#simon d angst

[k-hiphopshit]

Take Care Little Girl (Simon D x Reader)

Request by anon. Enjoy!

You loved Kiseok, from the moment you saw him even when you did not believe in love at first sight somehow you fell in love as soon as your eyes met, you thought he was going to be the man of your life, you loved him and he loved you but sometimes love is not enough.

You quietly packed your stuff, only the sound of the clock and your sniffles were heard around the house... the house full of memories, memories that you cherished and memories that you want to erase forever in your mind, the memories that made you put all your stuff in a few suitcases. Fight after fight, curses followed by petty insults, smashing stuff and closing doors, accusation after denial, tear after tear, all that stuff that broke his and your heart. It was time to face the music, you had to put an end of this even that would hurt you, it would be better for everyone, since you hurt each other every day it won't be much of a difference you thought bitterly.

You waited for him,sat on a stool at the beautiful kitchen you had designed, the kitchen you used to cook meals for both of you, the kitchen that he would make breakfast, the kitchen that you broke so many plates and glasses, yelling from the one side of the table. You turned to the clock and saw the time, he would be there any minute now, your heart started racing, it was like you were going to pass out right there, you felt nauseous and for a second you thought that maybe you should unpack. You shook your head refusing to back down, you had backed down so many other times, not anymore, it was final and it had to happen, this loving relationship became toxic and you had promised to never let anyone make you feel lost or helpless.

As soon as you heard the door open and close your heart went from fast pace to completely still, your breath hitched to your throat and your body suddenly became cold. You knew he saw the suitcases, you could tell by the silence, he usually calls for you. You took deep breaths as you heard his footsteps approach you, when you opened your eyes he stood right in front you, his face showed hurt, you had to hold yourself from breaking down right there.

"Kiseok"

"You are leaving me?"

He sounded so broken, so vulnerable and it made you feel so guilty inside, you could feel a knife going straight to your heart as he started right through you.  A part of him expected this, he just prayed it would never happen, he couldn't help but blamed himself too, he thought he would be the one to protect you, instead he became the root of your pain and he hated himself for it.

"I don't want to, Kiseok we are in pain, we can't be like this"

"I love you, you are my woman"

"And I love you but love is not enough, do you want me to hurt you even more?"

"You never meant it"

He whispered to himself, he knew your Love for him ran deep and he knew that you would do anything for him, that's why you are sacrificing yourself to become the bad guy and end this.

"Let's say you forgive me, can you forgive yourself?... cause I cannot forgive you Kiseok, I just imagine... her"

You couldn't handle it anymore, you broke down in tears, completely collapsed on top of the cold surface and cried. He had cheated, yes it was one time and you thought you could move on, turns out you can't, after that it just went downhill and it mostly was because you could not trust him, everytime he had to practice, every time he went on tour and she was there... you just went crazy and many times you end in a fight over the phone, text, face time, anything. 

You felt his hand your back, you knew he hated when you cried specifically when he was the reason behind those tears. He rubbed your back soothingly, holding back tears himself, he had destroyed you, he felt so ashamed for what he has done, every day of his life after than night, the one woman that he adored he betrayed and traded for someone that had not done half of the stuff you had done for him.

"I love you (y/n), I love you so much"

He whispered in your ear, placing a kiss on your hair. You managed to pull yourself together and wipe away those tears, as you raised your head and looked at him again you reached for his face with your hand.

"I love you too, with all my heart"

You don't know why but you just pulled him closer and placed a soft loving kiss on his lips, the last kiss. As you pulled back you got on your feet and gave him the best smile you could give.

"Be good okay? No drinking and no partying"

"I will, call me if you need anything. Take care little girl"

You turned your back on him and went towards your stuff, grabbing your luggage and opening the door, you looked to his side one more time, as tears ran on your face again.

"Go on, you will regret it if you don't leave"

"I love you Kiseok"

"I love you too but you have to leave, you know I don't like it when I cry in front of you"

Dealing with a break up is already hard, being on the public eye is even harder, it almost feels impossible. People did not know about you and him, which made it even more difficult since you had to put on a smile and perform, give interviews, sign autographs, take pictures like you were not dealing with a bad case of a broken heart. You only found peace at the privacy of your dressing room, your house and the booth, so many touch ups for make up, so many tissues around the house, so many tear stained papers that you could barely make out the words you had written. After the release of your new song "I can't stay" people started to catch on, luckily you and Kiseok had never made public appearances even as friends so people did not suspect him, they jsut knew you were dealing with a very emotional break up.

"Hello and welcome back to our radio station, today we have with us a very special lady, miss (y/n), welcome"

"Thank you, it's been a while"

You said with a fake smile. You dreaded this interview, you begged your publicist to call in sick for you, obvioussly it did not work. You knew they would ask questions abou the song, which you did not know you would react.

"So you have just finished a tour and you came out with a new song right?"

