#simonlaurentfictive

[fictionkinfessions]

Sam, I feel the need to inform you that my headmates have been encouraging me to stim because it. Helps me a lot, actually.

And we realized I like kneading at soft things. Like a cat. I'm choosing to blame you by default.

But also not. Really blame you, I still kinda miss you. Guess this is what I get for being raised by a cat.

-Simon Laurent, Fictive

✉

[fictive-confessions]

The mentioned Simon in the last post, you got the source right, don't worry.

Also, to Tulip: No, you. For that nerd comment.

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[fictionkinfessions]

I think a lot about the Apex kids. I doubt I was a great "authority" figure.

But sometimes I think about nights where younger, newer kids would wake me up at some ungodly hour, telling me they're homesick. About sports in the mall's food court, and making me keep score for them all.

Lucy. I think about Lucy a lot. She was probably only... 7? 8? When she hurt her eye with the harpoon pack. I had the memory of it so clear today. The panic that filled Grace and I when we heard her wailing for us. There was nothing we could do to fix it, just made sure the wound healed and told her the eyepatch made her look cool. I was always bandaging some wound or gash or worse.

I don't know... If theres some chance there are stray Apex kids out there in this world. But if there are, um. I? Wish I could have been a better caretaker for all of you. I had fun with you all sure. Don't get me wrong, I cherish the good times.

But sometimes I worry I fucked all of you up severely. That Grace and I pushed our feelings of parental neglect and abandonment too hard onto you all. It was messed up. We were messed up.

The Apex was a horrible, horrible idea that I helped cultivate. And I regret it.

Go live a normal, happy life. For me. For Grace. For yourselves.

-Simon Laurence Fictive

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[fictionkinfessions]

Follow up to my last post, kinda? I guess?

But finding new hobbies out here has been interesting... Because it's mostly me falling back on old ones and gaining new interests slowly but surely. I forgot how much I liked Pokèmon. (The games are in 3D now? Bewildering, to me.) and apparently I was really into LOTR and Jurassic Park when I was young before the train so I'm getting back into those too.

But I also really like horror media, it turns out. My headmates are watching Scream with me tonight as I send this.

I'm. Also learning that I'm very neurodivergent. Shock of shocks, I know, the guy who had emotional outbursts is ND. Apparently I hold onto our sensory issues and get pretty overstimulated... But to combat that, we found a nice white hoodie with the perfect safe texture for me.

What I'm saying is... I'm. Doing pretty good so far. And I hope to keep doing good. I hope that if I ever have the opportunity to talk to any sourcemates, that we'll get along well!

-Simon Laurent Fictive

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[fictionkinfessions]

I'm so. Sorry. For how I turned out, I feel like such an obnoxious jerk because of how I acted. I was such a shithead... I miss the kid that I was.

And I feel. Bad because of how much I always blamed The Cat. Things weren't. Perfect. I'm still pretty upset about being left behind. It left this weird pit in my stomach, for a long time. I missed my parents, I wanted something close enough to a parent.

And I'm so sorry to her cause I know... She'd be disappointed in me. She'd feel terrible seeing me in such a sorry state. I'm sorry, I really am sorry. I miss you and I messed up hard, didn't I? I hurt everyone so bad, and I hate it. I wish I had been better. And I'll be better, really, I promise.

I'll improve here, I swear. I can do better. This life WILL be my second chance, I promise. I promise you Grace, The Cat, hell even Hazel. God I was terrible to her. I'll be better.

-Simon Laurent Fictive

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