This is my contribution to @lexyblip and @flowerbloom-arts' Simpsons superhero AU! I decided that it would be cool if Cecil was a supervillain with water/electric powers, considering his former job. Also, the name is a reference to a line in bfas lol. Also I forgot to mention he also lost his eye in the accident; his right eye is glass
SIMPFLIX PRESENTS…
The Old College Try
(A slight parody/homage of indie Oscar-baity romantic dramedies everywhere.)
With Virginia not going chameleon during their morning after, Bob and Virginia actually work out and turn into something long-term. The more she hangs out with Bob, the less she feels tempted to “go chameleon”, even as she learns about his more decrepit activities. Sure, the Simpson family doesn't trust her anymore, but what does that matter?
As time goes on, Virginia...changes. She doesn’t notice at first. In fact, the change actually benefits her. She starts to read the literary classics that Bob constantly praises– and it’s exactly the kick she needed to start her own novel. Before she knows it, she’s got a best-selling debut on her hands, and a whole line of publishing companies beckoning her for more material.
But the changes don’t end there. They become snarkier, more pretentious, and their lightweight tendencies miraculously disappear as they evolve into a wine aficionado. Bob eventually notices, and he's alarmed. But at the same time, it doesn't seem intentional on Virginia's end (or maybe that makes it worse?) Virginia becomes all he could ever want in a partner (save for not wanting to be a murder accomplice) and yet, he finds it disturbing rather than thrilling.
As time wanes on, Virginia starts to notice as well. Self-awareness starts to creep in, but she disregards those thoughts the moment Bob walks back into the room. This should be her happy ending. She’s an acclaimed author with a brilliant boyfriend, and whatever “chameleon-ing” she’s doing is entirely by accident.
What more could she ask for?
—
ITS HERE ITS HERE ITS HERE ITS HERE!!!!!!!!!!
alright truth be told, the synopsis has been done for about 5 days now, the bulk of the work were the art pieces i drew up to complement the whole post lol.
i initially wanted to add a whole "trivia/author's notes/allusion explanation" section like i usually do, but this post is super long as it is so! that's going to be a separate post most likely haha (and i might drop some stuff in the notes of course)
Without further ado, “episode” synopsis under the cut!!
CHAPTER ONE: THE OLD COLLEGE TRY
The episode opens with a montage of Virginia and Bob’s relationship, summarizing everything mentioned above. We see that Virginia becomes an author after gaining inspiration from Bob’s recommended literature, while Bob decides to repent for good and is working to become an academic professor. Virginia evolves into this whitewashed, constantly tired, but ultimately successful version of herself.
The action picks up with Bob on the couch, venting about his current romantic situation. We find out that Virginia’s transformation has been gradual and entirely unintentional, the complete opposite of her usual “chameleon” routine, and Bob’s disturbed by this. Cut to Cecil, reading from Virginia’s debut novel, The Old College Try.
BOB: -She’s turned into something so different compared to the person I fell in- I decided to date. We used to spend every night lamenting on the genius of Jean Paul-Sartre. I even indulged in that hotdog movie she loves! Nowadays, she spends all day in that office, typing her next “cultural masterpiece” or whatever the papers call it. But the weirdest aspect is-- I find her even more attractive than I did that night.
CECIL: Robert, you know I’m not “that” kind of doctor. Or any kind of doctor, in fact, I just asked if you wanted some wine.
BOB: Ask Virginia, she knows all about that now.
Bob gets a phone call from Snake, who has a business preposition. He’s putting together a new Crime Syndicate, an elaborate team to pull heists across Springfield.
BOB: Chester, I’ve just turned over a new leaf. Why would I risk losing everything I have now for a revamped life of crime?
SNAKE: Come on, Bob. With you, we’d be, like, unstoppable! We’d be like those magic people, you know– pestilence, famine, Jesse Eisenberg–
BOB: The Four Horsemen?
SNAKE: Exactly!
Across the city, Virginia confides to Ruth about her current writer's block at a diner. Ruth notes that maybe she needs to release her inhibitions for some inspiration. As Virginia leaves, she bumps into a beautiful, raven-haired woman. The two hit it off and exchange numbers, but Virginia forgets to ask for her name.
Later that evening, Bob dreams about a “shadow” version of himself goading him to stab a silhouette. He can’t tell what (or who) the silhouette represents. He goes into the kitchen to find Virginia with a late-night glass of wine. She claims she’s okay, and he goes back to bed. Once he leaves, we see that Virginia is being haunted by a ghostly version of her "idealized" self who claims she's not good enough for Bob, no matter what she does.