"Yes, it's called I can't stay and it's available on Itunes"

"So I have to ask... why did you write such an emotional song, cause i have to admit I cried when I first heard it"

You took a deep breath and braced yourself for the worst.

"Well... I recently went through a break up and... I was and I still am very conflicted and sad about it"

"May I ask why?"

"I was with that person for a long period of my life, I lived with him and a lot of things happen from both sides and it was happening for a long time now so I just said that I can't stay anymore"

You could feel the tension in the room, the producer could see how you struggled to speak and put sentences together, honestly your eyes were already getting cloudy.

"Do you still talk to him?, cause you sound angry in the song"

"I have not but I do want to keep him in my life cause... i love him and he loves me, we didn't just stop loving each other, but you know... reality is not always good to us"

"Are you on to the next?"

"No, I can't move on yet. I need to deal with it and leave it and then move on to be real happy, I honestly do hope I found someone that will make me as happy as he did cause he did make me happy and he gave me his all and I gave him my all but that kind of dissapeared from the relationship... one second"

Your voice broke as you spoke, you closed your eyes and took a really deep breath, trying so hard to not let those tears spill. It was the first time you ever talked about thiss and it brought all those emotions back, all the pain, all the hurt all the anger, it just hit you right in your heart.

"It's okay, we will stop talking about it now."

"Thank you"

As you got back to your dressing room your phone vibrated, you had a message. You saw his name on the screen and it terrified you, what if he was angry at you for talking about it on air? What if he was hurt for betraying him? You opened the message with shaky hands and saw the screen.

"I'm sorry, I love you too, don't cry for me I want you to smile. Call me when you want, we can go for a beer"

You smiled as the tears hit the screen, it's not fair! you wished you could hate him, you wished he hated you, but no, breaking up while still being in love made it even harder, you wanted to run back to him. You hit reply and started typing

"I would love that, maybe when we get better. I'm sorry too, I love you"

[write-this-way-please]

Moments

Those of you that have been following me for a while, know how close this prompt is to me. To the requester I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope this is able to comfort any that read it. Not gonna lie this too a lot out of me emotionally and I broke down crying in public while writing it… But I think it also helped me. And today (4/25) happens to be the anniversary of my dad’s death so I think I needed this to cope....

Moments

Kiseok chuckled seeing you wandering back and forth through the office. “Baby relax” he grinned, grabbing your hand trying to slow you down. You’d always been so busy. Never resting for a moment. But that was how you liked it, you hated sitting idle. There was always something to do and you were going to find it.

“Oppa I can’t” you smiled as he tugged you onto his lap. “I have a bunch of phone calls to make” Life at the AOMG office was pretty busy as it was and on top of the tour Jay was planning so much needed to be done. The crew was getting bigger, the company was expanding, new deals were met and you were taking it all head on.

He kissed your wrist, taking your phone from your hand. “Slow it down. Don’t let life get away from you.”

“Then hire more people and give me a break” you laughed, hitting his chest, kissing his lips softly. “And stop distracting me from work”

“Hey now. I’m your Boss. I am your work” he wrapped his arms comfortably around your waist, kissing you back.

You smiled pulling back as your phone rang. “Mmm I gotta get that. That’s the manager from Taiwan.”

“Noooo” he whined against your ear. “Let it ring”

“I gotta work” you laughed pulling out of his grip and answering your phone. “Hello? This is she.” you wedged your phone against your shoulder and ear while jotting down notes and retreating to your office.

Kiseok laughed, watching you scurry away, your business no-nonsense tone echoing through the hall. His eyes softened looking at the photo of the two of you on his desk. You were always so put together. But even he noticed that you were overcompensating. You worked too hard, kept yourself too busy.

He tried not to relate everything to your father’s death, but it was part of who you were. Part of your past. It hadn’t even been that long, but it felt like you were almost doing too well.

He’d never lost a parent before so it’s hard to tell how one is supposed to grieve. But something felt off. The years before he’d notice a dip in your mood around the anniversary that you lost him, but this year you’d been at a high.  

It was almost unnerving. But he’d let you feel what you needed to when you needed to.

It was almost out of nowhere when it finally hit.

Tablo and Haru had spent the day at the studio, and Kiseok hadn’t seen you smile so brightly. Haru visiting was the only thing that could pull you out of your office. You absolutely loved that girl. You loved children in general, but you were so tender with Haru. Rather it was a maternal instinct or simply being charmed by the girl you were the happiest you’d been in months.

But after the two had left Kiseok noticed the pained look in your eyes. “Hey…. you ok?” he reached out to touch your arm but you’d retreated, hugging yourself. You forced a smile, trying to push out the sadness, but it only made you look so broken.

“I’m o-k…” but your voice cracked and the tears finally fell.

“Hey…” his voice was calm as he pulled you into his arms. “What’s wrong? Talk to me...”

