her black hair tied with white ribbons on both sides of her face. The girl behind the door rubbed her palms together, hands bumping into her half-rimmed glasses as white smoke released from her mouth. The harsh December winter bit into her, leggings and coats and all, and it didn’t seem like the snowfall outside would stop any time soon.
Keiko opened the door, the cold wind sending the hairs of her nape on end. Some warmth from the house’s heater escaped through the entrance. Keiko, whose pigtails were so customary both in the real and in the virtual world they could as well be her trademark, wore her hair down, which gave her a slightly more mature air than her usual juvenile looks. The one-size-too-large sweater featuring a cartoonish goldfish over her chest seemed to act as a proper counterweight to that, though.
She couldn’t help but notice how comically burly Shino looked in her three-- four? layers of clothing. Her wool muffler hid the lower half of her face and she looked like a human spring roll.
Waving a hand, the visitor greeted: “Hello, Silica.”
“Come on in, Sinon,” the shorter girl replied with a smile, and Shino obliged.
The two picked up the nasty habit of calling each other by their avatar names in real life, but at that point, they just couldn’t help it. Their time together in the virtual world made these sound much more natural to say out loud.
Closing the door after entering the house, Shino untied the muffler around her neck and placed it on the makeshift hanger by the entrance, along with her coat. Keiko went ahead to the kitchen to start heating the tea. Taking off her boots before stepping into the hallway, a noise similar to a softly revving engine distracted the bespectacled girl.
As she saw Keiko awkwardly shooing the cat away from the kitchen, she realized the source of the noise.
“Oh.”
Slowly and warily, the furry source made its way to her.
Shino stood still, watching as the cat circled around her once, then brushed its white fur against her black leggings the second time around. She felt a mix of confusion and joy from the unexpected greeter.
**
Shino’s call earlier was a bit sudden.
“Is it okay if I visit you today?”
That was her simple request upon calling. Keiko had invited her to her house once before, and had no reason to decline, but she couldn’t help but notice something off about Shino’s voice; her tired tone, the light rasping, the subtle panic embedded into it.
“Are you alright?” she’d asked.
A weak “yeah” succeeding a short pause was all Shino said. Keiko didn’t push her.
Shino often felt a bit distant, like she’d prefer biting her own tongue off to opening up. A past of hurt had forced her to build walls around herself. Keiko didn’t know how to convey that desire, or even if it was her place to do so…
But she wanted to tear those walls down.
**
“Sorry for the wait,” Keiko said, entering the room.
She quickly directed her gaze down to the creature resting on Shino’s lap.
“It’s okay,” Shino deadpanned, pointing at Pina. “This little guy kept me company.”
Keiko wasn’t able to hold back the sheepish chuckles that escaped her mouth. Shino squinted at the sudden laughter.
“Sorry, sorry,” Keiko replied, shaking her head side to side. “You just said that so seriously!”
Shino scratched her cheek at the odd explanation, the hint of a smile making a way to her lips.
“I’m surprised, too. He generally doesn’t just approach people like that.”
As if on cue, the cat ran away from Shino’s leg pillow, darting back to the kitchen. At that, Keiko again seemed oddly amused, trying to hold back her joy at that simple event.
It wasn’t uncommon for Keiko to laugh at seemingly trivial matters, and albeit she’d never admit, the dark-haired girl found joy in being accidentally amusing in this way. She never found humor to be her forte. Keiko’s promptness for laughter seemed twofold whenever Shino was around – not that the girl knew that, obviously. She just assumed that was part of Keiko’s constantly cheery personality.
Finally setting the tray on the kotatsu, Keiko sat beside Shino, a tinge of nervousness prickling them both as she did so.
The guest took hold of the cup before her, warm ceramic heating cold hands, the lemony smell of honey revitalizing her body. She raised the drink to take a sip, feeling as the hot drink soothed her light shivering and a familiar taste stuck to her tongue.
The cup made a dull sound as it was gently set on the table, a tense silence filling the room for several seconds. Keiko was the one to break it.
“So, is everything okay with you? Anything you wanted to talk about?”
Shino averted her gaze down to her cup, inviting silence once more. She swirled the contents of her mug, avoiding eye contact as she thought on how to answer.
“Nothing in particular. You mentioned I should come visit a couple of weeks ago, and today just happened to be a good day for me. You said something about a movie last time I was here?”
“Ah, I see! That uh, that makes sense.”
Her voice seemed clearer than during her call, but something still seemed off. Failing at getting a read on her again, Keiko pursed her lips.
Maybe this is none of her business. Maybe she should just watch a movie with her friend, and stop being so nosy…
Unsure or whether or not to push further, she took the laptop by the side of the table and opened it, both of them staring at the screen as Keiko tried to remember the name of a movie she mentioned in passing weeks ago.
It might be how long it’s been, or that she only brought it up because she wanted to watch it with the girl next to her, or, perhaps more likely, how worried she is about her friend right now, but she struggles with the name.
Catching a whiff of the scent of the tea again, she remembers – both the name of the movie and something else.
“You know,” Keiko started as she began her typing, “I have trouble sleeping sometimes. Nightmares.”
Shino turned back to her, shoulders instinctively tensing upon seeing Keiko’s melancholic smile.
“Ever since I had to leave home and come to Tokyo, well, I was– am, a bit scared. I barely left the house back then, and then the SAO incident happened, and then, just when I thought things would be normal again… The only school that would accept me was hours from home, and I had to move here by myself, away from my family, and they blame me for it, somehow.”
She said that with a cheery expression, along with a cracked voice that unmasked her grief.
Keiko knows this is a bit sudden, and maybe somewhat awkward, but she doesn’t know how else to get through to her.
Shino stared at her speechless for a second before nodding, prompting her to continue.