CHAPTER TWO: RAZZLE DAZZLE
The next day, Bob and Virginia receive an invitation for the next Terwilliger family reunion. Both of them dread the thought, but won’t let the other know. Bob lets Virginia know that Francesca will be there, and Virginia balks. She’s heard about the great Francesca Vendetto-Terwilliger before: Bob’s glamorous Italian second wife who gave up everything to assist in his homicide attempts.
At the reunion, Bob and Virginia come face to face with Cecil and…that raven-haired woman from the diner.
Turns out Cecil and Francesca are recently engaged (for green card purposes). Virginia is awestruck when, after anticipating detesting Francesca’s guts, she’s instead left speechless in her presence.
Bob & Virginia try to share a waltz, but they can't get on the right foot. As Virginia charms some of the Terwilligers with a joke...:
VIRGINIA: --I do think I'd make a good comedian, if it wasn't for my flawed timing. I mean, I'm Filipino after all!
...Bob takes an incoming call from Snake, and Fran meets up with Virginia. The two of them end up talking about the experience of shedding their old skins for the sake of living as Terwilligers (even though Francesca is divorced and Virginia isn’t even engaged. Virginia ends up getting drunk for the first time in months.
VIRGINIA (voiceover): The lights are brighter when I’m with her. Everything feels hazy, like a warm blanket’s being wrapped around my shoulders. I thought I was completely over the wooziness alcohol invokes in the weak-hearted, but I– I–
VIRGINIA (real time): I’m gonna be sick.
Snake asks Bob if he’s thought about his “business opportunity”. Bob affirms that he’s not gonna take it– right as Snake & his team burst through the Terwilligers’ venue, rendering Bob aghast.
BOB: What in the blazes are you doing here?!
SNAKE: Dude, I told you we were targeting this rich schmancy place first! Why are you even here?
BOB: This is my FAMILY REUNION!
SNAKE: No way! I figured your folks were from, like, New England or something.
In the commotion, Fran loads Virginia into Cecil’s car, while Bob gets entangled with Snake's crimes.
CECIL: If she regurgitates while I’m driving, she’s paying for the upholstery.
Virginia has a dream with that same idealized self once again disparaging her for not being "pretty" enough, or "smart" enough, or "talented" enough. She needs to abandon her tongue if she's going to be a Terwilliger.
CHAPTER THREE: FULL STEAM AHEAD
The next day, Francesca takes care of a hungover Virginia at her and Cecil’s residence. Virginia, sweaty and sick, feels entirely safe in Francesca’s care. And they’re doubly surprised that a woman as elegant and beautiful as her would care enough to stay with them when they’re so gross and vulnerable. Francesca presents a theory as to why their relationship with Bob isn’t working.
FRANCESCA: You have this habit of…”becoming the chameleon,” giusto?
VIRGINIA: I used to. I thought it disappeared when I started dating Bob.
FRANCESCA: Roberto is known for his high-class sensibilities. When I first dated him, when he was the mayor of Salsiccia, I was convinced I wouldn’t live up to his standards. Maybe this “chameleon” skin of yours is something similar. Maybe you’re so worried you won’t be what he wants, you’ve created a version of yourself that’s perfect for him.
Bob wakes up at Snake's headquarters, where he meets the other syndicate members: Fat Tony, Ruth Powers, and Sideshow Mel, who all have their own reasons for joining.
MEL: Times are tough, Robert. Do you think a Sideshow’s salary is enough to pay for private school?
Snake asks him again if he wants to join. He noticed a thrill in Bob’s eyes as he escaped with his crew– something that Bob doesn’t deny. He’s tempted, but conflicted about whether to betray/endanger Virginia for his own desire for excitement. Before he can give Snake a solid answer, Cecil calls him and says Virginia's at his house. He leaves to pick her up.
Virginia and Bob arrive home, without saying much. Bob offers to put on "the hotdog movie" she likes, but Virginia suggests putting on something by Charlie Kaufman instead. We get a brief look at a Simpson-parody of I'm Thinking Of Ending Things:
BOB: You and your obsession with the dream ballet...