Talk.

The one thing you haven’t done.

The one thing you refused to do.

Because no matter how much you vented, how much you grieved it would change nothing.

Burying your face in his chest you finally broke. All you could do was cry. You didn’t even really understand it yourself but it just made you so sad. You loved Tablo and Haru more than anything. Their relationship was beautiful, she smiled and held on to her father the way you once did. And maybe that why it affected you so much? It was hard to explain being jealous.

It almost didn’t make sense.

It warmed your heart to see little girls with their fathers. It was like you were reliving your childhood just watching them but afterward, you just felt this huge emptiness. It was like you were reliving the moment you lost your father all over again, while simultaneously basking in all the good memories, and grieving over the lost future. It was like being over stimulated with everything that you’d just compartmentalized to live.

There was no way to explain it to Kiseok. How do you explain being jealous of a five-year-old? It was selfish and silly almost. Everyone deserved to have their dad in their life and as much as you loved seeing Haru with Tablo, you envied her.

You envied her innocence and you were so thankful that she didn’t know your pain. Because it wasn’t a pain you’d put on anyone.

Kiseok continued to rub your back as your sobs slowly subsided. Outside of the funeral itself, this was the most open he’d ever seen you and he hated feeling helpless. How was he supposed to make this better? How was he supposed to make you better?

Desperately gripping onto his shirt you looked up at him, choking back a sob. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Shhh….There’s nothing wrong with you.” he kissed the top of your head.

“I miss my dad so much Kiseok….”

“I know Jagi...I know….It’s gonna be alright.” he tightened his grip around you, desperately wanting to do anything in his power just to make you feel safe again. But even he knew it was better for you to just feel. Feel anything and everything your body needed you to, because repressing everything was going to break you.

Eventually, the tears stopped, the heaves turned into sniffles, and soon enough you tired yourself out. Your body just shut down to try and heal your heart. Kiseok looked down at you, stroking your hair as you slept on the couch.

There were no words to heal the pain in your heart. But what he could do was be there for you. Whenever you were ready to face this head on he’d be there. But he couldn’t push it, you needed to be the one that was ready.

You kissed his hand, gripping it tightly, thankful that you weren’t alone in this.

End

I guess I did this as a fluff leading to an angst. It doesn’t feel right to try and pretend that it can be a fluff at the end. 

I wanted to illustrate hope instead. This was and still is how I grieve. Never wanting a moment to stop working and being sad. I just needed to do something and I never allowed myself to feel because if I let in one feeling it was like opening a floodgate and I would just be a mess on the ground. Relapsing in every sense of the word. 

[ksstherain-blog]

bad luck

pairing: reader x simon d

genre: [idol!au] fluff/angst coming ur way 

prompt:

23. “i’ll wait.”

31. “don’t worry about me.”

36. “we’ll figure it out.”

a/n: im rly sorry if u dont like that it’s an idol au but this was the only story that came into my head :/ i can rewrite something else if ur not satisfied with this!! 

Kiseok had barely rested his damp hair on his pillow for more than a few minutes before his phone began to vibrate, forcing his fatigued eyes open.

He laid still on the bed, allowing the vibrating to persist from the device resting on the bedside table. Thoughts and ideas circulated through his head as he wondered who could be calling him at this hour. 

Around 3:30 in the morning, he assumed; he had gotten home from a recording session with Sunghwa around 2:30, and his nightly routine was completed minutes before he plopped down on the bed. He wanted nothing but to have you in his arms while he slept, and it seemed to be impossible to do either.

By now, the vibrating had ceased. Kiseok let out a deep sigh before shutting his eyes and shifting into a comfortable position. As he slipped in and out of reality and his dreams, the vibrating began again, much to Kiseok’s dismay. 

His eyes shot open and he attempted to repress his growing frustration as he looked at the clock sitting on the table. Its red, glowing numbers seemed to mock him, screaming the ungodly hour of 3:36 in his face. The phone continued to vibrate, begging for Kiseok’s attention.

With sleepy hands, he mercilessly slapped the table in search of the device and pressed it against his ear. His eyes closed, relieved that the most difficult portion of the task was complete.

“Hello,” he mumbled. He suddenly became aware that he did not know who was on the other line.

“Hey, baby. Sorry to wake you. I just had to tell you something and I thought it’d be better to just let you know now...”

Despite being projected through the phone speaker, Kiseok could tell your tone of voice was something to question. His boyfriend senses kicked in as his fatigued body shot up into a sitting position.

“What’s wrong, Y/N? Did something happen?” 

On the other side of the world, you and your group sat in a grand hotel room, soaking in the luxury that surrounded all of you. Stone cold faces and a few stray tears could be seen as your fellow members made similar phone calls to friends, family, and their loved ones.

“Our manager was able to get us a few more tour dates! So we can promote our album more!” your words were laced with faux enthusiasm and joy, the frustration and sadness beginning to override your feelings.