"And so every night since, I feel this… guilt that makes me want to hurl,” she continued, clasping her hands in a cute, unfitting way.
Shino felt an urge to reach out to the girl next to her to comfort her, but something inside herself stopped her, wouldn’t let her. She simply clenched her fists.
“But,“ Keiko continued, “you told me about this blend of tea, a couple of months ago, I think? And I know this is silly, but ever since I started trying it a while before bed it’s been better.”
Shino wore a puzzled expression hearing this. Keiko continued, a bit fidgety.
“Uh, well, not a lot better? Just not as bad! I mean, it’s just tea. And I mean, I know this is silly,” she stammered, “but I guess it helped. Tea sounds like one of those silly things people who don’t really… get it recommend, but there was something about it, small as it was, that helped me shuffle a little less in my sleep. So,” she sounded a bit embarrassed saying the last part, “it’s like you helped me, in a way.”
Keiko put her hand over Shino’s, amber eyes uncharacteristically piercing as she stared the sniper down, a firm, reassuring squeeze draped over Shino’s knuckles.
“Now, I get the feeling you asked to come here for a reason. Because you had something troubling you.”
A short silence followed, and Shino just stared, perhaps a little more stoic than intended.
“… And I guess, I want to help you, too?”
She thought it was a bit embarrassing making her comfort pitch following a talk about the magical wonders of tea for anxiety, but at the same time she couldn't think of anything better to say. She just figured opening up first would be the best route there.
Keiko started fumbling, scratching her neck awkwardly.
"W-well, not that it’s uh, my place to say any of that, or like you have to talk to me about anything! I’m just rambling here, really! Haha!”
Shino laughed sheepishly as Keiko’s ears turn pink through her clarification, and a small “it’s fine, it’s fine,” is all she said before going back to silence. Given a moment, she grasped Keiko’s hand in return, her calm voice breaking the silence.
“I get nightmares too,” she confessed. “And, honestly, I’m afraid of being alone with my thoughts for too long, being all by myself in my apartment.”
She fiddled with her fingers a bit, as if to focus on something keep herself talking.
“I guess I just wanted to hear someone’s voice. Be with someone for a while. You were one of the first people who came to mind, really.”
Sinon thought back to a few months ago – before BoB, before meeting Kirito, before meeting Silica and his other friends, and she can’t imagine herself being so frank to someone like this. The fog in her mind that tried to close others off seemed thinner. Easier to navigate through, if only slightly.
Keiko wasn't quite sure how to react at first. She just squeezed the other girl’s hand tighter; to remind her that she’s there. She’s a little surprised Shino puts enough trust in her to tell her this – honored, in a way. She felt a prickling in her eyes that threatened to turn into tears, but she knew that wasn’t the time.
“I’m, I’m glad, that I can be a person like that for you. I understand how it can be, to feel like you can’t talk about these thoughts with anyone, but…”
She moves her face closer to Shino’s.
“… You don’t have to, you know. If you’re okay with me.”
Keiko took note of how smitten Shino’s gaze looked at her, and finally noticed their faces were almost touching. Both girls’ cheeks tinted with a faint red at that moment, hearts skipping the same beat.
Shino quickly averted her gaze from Keiko’s, who in turn chuckled at the display of bashfulness that seemed more and more common for the girl she once perceived as a cold markswoman.
A wandering hand reached out from behind Shino’s neck to her shoulder, gently pulling her closer to the girl sitting next to her. The warmth brought her a sense of tranquility.
“You don’t have to be so shy about those things next time, you know,” Keiko’s soft voice explained.
“I’ll keep that in mind… next time,” Shino replied warmly, the last part uttered with a certain longing to it. She playfully bumped her shoulder against Keiko’s.
Shino leaned in closer and laid her head against Keiko’s shoulder, making herself comfortable as they finally started the movie waiting on the nearby laptop’s screen.
They didn’t know how much time they had to be like that, hands interwoven under the heated table, cozily leaning onto each other. They did know that then, however, nothing could touch them – the swirling white cold dancing through the biting winter winds outside, the expectations of judging relatives, the foreboding loneliness of an empty apartment. That small dormitory, with its small laptop, was their bunker, offering them the chance to be together.
When they were together. Those were the moments they could allow their worries to melt away like driven snow.
I figure Shino isn’t all that into taking pictures but Keiko insists they do that a lot because she wants to have a lot of selfies with her cute gf! They all come out really awkward but Keiko cherishes them still
Silicon headcanon: Sinon has self esteem issues and Silica constantly tells her she's beautiful and perfect and no ones as amazing as her. Also when she has bouts of PTSD, Silica always does her best to pick up on it before she has a panic attack and holds her and tells her it's going to be okay before things get too bad.
I liked this message so much I didn’t want to respond for a while so I could see it again every time I went back to the askbox. THIS SORT OF SILICON DYNAMIC IS WHAT I LIVE FOR
Naturally, Sinon appreciates Silica’s support greatly. She constantly wishes she could do more for Keiko in return (she does help her out a lot, but she never finds it enough), so she’d probably start trying to be more openly affectionate to show her appreciation.
searching Silicon on tumblr is hilarious because you’ll find a bunch of pictures of minerals and other scientific stuff, then suddendly cutesy fanart of two girls snuggling and kissing or something
in retrospect it might’ve been wise of me to have picked a different pairing name for those two but I’m not even mad. this is just hilarious to me
Hehe, here's some Silicon headcanons for you : 1. Silica kiss Sinon on the nose to cheer her up when she's depressed 2. They're not that much into kissing but they love cuddling and holding hands 3. Sinon likes to kiss Silica on the forehead 4. They often have sleepover with Lis (not really Silicon but Lisilicon tho) I hope you like those and you'll get better soon ♥