...right before Virginia takes a moment by herself to listen to her family voicemails:
VOICEMAIL 1/MALAYA (mother): Ginny, when are you going to visit again, hah? Your father and I want to hear more about your books! Everyone at the office was talking about it! Gabe was hooked on it–
VOICEMAIL 2/GABRIEL (2nd brother): Gin, when's your boyfriend gonna teach me Tagalog? Jazz’s still bugging me to learn one day, and he knows more than you do–
VOICEMAIL 3/JASMINE (sister): Hi Virginia, I just wanted to check in. Read your new book recently. It’s very well-made, but…don’t take this the wrong way, why do they all talk like Sam–
VOICEMAIL 4/SAMUEL (eldest brother): Virginia, my company is offering a movie deal upwards of $1,000,000 for your upcoming novel. Please let me know if you have some time to talk negotiations by chance. Don’t let Jasmine know I called you.
Meanwhile, Bob reflects on his old life of crime, that invigorating thrill of the hunt, compared to his relatively mundane and banal romance. As Virginia is caught up in her voicemails (staring in the mirror to see that idealized version of herself once more), Bob calls up Snake and takes him up on his offer at last.
PART TWO / CHAPTER FOUR: GOOD THINGS NEVER LAST
Bob never told Virginia about getting back into crime. Meanwhile, Virginia has been talking to Francesca behind his back. Cue montage of Bob & Virginia cheating on each other. There’s a joke where Virginia is venting to Ruth in the middle of a heist and she’s awkwardly trying to give advice while outdriving the cops. Bob and Snake are spiritually making out in the backseat but not physically.
VIRGINIA: I’m just asking, should I tell Bob I’m talking to his ex-wife like this? About things I would never tell him about for some reason? When I’m with Francesca, it’s like a weight has been lifted from my heart–
RUTH: Virginia I’d love to talk more, I honestly would, but I’m in a bit of a jam right now–
MEL: Why did you choose to take the freeway?! We have a map of the backroads for a reason!
Virginia’s chameleon-front starts to slowly fade away the more she hangs out with Francesca. Francesca encourages her to release her inhibitions, embrace her cultural heritage, and be herself. This ends up helping Virginia’s writer’s block, while being part of Snake’s Crime Syndicate has alleviated Bob’s boredom.
But after months of being Bob’s girlfriend, Virginia doesn’t know if she likes herself anymore. She’s still haunted by the idealized version of herself, taunting her that she’s gonna throw away all her success, and nobody will love her again. When Francesca asks if she’d be happier if she and Bob broke up, Virginia re-affirms her relationship with Bob and suggests that they not meet up for a long time.
When Virginia returns home, she catches Bob in the act with the Crime Syndicate. Bob tries to reassure her, but Virginia is completely terrified at the prospect that no matter what she’s done, he’ll be unsatisfied in their relationship. Virginia retreats to her office, confronts her idealized self and “kills” her.
She emerges from her office looking completely different (but practically identical to her “idealized” self), and emotionally withdrawn. Bob asks if she's okay, but she just gives him a flippant "yes."
Then, a new heist opportunity presents itself: Mr. Burns is hosting a “charity” gala at his mansion, where a priceless bejeweled parrot will be on display.
Virginia's interest is piqued.
CHAPTER FIVE: BAD THINGS NEVER DIE
Things don't get better between Virginia & Bob. They're invited to the upcoming gala, but Virginia has a feeling that Bob will want to “attend” with his Crime Syndicate instead. Instead, Virginia decides to invite Francesca as her plus one.
The night before the gala, Cecil gets a phone call from Virginia:
VIRGINIA: Cecil, I understand this must be a highly unconventional request to be making, but I need you to park outside Mister Burns’ mansion during the gala tomorrow. Stay on the lookout.
CECIL: You know, Ms. Guillermo, there’s another way you can get me to Burns’ mansion tomorrow. Especially considering Robert said he wouldn’t take me...
VIRGINIA: How about this? If you follow my plan, I’ll gift you a bottle of my finest Dolcetto.
CECIL: Done and done.
At the gala, Virginia arrives with Francesca, and Bob sneaks around with the Syndicate. The two notice each other, but don’t say anything. Virginia and Francesca dance, mirroring Virginia & Bob’s previous botched waltz at the family reunion. But they’re much more graceful and in rhythm with each other. Francesca notes that Virginia looks much more sullen, not at all what she looked like a few days ago.
FRANCESCA: Are you sure you’re okay, Virginia?
VIRGINIA: Please, Francesca. Call me Ms. Terwilliger.
FRANCESCA: What?
Suddenly, the lights go out, and when they come back up, the parrot is missing– and so is Mr. Burns…and Virginia.