“That’s good, babe! Congratulations! What’s wrong, though?”

“Kiseok, it’s just-”

“Don’t beat around the bush, just tell me. I won’t be mad if it’s something that you’re afraid to tell me, you know that.”

A sigh ghosted past your lips, the single tear that had accumulated from your pent up frustration gliding down your skin and dripping onto your leg with a soft splat.

“I won’t be back for another month,” you whispered softly. It still had not fully hit you- all your plans had been scheduled around being reunited with Kiseok in a matter of days, but now, it had to be postponed. All the waiting you had done seemed to go to waste.

The line was quiet. Your boyfriend’s breathing was audible as he gathered his thoughts and attempted to piece together a response.

“Another month on tour?” he asked, wanting to confirm what he had just heard.

“Yeah.”

He sighed, unable to mask his disappointment.

“It’s okay,” he said gently, “I’ll wait.”

Kiseok was now laying down, the news weighing him down like a ton of bricks sitting on his chest. He had been counting the days till he could see you again, and now he had to wait for another 30. 

“I’m so sorry, I know that you've been planning a lot of things for when I get back and I was so excited to see you. Now everything is ruined,” a soft apology left your lips, your voice becoming unreliable as the reality of the situation set in.

The vulnerability in your voice caused Kiseok’s heart to flutter.

“Why are you apologizing, cutie? It’s not your fault. There’s nothing we can do except wait. Don’t worry about me, Oppa will be fine. And we can always change our plans; we’ll figure it out.”

You had to stifle your giggle as you pretended to gag at the name he dubbed himself with. However, hearing your laugh forced a hopeful smile on his face.

“If you call yourself ‘Oppa’ one more time, I’m not going to come back at all.”

feedback is always appreciated!! let me know what you think or if there’s anything else you want to see me write <3 

[royalssamd]

“Clouding My Mind” - Simon Dominic X Reader (Angst/Fluff)

Description: You and Simon have been dating for quite a while and attending his concerts was always fun, until your insecurities got the best of you and you started noticing the way Simon looked at his dancer. 

Word count: 2.538

Simon’s arms were tightly wrapped around your body, his cheek softly planted on your shoulder as you zoned out, completely caught up in your thoughts. You knew it was wrong of you to doubt him and let jealousy cloud your mind, but for the first time in a year you couldn’t help but allow it to nibble at your brain. The air in your lungs was long gone, making you feel as if you were going to pass out any time. Shuffling of bodies could be heard around you as people went in and out of the room, the world constantly moving around you as you remained stuck in place.

“Baby girl, what’s wrong?” Simon nudged your cheek lazily with the tip of his nose before placing a chaste kiss on it. “You’re out of it.”

“Hmm?” you mumbled, snapping out of your thoughts while forcing a tight smile to appear on your lips. Your gaze slipped down to Simon’s palm as you started tracing small hearts across his skin. “I’m-”

“Simon!” a feminine voice yelled before the door to Simon’s changing room opened, revealing a tiny frame. Her voice carried out in a series of Korean words that you so easily blocked out, allowing your thoughts to come back like an avalanche. “We’re up in five,” she motioned with her hands and then closed the door behind her.

“Looks like I have to go,” you snapped back to reality as soon as Simon’s rough voice echoed around the room and the couch dipped down and back up as he got on his feet, looking intently at you.

Your skin already missed his as you crossed your arms and placed your palms on your shoulders, rubbing the clothed skin.

“Won’t you kiss me?” a frown appeared on his face, disturbing its beautiful serenity. “Something’s wrong,” this time he stated it, feeling the bubble running around the room, threatening to pop any second.

Your hands clutched the cushions and you forced yourself up on your feet. A lazy smile spread across your face as you lifted yourself up on your tippy toes to place a small peck on Simon’s lips, “you’ll do great. As always,” you managed to blurt out, avoiding his previous words.

Simon’s hands went up to your cheeks to keep your head in place as you tried to get away from him, his gaze locked on your eyes as if searching them for the answer your lips couldn’t give. His thumb caressed your cheek as he lowered his head, his lips touching yours in a mellow kiss, his teeth pulling at your lower lip trying to get a response.

“Now that tells me something’s wrong and I will find out what all this is about sooner or later,” he muttered before pulling you to his chest for a quick hug. “I have to go, but this is far from over.”

“I’m fine, Dom,” you assured him once more squeezing his hand lightly before you let go of it.

A small smile spread across his face as he walked backwards, not taking his eyes off you. “Cheer for me like you always do,” his hand held the door as he muttered a last “I love you” before letting go of it, the door closing with a loud thud.

Your cheeks hurt so much from forcing yourself to smile, not wanting Kiseok to stress over whatever was bothering you and not give a good performance. You knew how much music and performing for his fans meant to him and you’d never want to destroy something so precious because of something so insignificant as your doubts.

The couch dipped down visibly as you plopped your body back onto it, a loud sigh leaving your lips.

“That doesn’t sound good,” a melodic voice chimed in and you instantly recognized it. A low chuckle left his lips, trying to loosen up the tight mood. “What’s up?”

“Jaebeom,” you acknowledged his presence with a nod, a smile creeping up your face to hide the distress. “I’m just a little tired,” you mimicked with your hands, squeezing one of your eyes shut.

He laughed once again as he poured himself a glass of water from one of the bottles on the coffee table in front of you before plopping down on the couch next to you and gulping all the water down his throat. “Is that what you’ve been feeding Simon?”

Jay was never one to give up easily on finding out what troubled you, even though sometimes it seemed as if he would, later on he’d make you accidentally spill the beans yourself.

“Spit it out,” he pushed, his eyebrows lifting up in a swift movement. “What’s bothering you so hard?”

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you sighed out loudly and shrugged, your mouth setting into a slight pout. “I don’t know, I don’t even understand myself. You know what I’m saying?” Jay nodded, encouraging you to continue your little spill session. “It’s just, a lot has been going on lately and my brain is so clouded by it that I’m starting to lose myself, but I’ll figure it out in the end. It’ll be fine.”

“Don’t keep Kiseok like that, he’ll be going nuts over this. He’ll try to find a reason, all while driving himself mad,” Jay inquired, his eyes glued on your frowning face. “I’ll have to go soon, I’ll be the one out there after he is done, so you’ve got about twenty minutes left to think about whether or not you want to keep this relationship healthy and going. Understood?”

Your head moved on its own in a quick nod and Jay lifted himself off the couch, ruffling your hair in the process.

“I know you love him,” he spoke before making his way to the same door Simon went out on and left you with your ear-piercing screaming thoughts.

You pulled the hood of Dom’s red oversized hoodie over your messy hair and curled up in a ball on top of the soft sofa. The thoughts began swirling around your brain again, like a bunch of lost souls looking for eternal peace. When you started dating Dominic you knew what that implied, you knew the life he was living and how it was going to be but you didn’t care, you thought you could go through everything if you had him. But there you were, a year later, curled up in a ball and ready to cry and ruin the only thing that was going well in your life. And it was just because of your doubts, your insecurities that seemed to have made a house to live inside your brain.

The door to the changing room opened and you cursed under your breath when you heard them entering the room. Their laughter pulled at your heart strings as you waited for it to die down. You wanted to go home in that exact moment.

“Y/N?” her voice carried out making you straighten your back as she circled the sofa to sit on the coffee table in front of you. “I didn’t see you out there. You alright?” her hand grazed your knee in a worried manner and you smiled.

“Yeah, I just didn’t feel like going out today,” you muttered instantly noticing Kiseok’s smile fall off his face. “How was it? I bet you did good.”

“Same old, same old,” she laughed it off and got up, ready to leave. “Jay will be up in a few, I gotta go. Are you guys staying for the after party?” her gaze switched from you to Kiseok which was standing behind her, shoulder against the wall.

Your heart fell a little at her words but you managed to get her attention back on you, “Kiseok is staying, but I really want to go home and get some rest. Rain check?” you joked but Kiseok didn’t seem to be amused.

“We’re going home,” he said sternly, his eyes were filled with both worry and frustration. “You can tell Jay, I won’t be here when he comes back,” his gaze shifted to Honey J and she instantly nodded in approval.

For the first time since entering the room, Honey sensed the tension between you and Simon and she sucked in her bottom lip understandingly. “Are you guys okay?”

Silence. Her eyes met yours and you nodded reassuringly, that being her cue to leave the both of you alone.

You grabbed your jacket without throwing another glance in Simon’s direction and tried to pass by him to get out of the room when his fingers cupped your wrist and he forced his hand around yours, fingers intertwining with each other as he squeezed it gently, silently inviting you to lead the way out. Your eyes snapped back to his for a second as you stood frozen, waiting for him to snap, but he didn’t. He nodded swiftly, eyes sad as he waited for you to move towards the door. And you did, hand still holding his like an unspoken promise.

The car ride home was silent, your head pressed against the glass, eyes closed and mind awake. You knew all this silence coming from Simon wasn’t good. He was angry and confused, and you were the one provoking it, knowing all too well it was going to bite you right back. But you couldn’t help it. Your hand gripped the side of your waist and your stomach churned, mind going wild. You were reminded of when you started noticing these things and looking far more deeper into her actions around him.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Simon’s voice bounced off the white walls of your apartment as soon as you closed the door behind you.

His reaction baffled you. It was far more worse than you’ve imagined it would be because you knew all this silence was going to blow up at some point. If Simon hated anything in the world, it was this. He hated seeing you in this state of mind, he hated it when you kept it bottled inside and didn't communicate with him at all. Because he didn’t know how to react and he knew he’d fuck things up one way or another.