Bob is confused. This wasn’t part of the plan. Snake has the Parrot, but Mr. Burns wasn’t supposed to disappear. Bob searches through the hall despite the Syndicate wanting to make a getaway, eventually leading to a room where a knife-wielding Virginia has Burns tied up. She explains that she figured the Syndicate would do “the old “lights out” routine”, and figured she’d help by taking care of Mr. Burns for them.
She staggers in her step, wielding the knife in a shaky hand. Bob can tell this isn't what she wants-- this isn't who she is.
The two of them fight over the knife. Bob argues that Virginia can’t throw away her life, her success, like this. Virginia argues back that she practically threw away her entire identity for him already. Why not turn to a life of crime for him now?
VIRGINIA: I can be just like you, Robert! I can join your syndicate, and we’ll be good as new! Just you and me…Mr. and Mrs. Terwilliger, like how it should’ve been from the start.
In the heat of their fight, Bob accidentally knocks Virginia backwards. She stumbles into a bookshelf, hitting her head against the hard wood, knocking her unconscious. As she collapses, the last thing she hears is:
BOB: Virginia!
CHAPTER SIX: EAT YOUR HEART OUT, AGNES DE MILLE
A dream-ballet commences between Virginia (represented by her idealized self) and Bob (represented by his shadow self).
Both of them wonder if this was how it was always meant to end. Bob deflecting back to crime, Virginia going chameleon. And with how Virginia didn’t even notice they were “going chameleon” at first, maybe this was who they were meant to be all along. Maybe they were doomed from the start.
Burns screams, and Virginia wakes up to see Bob watching over them. Francesca found the two of them and killed Burns herself, scolding both for their hesitance. Bob sees the way they look at each other, and puts the pieces together. Virginia confesses:
VIRGINIA: Do you think Llewellyn Sinclair would be up to directing No Exit? Estelle has always been a dream role of mine.
Like Bob, Francesca ends up getting a rush of excitement after going back to this life of crime, but knows she can’t risk throwing her life away. She asks Virginia if they want to escape with her instead, but Virginia figures they’ll find a way to ruin their relationship by “going chameleon” yet again. Still, they kiss Francesca goodbye.
VIRGINIA: Mahal kita, Francesca…
Francesca and Bob escape the mansion (with Cecil as their getaway driver), while Virginia disappears in the dark.
EPILOGUE
Over the next six months, Francesca decides to join the Syndicate as a consultant, someone who they can bounce ideas off of, but doesn’t have to get her hands dirty. She gets that small thrill from crime without endangering her or Gino. The Syndicate itself is thinking of branching off into Shelbyville or Ogdenville. With Mr. Burns' mysterious death, Smithers has ordered a security crackdown across Springfield, meaning their discovery is much more of an inevitability rather than a possibility.
Francesca receives a letter from Virginia, who’s retired to a lighthouse on the outskirts of town. They’ve been spending the past months trying to understand their identity separated from anyone else. Their family is worried sick, but they can’t risk letting anyone know what happened to them, or what they (almost) did. They miss both Bob & Francesca dearly, but don't want to return until they can truly be themself.
They bid them farewell for now, but hints to Francesca that if she wants to turn over a new leaf for good, they left her a little present in their old office. In Virginia’s old office, Francesca finds a manuscript for an action/crime/romance/thriller: ‘Til Death Do Us Part.
Hours away from Springfield, Virginia is practicing their Tagalog in a secluded little lighthouse.
CREDITS SCENE
As the Simpflix UI counts down to the “next series”, a mid-credits scene rolls. In the Simpsons living room, Lisa is reading Francesca’s new book. Bart enters, scrolling on his phone.
BART: Did you hear Sideshow Bob is robbing banks now?
LISA: Huh.
BART: …I’ll lock the doors.
LISA: Sounds like a plan.
---
If you've made it this far, congrats and thank you! As they said in the 2010s, here's a cookie: 🍪.
It is finally the first day of the @crack-in-the-chassis postings! I am delighted to have collaborated with @friendofcarlotta on her hilarious Simpsons AU. Read it here:
Corner House of Horror
Get ready for a gallery of characters all acting silly, and of course an evil plot only the Winchesters can stop!
When I read friendofcarlotta's fic, it was instantly obvious I had to try Matt Groening's style. As the title of the fic is inspired by the Simpsons Halloween Specials, "Treehouse of Horror", I tried my best to pay tribute to the promo posters they did for those episodes. The second art piece I did was just stuck in my mind, and impossible to resist making!
Thank you friendofcarlotta for being such an enthusiastic partner <3