You remained stuck in the middle of your bedroom, not knowing what to do, you hugged your body tightly and pulled at the skin covered in Simon’s baggy sweatshirt. It felt so foreign, that feeling. The bathroom door creaked open and your heart almost skipped a beat as you waited for Simon’s footsteps to stop right behind you. His head touched the back of your bare neck and you flinched when droplets of cold water fell from Simon’s charcoal hair right onto your skin.

“Baby,” he muttered, his voice soft, “what’s bothering your mind?” his lips grazed your skin, his breath fanning against it as goosebumps formed down your back.

Your shoulders went up in a swift movement, “I don’t know,” your voice trembled. “I feel tired. Not physically, but mentally. I don’t feel like myself anymore. Do you even still love me anymore, Dom?” you asked, the words falling out of your mouth.

Simon’s arm gripped your waist and he turned your body around so you could face him, “where is all this nonsense coming from?” his beautiful face was now set into a frown. “Of course I love you.” "I’m sorry,” you tried to break free of his hold but he refused to let go of your body.

“No, you’re not getting away with this until you tell me what’s wrong. Did I do something? You didn’t even come out to see me performing,” his tone was a little more harsh now. “I want to know what’s bothering my girl so badly that she thinks I don’t love her anymore.”

Your gaze went to your feet as you refused to look him in the eye, “I already told you.”

“No, that’s complete bullshit,” his hand lifted your chin up so his eyes could clearly see yours, “tell me the real reason.”

“I-” you sighed, your shoulders slumping in defeat, “I just don’t feel beautiful enough to have you anymore. I’ve seen you up there with Honey so many times and she’s so beautiful and she has something that-”

“Stop. Stop right there,” his frown deepened.

“Simon,” you kept venting on. “I saw how close you two are, I saw the way you’re looking at her while you’re with her on stage. But it’s totally fine and I understand-”

“Yah,” he yelled, “I told you to stop hurting yourself with this nonsense. What are you saying?” he asked, shaking his head. “I don’t know what you are seeing, but there’s nothing going on between me and Honey J. She’s my dancer and that’s that. I don’t go around fucking her, I don’t think about her and I sure as hell don’t feel anything for her. She’s a friend.”

If there was one thing you were one hundred percent used to at Simon, was his bluntness. He always spoke his mind, especially when he was around you.

“You are not beautiful enough for me, but I am for you? That’s bullshit. You are so fucking beautiful to me. I love you and I will always love you whether or not you choose to push me away because of these dark thoughts. I’ll make sure to be there to pull you back towards me when they come back, even though I hope they don’t.”

His hand cupped both your cheeks and he squeezed them, making you look him straight in the eye, “I love you. A fucking lot.”

Simon’s lips pecked yours once, twice before his thumb went out to trace your bottom lip in frustration, “why won’t you kiss me back?” his voice was a whisper. His lips connected with yours again and his teeth pulled at your bottom lip as he muttered a quick “kiss me” before the tip of his tongue grazed your lip in desperation.

Your foreheads and the tips of your noses were glued together as you stood frozen there for what seemed like forever.

“Please, princess,” Simon’s plea broke the silence and you gulped down loudly. Your lips touched Simon’s shyly and as soon as he got the signal his hand cupped the back of your head as he pressed your lips down to his into a feverish kiss, letting all your frustrations go at once. His other hand went down over your ass and you groaned into the kiss as it went to rest inside your jeans’ back pocket, teasing you.

The kiss turned soft, his lips moulding perfectly against yours. His mouth moved to the corner of yours, then your cheeks, nose and forehead as he showered you in soft kisses, something he did more than often and you loved so deeply. You giggled as his lips went to your neck, shivers going down your spine at the feeling of his lips against your skin.

“You’re so fucking beautiful like this. Always. You’re always beautiful, but I love it when you wear my clothes,” he muttered, rubbing the tip of his nose against yours in a penguin kiss.

A/N: I hope everyone knows what a penguin kiss is haha. Soooo, I’ve kind of been out of it for a while and I still am but lately I’ve really been feeling like writing something to get my mind off things so here it is. I’m back and waiting for other requests while writing the ones I already have. Also, this ended kind of bluntly so… maybe you should look forward to a part two. ;) 

Hope you enjoy it. 

[k-hiphopshit]

Where would you be without me? (Simon D x Reader)

Requested by anon and @mariamahashi9. It’s two requests together cause I thought they fitted perfectly with each other. Enjoy!

You were always a strong woman, you got on your own two feet and you were not afraid to face the world head on. When Kiseok met you you had just started giving love a chance, you were so focused on your career and making a name for yourself that your love life had taken a back seat. You hadn't realised how lonely you were until you met him.

He broke every barrier down, you showed each other every scar- mental and physical- your love was strong and you could see in each others eyes the adoration and care you had for one another. So when the relationship went to the public you thought nothing of it, he was too busy and you were too naive to actually consider what can happen.

The hate hits you like a truck. You knew that hate comments would come in but not the extent of them, and especially how dangerous they could get, you even had to get a taser and pepper spray just in case someone really did try to put those comments in action. It scared you and it made you a bit cold towards Kiseok. He didn't know why or when this change occured, but what he did know was that he did not like it at all.

---------------

"Why did you post the god damn picture?!"

"Cause it was a good one, why are you acting crazy? I had to grind on her and you did not say anything"

"That's in the past, why don't you use your brain you claim you have for once?"

You knew that the picture was not a big deal, the comments were. Honey J was a great girl, you've met up with her a couple of times, she was also a gorgeous woman and people loved to compare you two, of course they sided with her. It had gotten to the point were you started blaming him, making up stories that he did it on purporse and secretly siding with the public.

"You are acting like a pshycopath! what is wrong with you?"

"and you are acting like an insensitive piece of shit"

"Really? where would you be without me? you were a cold hearted woman before I came in the picture! don't act all tough when you are the one that said that this is relationship worked because of me!"

"and it will end because of you!"

You started walking away from him, not even bothering to keep the tears back or wipe them away, it just wasn't worth it anymore, you were tired and this was your cry for help. It was put out the wrong way and it only made things worse but it happened.

------------------------

You stayed with Jessi. She took you in and let you cry in her arms all night, she was the reason you met Kiseok so she knew damn well how much you loved it and the pain you went through those months, she was the one you runned to whenever you wanted to complain about the comments. You didn't listen to her, she told you countless times that you should talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Kiseok had seen a bunch of comments, it made him hate himself. Although most of them were towards you he couldn't help but blame himself, he let the secret out and now the woman that he loved was suffering. He saw it as betrayal, he promised you that he would do whatever it takes to protect you, now all he could think about was that he was the cause of this.

When he saw you leave it broke him but he also could not help but think that it would benefit you, if you broke up you wouldn't have to deal with the hate anymore. That's what kept his feet glued to the ground and his mouth shut, the hope of you finding serenity. After an hour he started acknowledging that what he said has definetel hurt you, you were always ver insecure of your cold heartedness and not showing enough love, he stabbed you at your open wound and that was off limits.

------------------

"Jessi I know she is here, I just want to apologise you can even be there while we talk"

"Fine, come in"

As soon as you heard the knocking on the door you runned for your life to her bedroom, you heard their conversation clearly and you kind of hoped that she would let him in. Wheter you liked it or not you missed him, your heart skipped a bit when you heard that he wanted to apologise. Love could not be forgotten in just one night, that's just what it was and that's why you went out of the room before jessi even got to you.

"Give us a minute please, i'll be fine"

You whispered to her in english. She just nodded with a supportive smile and went to another room, leaving you in each others presnece and silence.

"I'm guessing you are here to set things straight"

"It was not just about the picture right?"

"No, it was what came with it"

You wanted to be honest with him, that's what your relationship was based on, honesty and you tried to crack it by keeping all your emotions in. Letting it out was the least thing you could do.

"What do you mean?"

"The comments Kiseok, I am a human being and the things they say are frightening. I admit that I was wrong for not facing the truth and talked to you"

"All you had to do was reach out to me, we always talk things out that's why we are still together. Why were you so scared now?"

"I didn't want to dissapoint you. I wanted to seem strong to you, I thought that I could do it by myself and that it would go away. I guess I was wrong"

You were always proud of taking care of yourself and not letting things face you. So admitting that things actually got a reaction from you it would hurt your ego, it was embarassing and very egoistic of you but it was the truth.

"Will you come back home?"

"Do you want me to come back home?"

"Of course, we can do this together, if we are honest with each other we can keep going. I love you (y/n) and you love me. Come back home baby"

[k-hiphopshit]

Do It (Simon D x Reader)

P.S This was requested by an anon. I hope you like it, I’m sorry if you wanted a break up but Simon D is my bae, I just can’t do it, but I gave you what you wanted. Enjoy!

————————————————————-

Kiseok was broken when you met him. He had recently broke up with his girlfriend of 6 years, Jihye. He was heart broken and felt lonely, so that’s when you came in. At first you were his friend, his support system, you were there when he needed a shoulder to cry on, you were there to help him get to his house and hold him when he threw up because of the alcohol, you were there when he needed someone to vent, when he needed to hear a few kind words, a hug, a smile.

After a whole year, he was all fixed. He had signed up to AOMG, he was on his way for his solo career, he was a CEO. Even though he didn’t need those things anymore, he needed you. He wanted you to be around him, you became necessary. Sometimes when he didn’t see you or talked to you, he would lose his mind, he was scared that something happened to you and he wanted to see you, maybe hear your voice. It’s like an addiction

You laughed when he asked you out. You thought he was joking, he neve showed any signal that he liked you that way, but your laugh was cut short when he pressed his lips against yours. It was like your whole body was on fire, you didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, you wanted him just as much as he wanted you. When he pulled back, he touched his forehead to yours, looking straight into your eyes. That’s when you were 100% what you wanted to do.

————–

Kiseok was a great boyfriend. He loved you to the bone, he supported you, he gave you his honest opinion about anything and you have to admit he was a great lover. Kiseok had been to the US before, you were used to it, you kind of liked it, you had free time to do all the girly stuff and focus on other stuff, it also made the relationship stronger, every time he came back it was like you started over, you had dates, the spark was still there.

This time you could feel something was different. Yes, he was sweet and lovely, but you knew him enough to know that something else was on his mind. He didn’t touch you the same way, he didn’t kiss you the same, he wasn’t the same.

Today you finally had the courage to ask him. He was having a beer after dinner, you sat next to him

“What happened when you where in the america?”

You asked boldly. You never liked going around the subject, you just went straight forward. Kiseok let his beer down, taking a dee breath

“I…. saw Jihye”

Her name made you feel like you just got pushed in a very cold pool, head first. What are the odds? They both live in Korea, but they bumped into eachother in US!

“How?”

“She came to my concert”

So she planned it. Did she do it because she knew you wouldn’t be there? Did Kiseok cheated on you?

“Did you fuck her?”

The words slipped out, but you didn’t regret them. Kiseok’s eyes went wide, you saw his hands forming a fist. Kiseok felt offended, how dare you accuse him of cheating!

“No (y/n), I would never do that to you”

“you were together for a long time Kiseok, don’t act like it’s impossible”

Your eyes were cold, distant, not a single drop of pain or anger, it scared him. He thought you would cry, yell, even hit him, but you just sat there, like you were talking to a stranger.

“We just went out for a coffee”

“and you realised how beautiful she is, you missed her, you liked how she smiled at you, reminded you the old days. Ain’t that right Kiseok?”

Kiseok looked down. You were right, he wavered, the thought of you was the only thing that held him back. Kiseok loved that woman for many years, she was a part of most of his 20’s, he couldn’t just erase her. His silence confirmed everything you said, you got up and looked at him

“I’m not going to stand on your way. Call me only if you want to be with me and do it fast, cause i’m not going to wait around. Unlike you I know when someone did me wrong and i’m not going to run back to them just because of the past”

Your words where like a dagger in his heart, digging deeper and deeper. He saw you walking out of his house, your head held high, as you slowly closed the door. He dropped his head on his hands, he loved you, you were a perfect woman, but Jihye had his love for so many years. Only one question was in his mind, what am I going to do?

————————–

You didn’t let the break up stop you. You had things to do, you had a career, Kiseok could wait, your studio couldn’t. You put your heart and soul to your songs, you became a bit more aggressive on stage, 70% of your day was you hunching over the table writting lyrics as a beat played. That was the only way to distract yourself, it was like therapy to you, some songs were not even for the album, it was just for you to get your feelings out. So many tear stained papers, so many times you cried while recording, but no one saw.

It was a cold night. You put your hands in the pockets of your jacket, walking to your car, you stopped when you saw him leaning at your car, his arms crossed over his chest. You stop in your tracks, taking a deep breath and walking again. He saw you approaching, he stood straight and waited for you

“What is it?”

You said. He wasn’t expecting you to be so cold, but he couldn’t say anything, he was the cause of this, it wasn’t your fault.

“I missed you”

“Well would you look at that, and I din’t even have to go to the america”

You hissed. Kiseok could feel your anger, you had a wall build and you weren’t letting him in. He bit his lip, nodding more to himself

“(y/n) please, I know I hurt you, I should have nver let you walk out. I was weak, but please don’t walk out of my life”

“Why? I’m sure you will find another girl to pick up the pieces like I did”

You crossed your arms over your chest. He slowly put his hand on your upper arm, hoping that you won’t move away.

“No one is like you”

“You’re right. What girl in the right mind will put up with your shit?”

“Exactly. You put up with me cause you love me, don’t deny that, you love me and I love you, (y/n) stop acting tough I know you better than that. Look at me, tell me to leave, tell me to go away. Do it”

You looked him in his eyes, opening your mouth to say it. The second you did you went mute, it was like someone took your voice away. You looked at him, trying to speak, only a few letters were heard. You gave up, looking down andshaking your head

“I’m going crazy”

You said more to yourself. He took this opportunity to hug you, you didn’t pull away, you hugged him back. You felt the cold material of his jacket touch your cheek, even though it was so cold you felt good, you missed his hugs

“Come back to me”

“Okay”

You looked up with a smile. A genuine one, not the ones you had those days, while you told everyone that you were fine. He leaned in giving your cold lips a kiss

“I missed this”

“I missed it too”